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All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you ain’t gonna get: American Idol Top 7 goes to the movies

April 14, 2009

Are you fraking KIDDING me?

Quentin Tarentino shows up and you people pick these shit ass songs to sing?

Seriously. While it won’t happen, I can only dream about Screech McQueen landing in the bottom 3 for choosing a classic solely for the fact he can screech through. Sorry, dude, but I don’t see how this performance will be different from Play That Funky Music or Satisfaction.

But come on. Of all the movies made EVER, you idiots chose these shit songs.

Mole Boy, I don’t even want to look at you or your mole. There is a reason To Really Love A Woman is the last goddamn thing I’ve heard from Bryan Adams. He does photography now, probably because that song sucked so fraking bad.

Right now, 3 minutes before show time, I’m declaring Hot By Default as tonight’s winner — and not just because he could be a closet TopIdol reader and is the only one of these yahoos to take my goddamn advice and sing something NEW and GOOD. (Which I doubt, but hey, I’m still proud of myself for totally calling that shit!)

Of course, La Princesa could also escape my wrath, as I wasn’t particularly wowed by Cook’s rendition of I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing last season. Yeah, screw you. I love that goddamn song, plus it also permits me to talk about Armageddon, my favoritest shit movie of all-time. Quoting Armageddon was really the only thing Sarver was good for on this show if you think about it, right?

(Yeah, Armageddon came on Encore the other night and I just had to watch it. Because I am super lame.)

Whatevia. I am seriously disappointed in you assholes for choosing such shit songs. You really think you’re going to be taken seriously in the industry from belting out this schlock? And Marsellus Wallace would hang all you ninkimpoops off a fraking penthouse balcony for this bullshit.

Ok. Done venting. Tarentino was hanging out on the stage and I got a little excited, just because showing up on Idol again is one of the cooler things he’s done in awhile. Because frankly, it’s kind of random in the grand scheme of things…even if it’s really not…

Randy is as useless as tits on a bull. DioGuardi is provocative? The bitch wishes. I didn’t know provocative was a synonym for totally sucks. What the frak is Paula wearing? Simon, it is confirmed no one on this side of the pond will ever inspire pure, unadulterated glee in you and that’s cool. I get it.

Hi, Little Stevie! If you’re curious as to why Little Stevie of the E Street Band is the audience, it’s because of his wife. She is a huge Idol fan, especially for Daughtry. I believe that is her to his left. But Little Stevie van Zandt is pretty cool. He plays with Springsteen, for chrissake.

Little Steven van Zandt is forced to sit through American Idol

Which is yet another reason I can’t believe these kids busted out these shit songs.

Gokey looks smug when meeting Tarentino. Because he always looks smug. Oh, Quentin, please be as critical as humanly possible.

Why does this pairing look so damn awkward? Yet, strangely, it somehow works.

Seacrest and Tarentino: Post-Modern Odd Couple

Allison Iraheta
I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing (Armageddon)

I do love this song. I do love Armageddon, but sweetheart, sing something NEW. Whatevia. I still love ya, kid. Oh come on, I think they’re using the same fraking string arrangement Cook used last year. Tired. But damn, I love this kid’s voice. Us husky-voiced chicks gotta look out for one another, that’s just how it goes.

Allison Iraheta sings another song that's 10 or so years old

How about a little fire, Scarecrow.

But what a shit arrangement. I know you guys have to shorten these songs because of time restraints, but come on, the arrangement blows. She sounds great, as per usual, but they rushed ring into the climactic middle way too fast. It all sounds rather rushed. I feel like she’s straining herself a bit when it needs to feel more effortless. Oh, I don’t know. But the song just didn’t blow me away. It was good, but she’s always good, so I’m just not, you know, not blown away. (Katie Couric is there, too?)

Paula compares La Princesa to Screech, says she possesses the same “special sauce” he does. Uh, ok…Ha. Simon calls her the “girl’s only hope in the competition” right now. Oooh, Lil Rounds is gonna shank his ass.

Oh sweet. That talk about the judging was true. Maybe it wasn’t necessarily Paula’s fault you guys ran over last week. Perhaps it was the dumb twit sitting next to her? Anyway, that was especially better because I didn’t have to hear Cougar From Hell or Lame Dawg talk. Can we just get rid of them altogether, pretty please?

Anoop continues to get screwed over. He is performing next. Oooh, Screech McQueen goes after him. Meh, big deal. It won’t make a difference.

