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David Cook just wants to drink beer and sleep with hot non-stalkers

April 6, 2009

A Towson University student named Casey Prather wrote this kind of humorous tale about meeting David Cook in a bar the other night for the Towerlight, an online student publication.

Looks like Cook may have evaded his stalkers for the time being and managed to score with a hot piece of ass. He can also take potential heckling with grace and aplomb, which you just have to know is going to happen if you went on American Idol.

(And for some reason, I now want to listen to Asher Roth. I miss college. Reading this made me really, really miss college.)

Your A Idiot… if you paid money to see American Idol David Cook at Paws.

You could just have waited to see him at an uptown Towson bar, like I did.

Let it be known that I wasn’t intentionally stalking him. I do not hold false Idols, for that is a sin.

If you want someone to deify, why not choose a being that is already a deity? Then you don’t have to put in the effort of establishing a silly religion based on them. This is why I follow Dionysus (the Greek god of wine and inspirer of ecstasy), and Dionysus is the reason I was at an unnamed uptown Bar Friday night, not David Cook.

Unfortunately Dionysus was not at the bar influencing people into madness, but plenty of booze and David Cook were there as substitutes.

Not normally impressed by celebrity, I managed to contain my hysteria about David Cook being at bar in Towson to a silent grumble. I mean, imagine that, David Cook, reality television divo (the male version of a hustler?), drinking at a bar, like a real, normal red-blooded American Idol.

Well at some point in the evening I had to make the obligatory “Where the hell are you?” phone call to one of my friends. While outside, I noticed Mr. Cook leaving the bar, accompanied by a very attractive pixie-haired blonde.

I don’t know if it was the fourth beer or the seventh beer (but I’ve narrowed it down to one of those two) that motivated me to say something to him, but I turned to Mr. Cook and began to openly mock him to his face.

And you know the worst part? He laughed it off. Not in the “Ha, ha, I’m better than you” manner, but with a “Yeah, it’s whatever” attitude. Now I cannot even make fun David (we’re on a first name basis now), he’s just a normal dude, a normal millionaire dude. Jerk.

Me [in my normal disgustingly sarcastic tone]: “So, you just play PAWS café?”

David Cook [in a slightly buzzed tone]: “Yeah, you go to Towson University?”

Me [in a more indignant and arrogant tone]: “Yeah, you probably saw a couple of my boys photographing you. Big news, big news.”

David Cook [in a confused but distracted by the small blonde tone]: “Yeah, it was cool, can’t complain. I’m David.” [He reaches his hand out for an awkward white male greeting]

Not knowing how to react, I did what any person with firm stances and opinions does, I completely crumbled.

Me: “Casey.” [As I reach out to reciprocate his awkwardness]

Bastard! My attempts at demeaning the fact that he just played his music in front off hundreds of people had failed. May I point out that I was probably (and probably still am) insanely jealous of the attention and praise he received? I mean, the only way I could garner that much attention is by standing in the middle of campus and screaming about Mass Debating for an hour.

At this point in the story, another, much older dude exits the bar and asks to take DC’s photo with his phone. Luckily it was a camera-phone, otherwise I would have exclaimed and shouted there in the street about this man’s idiocy and our common drunkenness

But as I said, it was a camera-phone, and Cookie Monster offered to take a photo with the older not-so-gentleman. Being the world-renowned (that’s quite a stretch) photographer that I am, I offered to take the photo myself.

Defeated, I returned to my half-witted conversation with my half-witted friend.

Dumbass: “How do I get there?”

Me: “You go up the hill.”

Dumbass: “Where?”

Me: “You have two options. Either walk down hill and stumble your way into traffic (or Roger’s Forge) or fight gravity and walk uphill back to the bar you jackass. But hurry up, David Cook is here!”

Oh well, the Idol shrugged it off; I can respect him for that. And I can still get by on the fact that I currently still have more hair than him (just barley though). I know the side-sweeping bangs trick! At least Davey C. can take a joke, unlike a certain SGA Presidential candidate.

