Let’s see this “new look”. Well, It’s still, um, lame? The intro was new, too, right? The set is kind of like the “Superstar TV” soundstage in my Karaoke Revolution games. Ryan Seacrest just said “mosh pit.” Why do I find this funny?
Uh oh, little Kristy is looking better. Might keep her in a couple extra weeks, say it ain’t so.
From what I read earlier this week, someone said they were limited to the Lennon-McCartney songbook, not ranging past the mid-60s. Perhaps that is a rumor. But I thought Michael Jackson bought the rights to these several years back…it would make sense, then, if they are now being released since that pedo-freak desperately needs cash.
#1 Syesha
She’s so pretty.
Song: Got to Get You Into My Life
The band seems to be standing out more than her, not digging the pseudo R&B arrangement, but I do like her voice.
Paula Percocet Wisdom: Midway, you found your zone…you look great
Conclusion: Safe
#2 Chikieze
He’s so teddy bear cute.
Song: She’s A Woman
(I wonder how many pills Chikieze saw while x-raying Paula’s bags) He seems more confident tonight, its nice to see Chikieze Unleashed. Trying to figure out if last note was satisfactory, but he really impressed me. The arrangement impressed me more than I thought it would, too. (I’m thinking the risk taking is going to continue this season more so than others, because the contestants who are doing it have been successful. Wonder if anyone will do the Beatles as-is.) He was a lot of fun.
Conclusion: Safe
#3 Ramikin Bukkake
She’s sooo Sanjaya 2.0’s fruit fly.
Song: All My Life
I’m tiring of her ballads and consider her one of the weakest in the competition because (wait…the crowd waves like that???) she relies solely on her vocals, which are nice, but not monumentally earth-shattering. I can’t remember when she DID’T sing a ballad. This was quite bland and boring, especially following Chikeze’s surprising performance.
Paula Percocet Wisdom: You look lovely tonight, really pretty (NOTE: When she starts with how you look , its how you know Paula thinks it sucks.)
Conclusion: Refer back to last week’s haiku
#4 Smoking-A-J(ason)
He’s so blazed.
Song: If I Fell (He mentioned how much he liked Yesterday, but I bet they arranged for The Chosen One to take that one.)
He’s my favorite guy right now, so I’m entirely biased. I think his performances and his personality are the most pure of the competition. And I really hope he can do some Ray LaMontagne, b/c he would do really well with it. While it lacked the power of last week’s Hallalujah, I enjoyed it. And last week’s performance is a tough act to follow. Hell, the Jeff Buckley version is now the #1 song on iTunes.
Ryan Idiocracy: “What do you think America, you want the dreads back for more??”
Conclusion: Safe. And will be for awhile.
#5 Carly
She’s the ringer.
Song: Come Together
I’m really put off by the shadiness surrounding her “frontrunner status”, which overshadows any compliment I may ever feel like bestowing upon her. How cute. They stick the two girls with tattoos in an apartment together. Ok, I’m waiting. What is she going to do different besides the fact she’s a chick and she’s singing it? I think she effed up that first big Come Together. It wasn’t different, it was as if Heart’s Nancy Wilson did it. Yeah, vocally, she was, for the most part, solid. But my mind is still not blown. They way people talk about her (and not just Randy, who pimps her more than anyone) mystifies me. The judges pimp her ridiculously, almost as much as The Chosen One.
Conclusion: By virtue of excessive pimping, she will remain safe for many more weeks.
(Am I addicted to this show? No, not REALLY addicted. I think the reason I watch is to, hopefully, be blown away. Which happens much less often than not. I said it gets dangerous once you start “liking” these people, the “subtleties” and character profiles frak with me.)
#6 David Cook
The dude with bad hair.
Song: Eleanor Rigby (I so called this one, btw, so called it.)
Relatively solid, and I’m sure you hated it. Not AS memorable as last week’s Hello, but it is obvious he is attempting to be the heir apparent to Chris Daughtry. I think it was a good song choice for him, and I love that song. I liked it quite a bit.
Paula Percocet Wisdom: “There’s more than one horse in this race.” (Um…so are you admitting you guys pimp The Chosen One more ridiculously than anyone else.)
Conclusion: Totally safe (I think why I am enjoying this season is b/c there are people in here who have realized that, as of now, it may be more lucrative to NOT win. Wonder how that will play out this time around. Don’t think it was true last year, but I heard last year just all-around blew.)
#7 Boca Burger Brooke
She’s so organic.
