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SYTYCD Top 18: Bring Mama Murphy Another Cocktail — Recap Part 1

June 18, 2009

Why is it difficult for me to find the motivation to start blogging tonight? Ugh.

But hey…did you hear about David Arculeta’s father, Jeff Archuleta, getting busted at a massage parlor?

Yes. Everyone caught for soliciting a prostitute is in the wrong place at the wrong time. And come on, everyone knows what massage parlors promise happy ending. I bet he kept his hat on. You know, like in that song.

Okay…now onto So You Think You Can Dance, even though I already read some spoilers since they tape this shit a day ahead of time. Which kind of takes the magic out of it for me. Alas. Cat Deeley will still be there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I liked Tony & Paris. But noooooo. You people had to pimp out those dumb blond chicks with “C” names. Er…”C” and “K” names.

Why do people love this Kayla chick so much? I mean, come on. The whole “we didn’t have a lot of money and my mom couldn’t take care of me and I had no dad and my grandparents raised me” is pretty much a tired sob story at this point. In fact, I think it needs to be retired from the pantheon of sob stories, as it is almost identical to the childhood of one President Barack Obama. So really, I’m done with it. Boo hoo hoo. Plus, dead relatives are all the rage on reality talent shows these days. Kayla needs to get with the program.

Yay! Lil C is the guest judge tonight. And Cat Deeley is the ONLY WOMAN who can pull off this one shouldered red ruffle frock. NO ONE ELSE CAN DO IT.

Cat Deeley, you are such a goddess.

Cat Deeley is a goddess in red ruffles

Crazy Mary is drunk as a fraking skunk. She must have started at breakfast. This woman needs to marry Captian Morgan. I think they are already spiritual partners. Granted, I often think of myself as being in a committed relationship with the Captain, but I have accepted the fact Oh Captain, My Captain is a bisexual polygamist. Because EVERYONE loves the Captain.

Evan & Randi
Jive (Louis van Amstel)
Shake a Tail Feather (Ray Charles)

Married Randi is shown in the pre-performance interviews kissing her dog (a photograph from back home, obviously). Are they hiding her husband? Maybe he is not real. Nah, he’s probably just busy going door-to-door telling people about the third testament of Jesus Christ. (Yeah, I’m feeling all sorts of saucy tonight.) Apparently Randi calls her dog and talks to it on speaker phone, while referring to herself as Nana. I thought that was what you call your memaw. Alas. I can’t really begrudge her for any of that since I tell my awesome scruff ginger bastard cat Oskar I love him about 50x a day.

SYTYCD Randi kisses her beloved dog

We learn Evan is a gearhead obsessed with cars. He built a car all by himself, although I want to believe his coolio bald brother helped him out, as I love his bald brother.

Louis von Beer keeps telling them about how the Jive is just FUN. And they all say Fun like, oh, 14 times. Which is an accurate number because they counted and put it on the screen.

Shake a Tail Feather will always remind me of my Parkette days, but tis another story for another day. Or never. Ok. Let’s see if this shit is fun.

Ok, I am super convinced Randi hunches her back more often than not after watching a few moments of this jive routine. She does not just give cutesy hunchback. This dance is cute. Maybe fun, I don’t know. I’m not dancing, but I can’t see the judges blowing their wads over it, especially since these two are going first and Randi-with-an-i is not one of their pre-ordained perioxide blondes. I actually don’t mind Randi.

Ass grabbing is fun.

SYTYCD Randi grabs Evan's ass during their Jive routineBut its so cute when Cat Deeley calls it tush grabbing and says cheeky. Because British people say cheeky better than anyone else.

Lil C thinks Evan needs to bust out. But that it was solid. And Randi-with-an-i was solid. Crazy Mary is halfway through her first on-the-air beverage and says it is fun. But she starts yelling about them being built for the jive, but says it felt short. Seriously. The problem with going first on SYTYCD is not the main issue. The problem is that Crazy Mary isn’t nearly drunk enough to start talking about her hot tamale train, so its about more than just being memorable when people start voting.

1980s British Hair says some useful stuff about Evan’s leg positioning and says Randi was better than Evan. But then calls them tremendous as a couple. They want them to stick around for awhile. At least a few more weeks.

Oh Jesus fraking Christ. While fast forwarding on my DVR, I have discovered some horrible, horrible dating reality show premiering this summer called More To Love. Its obvious some fat chick vs. thin bitch dating show. From the creator of The Bachelor. And this is the time when I once again think TV needs to die.

Some ridiculously derranged show premiering in July called "More To Love"

Crap. I’m being such a loquacious bitch this evening. And we’re only one dance in!