Oh yeah. And here is Cook with the aforementioned blonde pixie and his buddies. Cook has quite a thing for petite peroxide blondes, doesn’t he? (I also bet he prefers the Suicide Girls to sloths, but that’s just my opinion…)

David Cook with pixie blonde after Towson University show

36 Comments leave one →
  1. June 18, 2009 1:08 am

    David can do better

  2. 4 David permalink
    May 24, 2009 9:54 pm

    I personally think David is as perfect a man as you get.
    I can’t understand why all the complaints.
    Frankly, not sure he would have a one stand.
    But if he is getting “some” good for him. He deserves it.
    Some really low peeps in this blog thread. Wow.
    Thanks to those who defend the good man.
    You other guys wow, pretty disgusting.
    And the person who wrote this, doesn’t seem to like David too much.
    I can’t give credence to what is written on that basis.
    Maybe some kindness might to your lives some good.

  3. holly permalink
    April 8, 2009 11:55 pm

    Oh yeah, sexy bearded beast ftw! lol!

  4. holly permalink
    April 8, 2009 11:54 pm

    It just looks like a bunch of people having a great time to me! David and Neal are sexy, hot, talented, and very hard workers. Good for them for allowing some time for fun. That schedule has got to be grueling. The girl is not in his lap and neither is Neal, but so what if they were? The blog was funny. I say someone has a mancrush on DC!

    • TopIdol permalink
      April 9, 2009 12:12 am

      Oh christ. You’re not talking about me, are you?

      I’m a lady! 🙂

  5. KMFROCk permalink
    April 8, 2009 8:32 pm

    Wouldja look at that… Cook’s guitar player ia all laid up on his lap too.
    I wonder what “conclusions” we can draw from that?
    Geez internet folks! Relax.
    By the way Rylee… “The Bearded Beast?” Completely awesome.

    • Rylee Fix permalink
      April 8, 2009 10:30 pm

      Holla at cho boi. ; )

  6. a real cook fan permalink
    April 8, 2009 4:08 pm

    What a bunch of jealous losers putting down Cook’s weight or looks or his fans or discussing his “health”. Think he gives a crap what you say about him? LOSERS!

    I’m just glad he’s out there having some fun. Too bad some of you losers aren’t doing the same thing instead of releasing your frustrations on someone you don’t even know. Pathetic.

  7. April 8, 2009 1:18 pm


    • Anon permalink
      April 8, 2009 2:33 pm

      Sweetheart, there’s no need to defend yourself from the herd of jealous, fat frauen. You’re young and cute, so go enjoy yourself with whomever you want.

  8. cooksanass permalink
    April 8, 2009 7:17 am

    Cook is going to need some major medical treatment to get rid of any diseases he is contracting “on tour”. Hopefully he’s still have health insurance or money to pay for it all once his ride is over (which may be much sooner than he thinks, if he keeps this up).

  9. Rylee Fix permalink
    April 8, 2009 7:12 am

    The “Blonde” is a good friend of mine and I can assure you she’s anything but a whore. Better than you? Probably. A whore? Not so much. All I can say is that David a.k.a. The Bearded Beast, enjoys her company. I’d recommend you not get TOO jealous of the situation and worry more about your weight problem and internet shenanigans.

    Please send your hate mail this way…

    Thank you for your time. ; )

    • sunshine permalink
      April 8, 2009 8:44 am

      She’s not the only company he’s enjoyin’.

  10. cooktard permalink
    April 7, 2009 11:18 pm

    P.S. His fat ass needs to stop drinking beer! Go for the light beers, Cookie!

  11. cooktard permalink
    April 7, 2009 11:17 pm

    Oh God… the fraus are gonna lose their shit over this. She is super cute. Good for him!

  12. dragster permalink
    April 7, 2009 4:24 pm

    You’re my hero, David Cook. Live it up, my man.

