I still feel bad that some of these people are forced to sing this group song. But here are YOUR AMERICAN IDOLS doing Please Don’t Stop The Music in Vegas on July 5th.
Quick Recap:
- Sexy Aussie does some robot dance which I’m pretty sure is done only in an attempt at being humorous and probably because he realizes he’s not trained in dancing and that they all look like complete asshats during any group sing. Sexy Aussie and Carly just want a beer. Can someone please get them a beer?
- Coretta Scott Mercado has her afro a’flowing and wants you to love her because she desperately needs public adulation. Oh, and she’s black! Did you know? Check out that killer afro! She’s totally BLACK. She is sooo in touch with her blackness and her African-American heritage that she regularly refuses to give up her seat to Brooke White on the Idol Tour Bus.
- David Cook marches onto the stage like he, yeah, was in marching band. I was a flag girl. I know all about this shit. That boy looks like he was in the high school marching band. Archie comes in on the top of this stage setup, as does Cook, but Archie doesn’t march like he was in marching band because Archie was not allowed to do marching band because that would interfere with him singing for his family’s supper.
- Ramikin just wants you to look at her. She even waves. Well, she’s real little and you might miss her because she’s all tiny and shit. Plus, all she cares about is that she is on the AI tour so she can sing tired songs that have been sung on every other season of American Idol. Her life’s dream has been achieved. ($50 says she’s an American Idol Extra or TV Guide co-host next season.)
- There is not enough Chikieze, but any Chikieze is better than no Chikieze. Kristy Lee still has an enviable body but still looks like she would be a dead fish in bed. Mormon Brooke still sucks and I’m surprised she didn’t ask to start over, even if it was a group number. You know she’s always getting her special Mormon panties in a bunch, especially when Coretta Scott Mercado won’t give her the seat she wants on the bus.
- Stoner J sings ever-so-sweetly to the crowd, completely unaware that near-menopausal women are plotting the pillaging of his sperm in order to turkey baste themselves with the hopes of bearing tiny Castronut children.
