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SYTYCD Top 18: Bring Mama Murphy a Cocktail Part II

June 19, 2009

Ok. Let’s try to finish this up before tonight’s results show, mmmm-kay?

Asuka and Vitolio
Waltz (Louis Van Amstel)
Dreams are More Precious (Enya)

Louis Van Beer is doing yet another routine, this time, it is a waltz with Vitolio and Asuka, the lovely Asian Latin dancer who probably makes the occasional appearance in 1980s British Hair’s bukkake fantasies. In the pre-performance package, we learn Vitolio is into motorcycles and that Asuka makes spit bubbles. I remember when kids did that in school and I always wondered how they could do such a thing. I’ve never had any talents of that ilk, except or flaring my nostrils. But I think my mother just told me that one to make me feel better for not being able to blow spit bubbles or tie cherry stems with my tongue. My mother would always do the latter anytime there was a stemmed cherry, and I would always try and do it, too. Hey, she never tried stopping me but I swear I had no idea about it being uh, desirable? until years later. I’m sure people in resturants must have found this scene to be a bit disturbing. Alas. I turned out A-OK.

Once again I have digressed with a meaninless childhood anecdote. I apologize.

Sadly, Vitolio & Asuka were in the Bottom 3 last week and I kind of like them, so I hope they do well this week. Asuka is a huge fan of Louis Van Beer, but is not attracted to the handsome Vitolio. I kind of hope he ends up nailing her now and they fall in love for a few months or something. All that dancing stuff is intimate, right? SYTYCD needs salacious hook-ups like that Dancing With The Stars shit.

Actually, I really don’t care if any of them hook up, although I will cut the bitch who sets her sights on Ade’s Pick, just like I will smackdown Alexis Grace for violating Quatto The Mole.

Asuka is wearing a rather unfortunate dress I swear someone else was wearing last week. Alas. It’s a waltz. I think you the female has to dress unfortunately for waltzes. I have no clue. They’re dancing to Enya and its all ethereal. And Vitolio spins Asuka around something fierce, its pretty cool. It’s so cool I wonder if they’re about to bust out the Pamchenko. These two are a very evenly-matched couple, plus, although SYTYCD is more color/race/sexuality-blind than its vocal counterpart, I still always root for non-white people on shit reality talent shows. (Unless they are Coretta Scott Mercado or Lil Rounds. Hey, afirmative reality show action is never acceptable when you SUCK.)

Asuka & Vitolio do the Waltz (Louis van Amstel)

Crazy Mary is beside herself, or she’s getting a hot flash. If she is, its certainly a good thing the SYTYCD Drink Refiller came by and brought mama another cocktail! WHEW. I felt your pain, Crazy Mary, I felt your pain.

Crazy Mary Murphy is moved to tears by the Waltz

Vitolio & Asuka bask in judges' comments about Waltz -- SYTYCD

Well, I didn’t feel that much of Crazy Mary’s pain. Asuka & Vitolio were great, sure, but I wasn’t moved to tears. I think she’s just still hot flashing and overcome with happiness about her plastic highball being refilled with the Captain’s Nectar. She calles Asuka “Ah-ska”, which basically sounds like someone native to these parts talking to my awesome scruffy ginger bastard cat, Oskar. She thinks Louis Van Beer took Ah-ska to another level. Louis van Beer is all moved, too. I’m semi-touched, until I think I see the doppelganger of M.R.S. Katy Allen in the audience behind him sitting amongst a bunch of women who clearly played freegan in Joan Collins’ garbage. Lil C and Nigel also love it, think they’re like a different couple from last week, blah blah blah.

Louis van Amstel is also moved by his Waltz on SYTYCD

(Ugh. This is actually taking forever by now, as I am already behind on tonight’s show. Oh, excuse me all to hell for having to sleep and feed myself. Cat Deeley, please, please forgive me.)

Max & Kayla
Contemporary Jazz
Hot Like Wow (Nadia Oh)

I’m sorry, but I cannot stand this Kayla chick. This is the second week in a row where she’s been a tacky fuchsia-wearing hot tranny looking mess. I do dig Max, though, although my fetish for Eastern European men with a tendancy for over-the-top eyefucking and the potential to test positive for any number of treatable STDs went out of vogue along with the Motorola Razr. I like him lots better than chosen-one Kayla and all her fuchsia, feathers and fraked-up eye makeup.

