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Danny Noriega needs smarter grifters

January 10, 2009

Danny Noriega cruising with Rosie

Apparently, AI Season 7 semi-finalist (and potential sociopath) Danny Noriega is doing some AI Premiere Party at the Hard Rock Cafe Jillian’s in Hollywood and obviously, a lot of his fans REALLY want to go.

Like this girl who is allegedly 16 and from Ohio. I hope she’s a 25-year-old wannabe grifter, b/c she’s so damn stupid that she can’t even put a good con together. Regardless of her age, she’s got lots to learn. The drunk bum on your street corner who says he’s a sober Christian trying to feed 3 kids is more believable and worth your spare change than this complete moron.

“Hi. I’m new here, But i have been liking danny for a long time now. It is my absolute dream to meet him in person, I am absolutely in love with him. I am 16 and from cleveland,Ohio. I just read the latest news on the front page of this site, I would soo like to go there wednesday, But sadly, since I live in ohio, that would be impossible pretty much, Me and my parent only have $100 and I checked and the cheapest way to get there from where I am, having to leave by monday, would be $370!!! because we have no car or anyone who would be able to get us there. I really wish I could go because it has been my goal to meet him and I am sooo depressed about this!!!! I am so 1000% desperate to go there that even if some miracle happened and we were able to get there my parent and I would have to live in a homeless shelter for a while till someone could get us a place. Now, I am a christian and do i guess belive that god helps those in need and We are definetly in need because our home is being foreclosed and we have only less than $100. !!! That is how desperate I am to go there!!!!! I know I sound stupid but seriously this is what I need as I have had bad love experiences in the past and now I know that I love him(danny) and this would be soooo right, But it just is not able to happen without somehow, someway, that we could get the money to go, we have no one we know personally to ask for the money and I am desperate!!!!!”

I’m gonna break it down for the idiot:

  1. You’re “new” on this fan board. Don’t you know you have to cultivate relationships with these women in order to get things for free? You just can’t SHOW UP and ask for cash. You should have spent at least a month making posts, especially in the good Christian threads, where you could have easily hyped up your family’s sad financial state for awhile now “asking for prayers”. They didn’t just lose everything yesterday. Dumbass!
  2. You’re in love with Danny. You have had “bad love experiences” in the past and are now putting all your eggs in the Danny Noriega basket so you have to go meet him. So you’re clueless to the fact that Danny Noriega is so gay, he makes Lance Bass look like Larry Flynt? Rosie O’Donnell brought him on a ROSIE CRUISE , for frak’s sake!!! 
  3. Your family has less than $100 to its name and your house may go into foreclosure. Yet you want people to give you money for a plane ticket so you can fly to California and see a bitchy twink clinging to the one thing that made him famous for like, 5 minutes? Your priorities are so frakked, I hope your family gets to keep their house and they throw YOU out of it.
  4. Oh. And you’re a Christian, so I guess you believe God is going to help your family, get you a plane ticket and make Danny Noriega not gay? You must assume that, because Danny is from The Mormon Capital of the World, he is a good Christian boy? Ha. No wonder he’s a bitchy twink. He has every right to be. He grew up in UTAH. That’s gotta be one of the worst places for a gay kid to grow up. Ah yes, but if you say you’re all Christian and stuff, then you know, people will be more willing to deposit money into your PayPal.
  5. You’re “16”, right? GET A JOB AND HELP YOUR FAMILY, DUMBSHIT!!! It’s that easy when you’re 16. You live by a mall? A Burger King? You’re obviously not smart enough to pull a proper con so you really need to start your burger-flipping career STAT.
  6. You’re “16”, right? Your parents are going to let you fly alone to LA? Where are you going to stay? Sorry, but unless your Greyhound-ing or Amtrak-ing it, $370 is not going to get you and your parent there by Wednesday. Plus, few parents would even allow such a ludicrous plan to become reality…ESPECIALLY in the sad financial state you claim your family is in.

(On a side note…I worked with a used-up white trash grifter woman named Judy in my mall food service days, she would pocket the cash when people just came in for a soda. Obviously, the gig was eventually up and she tried pinning that crap on ME. I was an innocent, naive teenager. I had no idea someone would be so stupid as to steal from their employer so they could afford menthol GPCs. Anyway, I digress…maybe our little Noriega fan will be such an admirable member of society one day soon.)

Anyways…enjoy that inanity. These troubled economic times must be increasing the number of Idol grfiters tenfold. Perhaps our “Sweet 16” Noriega fan will visit my blog and get a clue. Or at least take my helpful tips for pulling a decent Idol fan con.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. mike permalink
    August 10, 2009 5:34 pm


  2. January 11, 2009 12:18 am

    Only if someone PDFed it and emailed to me, because I know it’s going to be a piece of fluff 🙂

  3. TopIdol permalink
    January 10, 2009 11:08 pm

    Oh, come on. You know you’re gonna read Sanjaya’s autobiography. 🙂

  4. January 10, 2009 10:57 pm

    It seems appropriate a place named the same name as Sanjaya’s mommy is hosting this fail party. Jillian Blith/Malakar/many other aliases is an old school scammer and killer of careers 🙂

    Poetic justice?

  5. TopIdol permalink
    January 10, 2009 10:46 pm

    Hey, if I were a forgotten Idol contestant, I would try to scam my fans out of a new laptop, too…heh heh heh…obviously, it was the in thing to do this season.

    Jillian’s is actually a big game/pool place. Big space and big TVs. Same owners as Lucky Strike, a big bowling place, et al. Similar to a Dave & Busters. I would actually say the Hard Rock and Jillian’s are on equal ground as far as shitty venues go. A place you go like once a year for someone’s birthday. I think they just went nationwide in the past few years.

  6. January 10, 2009 10:18 pm

    No longer being held at the Hard Rock, it’s going to be at a pizza parlour called Jillians. Low rent 😀

    Did you know a tard fell for his grifting a while ago, and gave him a laptop?

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