Melissa & Ade
Jazz (Sonya Tayeh)
24 Hours (The Ashton Shuffle A-Bomb Remix) (Terry Poison)

I love these two, mainly because Melissa rocks and is 29 and because Ade wears that fraking pick whenever he’s not on stage. I would almost be willing to make a tard sign that said PICK ADE. Almost, but not quite. But hey, I am putting the idea out there if anyone wants to take it. Just send me a photo.

SYTYCD Ade Obayomi and Ade's Pick!

We learn Melissa is married and has a bunch of brothers, or something along those lines. I just love Ade’s Pick. It’s a deep love, too. I haven’t felt this way since at least April. In fact, if Ade’s Pick and Quatto The Mole were to both ask for my hand in marriage, I would not know what to do. I would run into the fields behind my manor house in lovelorn indecision. It would be like my very own Jane Austen novel.

We also learn Ade’s real name is Adetokunbo Isaac Kayode Obayomi. I want to go to Ade’s house and just answer his phone whenever a telemarketer calls. I mean, I also want to go over there so I can hang out with Ade’s Pick, but answering telemarketer calls would be an added bonus.

SYTYCD Melissa tries pronouncing Adetokunbo Isaac Kayode Obayomi's name

Yes! Yes! Yes! I am doubling over in unmitigated joy! Not only do we have Ade, Ade’s Pick and Melissa doing a jazz routine, but it is being choreographed by MOHAWK SONYA. I LOVE MOHAWK SONYA. And when Sonya asks to wear Ade’s Pick, I got misty eyed. Now Cat Deeley just needs to make a surprise visit in the studio and all will be right with the world. The Iran election crisis will be solved! Passangers from Air France 447 will be found on some island. Prop 8 will be repealed. Racism. Hunger. All of it. Poof.

Alas, a gal can dream. But I love how Sonya’s routines typically involve the girl jumping on the guy’s back. I love it. Plus, Ms. Tayeh was the one who introduced me to Mirah’s The Garden last season. This routine even BEGINS with Melissa on Ade’s back. These two are good with one another. Their movements are in sync. I kind of dig the costumes. They make me want to go to some seedy club and do E or something. Or buy vinyl leggings from American Apparel.

SYTYCD Ade & Melissa's kick ass Jazz routine

Cat Deeley calls them naughty rock & roll imps up to no good. I love her. And then they all do a three-way tummy touch/body slam. I LOVE YOU CAT DEELEY.

Lil C predicts Ade is really everybody’s competition. YES! I love Ade. And not just because he is my key to Ade’s Pick. Crazy Mary tries to fake them out with some criticism, but we all know this just means she’s finally getting her drink on. The SYTYCD Drink Refiller came by during Melissa & Ade’s number. She even yells a bit, maybe says banana?

Nigel thinks Mohawk Sonya’s work is out there, but how it works well for them to show themselves off as dancers. He also noticed the equality of strength in both Melissa & Ade, as I remarked about a few paragraphs up. So score one for me this round.

Caitlin & Jason
Hip Hop (Shane Sparks)
Missing You (Trey Songz)

Jason loves Michael Jackson. Ah yes, one of those. He is lucky his mom didn’t sell him out when he was dressing up like MJ like a little boy. Caitlin makes me loathe her more because she makes baby and raptor noises. Ok. It is time to get rid of this Caitlin Twit. Jason needs to drop that boring bimbo baggage. He schooled her ass in Bollywood last week.

SYTYCD Jason and Caitlin's mediocre Hip Hop routine

And once again, side by side, it is so obvious Jason is the superior dancer. In terms of definition and strength, she just cannot sync up to his moves. Next to him, it just looks as if she is going through the motions. Her movements almost appear lazy in comparison to Jason’s strength and skill as a dancer. And her lame little solo? Could totally have done that. Yawn. Once again, Jason outdances her. (And yes, I still believe her sister should have made it here over her.)

Lil C says they love Jason, but he did not love that. He is perplexed. He calls it a nightmare. And that it came out corny. It was missing nectar.

And speaking of NECTAR! It’s time to bring Crazy Mary her next drink! She compares them to Michael Jackson and Britney Spears, which should please Jason, because he loves MJ. She basically hated this, well, obviously. No Hot Tamale Train until she has at least 2 more drinks. And from where I’m sitting, it looks like Crazy Mary needs her refill STAT. (Oh, and Nigel didn’t like it either. I think Caitlin should burn that damn hat.)