Song: Let It Be
I like her, but I don’t LOVE her. If that makes sense. I’m excited by the fact the rest of the country has grown tired of the pretty blond bimbos, and I don’t consider her part of that category. Her heartfelt piano rendition of Let It Be almost guarantees they gave The Chosen One Yesterday. I think this song is a difficult one b/c it may be the most distinctive of all the Beatles songs. She doesn’t sound bad whatsoever, but it was kind of just singing Let It Be. If you’re going to do a song so well-known, change it up a bit. However, I don’t know how that song would sound “changed up.” You feeling me here?
Paula Percocet Wisdom: “It’s picking songs where we can fill your heart, America can fill your heart.” (Huh? I know I can have some difficulty speaking thoughts sometimes, like when there is a big annoying trivia guy yelling, but I think she meant to say something else.)
Conclusion: Will be safe for awhile, until the appeal of earnestness a bare feet wear thin on America’s heart and they don’t want to fill her anymore.
#8 Stripper Dave
He’s so toned.
Song: I Saw Her Standing There
His interview has made him start to grow on me. Perhaps its b/c we both like being photographed half naked. Kind of a sexy, sassy beginning. Playing to the ladies, as to quell any doubts. It’s good to pick a song about admiring a girl after you’ve been revealed as a former gay stripper. Impressive vocals. If it was over the top, I still didn’t find it half bad. He’s gotta go over the top when they think he does naughty things with boys.
Conclusion: Safe…I think?
#9 Skunky Hair (or the girl who is kind of my favorite)
She’s so biker.
Song: You Can’t Do That
I do like her and I think she is talented, she will probably prove to be limited, but she’s still talented. Janis couldn’t have sang most of the shit on this show and she’s a legend. It’s just nice to see someone like this and not yet another effing Pickler or Carrie Underwood. She has an energetic stage presence which, with the right song, will keep her in the game. Whereas someone who remains safe and boring, like Ramikin, are sure to be axed. There is more diversity with this group and I like it, so I want her to stick around awhile.
Conclusion: Safe
(Of course they’re leaving The Chosen One for last. Can you hear me groaning?)
#10 Hutchence Lite
He’s so sexy & Australian.
Song: Across The Universe
I worry he’s gonna exit sooner than expected b/c he’s not as shiny and sexy as the weeks go on. This ridiculous audience arm-waving has become very distracting. Its like something you do as a joke at a karaoke bar when some yahoo gets up there and sings Tiny Dancer to his girlfriend. Decent performance, but his sexiness seems to grow less and less novel, its not one of those sexiness that grows and intensifies the more he sings. I’m onto something here, trust me. Simon forgot Carly’s name. Ha. Yes, let’s try to seem as if she’s not being pimped to quell those rumors.
Conclusion: Safe, but needs to step it up a bit to risk going out 5th or 6th. I’m predicting Constantine Fatigue for this guy if he doesn’t kick it up.
#11 Kristy Lee Suck
She’s so boring.
Song: 8 Days a Week
I don’t think making it a country song will be “taking a risk”, but whatever, b/c its apparent she needs to play up the cute country horsey girl image. This is kind of boring, and I don’t think making it country is actually stretching it. But she’s smart to have dressed hotter this week b/c it may keep her around. Yawn. And her voice just isn’t that um, wowza?
HOLY SHIT!! PERCOSET PAULA ACTUALLY SAID SHE DIDN’T LIKE IT. WTF? She NEVER says that. And Simon said “horrendous.”
Conclusion: Bottom 2
#12 The Chosen One
He’s so…I DON’T GET IT!
Song: We Can Work It Out
Ok…wasn’t familiar with the Beatles but did Imagine last week. And his “aw shucks” schtick is wearing very thin for me. OH FRAK. HE FORGOT LYRICS. HE FORGOT LYRICS. THAT WAS INCREDIBLE. But no one is gonna care. They’re gonna call him genius. He’s just phoning this one in. Over confident about his frontrunner status. He’s way too High School Musical for me, I don’t think he truly has a maturity to match whatever vocal ability he possesses. And I find him kind of musical theatre-ish. Don’t know why people want to hump this kid so badly. It was so glad to see it “not work”. But he was told to sing more upbeat songs. He definitely proved his immaturity this week, performance wise, with forgetting the lyrics. YAY! Simon said it was a mess.
Conclusion: Still safe. But my mouth is salivating at the Chosen One’s impending unraveling.
MY RANKINGS:
- Stoner Jason
- Chikeze
- David Cook
- Carly
- Amanda
- Stripper Dave
- Herbal Essences
- Sexy Aussie
- Syesha
- Ramikin
- Kristy Lee Sucks Donkeys
- The Chosen One
What WILL happen:
Bottom 3
Syesha
Ramikin
Army Wife Cook
Syesha will be safe, then Horsey Kristy will be safe as Ramikin is sent to go hang with Sanjaya 2.0 as his guest on the upcoming Rosie cruise.
