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D.B. Cooper’s American Idol Tour Recap — Atlanta (07/31/2009)

August 1, 2009

Thanks to D.B. Cooper for sending me the goodies. Anyone else going to an upcoming Idol show??? Send me your recaps!!! SEND THEM!!! Then the handful of people who actually read my shit blog will read YOUR WORDS and you will be loved and adored amongst myself and a handful of people who read my crappy little blog. All kidding aside, I do want to read your first-hand accounts of Idol Tour Lunacy, so send, send, send! (And take photos, too. Yes, I know I ask a lot, but…take photos!)

Without further ado, here is D.B. Cooper’s recap. It’s pretty funny, and he even brought over a few photos, tales of faux hawks and ZOMG RUDE ADAM LAMBERT FANS!!!!

Adam Lambert on big screen -- American Idol Tour 2009 in Atlanta (07/31/2009)

Danny Gokey on big screen -- American Idol Tour 2009 in Atlanta (07/31/2009)

Kris Allen on stage -- American Idol Tour 2009 in Atlanta (07/31/2009)

So we enter The Arena at Gwinnett Center and what immediately strikes me is that I am in a sea of white people. Old white people, young white people, middle aged white people, and real young white people. White persons. A lot of squares, daddy-o. People that own SUVs because they need the room to fit all their kids.

We take our (not very good) seats at the back of the floor just in time for the start of tenth place finisher Michael Sarver’s set. Sarver does two songs I don’t know. He is an absolute black hole of charisma. I don’t think he was ever supposed to make the top 10 (he took the spot slated for Casper) and it just goes to once again prove America’s love of bland crap. I definitely could have showed late instead of seeing this.

Megan Joy (Corkrey-Sobecki-Engle-Vladowski) is dressed as a Marilyn Monroe impersonator. She starts out pretty well, that Corrine Bailey Rae song actually fits her voice as close to perfectly as possible. Afterwards she sings another song and it blows, her voice is screechy and sharp.

Scott McIntyre is blind. Hand to God, it’s the truth. He breaks the streak, however, of blind singers who kick ass. He is inferior to Ray, Stevie, Jeff Healey, all those great blind blues singers whose first name is Blind, and Blind Melon Chitlin of Cheech & Chong fame.

Leel Rounds is the first singer in this bunch who actually has a distinctive, halfway interesting voice. She’s completely karaoke and unoriginal, yet she’s good in that little niche she has. She sings Mary J. well, she sings Alicia Keys well, she sings that horribly annoying Beyonce song as well as can be expected. She looks hot. She’s all right. And that’s a good thing.

Anoop Desai is a human sedative.

Matt Giraud, sporting a faux-hawk (in a feeble attempt to make up for Quato’s absence?), comes out and does Otis Redding’s Hard To Handle, and I don’t know what possessed him to sing this song in public. He cannot pull it off, he doesn’t touch Otis’ or even the Grateful Dead or Black Crowes’ version. The cool thing is that, surely channeling the dear, departed Quatto, he makes up for it with the rest of his set. His Georgia On My Mind is, thankfully, not reminiscent of Ray Charles’ version. All his little falsetto runs actually work on the big stage where they didn’t on Idol. You Found Me is a great showcase for the type of song Giraud could pull off in a post-Idol career. Very impressive.

Fodder medley: Michael Sarver should not sing Elvis songs.

After a twenty minute break (for the Idol faithful to beer up), OH MY GOD IT’S ALLISON. She, without doubt, tears up the stage the way NO other contestant on this shit show has ever done. No bullshit. That voice is gorgeous, powerful, dark, and distinctive. We start with Pink’s So What and Allison makes this song her bitch and rapes it, Oz style. Then Cry Baby and you already know what it is. For the coup de grâce she annihilates every single living thing in the building with a blistering Barracuda. Anne Wilson is a goddess, so is Allison. Barracuda is now a Heart/Iraheta song. The world will soon know that Allison Iraheta is a superstar. </tard>

I freely acknowledge that Gokey is a douche, and maybe (definitely) the double whammy of 24 ounces of crappy light beer to the head and Allison Iraheta just threw me for a serious loop, but I love Danny Gokey’s set. PYT is so much fun and Danny sounds great on it. The same goes for Maria, Maria. And What Hurts the Most, wow, so much emotion, if I brought a lighter I would wave it in the air (a cell phone is not the same). The last song, also by Rascal Flatts, is anticlimactic, plus I call bullshit that Gokey gets four songs and Allison only gets three and a half.

