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SYTYCD in Miami: Cat Deeley rules, but oh yes, we’ve even found ourselves a young widow

May 28, 2009

Yay! Cat Deeley! I love Cat Deeley!

And now they’re in Miami doing auditions, which is well and good, but the audition rounds of this show just isn’t as fun because Mary Murphy doesn’t bring the crazy like she does when they’re in the live rounds. I mean, homegirl doesn’t start drinking until at least noon PST.

Tyce whatever his name is the guest judge for this round, along with Crazy Mary and 1988 British Hair. Don’t you love Nigel’s hair? It’s like 1980s London in every lucious strand.

Tony Riendeau
Tony looks like the second coming of Matthew Modine. And he’s dancing to Footloose. In his little “pre-audition” package in which he didn’t leave the building where there were auditions, it still seemed as if he busted out better moves than he is on stage. Broadway Type is not impressed, but Crazy Mary got to say groin muscle. Notice how much lighter the liquid in her cup is compared to Broadway Tyce’s beverage. That’s Captain Morgan with a splash of Diet Coke for Crazy Mary. Homegirl don’t frak around.

What is Mary Murphy drinking?

Broadway Type calls him Quirky Kooky Tony and starts talking like a feral children in his attempts to stress how bad Tony is at dancing. Bye bye, Tony. Wait. Tony totally overexerted himself and can’t breathe. He asks for a medic. I don’t think this is the last we’ve seen of Tony.

Tony Riendeau on SYTYCD

Priscilla Marrero
Ah here we go with that oh-so-typical of Miami audition show cliches, aka the Spicy Latina. Yawn. Broadway Tony already loves Spicy Latina but I’m totally bored, I mean, I can’t do that shit but I feel like I’ve seen it before and oh, she loses like 10 points for over-emoting and another 10 for wearing a flower in her hair. That shit is sooo tired.

Priscilla Mareno on SYTYCD

Priscilla has a soothing Hispanic accent, which is necessary when auditioning for reality TV, because reality TV wants to relate to the Hispanic community within the U.S. and it can be a total plus if you want to get some airtime. Remember Twatiana del Toro? Yeah, I wish I didn’t, either, but that bitch would slip in and out of her accent all the time. At least Ms. Marrero is consistent. I belive SYTYCD may be taking the Spicy Latina, especially because of the way she does the ll when pronouncing her own name.

Spicy Latina is boring me, and why is Broadway Tyce sporting the douchebag facial hair? Ugh. I hate that shit. Does he have posters of Daughtry up in his bedroom or something? Yikes.

Broadway Tyce has douchebag facial hair

Tony is getting his blood pressure taken while sweating profusely. In case you were wondering. But by the end of the commercial break, he has a banana and is feeling better. I totally remember seeing this same thing during the Idol audition rounds, don’t you?

Tony is eating a banana. Now all better.

And I think I totally remember these next people from last season. I think I liked them. They’re kind of adorable. And she has such a dancer-ly name, like Saturday Night Fever, that sort of thing.

Janette Manera & Romulo Villaverde
If you don’t take these two, I may cry. Did you see that flip? Manera made it to the end of Vegas last year, but lost out, so I’m totally thinking she’ll be in the finals this year. This show is actually, OMG, kind of into seeing people come back after not making it. Or they’re soooo good at manipulating the American public, I’m dumb enough to fall for it. Or perhaps I’m just tired after a long day at work and desperate for anything that shows me hard work does pay off, hence…am I getting philosophical about shit reality TV?

Janette Manera and Roulo

Yay. They’re both going to Las Vegas. Crazy Mary has clearly feeling the effects of the booze by this point, thank flying spaghetti monster for us! However, if you haven’t seen this show before, PLEASE keep watching because Crazy Mary wil be all sorts of drunken wonderful once they go live.