Anoop Desai
Everything I do (I do it for you) (Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves)

Ok. Totally loving Tarentino singing the Bryan Adams which I loved when I was 14 and not all that much since. Let’s hope Anoop takes his advice, because this shit could be so fraking dull. He starts out “big”, well throaty, but it might have worked? His voice sounds pretty fraking good tonight, actually. He’s showing a lot of restraint and the arrangement isn’t half bad. It moved into the big climactic sequence in the right spot. That shit always gets screwy because they shorten these damn songs so much, so it’s nice to hear one finally work every so often.

Anoop! Anoop! Anoop is on fire

Yay! Anoop’s buddies are in the audience! I kind of love his frat boy buddies for some reason. Oh yeah, because they hate DioGuardi. Randy tells him how much he underestimated him, but was oh-so surprised. He almost makes sense but I won’t give him all that much credit, b/c it’s Randy. Oh Jesus, Cougar From Hell tells him he has found his niche — pop songs with his added soul. This woman is such a twat. She thinks she can just box everyone into certain categories and I would she would shut the frak up. Even if she gave Anoop props tonight.

Oh Christ, Seacrest asks Anoop some lame question about who he was singing to. Yawn.

Adam Lambert
Born To Be Wild (Easy Rider)

My mother used to sing this song to me when I was young, in her attempts to get me out of bed in the morning. So I like it. But I really do not want to hear this bastard screech his way through yet another classic rock song in glam rock glory. Which is ironic, really, because I like classic rock. And I like glam rock. I also sometimes go to a damn good rock & roll drag show some friends put on every month at this shithole called Jacques. So I would just assume I would like Screech more than I do, but frankly, I can’t get into this dude.

Adam Lambert screeches his way through Steppenwolf

Yes, he’s talented and granted, I am digging his stage antics a bit tonight. And he is screeching slightly less than I imagined. Yes, he is good. Yes, this performance is good. We know he is good. We know the judges want to hump his leg. Why not just end the competition now because no one else is going to win the damn thing?

He must have thought it was white boy day. It ain’t white boy day, is it?

By his on-the-knees, screeching finale, I suddenly loathe him again. Because he screeched and all the reasons I listed above. I like this guy, but I hate this guy.

You dare to dance in the path of greatness.

WTF, Paula? I like you and all but your quotable pieces of wisdom make me cringe at least once or twice every Tuesday night. Seriously, honey, will you be putting out a Paula’s Daily Wisdom Desktop Calendar next year? Perhaps as a free gift every time someone orders a piece from the Paula Abdul Jewelry Collection on the Home Shopping Network?

Paula Abdul is oh so quotable and bejeweled

Fortune rewards the brave and you’re one of the bravest contestants I’ve ever witnessed.

How is he brave? Because he likes peen? Jesus christ. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

(Hmmm…does anyone else think this evening’s judge-pecking order has been set up as such so Paula & Simon can judge the pimped contestants and Randy and Twatface can judge the ones they want to send home? I mean, we all know no one gives a frak what those yahoos have to say anyway, so…it’s a valid theory.)

Simon actually, gasp, almost-criticizes him and says it reminded him of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and that last week was more original and gasp, current.

(Yeah, bitches. There were lots of other songs to choose from, even from the shitty lists Idol hands you. You should have sung one of those, just saying.)

Seacrest just pronounced Don Juan de Marco in such a way that I feel the need to start sobbing on my kitchen floor while screaming WHY WHY WHY???

Matt Giraud
To Really Love A Woman (Don Juan de Marco)

Oh, Mole Boy. Sometimes, I do want to like you. And then you bore me to tears with boring ass songs I never wanted to hear the first time around. Seacrest does the bullshit stool interview probably because they’re setting up the stage so Mole Boy can play piano, of course, shouldn’t they have done that during the commercial break? Live television, people. Get with the program. But I will give Seacrest props, though, because like everyone else, he can’t help but be mesmerized by The Mole. In fact, I wonder if he keeps telling himself — don’t stare don’t stare don’t stare.

Ryan Seacrest tries not to stare at Matt Giraud's mole

Hi. How are you? My name’s Seacrest, and I’m with the Cub Scouts of America. We’re… we’re selling uncut cocaine to get to the jamboree.

Tarentino is actually one of the most useful and astute mentors I have ever seen on this shit show. Can we please keep him around?

Okay, Mole Boy, you’re a little shakey during those first few lyrics. Can’t explain it, b/c I know shit about musical theory and scales and all that nonsense, but something was definitely off. The swaybot gals in the front listlessly clap over their heads with an apathetic confusion even shocking for them. They are totally confused. I don’t blame them. That was a pretty damn weak performance. Randy agrees. Yeah, Lamedawg, that shit was pitchy.