  13. horseman permalink
    April 7, 2009 11:05 am

    wish i could pick me up a peice of hot pixie tail like that – gotta say i’m respecting david cook a hellof a lot more these days now that hes dong his own thing off AmIdol and acting like a real person. actually like his new backwards vid – but the girl in it is NOT as hot as the one in the bar

  14. bored permalink
    April 7, 2009 10:43 am

    Hey, all these skanks look a like. I’m sure he’s picking up more than he bargained for.

  15. AIFan permalink
    April 7, 2009 1:38 am

    The blonde chick looks just like Kimberly Caldwell. It’s uncanny.

  16. linda permalink
    April 6, 2009 11:22 pm

    Hey can you post David Cook Uncensored to the blogs or websites for David Cook.

    It’s an awesome free speech board where we speak trash, praise, find scoop, talk about his girlfriends, whores, recaps, songs, pics, etc.


    • TopIdol permalink
      April 6, 2009 11:24 pm

      Yeah. If you guys approve my membership 🙂

  17. Jennifer permalink
    April 6, 2009 9:02 pm

    Rumor has it that the girl is the town groupie. Like for hire, yo. I’m sure the fat tards made that shit up to feel better about downing that extra meatball sub.

    Dude should be having lots and lots of sex. While he still has his hair (which ain’t gonna be much longer).

    • TopIdol permalink
      April 6, 2009 9:06 pm

      Ooooh. Send me details. I likey sketchy frau rumors!

      Somehow, I don’t think Cook needs to pay for sex in a college town as of yet. Even if it is probably easier. Jesus, when Jack Wagner showed up at the Deja Vu in Columbia, MO during autumn of 1997, I think he still got free tail. He even had an entourage with him. It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

      • April 6, 2009 10:40 pm

        I would actually pay 485 dollars for a video of that

        • TopIdol permalink
          April 6, 2009 10:45 pm

          A video of Jack Wagner parading around the Deja Vu with a three-man entourage while he paid for every drink with a crisp $100 bill?

          Yeah, I kept laughing my ass off at him the entire time he was there and then I accidently ended up bumping into him. Literally. I was about to laugh in his face and all that could come out was, “You’re Jack Wagner.”

          And he replied, “Why yes, I am.” And then winked at me and then the bartender handed him his drink and he walked away. I nearly pissed myself because it was so utterly ridiculous. He was really that cheesy! In real life!

          (I think he still hangs out in Columbia annually. He was in town for his Jack Wagner Celebrity Golf Classic.)

          Your ex-wife was there with me. Just the fact that statement is true, once again, how I wish I were still in college.

    • chloebear permalink
      April 7, 2009 8:33 pm

      i know who that chick is, i forgot her name but she’s not even from md. so its not likely. i believe she used to have a show with zui suicide (spelling?)
      Being both fucking obnoxious and annoying as all hell, I have a 12 year old sister & i know about these things more than i should.
      anyway good for him?

  18. April 6, 2009 8:51 pm

    Hey, me too! Truly, we are all David Cook today.

  19. April 6, 2009 8:39 pm

    I used to bemoan the poor quality of my school’s newspaper, but after reading the above I guess it could have been much, much worse. Yikes.

    • TopIdol permalink
      April 6, 2009 8:42 pm

      Some grammatical issues…rather sophomoric, however, it still made me chuckle just a bit.

      Oh, I wish I was still in college, damnit!

      • April 6, 2009 8:54 pm

        It’s the inexorable march of the Internet at work. In 20 years, there will be no punctuation, no grammar. Only LOLZ and teh new hotness.

        I, also, wish I was back in the green fields of my alma mater. Drunk and fornicating freely, like a sprite. Or like David Cook, for that matter.

        • TopIdol permalink
          April 6, 2009 9:00 pm

          Screw poker, Frost.

          Let’s call in sick and go to Panama City.

      • April 8, 2009 3:50 pm

        The “grammatical issues,” that you write of, are likely on purpose. This is especially true in the title of the blog. Obviously that type of humor is so sophomoric that it may have flown right underneath you (or over your head).

        Also, it is spelled “dammit” or “damn it.”

        • TopIdol permalink
          April 8, 2009 8:48 pm

          Hey! I found the blog to be amusing DAMMIT!

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