Oh come on. Editing already tells us these twin girls are going to be terrible. What is miracle dancing? They also tell us they learned ballet by reading books, so you just know this isn’t gonna end pretty. I am wondering if they will grew up together in an attic…

Jessica Guadix & Jennifer Guadix -- SYTYCD

Jessica Guadix & Jennifer Guadix
They start off doing partnered situps or something. And then they start stretching, faux-kicking each other, doing the splits. They’re also wearing some kind of whacked out wampum legwarmer. I have no idea what is going on. 1988 British Hair is not feeling it, either.

Nigel Lythgoe and his 1988 British Hair are not feeling it

Broadway Tyce calls it tragic. I kind of loathe Broadway Tyce because he’s totally embodying every gay male stereotype EVER. Bring back awesome mohawked Sonia from last week’s audition episode! I LOVE HER. Broadway Tyce wants to be ANTM’s Jay Manuel but he’s sooooo tired. Especially when he not only says he wants to call the dance police, but also makes a Wizard of Oz reference.

Cat Deeley and Joseph Smith

YAY! Cat Deeley is here to save us! Everybody, all together now: I LOVE YOU CAT DEELEY!!! Don’t you just love watching her with the contestants? She’s so genuine, so sweet. Can’t we trade Seacrest in for her? Especially since she is the designated alternate if anything were to happen to him, say, if he was too sick to host. Can’t we just get one episode of Idol where Cat Deeley runs the show? I swear, no one would ever want to go back to Seacrest if they experienced such awesomeness.

Joseph Smith
Sweet. The founder of the Latter Day Saints is auditioning this year. All kidding aside, I like this guy. And since he does hip hop / some pop & locking, I’m sure they’ll make him go to the choreography (we’ve also not seen one contestant go to choreography yet), although Broadway Tyce acted like a total bitch during Smith’s entire audition. Ugh. Broadway Tyce, go back to Broadway and be a miserable queen. Be happy! And merry! Learn something from Kradam! You’re bringing down my SYTYCD mojo for the night.

Joseph Smith -- Schwam -- SYTYCD

I love Smith, though, or who we should call Schwam. Broadway Tyce only tells him he is half-impressed and makes some dumb expression, but still agrees to send Schwam to choreography. And he’s the only one we’ll see from today who we’ve met in the choreography round, so…ok…I totally thought Schwam was fun so YES YES YES! He’s going to VEGAS. I love this guy.  And I love how Cat Deeley gives him a huge huge while saying, No, it’s schwizammmm.

I love Cat Deeley. I think I might start fantarding over Cat Deeley. Oh come on. She is sooo more than worthy.

Some trashy blond chick with terrible dark roots also made it to Vegas, but she seemed lost, wandering around outside without any shoes.

(So I guess Tony is all better now after his complimentary banana, water and on-site medical checkup, right?)

Miami: Day Two

Some dude thinks he might throw up in the bathroom. Some chick with gold lame-d boobies popping out everywhere takes the stage.

And cue music.

Wislande Letang
Ok. This is the sort of name my mother loves. But anyway, I have no idea how much dancing Ms. Letang is gonna do and honestly, as a straight female, I’m saying this — it’s impossible to look at anything but her smashed-together ta-tas. While she proves to be flexible, she’s doing like, church fashion show shit.

Wislande Letang and her gold lame ta-tas

Crazy Mary says she only danced to 1988 British Hair because her tits were hanging out. He tells her she was just doing step-ball-change. Gold Lame Titties says she was terrible, but she can learn stuff. And now she’s arguing with them and appears to be visibly pissed/hurt during Broadway Tyce’s critique because he looked disgusted during her performance.

I kind of gotta agree with Gold Lame Titties, Broadway Tyce is a bitch.

Cue parade of those with broken hearts and broken dreams. But right when you start feeling sad for the kiddies, Cat Deeley shows up to talk to our next contestant. Yay! Cat Deeley!