Since Blind Guy is gone, Mole Boy seems to have become American Idol’s / Fox’s new Wolverine tie-in.

Presenting Mole Boy! Your brand new Wolverine movie tie-in!

Even Cougar From Hell doesn’t have her typical Molegasm. But she still bugs me because the dumb twat continues to want to box in contestants and shits on him for doing another pop song, because he tried infusing soul into it and it just didn’t work. Oh Twatface. Shut the frak up.

Awesome! Danny Gokey is going FIFTH! Can we please vote him off now based solely on song choice? ENDLESS LOVE? Are you kidding me? Yeah, I’m 99.9% certain this Lionel Richie cover isn’t going to be another Hello.

Danny Gokey
Endless Love (Endless Love)

In the fifth, your ass goes down. Say it.

(Yeah. You know you were thinking it, too. But that’s why I got all giddy with excitement at his going fifth, okay?)

Okay. I am so about to piss myself right now. Some idiot Gokey fans in the audience can’t even make a proper sign on fraking POSTERBOARD. They had to buy another goddamn sheet so they could finish the word house.

Danny Gokey's fans are too stupid to make a goddamn sign

I am somewhat buoyed by Gokey buying a guitar so he can have something to do on the tour bus other than read a Bible, so that’s cool. But I really wish the stylist would teach him about what makes a good jacket. Douchey isn’t wearing the glasses tonight and I suddenly want him to be in the Bottom 3 more than ever before because I can just hear all those idiots claiming LOOK HE DIDN’T WEAR HIS GLASSES AND HE DIDN’T GET AS MANY VOTES AS BEFORE. Yeah, because we all know there are lunatics out there that think that way.

Jesus, every time this bastard sings, I can’t help but think how desperately he needs a stool softener. He is either constipated or has a major obstruction down there.

Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years.

Danny Gokey needs a laxative

This pretty much sucks donkey balls. Just like his lame ass jacket and shiny white shoes. His voice also sounded like shit tonight, I mean, I guess the guy has an okay voice and maybe he could be good if he actually sang something good and worked on music outside a goddamn church, but that was just worse than usual. It was very hoarse, scratchy and on yeah, utterly forgettable and boring.

Oh yeah. And there was a fraking HARP. A HARP. Shoot me now.

It’s that magical place that defines you as unique and unforgettable.

Okay, Paula. That’s it. Cough up your doctor’s name because if you think that’s unique and unforgettable, I want those pills. I would be the happiest slag alive if there was a pill to make everything terrible and atrocious I heard sound unique and unforgettable. My goddamn cat has more artistry than this asshat.

Seriously, it must be the drugs or maybe her rhinestone halter is cutting off some of the circulation crucial to proper functioning of her cerebral cortex.

Oh snap. Good job, Simon. You were bored and brought up Cook’s awesome Hello. OH FRAK NO. SIMON NO! I get that you may still be a bit mushy after witnessing Ms. Susan Boyle but for chrissake, Simon. YOU JUST PIMPED THE DEAD WIFE.

SIMON PIMPED THE TRAGIC BACK STORY. WTF, dude, WTF? This guy sings a schmaltzy love song of this ilk every goddamn week. How the frak was this week any different?

Do you know what this is? Its the world’s smallest violin playing just for Danny fraking Gokey.

(Ah, shit. Fraking Not-So-Lil-Ass gets the pimp spot so she can stay in the competition. You people SUCK.)

THE GREATEST PART OF THE EVENING EVEN BEFORE HE SINGS

Kris Allen
Falling Slowly (Once)

Thank you, Quentin Tarentino. (And we all know there will be only ONE song from this evening where the original will make it back onto the Top iTunes Downloads immediately following, at least that is my prediction.)

Quentin Tarentino should ALWAYS be on American Idol

I actually think Kris lived up to the spirit of the competition the most. He actually went to a movie that meant something to him and picked the song that was perfect for him.

Yeah. Exactly. (Suck it, Gokey.) That’s why I called this shit 3 days ago! And yes, I love this song, btw. I also adore the movie and the entire soundtrack. Hot By Default could totally frak this up right now but I don’t give a rat’s ass. He wins tonight. Hands down. Hot By Default has won me over this evening, despite looking too much at times like this worthless sleazebag I once knew. Despite being an Evangelical Christian. Despite being a fan of John Mayer. Despite making sometimes bizarre faces during his performance. Despite having an boring-ass Barbie doll for a wife at way too young an age. He has truly done the unthinkable. Hot By Default should be going all the way to the end for a goddamn Kradam finale.

