IMPORTANT: A Public Service Announcement Regarding ConTards…

The wonderful IdleTard has compiled some of the craziest postings from Greasy Constantine fans in one of their latest posts.

If you ever encounter an honest-to-goodness ConFan, stay as far away as possible. You should also be careful if you work in a public place, such as a store or bank. ConFans are known to try and and make conversation about how wonderful their Smarmy Savior is while doing such things as buying groceries or cashing checks. They do this all in the name of street teaming.

If you are ever on the same street they happen to be “teaming”, it is imperative that you run as fast as you can or else you may find yourself forced to read vomit-inducing “fan fiction” or hearing about how their sick ticket’s heart desire is a “triple threat” in the world of music, theater and television/film. You may be better off encountering a couple of angry MS-13 members than some of these women. The possibility of meeting a violent death may be a much better fate than sitting through the entirety of Greasy Constantine’s self-titled 2007 release.

The devotion to Greasy Constantine is rather frightening and their fandom is not for the faint-of-heart. Most of this stuff you can’t even make up. For example:

A few years ago, Greasy Constantine inspired a book in which one ConTard claimed was being optioned into a film and he would be the star. (This particular ConTard has multiple “web” personalities and was most likely also the author, but she just claimed to have a close relationship with the woman and was working hard at bringing this enthralling tale, entitled The Front Man, to the big screen. She also claimed to be a plus-size model and beauty queen in addition to being an esteemed PR professional with ties to the music industry.)

Here’s a photo of this BIG-time PR professional & writer / model, which she in fact did post of herself on this great big world wide web. I have no problem doing this because she posted it and it does not show her face. Oh who am I kidding. Anyone who would post this of themselves DESERVES to have it posted anywhere and everywhere possible.

Here’s a quick summary of “Pamela Louise Lee’s” The Front Man. Oh. And you won’t be able to buy this shit at Borders even if you wanted to do such a thing. Its an eBook and only available for download. (Hey, $6 can’t get you much these days, but I wouldn’t waste my pennies on this tripe.) Granted, they do offer several FREE eBOOKS with the purchase of just one so hey, go for it if you so choose.

Johnie lie there in bed alone. She had just awakened and didn’t have a clue what the time was. God, she hurt from the inside out. She had never experienced such conflict. She had Elwood, and she had the love of her life in him. Spike could be her friend, not her lover, and yet, she ached for him. She had never known anything like this kind of love before; her body, mind and soul.

Spike entered his bedroom and began to take the rock star away. God, he needed to be Elwood. His emotions were running dangerously high, and he knew Johnie was a mess, too. It was his fault. He jumped into the shower and scrubbed. Gotta get Spike outta here. He thought to himself. After the shower he slid into his bed and slept like he had never slept, and dreamed of his Juicy Fruit and wondered if he could ever come clean to the only woman he had ever truly loved.

Johnie, a recording engineer goes to sleep one night, engaged to be married to tall, goofy Elwood, and awakens to find herself next to Spyker, the hottest idol in modern rock. This is their story.

In case you hadn’t already figured it out, Spyker / Spike is the Greasy Constantine character. But you’re smart, so I probably didn’t have to tell you this. However, I did just want to reiterate it because…

Some Idol fans are BATSHIT CRAZY!!!