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American Idol Top 6: Why Mormons Shall Not Sing About Broken Hearts

April 22, 2008

Top 6…out of their comfort zones? Not quite. We will just have to see…D-Cook did major in musical theater for awhile in college. And his hair seems to be in a better spot tonight.

There are the Idols in Vegas! I bet Brooke and Eunuch were both wearing their maximum-strength magical underpants in the City of Sin! Gotta keep all that bad sinful stuff out!

Supermercado (One Rock & Roll Too Many)
Nice to see she is doing something a bit up-tempo…so this was the first time she felt she could be “animated”? Maybe she should have put a little of that into her other performances, that’s all I’m saying. Now I’m wondering if the band can see up her skirt, but nice touch, a little Fabulous Baker Boys-esque piano action. This may actually be the best I’ve ever seen her perform. She looked both engaged and alive. Definitely her best performance. The Broadway route is not such a bad idea. (Was she barefoot?)

Stoner J (Memory)
I still find his interviews the absolute best. “I didn’t know a cat was singing it.” AWESOME. AWESOME. That was kind of sweet and simple, or maybe I just always enjoy watching him because he always seems so “himself.” It wasn’t his strongest performance, but I think he injected a sad vulnerability into the song. I quite like this sweet stoner boy and really do not want him to go home.

(Who is Betty and how did she get trapped in the Most Pit? Where are the Keno Babes?)

Wholesome Hemmeroids (You Must Love Me)
Ha. “I don’t think that girl had a clue what she was singing about.” How is this girl a musician and unable to grasp the meaning of a song through lyrics upon first listen (i.e., Jolene). WOW. SHE BIFFED IT BIGTIME. “Can I start over???” Yeah, honey, I wish I could start over on a lot of things. Her “pained” face is getting on my nerves…these Mormons, Christ, they are missing out on the human experience. Recovered semi-nicely at the end, but she still biffed it bigtime. I think it may have been a little too late in the game for her to start learning how to emote a song’s true meaning. But any tiny iota of sympathy I have for her is lost once I see her pout to the judges. She always looks like she’s gonna just bawl. I can’t imagine being around this girl when she has PMS. (Uh, she said she had never asked to start over before. I distinctly remember this happening during Every Breath You Take and once during Hollywood Week.)

(NOTE TO BROOKE: Even Bambi has enemies.)

The Chosen Eunuch (Think of Me)
Once these little girls hit high school, they will no longer think the Eunuch is soooo cute. See? These Mormon kids are real tough to coach, and “opening his eyes” is gonna throw him off of everything he’s ever been taught. I vaguely remember liking this song, as I can handle some showtunes about broken hearts and unrequited love. Some, but not all, and I think he had kind of bastardized this song because he lacks the emotional capacity to truly “sing” it. (And did he forget a lyric?) Its become a happy little song sung to a little girl he met on the boardwalk and now they have to go home for the summer after chaste kissing while sitting on cabanas during sunset. ARE THE JUDGES BLIND? DEAF? The arrangement blew, the Eunuch blew, and yes Simon, it was definitely one of his weakest performances.

(I actually backed up to this Acura commercial while fast forwarding because the guy in it was smoking hot. Or maybe not. Maybe just kind of smoking hot. Smoking hot hair and profile.)

Carly (Jesus Christ Superstar)
I think this could really be her week. Andrew Lloyd Webber gave her the best advice of the whole season. WOW. It’s like a completely different singer. And holy shit, she actually looks like she’s having FUN. Damn. That was her actually pretty great. Oh come on, Randy, that was her best performance. (Of course, part of me really wants to see Amanda Overmyer belt that number out for some reason.)

D-Cook (Music of the Night)
The pimp spot of the night obviously, after last week’s performance. Was calling him “Lloyd Andrew” (or Lord…as Webber was knighted) deliberate? No guitar. No bombast. He’s going out of his comfort zone and singing it…as is? But I think the husky low ranges kind of go with it nicely, yet he did effectively hit that high note. And I quite like the way he ended it. He’s proved he’s an “artist” and now I think he quieted any doubts of vocal prowess.