Erik “Silky” Moore
Silky tells Cat he is a tapper, so I just kind of get the feeling he’s gonna make Mary Murphy scream. Plus, it is time to see yet another go to Las Vegas after all those pitiful wannabes getting all their hopes and dreams shattered. Silky is just going insane in the tapshoes even though Thriller wasn’t the best choice of songs but maybe somewhere, Gregory Hines is watching this kid and smiling. He also adeptly misses retro break dancing, hip hop and acrobatics. Silky is as good as gold. (Real gold…not gold lame)

Erik "Silky" Moore on SYTYCD

By the way, Silky earned his nickname during a dance circle in the 8th grade. In case you were wondering. And he’s going to Vegas.

Uh oh. Here comes another reality TV show cliche — Requisite Pageant Girl!

Paris Torres
This chick is kind of interesting, atlhough her name is Paris, which leads me to believe her mother had that pageant shit planned out as soon as she heard It’s A Girl.  To an acoustic-ized version of Toxic by a voice I’m so trying to place, she performs something rather compelling, per se. And for some reason, I like her outfit. The dance is very “broken-down doll”, which is the best way someone like me, whose dance experience is dubious at best, can interpret it. Like the ballerina in the music box who comes to life, but then realizes the real world may be just as boring as her original home.

Paris Torres (Pageant Girl) on SYTYCD

UGH. Broadway Tyce. Shut the frak up. Save your bitter queen spiel for your boyfriend who doesn’t appreciate you enough when you fly home, hell, I bet the poor guy could go trade horror stories with Jon Gosselin at this point because hey, while I’m all for the cold, hard honest truth, you just come off as a Grade A Asshat. So she pays too much attention to her legs and feet. Who cares. She’s going to Vegas and then she’s supposed to start becoming all awesome and shit, because this is the sort of thing we like to see on shit reality TV. Shove it, Broadway Tyce. You were the only one who wanted to see her do choreography. Crazy Mary and 1988 British Hair said she’s going to Las Vegas!

Some other people get to go to Las Vegas, but this is two hours long so I don’t want to pause and get all their names yet…or take photos…But there is an Asian dude named Alex Wong who Broadway Tyce clearly has eyes for, but I’m rooting for him because I LOVE to see Asians conquer all on shit reality TV competitions.

Geo, an “African Dancer” struts his stuff, freaks out Crazy Mary a bit when he jumps down from the stage. Oh, Crazy Mary. Please. I know you’re on east coast time but drink up, honey, you’re so much more fun when you’re drunk.

African Dancer Geo -- SYTYCD

Crazy Mary, PLEASE tell me that’s not water in your cup. I want to believe its vodka. Don’t disappoint me like this, okay? We’re only halfway in tonight and I still have a lot more to watch and write about, so come on, drink up, sweetie, drink up. Crazy Mary needs to be more crazy, especially when 1988 British Hair says she thought he was going to tickle her fancy. And then send Geo to choreography.

Is Mary Murphy drinking water or vodka?


Talia Rickards
So did we just change a few things in the script from this season’s Idol? Poor thing, though, she is crying. And I kind of buy it. Her husband died in a motorcycle accident. It’s sad. Or maybe I’m feeling sensitive tonight, not sure. All I know is that I hope this Spicy Latina doesn’t get hooked up with Danny Gokey anytime soon. Ugh.

Talia Rickards on SYTYCD

Talia has good abs. She’s not the best dancer, but somehow, I just sort of get the feeling she’s going to Las Vegas since we saw extensive back story and oh, she’s a young widow. But she does just kind of wiggle around, so perhaps we should see choreography?

(SYTYCD, please oh please oh please don’t become just like Idol. Plus, I love the fact Coca Cola isn’t your sponsor because all you judges must imbibe from unmarked tumblers, giving me ample opportunity to figure out what everyone’s drinking.)

Goddamn you Broadway Tyce, again, you try to thwart Crazy Mary and 1988 British Hair and it gets you NOWHERE. Please say this bitter queen doesn’t continue with the auditions in Memphis and we will only have to see him in the choreography capacity once the “real” season begins.