Kris Allen is the only contestant to do a GOOD song

And yes. He is excellent. The best of the night. Did he change up the song much? No. That’s not the kind of song you change up because it hasn’t been overplayed for 10-20 years. It’s relatively new, and it was a different and distinct choice than the other contestants. I can even almost handle his boring M.R.S. sitting in the audience once again, and clapping like a seal. (Doesn’t blondie have a job?)

Kara DioGuardi is a complete idiot

Oh for frak’s sake, Lamedawg. He wasn’t pitchy. YES! DIOGUARDI’S I-AM-A-GODDAMN-MORON MOMENT OF THE NIGHT!

Difficult to pick an obscure song like that, not that maybe everybody knows.

She may have given him props, but that obscure song won the Academy Award for Best Original Song at last year’s Oscars, so you know, Twatface, it’s not that obscure.

Lil Rounds
The Rose (The Rose)

Groan. I know Tarentino loves black goddesses, but Lil Rounds isn’t Foxy fraking Brown, even if she is wearing a lovely new wig this evening. That’s cool, but she still bores me to tears and frankly, even with her little gospel shakeup going on, I really do not see how this performance is a departure from all the other boring-ness she puts out there every week. Towards the end, she started to grow on me a bit more, as oh how dare I say it, it did feel a little more Mary J. Blige than wannabe Whitney, however, I still don’t think this chick is all that. Ooooh, and that was a weak final note. Once again, she cannot pull it off.

Lil Rounds: Still a whole lot mediocre

Naturally, Simon and Paula will be judging Not-So-Lil-Ass because she is one of the chosen few. (Who did Randy and Cougar From Hell judge? Anoop, Mole Boy and Hot By Default. Paula & Simon? La Princesa, Screech, Gokey and Not-So-Lil-Ass. Kind of obvious if you ask me.)

If I met Lil Rounds, I would probably like her. She seems like a nice enough gal. Hell, her family even looks a bit fun. But she’s just so very, very booooorrring!

Paula rattles off some more teleprompter nonsense. Please. Put more Captain in her Diet Coke because she makes more sense three sheets in the wind than when she does semi-coherently reading some bullshit set in front of her. Simon hands Lil Rounds’ ass to her (no small feat, I might add…), forcing her to speak up in her defense on how she DOES know who she IS as an ARTIST. She says she put R&B in it! Because you know, on Idol, you have to fit into a Lil box. She is begging and pleading. But Simon still thinks she’s dull and lifeless.

And Simon, I want to totally agree with you, however, YOU FRAKING PIMPED THE DEAD WIFE!

And sorry, Randy, on the recap, I still don’t see why you blasted Hot By Default. Maybe that’s what the producers told you to do? Not sure. But it was just more evidence I have in my never-ending quest to prove you have zero taste in both music and well, obviously men’s apparel.

In the final scene, the producers shoot one more time to Lil Rounds, imploring American with her eyes to keep her Not-So-Lil-Ass in the competition a little longer, despite Simon’s scathing critique. She may look sweet as pie, but I know what would be going through my head if I were Lil.

And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

And then the cameras draw back, and I immediately notice that the only remaining Cool Kids on this show are standing together, their arms around one another.

And that makes me smile. If only for a moment.

The Sole Surviving Cool Kids of American Idol

Nobody’s gonna hurt anybody. We’re gonna be like three little Fonzies here. And what’s Fonzie like? Come on, La Princesa, what’s Fonzie like?

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39 Comments leave one →
  1. LetsMaimDorkey permalink
    April 17, 2009 7:38 pm

    La Lambert
    sweeeet!

  2. Lil Lulu permalink
    April 17, 2009 2:48 pm

    I’ve got to lure you over to the dark side so you will learn to love La Lambert. But, then, I am into screaming – when appropriate. I still think Tarantino was actually the best mentor they’ve had. Weird that he’s not a musician. Maybe that’s actually WHY he was so good at it. He could give advise from the perspective of people who have to listen to this crap.

    Oh, and I had to steal your Lil screencap for my own blog because NO ONE has Lil pics. Not even IDF. How sad is that?

    • TopIdol permalink
      April 17, 2009 2:53 pm

      I’ll give you some more Lil pics I’ve saved. Yeah, that tends to happen to the girls, doesn’t it? No love.

      But you can also borrow my pic of THE MOLE!