SYTYCD -- Hot Mess Kayla and the Russian Max

We learn Max is quite the cook, making food for all of his flatmates. Kayla’s skills are limited to speedy texting on her (how passe!) BRIGHT PINK Sidekick. She also wears lead-based “Tiffany’s-inspired” jewelry from Forever 21 and Ed Hardy hoodies and manages to spike her long blond hair into something once only found on that Kate Gosselin Twat’s head.

Yes, yes. I know I am ripping a nice young girl to shreds. But I don’t like her on this show, sorry. And she is obsessed with hot pink and wears Ed Hardy. I also assume the only book(s) she has read in the past 5 years is that Mormon vampire garbage I refuse to even say the name of because it does not deserve another mention on the interweb.

When your name is Kayla, you already kind of have the the white trash thing stacked against you before the ink on the birth certificate is dry, especially at her age. Why? Because anyone named Kayla was named after the Days of Our Lives character, part of the popular Patch & Kayla “supercouple” in the mid to late-80s. Anyone you may meet named Kayla was 9x out of 10 named after someone their mom just looooooooved on a soap opera.

I’ve also figured out why she is “such a good dancer”. She just has good leg extension. Because that’s kind of all she does. Extends her legs and makes dumb expressions with her hot mess face. But Max is pretty awesome.

Ugh, the Kayla-is-Awesome brigade continues. Cat Deeley even alerts us to her grandparents in the audience. Granted, they are cute. Makes me almost feel guilty for ripping on their grandaughter. Alas.

SYTYCD Kayla's Grandparents are cute. I like them better than her.

The judges continue to blow smoke up Kayla’s ass. They dig Max, but they love Kayla. Crazy Mary tells her she’s still on the Hot Tamale Train, 1980s British Hair calls her a frontrunner and says everyone who has ever worked with her basically works with the ground she walks on. He says Max was lucky enough to keep up with her and compares him to Kevin Spacey or something. Kayla just looks like a hot mess. And that fuchsia parrot outfit she is wearing is totally clashing with the Goddess Cat Deeley’s red ruffled fabulousness.

Jonathan and Karla
Contemporary (Stacey Tookey)
Falling Slowly (The Frames)

Karla is clearly the plant in this competition, as she has admitted to doing a few Broadway shows, oh, and now she’s in some kick ass hip hop dance troupe or something. Maybe that’s why she ended up in the Bottom 3 last week? We also meet choreographer (and Canuck) Stacey Tookey, who has a pretty hilarious name. I kind of want her to be a big pothead so her friends can make super lame Tookey Tokes jokes which are only funny if you’re stoned.

I love Glen Hansard. But I kind of wish they did the Marketa Irglova-Hansgard duet rather than The Frames version. Even though its still Hansard. And that song may be one of the greatest songs ever written & recorded. Anyway…the dance was quite lovely. And moving. But hell, that song is just moving aural crack, so…Jonathan reminds me a bit of last season’s Gev, and this routine, for whatever reason, brought back memories of one of the first jazz routines I saw him and original partner (and eventual 4th place finisher) Courtney perform.

Jonathan & Karla did a good job -- SYTYCD

Crazy Mary tells Jonathan he did that dance better than his own style. She calls Karla & Jonathan the underdogs but then starts babbling some stuff about the lights and the song and how good they were. She is spellbound by the two of them, as well as being halfway done with her drink. 1980s British Hair talks about Jonathan’s center of gravity, no false moves, blah blah blah. Lil C thought it was buck.

(TWO MORE COUPLES!!! I really should have finished all of this last night. Alas.)

Philip & Jeanine
Tango (Tony Meredith)
Violento (Up Mix) (Bailango)

Philp is an engineering-physics major and a self-described sci-fi geek. Philip may be my favorite contestant now. Jeanine calls Spanky, her teddy bear, the perfect boyfriend. Philip and Jeanine seem to struggle a bit with the tango in rehearsal, but I’m sure they won’t frak up the lift during the performance, even though Jeanine accidently kicked Philip in the no-man’s land. (Interesting way to phrase it…its kind of manly down there…did she mean to say gonads land?)

