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SYTYCD Top 8: When Ellen DeGeneres totally outed Mary Murphy as a Boozehound (Part 1)

July 23, 2009

It did not dawn on me until about an hour ago why Ellen DeGeneres would be a guest judge on SYTYCD.

Oh yeah…because she does that little dance every day on her show. Well, I like Ellen DeGeneres quite a bit and I have a feeling she can bring out even more crazy in Crazy Mary.

Tonight, SYTYCD is dragging me away from Prom Night in Mississippi, which looks like a very compelling documentary. Duty calls. Smart person, go away. Don’t watch documentaries! Watch So You Think You Can Dance! Thankfully, this is why we have DVR.

Ugh…two whole hours…why does this seem like work…OMG CAT DEELEY IS GORGEOUS. In her ponytail and little gold dress. I have the biggest girl crush on Cat Deeley.  I don’t care who knows!

Let’s introduce your dancers, starting with Kayla aka Powder. Powder is wearing some cornflower-hued (I remember when Crayola only had 64 crayons) dishrag her nana threw out as some sort of skirt. Color me unimpressed.

SYTYCD Top 4 Girls

Based on fashion alone…Evan aims for the Nerdcore vote, Janette wants everyone to know she is from Miami, Ade is chillin’ in his normal business but without Ade’s Pick, so that makes me sad…even though I’m sure we will see Ade’s Pick this evening.

I give Janine an A for effort? The belt was too much, but homegirl was trying. And I think she is trying to play up the “if you’re drunk and you’ve lost your contacts, I look exactly like Sloan from Entourage” look. Jason dresses like Justin Timberlake and Melissa wears some denim corset ensemble (must be representing all those “naughty ballerinas?”) which I swear had to have left orange dye all over her boobs. Brandon does whatever Brandon does, which is wear sleeveless and spin around a lot.

SYTYCD Top 4 Guys

Hey you. Yeah, I’m talking to YOU. Don’t you feel guilty for not watching Obama talk about health care reform right now? I know I do. You know The Goddess Cat Deeley is watching it right now, as this shit was taped yesterday or Monday or something…

Cat Deeley is a Ponytailed Goddess in Gold!!!

Would someone close to Mia Michaels relay a message for me? Good, thanks. Yeah, Mia, I love you. Just adore you, but sweetheart, you need a new hairstyle because it looks way too similar to that the Kate Gosselin Possumhead.

Mia Michaels hair is looking a bit Kate Gosselin

I just realized Ellen DeGeneres and Adam Shankman could play twin brother & sister, didn’t you?

Ellen DeGeneres looks like she could be Adam Shankmann's sister

Oh, so now its Dr. 1980s British Hair. Got it. Oh, who am I to make fun. You know I sit here and dream about Cat and Nigel taking me to Tesco for sandwiches after a long night at the pub. Oh man…started fantasizing about the Tesco sandwiches and have missed this judgey-judge talk.

Travis Wall has choreographed some group number involving a rave in 2300. I’m beginning to love this Travis Wall kid. But not as much as I love…


YAY! It's Ade and Ade's Pick!

Anyway, they’re dancing and wearing Adam Lambert’s hand-me-downs from last year’s Burning Man. Dr. 1980s British Hair thinks their outfits are very Lady GaGa. I think its more like Geordi La Forge in a four-way with Lady GaGa, Powder and Adam Lambert…which happened to come about one steamy afternoon playing Laser Tag at Burning Man. (I’m sure there is already some shitty slash written about such a thing.)

Some sort of 2300 Rave Dance by Travis Wall

And is anyone else really not looking forward to watching Xenu’s Zombie dance in some Judy Garland fantasy for her tiny husband tomorrow night?

Evan & Janette
Jazz — Sonya Tayeh
Move (Metronomony Remix) (CSS)

How cute. Evan says when dancing jazz, he is used to jazz hands.

How short are these people? Of course, Evan proved his strength last week when he held his big woman. Oh child, I just love Debbie Allen. Evan does manage to keep up with Janette, though, who is more in tune with this type of style and exerts more sexiness than the sweet geek Evan.

Evan and Janette do a jazz routine by Sonya Tayeh

Dr. 1980s British Hair agrees Evan did a good job. Ellen starts all her critiques by noting, first off, I can do that. And then she calls it full-bodied, but wait, that reminded her of the wine she just had before the show. To which you hear Crazy Mary squeal, sounds good. Of course, it does, Crazy Mary. It’s BOOZE. Oh holy hell, she barked at 1980s British Hair when he tried shutting her up…and then she called him an English Muffin again…this show really does bring out the crazy, doesn’t it?

I wish I could talk with my hands with as much dramatic convication as Mia Michaels. This may be my goal for the next week. But Mia still wants more from Evan, but declares Janette her favorite-favorite this season. Which I’m totally cool with, although I’m sure Mia loves Powder like everyone else.

Speaking of Powder…

The Moment I Said It (Imogen Heap)

Powder's powdery solo danceI like Imogen Heap, so I will just enjoy the song. I already know what Powder is going to do. She is going to extend her legs a lot, as well as grab some rejected Fredrick’s of Hollywood sample while doing those leg extensions. Yawn.

Now if Jeanine really does write her name with a HEART, I may have to stop liking her…alas, it’s too late.