      I don’t hate Lambert. I think he is super talented, however…I just now want to see him do something “different”, ironically.

      And if Gokey even goes to the Finals and beats him, it will signal the beginning of the REAL end for Idol. He is the most unmarketable singer on that show. I wish people would realize that what they enjoy watching on a weekly TV show is not the same as what music you prefer, and no one is going to make an album of shit cover songs, so…

    • Maree permalink
      April 17, 2009 6:05 pm

      Oh, I’m so glad I’m not the only one calling him La Lambert!

  3. LetsMaimDorkey permalink
    April 16, 2009 8:25 pm

    ugh dorkey needs to get some taste in music (or… you know… just GTFO AI!), i mean bryan adams….. seriously?
    and sure kris is good (my second favorite) but i don’t buy THAT performance being as amazing as i’m led to believe it was…. i think the song choice was a score but the performance did less for me than Anoop’s did, and i dont even like anoop (sorry topidol :()
    Glambert (as per usual) was my fav ๐Ÿ™‚ the song choice could have been more original, but it was in no way boring (coughBYRANFUCKINGADAMS)
    bah hate on me all you want but i have a mild obsession with his voice and…. the kid’s fucking sweet so, just a word to the wise: get over yourselves and hop on this band wagon… we have gaaaay seccckss, a shitload of sparkly-spandex and cookies ๐Ÿ™‚

    • TopIdol permalink
      April 16, 2009 8:33 pm

      Gay sex. Sparkly spandex. And COOKIES!!!

      (HA HA HA HA HA)

      • LetsMaimDorkey permalink
        April 16, 2009 8:45 pm

        good to know SOMEONE (even if you are a cyber someone) gets my sense of humor!
        ah, relief ๐Ÿ˜›

  4. she_is_so_random permalink
    April 15, 2009 4:41 pm

    Um, this is OT but can someone tell me what’s up at VFTW? Since yesterday, both of my computers have been getting a red X of death message when I try to go there, and abort the command. Is it just me??

    Oh, and Jokey is a still a douche. (For his friend who posts here, why did his wedding ring conveniently re-appear just for this heart-rending performance? He didn’t have it on when he was trying to grift some free cheesecake off a random frau.)

  5. Maree permalink
    April 15, 2009 4:16 pm

    Yes, it’s sad how much better Britters’ stuff sounds when she’s not the one singing it. And I expected to be heartily sick of Screech’s banshee wail by now, but instead it’s *gulp* grown on me.

  6. Sane Jason Fan permalink
    April 15, 2009 2:55 pm

    Joe Versus The Volcano? For me last night was Screech Versus A Sea Of Schlock.

    I think Screech is just as deranged as Britney but like Ms. Spears this is one of the things that makes him entertaining. Unlike Brit, Screech can actually sing and did not have to lip synch while jumping all over the stage like he was on fire. He wins the night on that alone.

    Allison is my second favorite but last night was not her night. A rare mistake from La Princessa.

    I don’t have much to say about the AC-lite stylings of everyone else except two Bryan Adams songs in one night is two too many. Gokey doesn’t look any better without glasses and the harp imagery was a bit much. Lil was awful. AWFUL.

  7. Emme permalink
    April 15, 2009 1:35 pm

    Okay Paula just let spill that next weeks theme is ‘Disco’ on the JonJay and Rich radio show.
    Gokey doing disco…just shoot me now

    • TopIdol permalink
      April 15, 2009 2:22 pm

      Thanks for the tip. Jesus, I have a feeling that will not end well.

    • Deez permalink
      April 15, 2009 2:23 pm

      Emme, I had heard that next week was Disco, but had failed to consider the implications….can’t wait to see Gokey in a lime polyester leisure suit busting out the Travolta.Truuuuuly frightening.

      Oh, btw, to those who think everyone is mean to Danny…he sure is able to turn it off and on pretty quickly. It’s funny that the only time he seems broken up is during performance night. The rest of the time he’s mugging for the camera, buying designer frames, doing annoying personations, gaining 30 lbs, etc…but yet on Tuesday night it’s suddenly “Booohoooo!”. Dude is totally fake.

      If I got any sense of sincerity, I’d cut him some slack…so he deserves it,IMO.

