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American Idol Round 2 Results: Another Damn Church Visit

February 27, 2009

Yeah. Whatevia. I know Seacrest was just trying to get our hopes up, all of us who praise & worship in the CHURCH OF NORMUND FRAKKING GENTLE.

25 million votes for this nonsense. You know what pushed them over the edge? My 100 votes for NORMUND GENTLE. And I never vote for this shit.

The more Alexis Grace sits there, the more she annoys me. 

According to DialIdol, It’s all Adam Lambert, Alison Iraheta and Matt Giraud. Ah, I always knew the latter had huge Frauen potential.

I’m just pissed this might be the last time we see the exquisite Normund Gentle and High Kalama.

Oooh, look. Awkward Group Sing already is pairing the winners…

(And 1000 Hard-Core Frauen run out to buy new shower heads at their nearest Home Depot as soon as the show ends.)

Adam Lambert and Matt Giraud

And the losers…

Matt Breitzke and Kai Kalama

And here is our God (next to Good Looking Fundy Boy)

Nick Mitchell and Kris Allen (Attractive Fundy)

Oh good. Tattoo Joy has good hair again. (Perhaps because Brooke White will be performing tonight…how much do you wanna bet she asks if she can start over?)

Tattoo Joy and the other chicks

Oh, Normund. I adore you. Let’s get this shit show show down to business. Welder Bear is sooooo nice. I don’t care if Simon says “it’s too late.” Be nice to Welder Bear. At least bring him back for the Wild Card. 

Oh, poor Jeanine. But she’s still trying to flaunt those legs. Jesus Christ, Alexis Grace is totally bugging me for some reason.

They’re starting with Alison Iraheta. Duh. Of course she makes it. They have to start it off with something “good”. Oh, but wait! They have Jesse Langseth and Welder Bear come down, too.

Yeah, whatevia. You know they’re going with Hot Topic Iraheta. I’m not dumb. I check DialIdol.

Big Surprise. Hot Topic makes it. They make her sing again. Hopefully, it is the last time I will hear Alone on the Idol stage. Ever.

I kind of like Hot Topic, though. Hmmm…I wonder what church she attends…

Awww…her mother and sister are crying. I feel kind of shitty thinking that her sister looks like a pre-plastic surgery Octomommy. Oh well.

Alison Iraheta's Mom and Sister

Tattoo Boy vs. Good Looking Fundy Boy. Both will be going home, I’m sure. They’re just setting them up for the Wild Card. Hot Fundy Boy’s profile reminds me of this sleazy asshole tool I briefly dated awhile back. Ugh.  Seacrest brings down Giraud and Legs, who might have nice legs but totally needs to lose the denim shorts.

Gee? Who is in the Top 12? Could it be…Giraud? BUT THERE ARE TWO FRAU BAIT. And Tattoo Joy. Tattoo Joy was good!

Whoa…no Matt Giraud? Oh, he’ll be back for the Wild Card. Wow. The Jesus people must have been dialing lots! Please. I do not want to endure another goddamned church visit when I watch this shit show in 2 weeks. 

OMG. Jesus Christ. Not another church visit. For frak’s sake. Hot Fundy Boy’s blonde mother and sister (or girlfriend, I can’t remember) are kind of creeping me out, too. 

Kris Allen's Sister or Girlfriend and Mom

Alas. I should have suspected Hot Fundy Boy was going to make it, especially since he shot WAY up search rankings.

But what might this mean? Oh…do you think…? Could it be…?

Of course not. It’s going to be just like last week. The “final 2” will be the Frau Favorite vs. the Comedic Relief. And the Comedic Relief will be sent home. 

Sigh. Ok. I’m going to go pee while Hot Fundy Boy sings his lame song once more.

We’re back. Seacrest is filling time with uh, a time filler. Jesus. Why the hell did they show Clay Aiken? Oh wait. I get it. It’s an Idol Restrospective that spans the years. I totally remember that I am your Brother-Your best friend guy. And that dude who compared himself to Clay Aiken.

Wow. This show, when you think about it, always comes back to Clay muthafrakking Aiken.

And then they show The Hoff. Hugging a special boy. (This was the same evening The Hoff cried tears of joy, too.)

The Hoff. Hugging a special boy.

Jesus Christ. This show is so wrong on so many levels. Ah yes, let’s relive the ridiculousness of Ashley Furl Crying Girl once more. Hasn’t she already been in the audience sobbing once again this season? Not cute. She’s like 16!

Why are they showing Mikalah Gordon? WTF? However, I have no problem with they showing the beauty which was Mama Yamin.

Mama Yamin

R.I.P. Mama Yamin. Mama Yamin was the bomb.

And yet another reminder that I still cannot stomach Carrie Underwood. Oh Jesus. Brooke White is here. Even though we had warning, does she have to be here? Of course, I guess it’s kind of nice they’re uh, trying to bring these people back before they fade into obscurity.

Why didn’t she stop and start over? She should have. Although it might not have helped because this song blows.

