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IMPORTANT: A Public Service Announcement Regarding ConTards…

July 8, 2008

The wonderful IdleTard has compiled some of the craziest postings from Greasy Constantine fans in one of their latest posts.

If you ever encounter an honest-to-goodness ConFan, stay as far away as possible. You should also be careful if you work in a public place, such as a store or bank. ConFans are known to try and and make conversation about how wonderful their Smarmy Savior is while doing such things as buying groceries or cashing checks. They do this all in the name of street teaming.

If you are ever on the same street they happen to be “teaming”, it is imperative that you run as fast as you can or else you may find yourself forced to read vomit-inducing “fan fiction” or hearing about how their sick ticket’s heart desire is a “triple threat” in the world of music, theater and television/film. You may be better off encountering a couple of angry MS-13 members than some of these women. The possibility of meeting a violent death may be a much better fate than sitting through the entirety of Greasy Constantine’s self-titled 2007 release.

The devotion to Greasy Constantine is rather frightening and their fandom is not for the faint-of-heart. Most of this stuff you can’t even make up. For example:

A few years ago, Greasy Constantine inspired a book in which one ConTard claimed was being optioned into a film and he would be the star. (This particular ConTard has multiple “web” personalities and was most likely also the author, but she just claimed to have a close relationship with the woman and was working hard at bringing this enthralling tale, entitled The Front Man, to the big screen. She also claimed to be a plus-size model and beauty queen in addition to being an esteemed PR professional with ties to the music industry.)

Here’s a photo of this BIG-time PR professional & writer / model, which she in fact did post of herself on this great big world wide web. I have no problem doing this because she posted it and it does not show her face. Oh who am I kidding. Anyone who would post this of themselves DESERVES to have it posted anywhere and everywhere possible.

Here’s a quick summary of “Pamela Louise Lee’s” The Front Man. Oh. And you won’t be able to buy this shit at Borders even if you wanted to do such a thing. Its an eBook and only available for download. (Hey, $6 can’t get you much these days, but I wouldn’t waste my pennies on this tripe.) Granted, they do offer several FREE eBOOKS with the purchase of just one so hey, go for it if you so choose.

Johnie lie there in bed alone. She had just awakened and didn’t have a clue what the time was. God, she hurt from the inside out. She had never experienced such conflict. She had Elwood, and she had the love of her life in him. Spike could be her friend, not her lover, and yet, she ached for him. She had never known anything like this kind of love before; her body, mind and soul.

Spike entered his bedroom and began to take the rock star away. God, he needed to be Elwood. His emotions were running dangerously high, and he knew Johnie was a mess, too. It was his fault. He jumped into the shower and scrubbed. Gotta get Spike outta here. He thought to himself. After the shower he slid into his bed and slept like he had never slept, and dreamed of his Juicy Fruit and wondered if he could ever come clean to the only woman he had ever truly loved.

Johnie, a recording engineer goes to sleep one night, engaged to be married to tall, goofy Elwood, and awakens to find herself next to Spyker, the hottest idol in modern rock. This is their story.

In case you hadn’t already figured it out, Spyker / Spike is the Greasy Constantine character. But you’re smart, so I probably didn’t have to tell you this. However, I did just want to reiterate it because…

Some Idol fans are BATSHIT CRAZY!!!

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13 Comments leave one →
  1. MrPink permalink
    July 10, 2008 11:43 am

    Oh, yeah – introducing personality #245 as the Studio Lady! Bring it!

    Or that sumo wrestler crown and banner pic?

    Or maybe some “balls slapping ass” fic?

    Decisions, decisions!

  2. July 10, 2008 2:59 am

    Why hold back? Post them all πŸ˜‰

  3. TopIdol permalink
    July 10, 2008 12:09 am

    I’m kind of getting the urge to pose the pageant photo…should I do it? You know she bought that sash at a garage sale.

    But I do love the “Who is that lady in the studio?” “publicity stills” oh so much. Hmmm…hmmm…

  4. MrPink permalink
    July 9, 2008 6:01 pm

    Yay! My favorite Confan!

    Thanks, topidol!

  5. July 8, 2008 7:24 pm

    Hell yes!

  6. TopIdol permalink
    July 8, 2008 9:44 am

    Oh, I suppose we can put the “artistic” shot in there, too, if you would like…and perhaps a link to her escort profile?

  7. Heather permalink
    July 8, 2008 9:11 am

    I’m disappointed that you chose the butt picture instead of the one where she’s naked and upside down on the sofa.

  8. July 8, 2008 3:00 am

    HAHA! Is that like http://www.ulc.org where anyone can become a reverend? My cat is one πŸ˜‰

  9. TopIdol permalink
    July 8, 2008 12:47 am

    Most of the things in Tard Land should not EVER be viewed or seen near any meal time.

    I think she has more nude photos out there. And then there is the one of her wearing that crown and sash that she bought from some mail order beauty pageant company…You can buy yourself a pageant title or some such nonsense.

  10. July 8, 2008 12:45 am

    Guess I shouldn’t have looked at that just after eating lunch…

  11. whiskers permalink
    July 8, 2008 12:36 am

    I take it back – I think that is the cleaned up version of the original picture.

  12. whiskers permalink
    July 8, 2008 12:35 am

    She is a beauty queen. There are pix of her taking the wrinkles out of her ass.
    πŸ˜‰

  13. July 8, 2008 12:21 am

    Thanks for the link! Whoah, that photo should come with a massive red warning!

    That story is mindbogglingly bad. I am compelled to read more!

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