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Grease and water never mix

June 6, 2009

If you nearly slipped while walking through a nasty oil slick in Manhattan this week, you may have wondered how a such hazardous grease spill had originated. You may have even checked the news and found it odd nothing had been reported.

Constantine Maroulis: Oil and water never mix

You will be happy to learn an oil tanker didn’t overturn in midtown, however,  American Idol’s ultimate oily douchey alumna was out and about running errands. An environmental hazard nonetheless. Guess he’s getting ready for tomorrow evening’s Tony Awards, where he has inexplicably received a nomination in the Best Actor in a Musical category for his performance in Rock of Ages. The Death of Broadway? Perhaps, but the shitty economy is probably more to blame, as the Great White Way was hit pretty damn hard by the global recession, as many acclaimed shows closed and few opened in the past year.

Don’t despair, however, as Greasy Constantine doesn’t have a shot in hell of winning one of the theater world’s highest honors. He will likely lose to the three kids who play Billy Elliot. And it might also help put things in perspective when you think about the fact Rock of Ages is the cheapest ticket on Broadway AND the first show to serve alcohol during the performances. This hasn’t been lost on most theatergoers or critics, as it is pretty much understood one can only sit through this show after tossing back a few. I believe it’s also become a favorite of the bachelorette and Red Hat Lady sets, and hell, lots of people get drunk and feel themselves overcome with a wave of 80s nostalgia.

The Iceman Cometh it is not.

But hey, check it out for yourself. Granted, this is performed by the original off-Broadway cast, but there were only a few cast changes before it moved over to the bigger Brooks Atkinson Theatre.

I’m sure Conan O’Brien couldn’t wait to fly out to Los Angeles after featuring this shit show on Late Night. Hell, you may just need a drink to get through the under-five-minute clip.

The 2009 Tony Awards will be hosted by the incredible Neil Patrick Harris, who I am sure will make his fair share of Greasy Constantine jokes. Plus, he’s so damn awesome anyway, it may be worth it to watch Broadway’s big night with NPH at the helm. Plus, you can always laugh at Greasy Constantine as he sits in the audience. You know that bastard will be giving his VD-causing eyefucks and nausea-inducing rawkhands.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. beinghonest permalink
    June 11, 2009 1:48 pm

    http://www.ifc.com/photo-galleries/z-rock-season-2-episode-9/constantine-maroulis-and-clown.php

    U have to notice that the poor clown looks so sad and scared

    http://www.ifc.com/photo-galleries/z-rock-season-2-episode-9/constantine-maroulis-and-paulie-z-tied-up.php

    I just thought this was 2 funny he is kidnapped and gagged

    http://www.ifc.com/photo-galleries/z-rock-season-2-episode-9/constantine-maroulis-and-john-popper.php

    that 1 is just to confirm that the eye boinking will never stop and as much as I loved it b4 I now feel like i have been touched lol so wierd..

  2. ReginaRegina permalink
    June 10, 2009 3:42 pm

    Ew, ew, ew. I don’t think I’ll ever, for the life of me, understand WHAT the frau see in that ugly buttplug, sorry excuse for a human being. His frau probably went masturbating after seeing that gross picture. *barfs*

  3. June 6, 2009 6:54 pm

    Wow that’s some hellacious eyefucking going on in that photo! I feel like I need Valtrex just for looking. Wonder which frau took that money shot? Funniest picture of Connie ever.

  4. June 6, 2009 6:42 pm

    LMAO, this was hilarious. The whole thing seems so amateurish! I swear Constantine gives Danny Gokey a run for his money on that scream @ 3:40…looks like he nabbed some of Danny’s dance moves to boot.

    VD-causing eyefucks for the win! At least he provides endless sources of entertainment i.e. Stein Mart openings, even if all the fun lies in laughing at him.

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