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SYTYCD Top 12 (Part 1) — I love you, Ade’s Pick!

July 9, 2009

No way. How are we down to SIX couples and the show is still TWO hours?

Oh…ok…they perform 2x. At least Cat Deeley looks GORGEOUS. As per usual.

So um, while I really, really want to get rid of Powder, I can live with her for another week. But ONLY if we get rid of Contempo Casuals Caitlin.

SYTYCD Contempo Casuals Caitlin Mason

Right now, I am drinking some piss-poor Heineken Light, because 10pm is too late to break into the Captain when you have a lot of crap to do at work the next day. Granted, that’s never stopped me before, but… I have no idea why I bought this crap beer a couple of weeks ago. Just like I have no idea why I can’t do my hair like the stylists do Ms. Deeley’s coif. They basically give the Goddess a different fashion era EVERY OTHER WEEK and she pulls it off with such aplomb. Now she’s channeling the 1930s. Two weeks or so ago, it was the 1920s. I go to work every day looking as if I crawled out from the sewer. That’s it. I want my own stylist.

SYTYCD Cat Deeley is a 1930s Goddess

This week’s guest judge is the big ol’ bitter Broadway queen Tyce Diorio, which means I’m sure he’ll be extra bitchy. Which will annoy the shit out of me, however, if he decides to go off on Contempo Casuals Caitlin or Powder, I will decide I like Broadway Tyce…for one evening, at least.

Melissa & Ade (Disco — Doriana Sanchez)
Move On Up (Destination)

Hey, call me an optimist but I’ve got HIGH HOPES for tonight because we’re kicking things off with…


I Love You Ade's Pick (SYTYCD)

Ade’s Pick makes my world go round. Ade’s Pick is literally dancing in the rehearsal footage. This is heaven. I don’t care if Ade’s Pick is 3000 miles away from me. In my heart, he is here with me forever. And tonight, well, there was so much Ade’s Pick love to be had.

Melissa and Ade’s disco routine is fun, plus its to Move On Up (alas, a cover, but still…), which reminds me of my collegiate heyday, when I was a platinum blonde waitress in a debaucherous nightclub in Columbia, MO called the Pure Lounge. Hey, I was 21 and hello? I had spent about 14 hours at Tunnel in NYC so I was all hip and shit. I knew what was up.

SYTYCD -- Ade and Melissa do Disco

While Melissa has some amazing flexibility, there are a few moments when she does look out of her element and OMG she falls during the end. Granted, she probably lost her balance and train of thought when she caught a load of this lunatic in the audience.

SYTYCD -- Melissa has a fan with a freaky sign

Whoa. HOLD ON. FINALLY. FINALLY. Finally there is a tard sign I can really appreciate, because it is a tard sign for…ADE’S PICK!!!!!

BEST SIGN EVER!!! It's all about Ade's Pick (SYTYCD)

Nigel talks about the routine being trememdous, throws in something about the American Ballet Company doing Romeo & Juliet next week, blah blah blah…ok, let’s get to Crazy Mary. Has she been drinking? YES SHE HAS! She is already giving an AMEN to the DISCO GODS.

Because everyone needed a little disco pick-me-up today.

Tyce starts talking, and he actually seems PLEASED with the routine. But right now, I don’t give a rat’s ass about what Broadway Tyce has to say because I have found my two new best friends. I have a feeling they may be Ade’s family, which is fine by me. I want to be going to their house for Thanksgiving dinner. Because these two women rock my mutha-fraking world.

Ade's family representing the Pick on SYTYCD

The picks are adorned with silver & gold glitter. I am about to sob tears of joy into my piss-poor Heineken Light.

Studio 54 eat your heart out.

Cat Deeley, not only are you a Goddess, but you can also COUNT!!!

