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Babies, Birthdays, Blondes and Blubbering Idiots! Just another day in Idol World.

October 7, 2008

Today in crazy Idol world…

Paris Bennett (Season 6) had a baby. She named it Egypt. She’s only 20. She’s also releasing a Christmas album, which I really don’t understand, because I thought people only released Christmas albums if they could sell other albums. If American Idol stays on the air for the next 16 years, I’m sure this kid will be raised for the sole purpose of being on the show. Seriously, this chick better announce the Chicken Little as the baby daddy because she’s not even relevant on this shit blog.

Elliott Yamin releases a Christmas album, last-year’s Target-exclusive My Kind of Holiday but with extra tracks. For some reason, I like Yamin. I really liked his mother, too. Mama Yamin was the Debbie Phelps of American Idol moms. But now I’m kind confused because I thought Yamin was Jewish.

Clay Aiken. Still likes peen.

Taylor Hicks turned 32. Happy birthday, Tay-Tay. In honor of this special occasion, I am desperately trying to forget the horrific Taylor Hicks slash I recently read on the interweb.

Coretta Scott Mercado blogged more nonsense which, as per usual, veered from the realms of positive thinking into delusional rantings about mythical stardom.

Kristy Lee Cook, a girl I truly want to hate because she symbolizes so much of what I think is wrong in this world, puts out a halfway decent song and I am forced still only want to hate her. I also have the overwhelming desire to see her be the Nomi Malone to Kellie Pickler’s Cristal Connors and push that useless moron down the proverbial country-blond-Idol-alsoran stairs.

Stoner J sent out a MySpace bulletin promising one of those Date Night videos. And then he delivered 24 hours later, ensuring his legions of Crazy Castrofans would go on living a few more weeks. He also endorses the Obama-Biden ticket, which is hopefully an effort to alienate the most loony of his devoted fans. Wait. I was just kidding. He says he needs to go watch it so he can figure out who he is voting for. I really just want him to go smoke a blunt and watch Harold & Kumar.

Of course, one girl ignored his “views” on our country’s political future and commented on what REALLY matters:

well if everyone got there wish Jason you’d be the father of millions of babies LOL, cuz I think all the women including me want to have babies with you 🙂

A rumor is going around that Kimberly Caldwell and David Cook are cohabitating. Cooktards freak out, not stopping to think that maybe it is indeed, just an unverified rumor…or perhaps he is too busy to find a place while trying to finish an album and just really likes banging her.

Greasy Constantine is employed in an off-Broadway show called Rock of Ages. Unlike most theatrical performances, this Tony & Tina-esque musical is doing 2 weeks of previews and giving out both free tickets and free faux-lighters.  Con Frauen have been converging on NYC to see this 80s-themed extravaganza, which might actually be fun because the show encourages continuous drinking and features pole dancing. Of course, there had better be a fully-stocked bar and nearly-nude ladies dancing on poles if you’re forced to watch Greasy Constantine on stage for 2+ hours…especially when you read some of his fans’ favorite show moments thus far:

OK, I seriously have a protest *sticks out tongue* because I was sitting about 10 rows back in center orchestra I didn’t get to see Constantine in his red plaid boxers, the flashlight shadows him (I knew he came out but I didn’t understand, Will comes much further onstage……and, I’d much rather be seeing Constantine’s sexy legs *g*)….I want some better lighting in that part of the show for sure cuz….. I love love LOVE red plaid boxers, lol.

Some Con Frauen have even made the latest Rock of Ages propaganda video, which capitalizes not only on crazy Con Frau lusting, but also people’s inherent desire to be filmed…especially when completely and utterly knackered. Meanwhile, ON BROADWAY, Ace Young continues to bring in the big bucks for Grease and boast the most amazing abdominal region this side of Marky Mark and McConaghay. (Thanks to Just Jared for the photo)

In other news, the economy is fucked and there was a Presidential Debate this evening. Which means you should have more important things on your mind than former American Idol contestants!

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. hoping for the best permalink
    October 12, 2008 10:58 am

    Since I’m a fan, I’m so excited to hear that Jason has lots of options and is deciding what way to go. It would be a huge relief for him to get some kind of deal and some professionals involved in this.

    His mom and sister do seem to have the need to glom onto his fame and although I’m sure he enjoys having them around I’m not sure it’s good. I think it’s cool that he was going to watch the debate but you really got my hopes up when you said he endorsed Obama. I guess that would be too much to hope for and the grandma fans in his fan base would have to take to their beds and would think Satan had taken control of him if he did that. Sherry would start a collection for an exorcist.

  2. standalone permalink
    October 8, 2008 10:40 am

    Does Jason really need his mom to hold up cue cards, so he knows what to say in his 2 minute video?
    Plus, his little sister costantly saying “duh” in the back ground. It just makes Jason seem very childish.
    Also, a bad move for Jason to share his lack of knowledge on the economy & politics.

  3. October 7, 2008 11:32 pm

    You told me you LOVED that story! 😛

    I will find worse, just for you.

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