Slash came over. Stage stuff collapsed. The screamer tried to be the screecher, yet things were still kind of boring
Idol will surely get those ratings they’ve been after tonight after this afternoon’s drama. However, everything looks a-ok now, but I’m telling you, those damn gyroscopes are death traps. And if any of my spoilers are wrong, I still “predicted” that shit a week ago.
Why doesn’t anyone give Randy the memo about men wearing sequined t-shirts? NO ONE has done that shit since Lamar Latrell in Revenge of the Nerds.
La Princesa’s hair gets progressively better with each passing week. Just saying.
No one ever talks about one of Slash’s most awesome contributions to the pantheons of entertainment and society as a whole. Because I think I was the only one who ever watched the show. Kid Notorious (Comedy Central) was this awesomely un-PC cartoon voiced by Hollywood producer Robert Evans. This shit was HILARIOUS. Slash was a character. He played Evans’ neighbor who also LOVED Christmas and stuck live reindeer on his roof. The show only lasted a season but it was so damn funny, I would have loved to have seen more.
Whole Lotta Love
Wow. A lot of people have been speculating about this one all week long and guessed correctly. But I don’t care. I’m just happy Slash suggested he use his lower register. But really, his lower register can’t be that low.
Obviously, Screech isn’t going to blow Rock Week. Did anyone have any doubts? Granted, he’s good. He’s a professional. But is there a difference in tonight’s performance over his other “rock” ones? Hmmm…I do actually like his energy and the way he feeds off the band, but of course he ends with a super high Screech note, however, it does work with the song. Oh, and he said woman while thrusting. Surefire way for you to keep those delusional ladies voting for you, sweetheart!
Nobody’s ever gonna think about Broadway or any of that stuff right there because you’re a rock star tonight.
That was the coolest thing Randy ever said. Even though he made it sound stupid at the end, but it was so obviously a jab at Greasy Constantine, who somehow received a Tony Nomination this morning because oh yeah, most of the shows on Broadway have closed.
The other judges continue the group creaming, but this time, I can’t really totally disagree. (Shit For Brains even called him a rock god.) But then again, I don’t cream over people I see on a karaoke contest.
Damn you person who lied and said Gold Dust Woman! Oh well. No one had much to go on since there was no rehearsal. And I’m not going to complain with this chick doing Janis Joplin. La Princesa is now getting her hair done by “Adam’s hair girl”.
Hi Slash. You’re kind of an awesome Idol mentor.
La Princesa, naturally, is incredible. I really have no criticism for her because she is just ridiculous. I would probably totally buy an album of hers, which is saying a lot, since I don’t ever buy Idol contestants’ albums. In fact, I pretty much DO NOT want her to win, because frankly, she would be forced to sing some total shit songs like This Moment is the Time of My Now.
Will the de-pimping begin here? Randy wasn’t crazy about it. Jesus. Can he say anything new? Shit For Brains says she should have sang Piece of My Heart. The woman is such a twat, even while claiming to see her personality. Paula thinks she should star in a Janis Joplin biopic. Simon loved it, but didn’t think she was original and calls her soundalike. Says she should have sang Queen.
Oooh. La Princesa talks back and says she was going to sing Jefferson Airplane’s Somebody to Love AND how Piece of My Heart has been done to death on the show. La Princesa is ADORABLE. Hell yeah. They did tell her she should talk more and Simon loves it. Obviously, Randy once again proves he is a useless sack of shit. Hell, Quatto the Mole had more of a viable opinion than this idiot.
Up next…Fundie Duet Fun Times!
Danny Gokey and Kris Allen
I have no idea what this is gonna be like. Styx? Like where I want to shove sticks in my ears?
This is kind of a mega-disaster. But it totally proves that Gokeyoke SCREAMS songs. While Hot By Default does not, and when he’s forced to do so, jesus christ, this poor kid is competing just to be heard when they’re singing together. Something about that just rubbed me the wrong way. You’re doing a duet, you sing a duet. You don’t COMPETE over who can sing LOUDEST.
Poor Hot By Default. I hope he can sing his solo because he could have likely busted out a vocal chord trying to compete with that yelling.
Gokeyoke looks like a smug bastard. Hot By Default is basically saying to himself “oh shit, you cannot trust all fellow Christians because this bastard hung me out to dry so he could showboat and there is no bible quote which says this is okay.”
Paula is at a loss for words and can’t say anything interesting. Jesus christ, I miss her percocet. Simon says Danny was better than Hot By Default.
Hot By Default is soooo not pleased. It’s kind of awesome, in a way, because he looks like he’s gonna wipe the smug smile of Gokeyoke’s face with a single punch, especially when the dude doesn’t let him get a word in edgewise with the perfunctory Seacrest banter.
Ugh. Poor Hot By Default doesn’t get the pimp spot (although I am assuming the actual pimp spot is the much-awaited La Princesa and Screech duet, still…) and is now going to be forced to sing after the break after his vocal chords have been considerably weakened after being forced to SCREAM most of a Styx song.
