(NOTE: This is a copy of the email I sent to my friend who got me into watching this trash.)
Ok. Tonight’s group singalong may be the single worst musical atrocity ever aired on broadcast television. It makes the Star Wars Holiday Special look like the first Lollapoluzza.
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
Why the hell did you have to make me watch this crap? I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
But its good that I bring up Star Wars, because in what I will have nightmares about this evening, Jason Castro and Sanjaya 2.0 were on stage singing next to one another. Christ, this image is burned into my brain’s frontal cortex or something. But it then dawned on me that Jason Castro is the spitting image of a Gelfling from The Dark Crystal.
I am so glad I no longer have to see Jason Yeager every effing week. He creeped me the eff out.
Me: 1 for 1
You: 1 for 1
Oh, your little Kristy receives a stay of execution. Yes, Paula, its the beginning of the career being cut from the show. You can end up on Celebrity Rehab! I liked Alexandrea, but oh well, I’ll forget who the hell she is by 5pm tomorrow. You just can’t attempt the “ooooh ooh ooohhs.”
Me: 2 for 2
You: 2 for 2
(Btw, I think Carly is growing on me and I really want to hear Amanda do Melissa Etheridge.)
Oh, please, please, please let it be Alaina. Please, please, please. I love my sweet little Kady, although she looks like ass tonight. She has a better rack, too.
YES! YES! YES! Her ass looks huge, too, but props for saying she can’t sing. The last goddamn thing I would want to do after being booted in front of 20+ million people is sing. But her ass still looks huge. Oh shit, Paula’s gonna lose it. Can you imagine getting drunk with Paula? She’s a total drunk crier. OH SHIT. Sanjaya 2.0 is crying. LOVE IT. Oh wait, please no more group sing. I love fast forward. Whatever, she went for it, and Paula is standing without one hand on the table. Jesus christ, I hate this song. I’m only not fast forwarding b/c I like seeing Sanjaya 2.0 cry.
This show makes me a sadist.
Me: 3 for 3
You: 2 for 3
WOW. Robbie is gone. Neither you nor I called this one. Should we be sad? Nah, we’ll forget about him by next week, right? But people should really appreciate Foreigner’s contribution to pop rock of the late 70s-early 80s. Loverboy is just a cheap knockoff.
I win this week. You owe me drinks. BUT I STILL HATE YOU.