Have I told you guys about all the Lambertfrau in the building? They are representing and they are total douchers. The whole row in front of me is filled with them (plus one miserable husband) and I’m not even gonna give a physical description because a) it isn’t about that and b) they do not break the stereotype. Every time Adam’s face appears on screen they shriek, every time Kris’s appears they boo. These boos have character and meaning and are imbued with self-righteous indignation and pure hatred. These are “the South will rise again” boos. When Adam takes the stage the screaming in the whole building is deafening, so much so that it actually drowns out his powerhouse vocals on Whole Lotta Love. Apparently actually hearing the singer you love is secondary to freaking the fuck out and screaming like a teeny bopper at a Beatles concert. Starlight (which I think is also the title of a vampire movie) by Muse is a’ight, nothing spectacular. Either fatigue has set in for the Lambertfrau or they realize that this song is just so-so (I’m betting on fatigue) because they aren’t screaming as loudly. For me (for you) Mad World loses a little of its power every time he sings it, the joy and surprise are gone. Then, all of a sudden, out of the clear blue sky, it’s a bird, it’s a plane, nah it’s super-rocker. Iraheta is back bitches and killin it for old times sake with her homeboy Adam! He ends with an anticlimactic Bowie medley. I love Life On Mars. Adam has all the talent in the world, he does everything right, he’s a natural performer, and, obviously, extremely good looking. Yet something is missing. That spark of character in his voice. I question his anointed one status, maybe I’ll be wrong. But he’ll definitely need more than the frauen to pull him through, ask Clay Aiken. Also, six words ladies: Adam Lambert will never fuck you.

Kris comes out, the Lambertfrau are unenthusiastic, I am enthusiastic. He does a great version of Heartless to start his set and the Lambertfrau in front of me leave with the quickness when he finishes. Ain’t No Sunshine is a light shining between a couple drab and dreary covers of The Killers and Matchbox 20. He closes with Hey Jude and everybody comes on stage for the climax. They should end the show there but then they sing Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing, which is a mess.

Great concert. I gots to drive home.

29 Comments leave one →
  1. Ariel permalink
    August 8, 2009 6:55 am

    I love the recap, thanks for pointing out the obvious, that the rude Adam fans’ behavior has nothing to do with Kris or Adam, or how well Adam performs on stage.

  2. gigi permalink
    August 6, 2009 1:53 pm

    D.B. Cooper – I love your recap. Hilarious!

    P.S. How did you survive your jump into the Oregon wilderness????

    • d. b. cooper permalink
      August 7, 2009 2:33 am

      First, thank you.

      Second, who’s asking?

  3. Nancy permalink
    August 3, 2009 11:35 am

    I am so sorry that you saw only white people at the concert! What the hell difference does it make, anyway?
    I hope to God you don’t call yourself a writer because your tainted and biased view of what went on at the Gwinnett Center on July 31 is FAR from what went on where I sat—F3—pretty close to the stage!
    I guess I’m one of those Fraus that you ignorant people like to refer to—I am 53 years old and I have 30 pounds to lose—right? So I guess that doesn’t give me the right to be a fan of anyone—heck—maybe I should KILL myself cuz assholes like you obviously don’t think I should live! SCREW YOU!
    Where I was sitting there were many Adam fans—guess what? There were many Kris, Danny and Allison fans too! And all were very pleasant, very fun and enjoyed EVERY Idols’ set. NO ONE booed anybody! And guess what? Some fans of the other Idols were middle- aged and had weight to lose too! What do they get to be called?
    If you went to the meet and greets before and after the show you would have met some very nice young people–the IDOLs—who simply want to sing and record music and make people happy. They were ALL charming, funny and genuinely appreciative of the fact that people like us care about them. At least I know that of 8 out of 10 of them—your girls Lil (not Leel) Rounds and Allison didn’t come out—at least not before I left—and I was there for 2 1/2 hours after the show!
    So my question is this: Why did you even bother to go to the concert? I feel sorry for you that you had to “waste” your money on the ticket! GROW UP! And look in the mirror–I’ll bet you’re ugly as Hell!

    • d. b. cooper permalink
      August 3, 2009 3:37 pm

      First off let me say that, Nancy, I love your post.

      I was taken aback by all the white people. I’d never seen anything like it. I was told it was whiter than the crowd at a Nascar race. I’d imagine it was less white than a Klan rally.

      I wish I had had your seats (but I didn’t), I wish I hadn’t witnessed the ugliness from the Lambertfrau (but I did). Still I enjoyed the concert and don’t feel I wasted my money. It was great.

      I have no desire to meet the Idols, they have enough people demanding their time and energy.

      • Nancy permalink
        August 3, 2009 5:13 pm

        It doesn’t seem from your post and all the insults, Coop, that you enjoyed the concert!…….. just sayin’

      • deez permalink
        August 3, 2009 8:11 pm

        Still no response from a Sarvertard, but in all other respects…you’ve done quite well.

        • TopIdol permalink
          August 3, 2009 8:42 pm

          There must be at least one…I found a few Blind Guy Tards online….there must be at least one Sarvertard.

  4. peter permalink
    August 3, 2009 5:50 am

    coop ur genital organ is fake

  5. SpinningFasterAndFasterToNoWhere permalink
    August 3, 2009 4:56 am

    Thanks for the recap D.B. I went to one of the concerts and I saw the same thing. The audience is mainly white, with a few Asians thrown in.

