Analyzing the Idol Contestants’ Favorite Quotes

In an effort to find a suitable photo of Ramiele for last night’s blog entry, I ended up on the American Idol website. It occurred to me that I had not read one contestant’s profile. These can always be quite amusing, Particularly the favorite quotes, because those can say a lot about a person. (And no one needs to read Syesha Mercado’s profile to discover Whitney Houston is one of her primary musical influences, although I WAS hoping her quote would be “Crack is Whack” or something ending in the words “Bobby Brown”.)

The Quotable Fallen Idols

#12 David Hernandez
Believe it, and you’ll see it. Know it and you’ll be it. (Dr. Wayne Dyer)
Upon reading Stripper Dave’s EW exit Q&A, his overwhelming positive nature and declarations of future music domination led me to believe he his favorite book might be The Secret and he wasn’t actually delusional. A few weeks later, when seeing Chikieze on American Idol Rewind (which I only watched for the sake of this blog), Chikieze mentioned how he had called Stripper Dave earlier that day and said he believed he was going home, but Stripper Dave told him not to say such things because it was “putting it out there in the universe.” Bingo. So when I clicked on Stripper Dave’s profile last night, it would make sense his favorite quote would be from Dr. Wayne Dyer, a big guru in the Law of Attraction circles. (And hey, I’m not saying all that stuff is bogus and there may actually be some truth to it, it just comes off as kind of funny when you tell EW you plan on recording with Alicia Keys.)

#11 Amanda Overmyer
I was born a long way from home. I have spent my whole life just trying to get back. (Janis Joplin)
Oh Amanda, how I miss thee. I, too, love Janis. I guess I can feel better knowing that when you were “celebrated home”, you weren’t really going back home just yet. (Trying to be philosophical here, ok?) And I really would have liked to have seen you perform some Dolly.

#10 Chikieze
Legends are made when genius meets hard work and timing.
Now I’m getting sad for both Amanda and Chikieze, who I would have love to have seen performing something from Dolly Parton. Chikieze planned on doing 9 to 5 in a “Gnarls Barkley-type” arrangement. (And why was he never given love for taking a song and doing something completely original, as he did during The Beatles weeks?) If Chikieze had done 9 to 5, it would inevitably prevented that song being used for the torturous group sing!

#9 Ramikin Malubay
If you’re hated, you’re doing something right.
That sounds almost like a Danny Noriega original to me, or something he once heard on Queer As Folk. This is a total oh-snap-I’m-fabulous kind of quote uttered by bitchy queens. I see a big future for Danny and his lookalike fruit fly on the gay club circuit and Rosie cruises, which really can’t be all that terrible of a fate. And its better than being a former member of the Jackson 5 (which is one of Filipino-American Ramiele’s — Since she is gone, I will refrain from the deliberatly ignorant comments about her Asian heritage — musical influences). I hope she can go to the Phillipines and sing while those awesome Filipino prisoner dancers do their thing.

Not Yet Fallen Idols

David Archuleta
You’ll never be lonely if you learn to befriend yourself.
Spoken like a true home-schooled child. Or a stage kid used and abused by whack job stage parents. This kind of touches the part of me that feels sorry for David Archuleta, because I really don’t hate-hate him. But then I get that stupid Christian-pop sounding song no one knew in my head and I wonder if I should hate-hate him.

Jason Castro
In the end, it will all be ok. If it’s not ok, it’s not the end.
I kind of like this for some reason. It pretty much sums up his laid-back stoner vibe, which I just find all refreshing and stuff for American Idol. He also gets bonus points for digging Ray Lamontagne.

Kristy Lee Cook
Rope it, ride it, wrestle it, cowgirl it.
Wow. Right about now, I think it may actually be better if I just do not say anything. I think those sage words of Kristy Lee can totally speak for themselves.

David Cook
Pain don’t hurt. (Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse)
If I had a gold star, I would give it to David Cook. First off, it is kind of sweet because I read his brother has cancer, as does Patrick Swayze. I’m not saying mutual cancer is sweet, hell no, just the sentiment. This quote rocks because there are certain movies that are always worth quoting. And Swayze has made a career of starring in a sizable chunk of these movies (e.g., Roadhouse, Point Break, Red Dawn, The Outsiders).

