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What we learned on Larry King…

May 27, 2008

Ok. Larry King is a shit interviewer. Quite often, he comes off like your grandpa asking you if you smoke crack, because you know, your pa-pa once saw something about people nowadays smoking crack, so he thought you might do it. Good journalists do their research, just because you’re of a certain age or have a steady gig doesn’t mean you should sacrifice whatever integrity you may have, even if you are Larry King. Not only is King unable to pronounce people’s names properly, he also asks dumb questions, or perhaps they just come out a bit wrong. Like when he asked The Eunuch if he heard how Mormons “always win these things.” (To which the Eunuch replied, “Not this one.” David Archuleta, I think I like that kid a lot more when I’m not watching him sing. I’ve always said he seems really sweet even though I loved making fun of him. But he’s kind of got a dry wit about him that wasn’t quite evident on the show. With a little corruption, he might turn out to be alright.) It’s just that so many of King’s questions make it completely obvious he didn’t even have staff brief him on whomever the hell it is talking about that evening.

Side Note: Why do Mormons do well in reality show competitions? Its easy. The same reason Eastern Bloc athletes excelled during the Cold War. It’s human nature to want to be better than the next guy and to try and get ahead — in a socialist state, how else would you differentiate yourself from your neighbor. So why are Mormons good at singing and dancing? Because they can’t spend their youth boozing it up and getting laid. That energy needs to be channeled elsewhere. It’s human nature, and humans naturally want to get ahead and get laid. Plus, reality TV show producers love throwing innocent Mormons into the mix ever since The Real World.

What else did we learn? The most important bit of information, at least in my mind, was learning that the Idol contestants actually DO get paid from their iTunes sales. Supposedly, a check eventually comes in the mail

Coretta Scott Mercado also comes off as really frakking stupid and pretty much made it clear she will do anything to make it in show business, but you know, in a stupid way, because she just wants to make a “normal” record. She also would duet with Alicia Keys over anyone else in the world (living or dead), which is kind of lame, considering I have dust bunnies that have been around longer than Keys’ career. Sexy Aussie and Carly Smithson both said Annie Lennox, which is a good answer, as she is a living legend. Sexy Aussie is also pretty funny. Chikieze still makes me smile and I’ll put money on Ramiele getting into some Idol hosting gig bullshit next season. She’s got that whole I-worship-this-show-gimme-more-Kool-Aid vibe going on. They didn’t let Mormon Brooke talk very much, so that was good, and I think most of what she said about the producers not taking a role in their song choices was all bullshit. Kristy Lee Cook lives in a log cabin, but I still do not know if she can churn butter. Oh, and Stoner J still says he doesn’t smoke pot. I swear he’s just trying to be a good role model for all the kiddies out there. That’s cool. He’ll be off the contract with these yahoos eventually.

David Cook continues to impress me, which is weird because usually people who win these stupid shows almost always immediately revel themselves to be useless individuals to some degree (or already did during production). But this guy? Really humble and really genuine. The guy is just classy. If it’s all an act then give him an Oscar. He can’t even make his brand new video blog come off as selfish, even though it’s technically self promotion. I also can’t get that damn The Time of My Now song out of my head, even though it talks about magical rainbows. It’s like, well, I’ll say it’s good for an Idol coronation song. I hope fame doesn’t ruin him, or that the scary-ass, rabid-dog Idol fans who are already running amok on message boards asking for cash to help fund a hit on Kimberly Caldwell don’t taint his down-to-earth ass or drive him back to KC.

MJ’s Big Blog has video for part 1 of Larry King Live and part 2, so if you feel the need to watch all of it, you know where to go.

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