    I had some very cool normal looking Kris and Allison fans by me and they were really respectful…then on my right were some Glamlardtards. I would have said Glamfrau bet there was the one miserable fatass husband in the bunch. They came in huffing and puffing. They were complaining about how small the human size seats were and screaming at a pizza guy who was walking around selling slices of pizza. But wow, they looked like Roseanne Barrs and John Goodmans, and with the same class as their old show “Roseanne”. Hollering and screaming when any sign of Glambert on the Jumbotron, and actually booing at any shot of Kris before the actual show started. I was kinda surprised at how ignorant they acted. The poor Kris fans were looking a little surprised at the disgusting actions of these lardasses, but they kept their composure.

    Everyone did great. I was surprised that I really liked Sarver and Lil Rounds sets, but were actually pretty good. I really got into everyone, even Gokey was a’ight until he started to get preachy. They had a big forest backdrop when he did.

    At the end when Kris came out, the fat Glam cows next me didn’t clap or give Kris any props. Talk about nasty and low class. I never seen anything like that before…well not by humans.

  6. deez permalink
    August 3, 2009 1:50 am

    Just HOW did HBD manage to pull this off?(amazing, really) The Glamfrau are unrelenting in their rabidity. They’re like the Zombie army from “I am Legend”.

  7. leah permalink
    August 3, 2009 1:37 am

    Adam and his Bowie medley is pure perfection. You have to be an idiot not to see it. Allison belongs at disneyworld, so head to disney, coop.

  8. August 3, 2009 1:32 am

    Great review, D B! The frauen won’t pay any attention to anything bar the Madam bits, so you could have written

    Blah blah blah blah blah Adam was shit blah blah blah

    But the sane readers here would be bored with that.

  9. endywood permalink
    August 3, 2009 1:19 am

    LOL that’s the most bluntly put review I’ve read yet. But I enjoyed reading it.

  10. cimi permalink
    August 3, 2009 1:03 am

    “duck and cover”… TopIdol…oh but it IS about ADAM Lambert. Have you not heard? Have you not seen with your own eyes? Have you not experienced all that is Adamliciouslambertgoddesssosexyhecouldcausealighteningstrike, Adam?

    Are you from this planet?? hum, where did YOU come from? Just sayin’

  11. d. b. cooper permalink
    August 2, 2009 1:00 pm

    So it should be stated that the views in the above recap are my own and not Top Idol’s whatsoever.

    It is not Adam’s fault that some of his fans are unhinged. He’s a talented guy and I think I evaluated his performance honestly. I enjoyed it but wasn’t blown away.

    Also, please note, I talked about nine other performers in my recap. It isn’t all about Adam.

  12. Nadine permalink
    August 2, 2009 11:57 am

    Lack of character/personality in Adam Lambert’s voice?? HA HA HA HA!
    That’s a good one. You obviously were just looking to found fault, found nothing so made one up.

    • d. b. cooper permalink
      August 7, 2009 2:47 am

      What I mean is, there is nothing meaningful about his phrasing. It’s all tricks. I suspect he’ll be on Broadway in 3-5 years. For a singer with character in his voice check Jeff Mangum of Neutral Milk Hotel. For those more similar (and by similar I mean powerhouses) to Lambert but with more character check Robert Plant, Prince, or Thom Yorke. I doubt I’ll ever find pain or joy, anguish or elation in Adam’s voice, just notes.

      • TopIdol permalink
        August 7, 2009 4:39 am

        I love Neutral Milk Hotel.

        Love. Love. Love.

        • d. b. cooper permalink
          August 7, 2009 3:38 pm

          That makes sense.

  13. Megan permalink
    August 2, 2009 11:28 am

    I saw Adam in Sunrise and nothing was missing. Some straight guys have a difficult time understanding why women love Adam. You are obviously one of them. Most women in reality do not see themselves as Adam’s lover even if he were straight. So his being gay does not matter. I am a 24 year old South Beach model, so he doesn’t just appeal to older women. He is a tall handsome man that is sexy as hell with incredible vocals. Adam is worth the price of the ticket. I do not know what your experience was but I also witnessed husbands or boyfriends who were brought to the concert finding themselves highly entertained by his performance as mine was. Time will tell, but as the tour progresses I believe that Adam’s fans will be growing in numbers.

    • TopIdol permalink
      August 2, 2009 11:29 am

      I have no problem with Adam Lambert.

      I’m also not a man. 🙂

    • August 3, 2009 1:31 am

      I am a 24 year old South Beach model, so he doesn’t just appeal to older women.

      WOW! L Anne is here!

  14. August 2, 2009 4:39 am

    I really frakking wish I coulda gone.

  15. deez permalink
    August 1, 2009 10:53 pm

    Ruh-roh…you have done the unthinkable. The Glamberts are able to sniff out any and all re-caps that do not proclaim “ADAMLAMBERTISAROCKGAWD!!!!”

    Prepare to duck and cover.

    • d. b. cooper permalink
      August 2, 2009 2:19 am

      My actual goal is to bring one Sarvertard out of the woodwork. Glamberts are just gravy.

  16. circe permalink
    August 1, 2009 10:00 pm

    D. B. certainly does not sugarcoat it. Interesting.

  17. Toddy permalink
    August 1, 2009 6:03 pm

    Awesome recap. Thanks for contributing this!

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