Kayla & Kupuno (Contemporary — Mia Michaels)
Gravity (Sara Barailles)

This is a piece about addiction. Kayla is addicted to Kupuno. Kupuno is totally moved by the addiction theme. Although I gotta admit, Powder does at times look like a drug addict sleeping on a rotten mattress in a basement. The dance is all Mia Michaels-y, which is my expert opinion after watching two seasons of Mia Michaels dances, although hell, I can’t find fault with the woman since if I was a choreographer, I would probably be making interpretative pieces where people are artfully throwing themselves around the stage in some sort of heartbroken rage.

SYTYCD Kayla and Kupuno dance about addiction

I would just make them get a proper spray tan first, that’s all.

Ok. That totally bored me. Sorry, Mia Michaels, I disagree with Nigel. It was not moved by this hot mess. And speaking of hot mess, Holy Comfort Fedoke! The SYTYCD Makeup Crew turned Power from a hot ashen mess into a hot meth-ess!

SYTYCD Kupuno and Powder/Kayla

1980s British Hair thinks its superb…Crazy Mary tells them they’re staying on the train, which is pretty much the only appropriate way she can do her whole Hot Tamale Train thing considering it was a serious routine about addiction and all. Now if you give a crap about my astute opinion, I believe Powder’s grandparents should be the only members of her family with a first class ticket on the Hot Tamale Train.

SYTYCD Kayla's grandparents

Tyce really liked it. He must be getting some because he’s typically not this bitchy. Even The Goddess Cat Deeley thinks its going to be one of those memorable performances of the season, but I must disagree. I just wasn’t feeling it.

Caitlin and Jason (American Fox Trot)
Minnie the Moocher (Big Bad Voodoo Daddy)

Caitlin is excited about being elegant. I’m not even touching that one because its too goddamn ridiculous. Homegirl is rehearsing in what appears to be tie-dyed pink ruffles.

Jason is continuously brought down by his much-weaker partner. I still have no clue how this chick made the Top 20. This entire routine is putting me and my ginger bastard feline companion to sleep.

1980s British Hair talks about Contempo Casuals Caitlin making difficult things look simple and Jason’s intricate footwork. While I’m sure the latter is true, I don’t think Contempo Casuals did much of anything, and noooooo, its not because they made it look easy. Clearly Crazy Mary just is trying to get to the next break because hello? HOMEGIRL’S DRINK IS EMPTY.

Crazy Mary Murphy needs her drink refilled STAT

The reaction of the judges may be positive, yet their words, and the performance, still strike me as undeniably milquetoast.

SYTYCD Jason and Caitlin...yawn

Now for the break…now for Crazy Mary’s drink refill…and frankly, this whole preview of what we’re about to see may just spell out diaster, given the looks of this fraked-up Doublemint commerical scene taking place above.

SYTYCD -- after the break...Russian Folk and Hip Hop

Jeanine and Phillip (Russian Folk — Youri Nelzine & Lilia Babenko)
Kalinka (Barynya)

A playful competition between a man and a woman…pure Russia…hmmm…

This is supposed to be humorous, right? Because it totally works if it is, if not, uh…whatever, you know I love Jeanine and Phillip, and you must give the latter for running around with a stupid grin and painted on rosy cheeks.

SYTYCD -- Phillip and Jeanine after Russian Folk dance

I like these two a lot, therefore, I’m sure they will get their asses reamed because everyone has been so pleasant thus far in the episode.

Anything like this, you need an awful lot of vodka to go with it.

Oh, 1980s British Hair, you’re so witty. Just come out and admit you loathed the choreography. Yes, yes. It was obviously too folksy. Crazy Mary is giving them credit for some shit they pulled out, even though she says it wasn’t that difficult…Tyce must be getting laid because Tyce is all Mr. Positive tonight. Like I’m starting to LIKE Broadway Tyce so much that I want to invite him to my kick ass dinner party with Cat Deeley, Sonya and Adam Shankmann.