Jeanine accidently kicked Philip in the gonads -- SYTYCD

Their dance is almost sexy, and Jeanine almost seems to be pulling off the femme fatale to Philip’s straight man. It’s kind of charming, and much better than the trainwreck the rehearsal suggsted. Granted, I’ve never seen an actual trainwreck on this show, have you? Besides Kayla’s Hot Mess face, that is. And I love that Jeanine has a strong, normal body. Crazy Mary needs another drink because she says Philip has a C- in technique, an A+ in attitude. But Crazy Mary and Lil C think Jeanine was a hot mama. Lil C thinks he had no confidence. Personally, I thought it was part of his character. Ooooh. Don’t be mean to Philip! He’s educated! I like educated contestants!

Philip & Jeanine after their Shane Sparks Hip Hop Routine -- SYTYCD

And its almost time for another refill for Crazy Mary. Hurry it up, SYTCD Drink Bitch. Hurry that shit up. Bring Mama her cocktail. (Lil C’s cup is looking mighty empty, too.) Tony Meredith says Jonathan’s knees needed to be bent throughout the routine, Crazy Mary agrees. Lil C didn’t know that. That’s cool.

SYTYCD -- Mary Murphy and LIl C need drink refills

I like Tony & Jeanine. And I don’t wanna use another brunette girl. Nooooooooo! The judges keep pleading with the audience to save Philip, but not Jeanine. Poor Jeanine. All those brunettes getting the shaft this season.

Ashley & Kupuno
Hip Hop (Shane Sparks)
Imma Be (Black Eyed Peas)

I believe Ashley & Kupono had my favorite routine of last week. Kupono is obsessed with organizing his clothing and shoes. Ashley threw up when she had to introduce herself to her 1st grade class. Awww…adorable. And hello? How awesome was their dance last week? LOVED IT.

This week, they’re doing Hip Hop and Ashley will be Kupuno’s “shadow”. Kupuno wants to find his inner Shane Sparks.

Eeek. Another Black Eyed Peas song? Ok. Let’s see how this goes. They seem to be in unison when need be. He’s a bit more definitive in his moves. Ashley does a mean cabbage patch. I like them. They are cute. The real fast stuff was decently done, the stuff Sparks was worried about flying, but was positive it would. I like them. And their ending was cute. Like their little ending before they go hang out with the awesome Cat Deeley and receive the judges.

Crazy Mary feels the whole thing was just…there…Damn. So annoyed that dumb Kayla bitch is the only one on her Hot Tamale Train. Lil C thought Ashley had some nice moments which saved the routine, but Kupuno let him down. Maybe they weren’t as good as you would like them to be because they had to dance to a Black Eyed Peas song. 1980s British Hair felt it stopped when he began to enjoy it. Hmmm…maybe they should just blame Shane Sparks for this shit and not our sweet Ashley & Kupono. Oh wait. 1980s British Hair still loves Shane and blames the dancers for not bringing out the best in his work.

Ok. I’m done with this one. Now onto the results show. VOTE FOR ADE’S PICK!!!

6 Comments leave one →
  1. James permalink
    July 3, 2009 4:43 am

    Actually, they should’ve just used Kris Allen’s version of “Falling Slowly”. It would’ve been the perfect Idol pimpage. I’m kinda shocked they didn’t, since they used Jordin Sparks and Archie last year.

    Guess Kris’s liberal religious ways aren’t fundie enough for TPTB here.

    • TopIdol permalink
      July 3, 2009 11:02 am

      They also used Archuleta’s “Imagine” and Cook’s “The Time of My Life” in dance routines last year, which I think was because Lythgoe was still a producer on Idol at that time.

  2. June 21, 2009 9:30 pm

    Max should have stayed! Horribly wrong to have been voted off. A huge mistake.

  3. SarahBeth permalink
    June 19, 2009 10:14 am

    I wish they had used HBD’s Falling Slowly. But their dance was definitely my favorite of the night.

    And I really liked the Tango too. 🙂

  4. June 19, 2009 7:32 am

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  5. Andrea permalink
    June 19, 2009 12:49 am

    Aww. That Courtney/Gev routine was so beautiful. There haven’t been any standouts for me yet this season. Jonathan and Karla came close, probably with a lot of help from the song.

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