  8. SarahBeth permalink
    April 15, 2009 12:36 pm

    I have to say that I thought Kris was indeed the best of the night – I loved his song choice and good for him for going outside the box and daring to do something different – not the same old stuff we’ve heard forever. He is truly a dark horse and if there is justice in this world (or this competition) it will be an Adam/Kris finale (will not happen, we all know its going to be an Adam/Danny finale)

    That being said, I don’t get Danny. At. All. I liked him in his audition, but he bores me to tears. And the sympathy votes are getting old. I actually had his song turned way down last night becuase I was watching something else on my laptop (Cook’s IDWTMAT) and missed Simon’s comment about David. However, Danny will more than likely be in the finals becuase he could stand on stage and pick his nose (or his ass) and get votes.

    Dial Idol has Danny being safe (in the green) and Lil right behind him in yellow. Who is still voting for them? Good lord.

    I hope Lil goes tonight, but I think Matt could be in trouble, and even possibly Kris. But I bet if Kris gets the least amount of votes, they’ll use the save. I’m kind of bummed that we didn’t get to hear Simon comment on Kris, because I am always interested in what Simon has to say, even if I don’t always agree with him.

    Wow, this turned into a much longer comment then I anticipated. And I love your blog btw – I’ve been lurking for awhile, but finally now just pulled myself out of lurkdom to comment. ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. Maree permalink
    April 15, 2009 11:56 am

    I sometimes wonder why I have a soft spot for Screech, but I just realised, I have love for both Disney and heaadbanging and his performance this week was like headbanging as reinterpreted by Disney (and in a much higher key.) I enjoy it, it reminds me of bands like Boston, etc. but I can see why other people have trouble. What he really needs, IMO, is to find a happy middle ground.

  10. Goatlove permalink
    April 15, 2009 11:43 am

    Good call on the Hansard song… When I realized he was singing it, I paused the DVR and had to go play the original. What a great movie, BTW.

    For those not knowing the original, check it here:

    Anyway, DialIdol says Kris is in the bottom. Judge save tonight? Can’t think of a more realistic and honest time for them to invoke it. It’ll be great too because then we can hear Kris sing it again.

    And Lil is in the top 2 on DI? What??? She’s horrible. But they really do need to keep Token around longer so people won’t complain about lack of diversity.

    I kinda agree that you are being a little harsh on the dead wife thing, maybe dial it back just an itsy-bit…. and you know: I’m not a fan of him, religious cults, glasses, wives, or cats that are no longer kittens.

    • TopIdol permalink
      April 15, 2009 12:57 pm

      Kris was on the bottom of DialIdol last week and ended up being perfectly safe, so…?

      Ok. Fine. You’re right. I amended my Gokey paragraph and took out the part about his family in the audience looking forlorn.

      (But I am curious about “cats that are no longer kittens”.)

      But I’m starting to be rather frightened by the fact I can write lengthy recaps and then lengthy responses to others’ comments. What have I turned into?

    • SarahBeth permalink
      April 15, 2009 12:58 pm

      Thanks for posting the link to the original Falling Slowly – I hadn’t heard it, but now that I have it, I love it and will be getting it when I get home. ๐Ÿ™‚

      I may have to watch Kris singing that again. ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. Dani permalink
    April 15, 2009 11:08 am

    I LOVE the original Falling Slowly, but thought Kris didn’t quite get there. He should have focused more on the chorus instead of the verse.

    Adam gives me a headache almost every week. I agree he wasn’t nearly as screechy as he could have been, but it was still bad. A fun thing to do is argue with the Adam fans on the AI board during the show.
    One person wanted me to know that Adam doesn’t screech, but is in fact singing in his full voice at a high octave and that is something that a lot of people just cannot do.
    Uh yeah, okay. My dream bottom 3 at this point is Lil, Danny, and Adam. Lil is probably the only one that will be there.

  12. April 15, 2009 10:51 am

    I loved that Kris chose Falling Slowly as it was the most original choice of the night, to me at least. After the show i was thinking of all the songs in the world that could have ben sung. These seemed so over used and boring, and heck, it could have been Bryan Adams night!
    I enjoyed the Aerosmith song choice as well, probably due to the Armageddon connection. I’m such an emo grrrl at heart i guess.

    OMG the Bad Sign Alert – i thought i was the only one who had caught that!

    excellent usage of Tarantino quotes in this post. laughing at Walken and the Watch up his bum always makes for a good morning.

  13. Emme permalink
    April 15, 2009 10:14 am

    I didn’t know Kris’ song at all and maybe that’s why I didn’t like it, but I really didn’t. And I’m afraid that there’s many other voters like me who are not cool enough to recognize it either. I actually agreed with Randy that it was pretty bad. But the pretty will keep him safe; Anoop and Matt will go before Kris has to worry.
    I thought Adam was the best. Again. Loved that he brought the crazy back and woke everyone in there the hell up; without him it would have been a snoozefest.
    And Gokey…what the hell? How does he keep getting great reviews for this shit and massive amounts of people voting? I’ll never get him, ugh.
    And Lil? just…gross.
    I’m depressed; wait all week for Tuesday and it sucks.