African Dancer Geo is going to Las Vegas. As is Widow Talia. But she gets a huge hug from our Patron Saint of Host-i-ness Cat Deeley. Oh how I love her, and look how adorable she is with all the contestants?

And Tyce, don’t be so mean with the dancers.

HA. 1988 British Hair hates you. And I doubt its because you’re gay. I think it’s because you’re a miserable asshat.

Coming up…SYTYCD in…Memphis!

14 Comments leave one →
  1. Miami Restaurant Reviews permalink
    June 12, 2009 8:48 pm

    Mezza Mediterranean Grill – Have a a GREAT LUNCH! Try a NEW restaurant in Downtown-Miami just off of Brickell (in front of Macy’s), it has a tasty mix of the mediterranean countries… middle eastern, lebenase, greek, south of spain type of cuisine… Nice! Inexpensive (less than $10 per person), and great atmosphere, two thumbs up!! Delivery to Brickell too!

  2. May 30, 2009 6:09 pm

    So happy that you also blog about this show too. Love it!

  3. May 29, 2009 8:11 pm

    Fuck you from the deepest darkest inner workings of my soul. That’s my sister in law and my brother you are talking about. I really wish you would say this type of bullshit within earshot of the person that you are talking about. I would seriously beat the living shit out of you. Seriously.

  4. May 29, 2009 7:27 pm

    hello. week one was classic. no fun recap? come one there was all that crying from the judges.

  5. May 28, 2009 10:43 pm

    I Love Love Love this show!!!

  6. Misssy619 permalink
    May 28, 2009 4:01 pm

    I noticed Alex Wong as well and he may very well conquer all… In real life he is a principle dancer with Miami City Ballet and I saw them perform last fall in NYC and he blew the critics here away… Go Alex!!!… Also, there is a really funny video on YouTube with him dancing to Beyonce’s Single Ladies.

    • TopIdol permalink
      May 28, 2009 5:14 pm

      Can you audition for the show if you’re a principle dancer somewhere? Not sure what their rules are on that kind of thing…

      • Misssy619 permalink
        May 29, 2009 7:17 am

        Assuming you can since there have been many others on the show who could also be considered professional dancers… Danny Tidwell used to dance with ABT and many of the ballroom dancers compete at the pro level as well… My guess is that they are professional in a specific type of dance and the show really pulls you out of your comfort zone with all the different styles of choreography… I remember reading a blog written by a professional ballet dancer who said he could never do those things.

      • Misssy619 permalink
        June 3, 2009 7:52 am

        Rumor out now that Alex may have a contract conflict and can’t be on the show… Stay tuned!!!

  7. Jennifer permalink
    May 28, 2009 2:41 pm

    Cat Deeley is a motherfucking GODDESS. She could teach Ryan a thing or twenty.

  8. May 28, 2009 11:31 am

    I am wondering if they will grew up together in an attic…

    They sure as shit didn’t grow up in my attic. Yikes.

    Can’t we trade Seacrest in for her?

    Maybe they could alternate? Sprinkles does have his moments of awesome.

    I cannot believe you cover my beloved SYTYCD too. AND you love Cat Deeley. You may just be my new favourite internet person.

    I am forced to admit that I do adore Tyce, bitch though he may be.

  9. May 28, 2009 2:33 am

    A number of people are saying that the version of Toxic is by Yael Naim See:

  10. May 28, 2009 2:02 am

    Oh P.S. I think that version of “Toxic” may be by Tristan Prettyman.

  11. May 28, 2009 2:01 am

    Ok. This isn’t working for me. I haven’t watched this show long enough to appreciate jokes about it like Idol. =\
    And I love Tyce! Even though the second I saw his face I thought of what you said about Daughtry’s beard HAHAHAHA. The douchebeard. It has to go.

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