Rankings

  1. David C. / Carly
  2. Syesha
  3. Stoner J.
  4. Eunuch
  5. Brooke

Bottom 2

Stoner Jason
Brooke

Hopefully, Brooke’s big time BIFF will get her the HELL out. I’m a bit fearful of losing Jason, as the producers of this show seem to be plucking them off boy-girl-boy-girl. But if Brooke goes, its going to be incredible entertainment. She’s gonna lose it. It’s going to be AWESOME, even if I try not to take pleasure in the pain of others…

(Thanks to Rickey for the photos!)

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. April 2, 2009 5:09 am

    Wow. You didn’t even comment on the girls running up to hug Mr. Chosen One. (One of them was me, by the way. I’m actually very, very serious. I have a call to Ryan Seacrest the following morning to prove it and my mom can tell you so, the hug thing was her idea.) I’m kinda embarrassed about it now because it just reinforced David’s SQUEE factor and, well, I looked horrible on television.
    And yet it’s still the background on my phone…
    (I would say don’t laugh but it is pitiful fantardation, so go ahead.)

  2. HahHa permalink
    April 24, 2008 10:18 pm

    Elliott Yamin is a Jew and so is Paula Abdul.

  3. UnitsGal permalink
    April 23, 2008 1:41 pm

    Yeah but Neil Diamond is sorta so Jewish he’s Christian. So that hasta’ count for something. And there was Barry a few years ago… You get Bette and Barbara to make an appearance and you have the holy trinity of Jazzy Jews.

  4. topidol permalink
    April 23, 2008 10:03 am

    I am excited for Neil Diamond week. Who doesn’t love Neil Diamond? But after examining even more Neil Diamond lyrics, I’m a bit disturbed by the overtly Christian themes that seem to continue week to week. And then I started wondering, were there ever any Jews on American Idol? And they’re always saying their biggest inspiration is God on those contestant bios.

    Like, do you automatically get denied that yellow ticket if you’re an Atheist, Muslim or Jew? I would actually like to see a contestant take a stand and refuse to sing something b/c its too religious, kind of like those pure-as-white-snow chicks who do America’s Next Top Model and refuse to pose nude.

    On, and that would have been really funny to see Syesha on roller skates. On top that piano. Yeah, that would have made excellent TV.

  5. UnitsGal permalink
    April 23, 2008 9:38 am

    The mental image of robo-boy singing Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It makes me smile. I’m going to start by saying that i heart musicals, the cheesier the better, which of course means i love me some andrew lloyd webber. My heart broke hearing that child’s performance, how can you take one of the best songs in Phantom and turn it unashamedly into a Phil Collins song.

    I was psyched to hear Starlight Express get some props. One of my favorite musicals hands down. I mean they’re on ROLLER SKATES!!!! What’s NOT to love. Part of me really hoped that the Scion got all Xanadu on our asses and performed in roller skates but then I remembered sadly it WAS american idol and only the 50 people who went to see Starlight Express would even get it….. why can’t the whole world live in New York.

    But the only thing better than musical songs are for sure Neil Diamond songs. (doing the happy dance in my chair)

  6. topidol permalink
    April 22, 2008 11:59 pm

    You know…that’s what I was thinking, too. But I figured he meant to say “Sir”, but then did Lord which was tripped up by the whole “Lloyd” being in there.

    Yay! Xenu night next week! They’re scrapping Neil Diamond for all Will Smith. The Eunuch is gonna sing “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It”.

  7. Magnum permalink
    April 22, 2008 11:49 pm

    Oh come on, we get to make fun of Mormons this week. Next week is Scientologists when Xenu makes a surprise appearance.

    BTW, I think David Cook smirked out “Lord Andrew”. I guess the dude was knighted or something.

    Um, wait, this reply blew. Can I start over?

  8. topidol permalink
    April 22, 2008 11:31 pm

    I comment a lot about religion. This is meant to be funny. Everyone would get along much better if they learned to laugh at themselves and not take everything so seriously.

  9. Susan permalink
    April 22, 2008 11:22 pm

    What is with the mormon comments??? They are so inappropriate and just show how ignorant and bigoted you are. Why are you not commenting on any other contestants religion and when did religion become a part of this contest? Get a grip on things

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