Oh crap. I am tipsy and here is my Top 7 Results Show Recap
The producers were doing something with fiery graphics. I am drunk. It frightened me. But not as much as seeing Kara Cougar From Hell DioGuardi clap like a goddamn seal.
Jennifer Hudson is here. SWEET. And this is actually a big night for Idol, since they always love a “shocker” with the Top 7 And there is also the bullshit judges save.
Whatevia. I am a bit tipsy, so let’s see how much of this I can get through…
Ok. Ford Bullshit. Let’s take some photos. Mole boy looks confused. Because his Mole cannot get a driver’s license perhaps?
Oh christ. Just remembered the Petron shot I took. Ugh.
Why is the Mole driving? They are now allowing these yahoos to drive only since Blind Guy is gone. You people suck.
That was the dumbest commercial EVER.
Let’s hurry this shit up. TopIdol is TIPSY and has to work tomorrow. Oh, please oh please oh please oh please no. YOU PEOPLE ARE NOT SINGING MANIAC.
Cougar From Hell is so hard up, even Paula is forced to hide under the table. Seriously, I could get more action than this twit if I went across the back of my alley to the gay men’s leather bar.
La Princesa has such an awesome voice. She really needs to start bringing it.
Did you eat paint chips when you were little?
Sorry. That’s just what this song made me think of, my bad.
Wow. They are so trying to prove they do not lip sync. Oh for chrissake, Lambert, quit the screeching!
Ok. Let’s get going. I totally need to go to bed.
Oh, La Princesa. I love you. You poor thing, forced to see a Zac Efron movie.
Yo, Efron, you already have douchebag eyes, why do you feel the need to style your hair as such?
Ok. This was just too funny. You know Gokey is one of those people who won’t shut up during movies, too.
I used to have a semi-crush on Matthew Perry. In 1997…Oh shit! Thomas Lennon is in this shit. That’s Lieutenant Jim Dangle to you.
Lambert said he loved the Cheerleaders. Yeah dude, you are sooooo straight.
Wow. Lil still wears her wig, disses on Gokey, and Zac Efron still looks like a complete tool. (He was kind of funny on last week’s SNL, though. Sure he’s a nice kid, but it still doesn’t change the fact he looks like a douchebag tool.)
La Princesa is safe. She better bring it next week, all I’m saying.
Oh jesus, do we even have to go through the Lambert bullshit? Like he’s not safe? He loves the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Obviously.
Come on, Anoop. Come on come on come on. You and your bushy eyebrows and your American Eagle attire and your Masters Degree. Come on, Anoop, come on!
Oh frak. Bottom 3.
Yeah, Jennifer Hudson. You losers think you have anything on this chick? Seriously? HA. Delusional! None of you will EVER be Jennifer Hudson. (I wish a lot of shit tabloids would stop calling her J-Hud. Quit that shit. It’s not 2002 and she’s 50 million times more talented than Lopez could ever be.)
I LOVE JENNIFER HUDSON. Just saying. How cool is she? Even pretaped, she rules.
Paula says Anoop is magical. I do love me some Anoop at times, but come on. MAGICAL? Few things in life are magical, okay? Jesus Christ, I need those Paula pills.
Ok. I love that Simon and Paula just told Hot By Default he was BRILLIANT. Yeah No more 2-person judging shit next week, ok?
OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. Hot By Default gets to sit back down! ON THE SOFA!!!
Anoop…Mole Boy…Not So Lil Ass
Oh, shut the frak up, DioGuardi. Anoop soooooooooooooooooooooooooo does not deserve to be there. As much as I adore La Princesa, she actually deserves to be there more than Anoop.
YAY YAY YAY!!! ANOOP IS SAFE!!! Basically, I really don’t care about this evening anymore since Lil and Mole Boy are in the bottom 2 and Hot By Default and Anoop are SAFE SAFE SAFE.
Oh love it. How fake is this shit? Yeah, DioGuardi. Paula will always be better than you. You can’t even buy cleavage as good as Ms. Abdul’s (Duh. Because no respectable doctor would want to see you naked) so don’t even think about it, you condescending idiot.
I can feel the fake tonight, can’t you?
Miley Cyrus. I know I should hate you, but for some reason I don’t totally despise you. However, I am wondering why you needed such an obnoxious smoke machine in this economy.
Oh yeah. This is for my mother. She has never read this blog before now. I only gave her the URL because she thought that Simon is really cute after seeing the Susan Boyle video on Yahoo! this weekend. Yeah, see, my Mom’s homepage is Yahoo! and she has never watched American Idol because that Clay Aiken really gave her the heebie geebies.
So now she gets to see what I do sometimes…in my spare time. (I’m sure she will be happy I’m gainfully employed when she actually reads this tripe.)
Getting tired…wants creamy chicken ramen…
Ok, Mole Boy has to sing for his life. Unfortunately, Lil will be tormenting us during Disco Week (Please oh please oh please oh say she bombs Last Dance).
His song still sucks. And Paula and Cougar From Hell manage to act like complete, uh, obnoxious cougars.
OMG. The treat her right part made me want to die. You heard it, too. And you so also thought gouging your ear drums out! You know it!
Guess it does not matter what these women hear.
And when he ended the song, well, it sounded like puppies dying. Sad. I do not want to hear puppies dying!
Jesus Christ. You people are sooo ridiculous. Faking it even more with each passing week. It’s like a goddamn Norman Rockwell, isn’t it?
OH MY GOD. No way.
Nice job, people. Wasted the save on Mole Boy! Now Gokey or Lambert just HAVE TO end up in the Bottom 3 next week.
Yeah, you guys only used that shit because Cougar From Hell needed to be preoccupied with something. Here’s to maybe oh, one or two max, more Molegasms.
Touch it. Feel it. Love it. You cannot take your eyes of the Mole.
THE MOLE HAS BEEN SAVED!