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Quite possibly…

May 2, 2008

The best article I’ve ever read about this stupid show. I’m really surprised Entertainment Weekly (Jessica Shaw) was granted such access. It kind of…pretty much confirms everything you’ve ever thought about this particular season. Crazy stage dad? Check? Girl who just wants to do Whitney Houston songs? Check. Laid back dude who kind of just wants to check out of the madness and (most likely) take a few bong hits? Check. Earnest rocker who I think probably only smirks on stage? Check.

Oh, the reason why the Eunuch barely sang any real words in Sweet Caroline? Its a tad sinful to be singing about “partying all night with a woman.” Jesus frakking christ, this kid makes 30 Rock’s Kenneth look like the male incarnate of Tara Reid. Seems Wholesome Hemmoroids had issues with a lot of Diamond’s lyrics, too. You just can’t take these Latter Day Saints anywhere now, can you?

Unfortunately, this article also taught me singers can use phlegm to their “advantage”, referring to the, uh, substance as the “buzz.” I really did not need to know that piece of information, mainly because I know I’ll get drunk some night and start busting this fact out of my ass if/when I go into Cliff Claven mode. Alas.

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