Randi & Evan (Hip Hop — Tabitha & Napoleon)
Halo (Beyonce)

Love Tabitha & Napoleon! Not so sure how I feel about routines about accidental pregnancies. Does she wear a pillow? Will they be doing it to Papa Don’t Preach?

Okay. I totally think the shirt they are having Randi wear is a bit blouson to infer the whole “with child” thing. And because we know she’s supposed to be “pregnant”, I keep thinking if he should be whipping her around so much. Ah, ok…1980s British Hair was thinking the same thing. He does make a valid point about Tabitha and Napoleon not asking Randi & Evan to be urban, but to be themselves to a hip hop feel.

Good idea.

SYTYCD -- Evan and Randi after hip hop routine about getting knocked up

Because I’m all for the underdog and such, I sort of want Evan to steal Randi away from her Mormon husband and homestead. SYTYCD Scandal!

Note to Fox: Whether it was in-house or done by a “respectable” agency, you need to fire all of those involved with your ridiculous All-Star Game promotional campaign. Making the St. Louis Arch a GIGANTIC MAGNET picking people up from all over and then letting them slide off into Busch Stadium? Is there a Razzie equivilent to the Clios, because you people totally earned one for such nonsense.

Janette and Brandon (Argentine Tango — Miriam and Leonardo)
Libertango from Forever Tango (Broadway Cast Album)

Brandon was the only one who couldn’t speak Spanish. I bet he felt as I often do whenever I go to a Vietnamese nail salon. Like my nails, though, everything seems to work out okay, as they do some crazy lifts and other “sexy” shit.

SYTYCD -- Brandon and Janette get lavish praise for their Argentine Tango

While I wasn’t blown away, it was certainly solid. I wasn’t blown away like 1980s British Hair, who leads the judges’ table into a standing ovation. Maybe I am staring at my screen while typing too much? Do I miss too much? What did I miss? Do I need to brush up on my ballroom dancing.

If that train ain’t coming, there’s gonna be bloody trouble.

1980s British Hair leads Crazy Mary into one of her thirst-need-more-Captain-Hot-Tamale-Train-NEED-MORE-CAPTAIN monologues. Someone still needs to refill her drink, btw. I refuse to believe she hasn’t had a refill since last break, but I am concerned, as it looks like quite a bit of the ice has melted.

Oh, the things I worry about. I am also worried about the fact I am enjoying Broadway Tyce’s commentary this evening.

One hour down, one more to go. And it is getting late…so let’s stop here for now and pick this back up tomorrow, shall we?

3 Comments leave one →
  1. July 9, 2009 3:46 pm

    Did anyone else think that Nigel’s critique of Phillip and Jeanine’s routine seem a bit disrespectful to the choreographers? What did the producers think they were going to get when they decided to include Russian folk dancing? Do they want Phillip and Jeanine off the show? That’s the only reason why they would be given this genre. Yeah, I’m not buying the whole random pick thing. I found it highly suspect that a classically trained ballerina would draw classical pas de deux. Just saying.

    Can’t wait to read your Part 2!

  2. July 9, 2009 4:16 am

    You are NOT TELLING ME you didn’t like the “Gravity” piece. I am obsessed with that song and I think that was a perfect embodiment of the song, as much as I think Mia Michaels is completely overrated. Seriously. LOVED. IT. Even though I think they should go.

  3. BCarle permalink
    July 9, 2009 2:18 am

    I thought of you right away yesterday. Ade was doing some exaggerated combing with his hair pick during the lead-in video for the disco number, mugging for the crowd before the cameras came back. And, yes, that was his cheering section holding the sign — either family or friends. The Melissa sign was held by what I assume to be her family, as well, since we minions on the floor were not allowed to hold anything. In the SYTYCD studio, all audience members are swaybots (sorted by age and beauty), and hands must be free at all times to reach for the sky, clap, and scream. Okay, the hands didn’t scream, but you know what I mean. It’s late. Stuff. Things. The end.

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