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Don’t Forget the Douchebag!

October 24, 2008

Taken at the premiere party for his new off-Broadway musical, "Rock of Ages", Constantine Maroulis holds up a t-shirt typically given to young girls as a souvenir after he's poured them some Boone's Strawberry Hill before doing a little rear entry action..

Taken at the premiere party for his new off-Broadway musical, Constantine Maroulis shows off the t-shirt he gives to teenaged girls after plying them with Boone's Strawberry Hill and indulging them in some rear entry action.

A rough Thursday night out and about has kept TopIdol confined to her apartment this lovely Friday evening. I decided to DVR this Don’t Forget The Lyrics crap, since Con Fraus have been hyping this episode up for months now. It was originally delayed because of the first Presidential Debate, which some Con Fraus felt the need to call the Fox Network and request that they delay or not air the PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE.

Oh, the power of Greasy Constantine on his loyal Frau-base.

I’ve never watched this show. Some woman is yelling about LOCKING THOSE LYRICS. My friend, Robyn, really needs to get on this show. She’s good at knowing all the lyrics to lots of terrible songs.

Ok, I’m waiting…I’m waiting for Greasy Constantine to appear and try to give the home audience VD through his Greasy VD Stare. This show seems to be like Millionaire, but with singing. I think they have lifelines, or backup singers and that sort of shit. Some family members that haven’t been seen in 7 years have showed up. Of course, I’m now wondering about why she hasn’t seen her mother and sisters in 7 years. They only live in Florida.

Hmmm…I bet I could do this show. You don’t even have to have a good voice.

Where is Greasy Constantine? I need something to make fun of and these normal people seem too nice.

Oh shit. I could totally do Leaving on a Jet Plane. Chantel Krevisieuk actually did a killer version of this song on the Armageddon soundtrack. Yeah, shut up. I love that shit movie. Yeah, too easy. She’s totally correct, it just gets all tough and suspenseful when Wayne Brady tries to instill doubt. And they really make you wait to see if its correct. Jesus…Fox loves creating crazy suspense.

A commercial break was preceded by a preview of VD in HD. Jesus, is that man disgusting. And those stupid “rawkhands”. Ugh. Yeah, I soooo do not buy the story he gives all the time in interviews about turning down the role of Kenickie in Grease. Uh…ok…sure.

VD in HD! The horror! The HORROR!

Hah. That look on his face when Wayne Brady reminded him once again, his winnings are for charity. His charity of choice is Broadway Cares.

He starts with Bryan Adams’ Run To You. Ugh. this guy’s voice. Ugh. I wonder if I would think he was more talented if he wasn’t so gross. Jesus, he totally is screwing this up. Wayne Brady is helping him get to the “right” lyrics…it is for charity and all…Wayne’s just trying to do good.

When it gets too much I need…TO FEEL YOUR TOUCH

NOT

When it gets too much I need…I WANT TO RUN

(Should we apply some Freudian analysis to his initial lyrics mishaps?)

The only good thing I can say is that is shirt is buttoned properly for like, the first time ever. Oh shit. He’s gonna do Blue Oyster Cult’s The Reaper. It took him one second to make a lame cowbell joke.

He screws these up each time:

Don’t Fear The Reaper Baby…COME ON BABY

Isn’t it Don’t Fear The Reaper Baby…TAKE MY HAND?

He’s “locked” I’M YOUR MAN. They keep shooting to his backup singers, Kelly and Jason. Ok. He got it right, with much Wayne Brady prodding, but this guy is not batting 1000 when you look at it.

Now he is doing Elton John’s Your Song. Kelly is swaying. She’s cute and blond so they keep showing her. I’m sure Con Fraus are all in a titter right now, wondering if they’re more than friends. Or talking about how he just “loves blondes”.

Jesus, I cannot take this man seriously, especially during “romantic ballads”. Wonky VD eyes. Wow. He actually got this one right on the first try. But these charity players get it a lot easier than normal people.

Now he’s doing Cutting Crew’s (I Just) Died in Your Arms Tonight. He’s also stated he is going to be the first million dollar winner on this show. I think he is right? Nope. Missed it by 2 words. Yup. It was “should’ve walked away”. But ha, he did not make it to $1,000,000.

That poor microphone he used is going to have to be trashed or sanitized by a hazmat team. It spent way too much time resting on his Greasy Constantine lips.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. SHY330 permalink
    December 6, 2008 1:50 am

    LOL U GUYS R FUNNY REALL FUNNY I FIND IT HILARIOUS DAT U MOCK HIS DISTRESS YET NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT HOW HE IS A ENVIRONMENTALIST OR DA FACT DAT HE MADE A WISH COME TRUE FOR A VERY ILL LITTLE GIRL DA FACT DAT HE WORKED HIS ASS OFF 2 GET WHERE HE IS AND THO DA CAMERA BOINKING IS NOW ANNOYING BCUZ HES OLD U CANT BE ANGRY WITH HIM 4 EXUDING SEX DATS WAT SELLS AND IT COMES NATURALLY 4 HIM AND NOT EVERY1 CAN DO DAT I WISH I COULD F…K SOME1 JUS BY USING MY EYES DATS KOOL SOMETYMES IT WOULD MAKE A GUY THINK UR ALL SEXY AND MYSTERIOUS LOL

  2. October 27, 2008 6:53 am

    The power of the greaseball compels you!

    Why am I not surprised he fucked up almost every lyric? 🙂

  3. standalone permalink
    October 25, 2008 12:00 pm

    Constantine makes my skin crawl.
    He even screwed up the lyrics that were right in front of him on the screen.
    Loved when Wayne Brady imitated Constantine mumbling the lyrics.

  4. whiskers permalink
    October 25, 2008 11:12 am

    Thanks for the summary. I can’t watch the douchebag, but I do like to make fun of him
    🙂

  5. Boone's Farm permalink
    October 25, 2008 6:15 am

    OMG, I thought I was the only one that Connie (he makes me call him that) like to use Boone’s Farm on! He does not ask me to drink it though, he pours it on my bottom, says it makes me looser.

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