Michael Johns
It’s better to be a has been than a never was.
Spoken like the next “former Idol” to do recaps for American Idol Rewind, Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood, TV Guide, et al. But he’s still kind of sexy. Bland sexy, but sexy.

Syesha Mercado
Be the change you want to see in the world.
Here’s a tip, Supermercado, take your own advice. Or be a change I (and countless other people who watch this tripe) want to see in the world. Stop doing Whitney Houston songs!!!

Carly Smithson
We are the makers of music and we are the dreamers of dreams. (Willy Wonka)
I guess this is kind of cute, but its also kind of annoying. Which is why I am always going back and forth on Carly Smithson.

Brooke White
Shower the people you love with love! (James Taylor)
Jesus, she even quotes James Taylor. She’s walking lithium. She must be stopped because you can’t trust people who a) don’t drink, b) don’t eat meat and c) anyone who is too damn wholesome. I have a feeling she would be d) all of the above.

American Idol Top 9: Let’s Say Goodbye to Ramikin

Ah, that swig of Drano tasted so good during the whole 9 to 5 bit. Really. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if forced to do those dance moves. The group sings are akin to Chinese Water Torture. Kristy Lee obviously can’t get off the glitter. I think I would feel better if she was snorting it, because frankly, that would explain why she’s wearing that much. I want to strangle that Archuleta kid.

Check out Michael Johns’ Dolly t-shirt. I want to strangle that Archuleta kid. I’m sure he’s a real friendly chap and all, but I don’t want to see him on TV anymore. Ugh. Commercial. Ugh. Bullshit call-in time. Maybe I should call in, but I’m sure they wouldn’t take my question. I would be like, “Kristy Lee, are you snorting glitter?”

I’m skipping these Jonas people. And they’re singing about Jesus.

The um, Ford Commercial. Uh, ok…it wasn’t as bad as last week. But come on! That Archuleta kid playing basketball?

Yay. Ramikin is in the Bottom 3. While I’m sure she is a nice girl, I can’t take people who pout. And she just doesn’t pout. She pout-pouts. That damned childish pout with the lower lip. And Kristy Lee is there, too, but I still think she wants to bang Simon. That’s why she always says something about him and what he said about her performance. It’s passive-aggressive flirting.

Oh, awesome, sorry, I like Bucky Covington. I actually listened to samples of his tracks on iTunes when I saw he released an album and it wasn’t bad. He wasn’t the most talented that season but there was just something really likable about him. I don’t know who Phil Stacey is, but there’s Bo! I really liked Bo. Maybe I should buy his album or something. And Bucky’s album. Oh, that may take too much effort. Oh christ, his kid is one of those long-haired little boys. I usually hate that but I think I can accept it if its Bo’s kid. Like how else would his little boy wear his hair?

We’re done to Stoner J and Child of the Corn. Oh, please stop talking, Child of the Corn. You deserve being in the Bottom 3 because you should stop talking. Yes, Ramikin, they’re all “so tall”. Child of the Corn is almost doing the Ramikin pout. I will give Kristy Lee credit for not pouting.

Ok…Idol Gives Back…there’s some U2 music. Really. Get Bono to be a guest.

Dolly is singing a Jesus song. But I guess I have to listen. Oooh, I want to think she’s wearing a costume left over from The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. Maybe I should go to Dollywood because I really like Dolly. I think its funny she talks about having Jesus and gravity when she’s a member of the AARP and her breasts are so well lifted. That’s not gravity, Dolly, that’s a good bra. You have Jesus and a good pair of implants, b/c if you had gravity, they wouldn’t be staring at me so perkily in HD. Even though she’s singing about Jesus, I still like Dolly. She just makes me smile.

Oh, bye bye Ramikin. Ramiele. I will try not to make fun of you anymore, which should be easy, b/c you’re going home. But after this, I won’t feign ignorance about your Asian heritage, ok? I just do that to be funny, Ramiele, please understand. I actually hate people who do that in real life. In any case, I am still happy you’re going home because your song choices blew so toodles, It’s been real.

And that’s what I call happy ending.