    • TopIdol permalink
      April 15, 2009 10:42 am

      I had high hopes for last night, too!

      Emme, you should really listen to the original Falling Slowly. It’s a great song from a wonderful film. Yeah, Adam woke people back up but I am tiring of his schtick because I don’t see how this differed much from a few of his other performances. I think Kris is in danger more than one would naturally assume he is, perhaps he would mobilize more fans if the wife stayed home? But at this point, I think he really deserves to be in the Finals with Lambert over anyone else โ€” especially Gokey!

      Anoop should get more credit, but Mole Boy and Lil are on life support. Someone just pull the plug and donate their organs.

      Allison needs to get a little more inventive, though. She’s got the pipes and the creativity, I think, she just needs to do it.

      • Emme permalink
        April 15, 2009 1:08 pm

        I totally agree that Kris deserves that finale spot with Adam – sometimes I wish for Allison to have it, but really she just isn’t as ‘ready’ as Kris. I wish she’d waited a couple of years for Idol.

  14. anasazisibes permalink
    April 15, 2009 10:12 am

    “Cool” Ahhhh, I love me some Tarantino. Just some observations. My sister, who is a music performance PhD, thinks Danny sucks – he has no tone, no timbre to his voice, his phrasing is terrible & gaspy, and we’re completely at a loss why he continually gets pimped!! Kris has been growing on me & suddenly I want him to stay. Looks to me like La Princesa is improving & learning every week – still want her in finals. Adam. Hmmm. I have to say that I would probably go see him concert if it’s cheap enough, but I would never buy a CD. He’s all visual for me – entertaining as hell, but when I close my eyes I’m not nearly as enamored. He has range (duh) but his tone has no depth for me & his falsetto is just screechy instead of HBD’s beautiful full tone falsetto. Mole Boy & Lil need to. just. go.

  15. Wouldn't you rather be nice? permalink
    April 15, 2009 9:58 am

    You are a talented writer and have a wry and colorful style. Visting the site was fun -until- now.

    Lay off the Gokey kid. Seriously.

    His wife IS deceased. He IS still grieving and he did not lay that out first – his friend did.

    The fact is he can sing, he is a young guy has lost his wife(and his grandfather) in the past 9 months and he still shows up and gets the job done.

    I hope you never lose anyone you deeply love and then have to show up for your job with people denigrating your memories, your actions, your grief or your performance. No one would want to be him today with someone like you sitting on a blog site talking the way you do – using the term “pimping his dead wife” (or boyfriend/partner/lover/sister/mother/dad,etc.) You get the picture, right?

    Now, get back to writing something funny. If you are actually going to attempt to critique these guys for all the world to enjoy, rise to the occasion again.

    Ciao’

    • TopIdol permalink
      April 15, 2009 10:33 am

      First off, I don’t think Gokey is a bad guy. However, as a performer, he bored me to tears and I have no idea why the judges keep pimping his ass when he brings nothing new to his songs and will never be a superstar performing artist.

      Why did I have a problem with the “pimping of the dead wife” last night? Because Simon did it and it was unnecessary. Oh, and because Gokey has sang similar songs with similar themes throughout the show, so I do not see how Endless Love is a suitable dedication to his deceased wife above and beyond any other performance he did. I do not particularly care for his in-laws standing in the audience looking all forlorn after he performs. I understand that they are still grieving! I’m not an asshole. But I do not think the American public needs to be reminded of this time and time again. Clap for the guy. Be happy. He’s on American Idol.

      I’m tired of his bland performances and do not understand why he gets hailed as unique and unforgettable. And honestly, I didn’t really notice his upwards-to-heaven stare really, and I’ve seen a lot of other recaps talking about that.

      It was unnecessary Simon brought that up, almost as if he was insuring a middling performance in the middle of the show would not secure Gokey’s rightful place in the Bottom 3, by reminding the audience that Gokey’s wife died. I didn’t think Gokey was doing the pimping. However, his in-laws and Simon certainly got the job done.

      The biggest referrer to my blog today (as of right now) is people searching for Sophia Gokey on WordPress.com. I don’t know about you, but I just find this a bit disconcerting and weird.