Brooke White kind of blows

Mishavonna. Kai. Nick. Adam. Jasmine. Oh, I so know where they are going. Whatevia. I like High. Oh come on. They’re not even making it suspenseful. They skipped over Nick and Adam and went straight to Pageant Girl.

This show is soooo predictable. Oh please oh please oh please. Say my 100 votes meant something.

Whatevia, Simon. You so do not pray. You’re an atheist. I bet you enjoy tea & crumpets with Richard Dawkins when you’re on the other side of the frakking pond.

Thank Flying Spaghetti Monster for Tivo! Which means I can fast forward through this shit.

Obviously, Lamberts Fraus came through, which isn’t too bad, since I am so for a Gay vs. God showdown this year. However, Nick Mitchell / Normund Gentle was ROBBED. His ass better be in the Wild Card. Even Lambert wants him in the Wild Card. Sistas gotta stick together!

OMG WAIT. DOES THIS MEAN ADAM LAMBERT PRAYS????

Adam Lambert prays

Yeah, the guy can sing. And he’s pretty fun. However, he is still no Normund. And props for Jesse Langseth for totally grooving to this shit. Better than frakking Alexis Grace who continues to assault my senses and annoy the crap out of me.

Simon explains the wild card. They will be choosing people who “deserve a second chance.” He says we’ll be seeing “a couple” from tonight. Uh, yeah. You best be bringing Normund Gentle back.

Next week will bring us yet another shit show, however, it will still be a truly gay old time. Come on, sweet gays. The Fundies are totally outnumbering you over there on those stools. You better bring it.

Nathaniel Marshall brings it

Jorge Nunez is next week

And seriously, I cannot take all the Cute Blonde Bimbos next week, yeah I’m talking to you, Implant-Bouncing Kendall Beard and Kristen I-Swallowed-A-Tapeworm-To-Get-Thin McNamera. 

Of course, I think I may now be a huge fan of Scott McIntyre. Why? Because he was doing his Idol dance with his frakking walking stick!!! Like, he USED it as a prop. BRILLIANT. (Next week also brings us awesome geek Alex Wagner-Trugman!)

Scott MacIntyre Can Dance

(Normund, I will always love you. I will even sing it to you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear. I am telling you I’m not going and my heart will go on. Oh Normund. I know we will meet again.)

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. Sane Jason Fan permalink
    February 27, 2009 2:52 pm

    Aside from who was going to fall into that third slot, the show was predictable. I just knew they were going to have Nick/Normund out there with Adam at the end. It made me chuckle but did anyone actually believe Nick or Normund or any other personality he could create could take out Adam? I think not.

    Based on the playbook they’ve been using for the past two weeks I predict that Lil Rounds will be in the pimp spot next week. At the results show she will be the last contestant to take a spot in the Top 12. She will be standing next to a fodder contestant and it will be as equally anti-climactic as Danny/Tatiana and Nick/Normund/Adam.

    Nick/Normund took his loss well but I think Nate may cause a scene or have a meltdown if he is disposed of in a similar fashion. Maybe I’m just hoping for drama. So far the only contestant I really like is Adam. I’m interested in seeing what he does. Kris is adorably cute but his singing is kind of meh.

  2. brie permalink
    February 27, 2009 2:13 am

    I agree on the anticlimactic part. Why the hell they would freaking save Gokey last week and Adam this week as the last reveal? Those are the obvious ones.

    Results shows in general are annoying. They are much easier to take when you can fast forward through all the filler crapola.

    But I don’t think I agreed with most of your take this week. I do bow to Normund’s awesomeness, but I’d much rather see Kris in over someone like Matt G. Matt G. had some nice moments in Hollywood, but he completely tanked last night and IMO had one of the worst performances of the night. I know nothing about Kris’s background (didn’t even know he was religious), but I thought he was pretty decent.

    • TopIdol permalink
      February 27, 2009 12:36 pm

      I hated his “song choice”, although its led me to believe it might be permissible to perform late-era Michael Jackson in the judges’ eyes?

      I’m not a huge Matt Giraud fan, but I think he is popular enough to get a reprieve. I preferred Kai Kalama, but he was pretty much doomed from Hollywood.

      It was so predictable the “final 2” would be Normund and Adam. It’s like, come on! Make this seem less obvious.

      This new format kind of blows, in all actuality. I think some decently talented people have gotten passed up and I’m not overly excited about any of the 6 who have made it thus far. Perhaps Lambert and Iraheta will add some fun, and I’m hoping we’ll get some good Wild Cards, but the other 4 are going to sing the same tired schlock we hear every season.

  3. brie permalink
    February 27, 2009 1:24 am

    Do you ever like anything? Besides Normund of course. I like Normund too, but sweet cheeses, you spend more time obessing about frau bait than anything else. Without the fraus there would be no AI in the first place, or at least should I say the show would never have been successful, since the whole point of these things is obsession.

    Hey, and at least the former Idol wannabes have a platform to perform on a show for over twenty million viewers. If they become obsolete who cares. It’s more than most performers ever get.

    • TopIdol permalink
      February 27, 2009 1:26 am

      The results shows always put me in a bad mood, Brie. Always. Can’t explain it. Maybe because they’re so anticlimactic?

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