Well, the Euro band part was right, and I guess the Beatles had some intersting things going on with their hair, however…
Poor Hot By Default. Hee hee. He just sang holy roller. I swear he sang those last lyrics about the douchebag he sang with only a few minutes before. He was totally connecting with the song, you see, he’s a good guy. He was working out the need to beat the shit out of Gokeyoke through music!
I’m actually kind of digging this performance, and he is stretching his voice, so to speak, but it works so much better on this number than when he was forced to scream to keep up with a guy whose musical education comes from an obnoxious preacher at a pulpit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like this kid and totally feel like defending him right now. Plus, he might actually put out something I could buy a couple of songs off of, so…
Shit For Brains is such a twat. She’s like, I will de-pimp him because I soooo want a job next year, so I will try and sound like I have really important & helpful knowledge, even though I know every time I critique a contestant I sound like a sanctimonious twat. Paula says some useless nonsense not even worth writing down and I just miss her painkiller addiction. Simon calls it eating ice for lunch. I really don’t understand why this guy can’t give Hot By Default any props sometimes. Gokeyoke SCREAMS! (Screaming isn’t artistry, I mean, not in a family-friendly venue it’s not.) But wait, Simon says it was more like a jam. Uh…how is that necessarily a bad thing? I mean, why can’t we see a little jam band-ness on Idol?
And with this song, we are going to get to hear Gokeyoke screech. Not just scream, he’s gonna SCREECH!
Dude. Quit eyefucking the camera. When Gokey isn’t screaming, I don’t mind him. But then when he gets going, it’s just tiresome. And he actually hit a WTF note there at the end of the “soft” intro, sorry, but it was rather harsh.
I was kind of interested in what this performance would be like if he did, indeed, sing this song. And whoa. He Gokeyized it with the weekly oh-y-oh-y-oh, but some of that screeching was downright shitatous. Yet, it was the biggest risk he’s ever taken on the show. About fraking time if you ask me, still Gokeyoke, but that shit made me laugh. That was kind of a disaster, but it was infinitely more watchable than anything he usually does.
That final note? That final note??? HOLY FRAKING SHIT.
Randy kind of said what I said, but because I’m smarter and do not wear sequined t-shirts and little children’s jewelry while saying dawg all the time, my opinion is always more eloquent and relevant. Shit For Brains is continuing her mega-twat brigade. Can someone please shut her the hell up?
EARLY AEROSMITH? EARLY AEROSMITH? This is why she is SHIT FOR BRAINS. Dream On was from their first album! Before Studio 57 and Saturday Night Live even.
Simon equates the last note was like a horror movie but continues the whole Gokeyoke creaming, which, each and every week, continues to be more inexplicable. Yeah, I do give him some credit for going out of his safety zone, but was he trying too hard to compete with Screech McQueen? (Great. Finals of screaming and screeching.)
Yet, it was the most entertaining Danny Gokey has ever been on American Idol. There haven’t been any of these sorts of moments since hell, Scott “Blind Guy” MacIntyre was still in the competition!
Allison Iraheta and Adam Lambert
Ah, the Foghat classic. Jesus christ, does this just make sooooo much more sense. You can actually watch these two and not cringe or feel sorry for either of them. And I suspect the producers may now be shooting for an Adam and Allison finale. Because a) pimp spot and b) it was a duet that actually worked.
The judges are creaming themselves, of course. Paula calls them the perfect marriage. Shit For Brains, hell, I’m just tuning her out every time she speaks at this point because she is just an irritating twat. Everyone says they should do a duet together (which I’m sure they will on the Ellen show, inevitably, and on the tour, and wherever else Idol singers sing together…) and they act all cute and hug and Screech is like La Princesa’s big brother! (Awww shucks! And at this moment, Idol producers all get a big lightbulb over their heads after witnessing such kohl-lined, manic-panic-ed sincerity on the death-trapped stage.)
Hmmm…basically I see how this is going down now. The de-pimping of Gokey has finally begun, although they did attempt to be “subtle”, ha. I think they want to keep him around one more week but get rid of Hot By Default, since Idol has no place for those who want to jam or sing “soft” songs with a guitar (see last year’s fourth-place finisher, Jason Castro. Oh, Hot By Default, I soooo hope your family isn’t a bunch of grifting greedy fraks who solicit their “fans” for cupcakes on Twitter.)
Or they’re just powering up Gokey’s unbelievably large fantard base to dial even harder this week. I wondered who these people were until the dress rehearsal last week, when Gokeyoke got a considerable larger amount of applause over Adam Lambert. Or they’ve decided Adam and Allison are obviously more bankable.
(And why did Gokeyoke screech in a decidedly un-rockerlike preacher vest ensemble?)
Anyway, if you need to cleanse your pallate after tonight’s entertaining-yet-dull-as-all-frak shit show, I suggest you watch a little Kid Notorious. I actually went to go find some for you but haven’t been able to find more than one clip yet. Bastards. That shit was funny as all hell.
(But here is another photo. Go buy the Kid Notorious DVD!)