      If Gokey comes out next week and does something amazing, I will be the first person to say “nice job”. But thus far this season, the guy has done nothing to surprise me. And in all fairness, all the contestants really need to stop with the boring ass ballads. Last year there was the complaint that all the mentors meant the contestants were all singing such old songs, however, they’ve had several wide-open fields to chose from this year and we’ve pretty much gotten the same old tired crap. This show has been on for how long now? Doesn’t anyone think, hmmm, I shouldn’t do these songs because they’ve been done to death, are not current, and quite dull. You would really think the bar would be set much higher this year on “reimagining” after David Cook’s season, however, I guess people just really want to sing easy listening the way they hear it in an elevator.

      • April 15, 2009 1:50 pm

        Gokey’s a religious chap, right? And his wife died. Sad, yes, but this whole religious-person-getting-sad-about-death has always perplexed me. In his mind, she’s in heaven, right? Why should I feel sorry for him, if he and his family think his wife is in paradise?

        If anything, we should be criticizing him, his family and his church more for making us feel guilty about how we’re treating him here. His family’s actions scream “feel sorry for him” which is totally against the whole idea of an afterlife. Which is bollocks to begin with, but it’s what they believe, and they’re using it to garner votes.

        That’s something I’ll criticize and make fun of seven days a week and twice on Sundays.

  16. Rachel_m permalink
    April 15, 2009 8:16 am

    Awwww thank you for the “True Romance” quotes. They brought back memories of when I had a crush on Christian Slater.

    I don’t watch the show anymore. Your recaps bring me totally up to speed.

    • TopIdol permalink
      April 15, 2009 9:49 am

      I don’t think I would watch, either, if I didn’t do the blog. Of course, I remember thinking last year was fairly piss poor, too, but it seems so much better than this year’s nonsense in retrospect.

  17. Crissa permalink
    April 15, 2009 12:02 am

    Up until now, I really didn’t have a favorite. After tonight, I became a fan of HBD…hope he stays!

    (I also noticed the dead wife pimping of Gokey from Simon….WTF?)

  18. Niftywench permalink
    April 14, 2009 11:51 pm

    this episode caused all my wonderfully unholy thoughts about Quentin to come rushing back…wait, there was a singing competition?? pardon me. ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. d. b. cooper permalink
    April 14, 2009 11:43 pm

    Nobodyโ€™s gonna hurt anybody. Weโ€™re gonna be like three little Fonzies here. And whatโ€™s Fonzie like? Come on, La Princesa, whatโ€™s Fonzie like?

    “Cool.”

    This was a great visual, thanks.

  20. April 14, 2009 11:42 pm

    danny was terribly off key. i cant believe they didnt care to bring that up and poor anoop with all the layers sweating profusely again. he was hot tonight though. and hot apparently.

    • TopIdol permalink
      April 14, 2009 11:47 pm

      I cannot believe Gokey still got pimped. I cannot believe Simon brought up the Dead Wife. And oh. I cannot believe Randy dissed Hot By Default. Deez just commented that he probably mis-read his flash cards. Yeah. That’s actually a pretty logical explanation.

      And SImon and Paula totally judged all the pimp ones. I hope Tarentino goes all Mr. Blonde on all of them.

      • Maree permalink
        April 14, 2009 11:55 pm

        Oh, sing it, sister. This crapfest airs here tomorrow. Is it even worth watching?

  21. Deez permalink
    April 14, 2009 11:18 pm

    Does Randy know what pitchy means? I doubt it. I think he has flash cards that he shuffles under the table and then just picks one . HBD is dead last on DI, so I guess America actually puts stock in his random mumblings. DWD can do no wrong, have any of these sheep closed their eyes and actually LISTENED to him? And PLEASE, a HARP? OOOOH subtle!(If I have a harp, they think angels…hence dead wife)

    Please make him go away. I. Do. Not. Understand.

    • TopIdol permalink
      April 14, 2009 11:23 pm

      Lest we mention this is yet another time I get creeped out because SOPHIA GOKEY searches on WordPress (and even Google) make it to the top referrers of random people who find my blog.

      This happens at least once every week. Hello? KIND OF FRAKED UP. Seriously. If you were on a TV show and your spouse had died, would you want there to be a surge in batshit crazies doing web searches on their name right after the show is over?

      Yeah. Just a bit creepy if you ask me.

      • Deez permalink
        April 14, 2009 11:46 pm

        lol…really, I wonder if they were moved to do a Sophia search the week that he was so upset up that he had to bust out the pelvic thrusts for our “enjoyment.”

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