Crazy Mary Murphy needs you to fill her drink -- SYTYCD

Someone commented that disco is the assignment for dancers they want to boot. Which pisses me off, because I still don’t understand why Brandon Bryant just can’t get any love.

Jeanette & Brandon
Disco
Loving Is Really My Game (Brainstorm)

Jeanette had a bunch of teeth when she was a child. I had that same problem. Seriously. I had fangs. If you come over to my parents’ house, one of the first things my mother will ask you is if you want to see the dental impression they took before I got braces. I like Jeanette. And I like Brandon. But apparently, TBTB started listening to Mia Michaels and decided they didn’t like Brandon. And Jeanette is brunette, so you know, she’s totally screwed. They filled the tallented brunette girl quota last year with Courtney & Katee.

SYTYCD Brandon does insane lift with Jeanette

I think they’re kind of rocking it. Can you say rocking it when its disco? That over-the-head split shit was out of control, as were the mild gymnastics. And here is a couple who moves together, not like Caitlin and Jason, where the former is always looking like she can’t keep up with him. I thought it was damn good. And I’m just happy Shit For Brains DioGuardi wasn’t there because she would have said it was all like Studio 57 in the house.

SYTYCD Disco by Brandon and Jeanette

Cat Deeley is just awesome. She is so supportive of the contestants! She cares! She loves them! Lil C thinks he just saw progression in two amazing dancers. He even tells Brandon he did a phenomenal job. He noticed a mishap, yeah…I think I saw that, too. Good thing they did the recap. But she didn’t break character at all! And that’s what you do. They taught me that in Parkettes.

Crazy Mary’s drink is like, completely empty. Which is why she’s already yelling, even though she liked their routine and everything. But as we all know, Crazy Mary needs another drink. I know, honey, I know. Bring mama her cocktail.

SYTYCD Nigel Lythgoe is laughing because Crazy Mary's drink is empty

And she elicits her first big WHOOOOOOOOOOOO  of the night. She is on her feet. Now why hasn’t she declared them on the Hot Tamale Train? HOT TAMALE TRAIN, why am I still waiting at the station? Guess she still needs at least 2 more cocktails before anyone gets on that train. (Trivia: Choreographer Dorianna was in Dirty Dancing) Nigel wishes him luck tomorrow, when they work out that Mia Michaels routine.

And until tomorrow…sorry, got caught up in nonsense this evening, I promise you the second half by showtime tomorrow. And now I bid you adieu, laku noć, and goodnight.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. Jessica permalink
    June 19, 2009 2:13 pm

    I need a tranquilizer just to watch Mary. Her screaming is more than I can handle; the people who are voting to make Adam Shankman a permanent judge are smart- as long as he replaces Mary. Please, for the love of dance.

    • TopIdol permalink
      June 19, 2009 2:19 pm

      It would not be SYTYCD without Mary Murphy. Just like you can’t get rid of Paula on Idol. Every reality TV show needs a somewhat attractive, almost-menopausal brunette with big hair, lots of makeup and a love for mind-altering substances and 1800s saloon attire.

      I do love Adam Shankman, though. Love him.

  2. John permalink
    June 19, 2009 12:31 am

    June 18, 2009
    The show is live to tape so its a done deal but.. what is Cat wearing tonight?
    Who designed that white suit?
    WAY better than the red dress from last night.
    Who would know about this stuff?
    I’d love to buy one for my wife.
    Who dresses this girl and does her hair?
    Should i be looking closer at the credits?

    J

  3. June 18, 2009 8:33 pm

    You are hilarious. Is Part 2 coming soon?

  4. June 18, 2009 3:58 am

    WHY DID YOU STOP IN THE MIDDLE. Hrrrm.
    LMAO about Ade’s pick. Seriously. My family thinks I’m crazy since it’s the middle of the night and I was laughing like a hyena.
    And I WAS TOTALLY THINKING THAT SAME THING ABOUT HOW ONLY CAT CAN WEAR THAT DRESS. YES. I was like, “that dress looks so fantastic on her… it’d look like dog crap on anyone else.” YES I DID THINK THAT.
    Mohawk Sonya is THE SHIT. I still remember her awesomenatious routine for Mark and Courtney last year. Loves it.

    • TopIdol permalink
      June 18, 2009 11:04 am

      I had to write that other post when the info was sent to me, then I subsequently got caught up in that #gokeyisadouche crap. And then it was after 2am EST. So… 😦

  5. Shanni permalink
    June 18, 2009 3:19 am

    OMG you are funny! I believe Randi called herself “mama” though, not “nana”. Either way, it’s a bit overboard with the dog.

    Loved tonight’s episode – good recap so far.

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