Does Jeanine write a heart next to her name all the time?

Jeanine & Brandon
Waltz — Hunter Johnson
May It Be (Haley Westerna)

Jeanine & Brandon both admit to being out of their respective comfort zones with the waltz. Personally, I wish Jeanine’s dress was a different color, but hey, we all know only Cat Deeley gets to wear the good stuff on this show.

Brandon and Jeanine do the Waltz on SYTYCD

Their routine is lovely, if cautious and controlled. Both are solid dancers, but it is probably their training which makes them approach something like this with some intrepidation, however, they do manage to pull it off.

Dr. 1980s British Hair felt the slow lethargy of the music was like pulling teeth, which demanded such extreme control of the movements and he wish he could have gotten more from two of his favorite Top 8 dancers. Ellen disagrees. Ellen is funny. Can we keep her? She totally goes off on relatable tangents, as do I. Mia thinks they were dreaming about birds and bunnies, i.e., there was no “romance”. Well…Brandon is kinda really gay and hey, they’re new partners and they’ve never done the waltz…I know you’re supposed to adapt and all that good stuff, but you know…

…Slowdance On The Inside
Taking Back Sunday

He lept around and stuff. Yeah. He lept around. Jason points out his brother in the audience. I think I already forgot about the dance, but I’m playing poker.

Melissa & Ade
Tony Meredith & Melanie LaPatin — Cha Cha
Yeah (Como Goza Mi Morena) (Chino Espinoza y Los Duenos Del Son)

Reunited and it FEELS SO GOOD!!! And Ade’s Pick may not be there the whole time during practice, but he at least shoves it in for interviews. I figure Ade’s Pick just sleeps in his back pocket during those very intense rehearsals.

Ade and Melissa do the Cha Cha on SYTYCD

Is it just me, or could Melissa be shaking it a little bit more? Ade has better hips for cha cha, I feel like if Janette was doing this routine, she would be on fire. Melissa’s footwork was nice, but it all seems a bit stiff. I almost feel let down by these two tonight, well, maybe just by Melissa? She just seems to be holding back too much in this routine.

Most of the judges bash them. Crazy Mary trashes Melissa, Mia Michaels trashes Ade. Boo hoo.

Seduces Me (Celine Dion)

Uh, ok, Celine Dion singing about going down with a smile on her face. And yet another bad dress this evening…Kind of a boring solo, no?

Of course, Powder also signs her name with a HEART.

Kayla & Jason
Broadway — Tyce Diorio
Mr. Monotony (from Jerome Robbins Broadway)

Although it does seem as if Powder has a bit more color in her face and shoulders. Perhaps she got some sun? Maybe she reads my blog and hates being called Powder, but I doubt it.

I found the routine rather slow…nothing new…nothing exciting…Dr. 1980s British Hair loves it. I think he’s actually loved everything tonight, hmmm…

Cat Deeley, Jason Glover and Kayla (aka Powder)

Oh come on, Crazy Mary. Get her off that fraking HOT TAMALE TRAIN FIRST CLASS. Mia Michaels wants Jason to lift weights or something, do bench presses. Oh PLEASE SHUT UP. Does Kayla sing and act? Oh, how she will take BROADWAY BY STORM.

When you look in the dictionary under girl, perfection and star, there’s a picture of Kayla.

Oh gag me, Mia Michaels, gag me. I hope this is the photo.

ZOMG! Kayla will be huge on Broadway and this is her photo in the dictionary

Hater (Various Production Artist)

Now where is Ade’s Pick? Oh who cares, Ade, get down with your bad self after they trashed your Cha Cha! Yeah! Do those back flips!

Cat Deeley shows Ade some love after his solo dance

Janette & Evan
Heartless (Kris Allen)

Ah ha! I knew it! There are always crossover Idol songs on this show and we’ve finally got one with Kris Allen’s verion of Heartless.

…and this will pick up tomorrow where I left off! I’m already past the halfway mark, so seriously, trust me on this one, I swear.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Courtnie permalink
    August 16, 2009 11:24 am

    Don’t comment on SYTYCD if you don’t dance. you’re ridiculous. and dumb.

  2. July 23, 2009 7:32 pm

    I like Ellen DeGeneres too. Nice write up.

  3. Jessica permalink
    July 23, 2009 9:40 am

    So I still don’t like Melissa, (if I watch one more “new and different” but actually the exact same pointe routine, I will throw up) but I did get teary when she and Ade did ‘This Woman’s Work’ and then I thought I was weird, but when the judges cried to, I felt better 🙂 <– SAP.

    My vote is for Jeanine, I think she is more versatile and creative.

    • TopIdol permalink
      July 23, 2009 12:36 pm

      I think Jeanine is my favorite girl. Melissa really disappointed me on her Cha Cha, and while I like Janette, I know her whole “spicy Latina from Miami” bit will grate on me. Because people from Miami love telling you they are from Miami.

      I have a feeling Melissa will leave us tonight. And possibly Evan. If my Ade’s Pick goes, I may cry. I really, really, really just want them to tell Powder to get the frak out, though. Seriously. Powder is ridiculously overrated.

  4. July 23, 2009 3:00 am

    You are an utter genius. I absolutely love your writeups. Keep it up. Powder is my favorite.

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