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Please don’t let the Flower in the Attic win this damn thing: SYTYCD Top 4 Recap

August 5, 2009

Four dancers…TWO WHOLE HOURS. Ugh. But now they’re at the Kodak Theatre and Cat Deeley looks gorgeous, as per usual. Since tonight’s Performance Finale is in such a gigantic venue (3000+?), I really hope Powder FRAKS UP.

They’re even showing Jeanine and Evan first, you see, because they’ve already determined their final two — Kayla and Brandon.

Powder is getting too big of an ego for someone who wears vintage Contempo Casuals. This girl is a walking Rave sale rack, circa 1991. She’s shaking it on stage like she already won the whole damn thing. I really hope Jeanine “accidentely” whacks her in the face again.

Anyhoo, let’s get on with the show. Adam Shankmann is in the house and Mary Murphy is wearing an evening gown, which she only does when there it’s a special night at Miss Kitty’s Saloon.

I think I want to spend the entire night bashing Powder and whatever cheap outfit she is wearing.

Top 4
Boys Boys Boys (Lady GaGa)
Wade Robson

Wade Robson has created some sort of cheerleading routine. Football players and cheerleader. They allow Powder to speak and she has to sound out the word en-ter-tain because its well, it’s a big word, ya know?

SYTYCD Top 4: Brandon, Evan, Kayla and Jeanine

Jeanine herkeys better than Powder. The only thing Powder has working for her in this routine is that she looks more like a trampy cheerleader. Well, this routine was just…ok. I kind of expected more from Wade Robson, didn’t you?

Now onto filler material chronicling five whole seasons of SYTYCD.

Jeanine & Evan
Contemporary — Sonya Tayeh
Heartbreaker (MSTRKRFT ft. John Legend)

Jeanine misses Ade and Ade’s Pick. As do I. Evan says Jeanine has a violent side. HA. Nah, she’s just sick of having to live with Powder. I love Jeanine and Sonya (Evan is cool, too, but I want Jeanine and Sonya, and Cat Deeley, of course, to be my new best girlfriends.)

SYTYCD Top 4: Jeanine and Sonya Tayeh

Hands down, Sonya picks the best music used on the show. While I’m not sure if I think Evan deserves to be in the Top 4, I do really like the kid. He seems to have an almost supernatural ability to face whatever challenges come his way as a dancer, rises to the occasion and takes it to the next level when he is paired with a “stronger dancer” than himself. He’s got moxy. So does Jeanine. Jeanine is basically the co-queen of moxy (the other ones being Sonya and Cat).

I like this dance because it flaunts both Evan and Jeanine’s strength. I don’t think another dancer on this show has been as adaptable to different styles or partners as Jeanine.

SYTYCD Top 4: Jeanine and Evan

Shankmann says he never saw Jeanine coming, and never saw Evan in the Top 4, but now he pretty much bites his tongue. He thinks Evan is the molehill who became the mountain on the show. And we get to see Sonya in the audience. I love watching Sonya bask in the glow of her peers’ words and a well-done routine by her dancers. Crazy Mary thought Evan and Jeanine would be good partners (i.e., she wants Brandon and Powder to be in the Top 2). 1980s British Hair thinks Evan can’t be thrown around on stage anymore tonight…uh, wasn’t that the point of the routine, which I think he gets but hey…at least he calls out how AWESOME Jeanine is and how great she has become while on the show.

Brandon Bryant
Dies Irae (Karl Jenkins)

Brandon misses Janette. I kind of do, too. Would rather have her around than Powder/the lost Dollanganger sister. Brandon thinks Mia gave him tough love. I think she was just working a good story line.

I want my name on a big screen like this and I want to dance in front of it. Just because. It looks like something everyone should do at least once.

SYTYCD Top 4: Brandon Bryant

Brandon flops around dramatically. The guy is talented, super intense. It’s actually kind of insane. This show makes me want to go to the gym. The judges cream themselves over Brandon. Crazy Mary sobs, but I’m just thankful they extended the shot to FINALLY show the judges’ beverages. Just give Brandon the title already, while he’s no Twitch or Joshua, we all know he’s going to win…unless they have mandated a female dancer this year?

NOOOOOO! Brandon and Powder will be dancing a Broadway Tyce routine. I think I may actually not fast forward through this commercial break, but go to my bathroom and readily apply some Jergen’s Natural Glow.

Brandon & Kayla
Broadway — Tyce DiOrio
Bye Bye Love (All That Jazz)

I love seeing how Powder-y Kayla looks when standing next to a person of color. The simple things in life are what make me laugh, and the look on Brandon’s face is priceless.

SYTYCD Top 4: Kayla and Brandon at rehearsal

Once again, they allow Powder to talk and she has difficulty forming small words. My cat, Oskar, has a larger vocabulary than this chick.

This may be the gayest thing I have seen since walking home in the park near my house. Powder is wearing a Lady GaGa hand-me-down and Brandon is donning a smoking jacket found at Elton John’s last yard sale.

SYTYCD Top 4: Brandon and Kayla

They did some impressive as all hell flip-turn, oh I don’t know what to call it, but he rotated Powder about 360 degrees while she was in the splits. Yes, even I was impressed by that one. Of course, I still totally loathe Powder, even though I love watching her family in the audience. I wish they had a different daughter.

BAD SHANKMANN BAD!!! He says those are the two he KNEW he would see in the Final 4. I like you Shankmann, stop blowing sunshine up Powder’s ass. Maybe you should say, start blowing sunshine over the rest of her so the idiot doesn’t look as if she just crawled out from a crypt at Calvary Cemetary.

All the judges cream themselves over those two, I’m not even going to dignify the rest because Crazy Mary is making my ears hurt and I’m sick of hearing about Powder. The basically are trashing Jeanine and Evan with their words of praise over Powder and Brandon.

Por Una Cabeza (The Tango Project)

Jeanine rocks. And Cat Deeley is actually an EXCELLENT interviewer. Love them both. Jeanine misses Jason, but I’m sure she misses Ade, Ade’s Pick and PHILLIP. Can’t wait until they’re all reunited tomorrow.

Jeanine is doing her solo to the song better known as the tango number in Mr. & Mrs. Smith. At least that’s how I know it. And I know translated into english it means for your head. Because I am SMART, just as Jeanine rocks. She also looks awesome. I think she brought Shankmann to tears, but she brought them all to their feet. They better eat their words about Powder after seeing this shit. Yes, indeed, it was a risky solo. And, yes…SHE KILLED IT. Hell, Shankmann is almost making me get misty eyed at this point (which I also blame on PMS, see the brownie batter, need to see chick flick from last evening.)

SYTYCD Top 4: Cat Deeley and Jeanine

Crazy Mary claims she knew how brilliant Jeanine was since the beginning. I don’t buy it, however, I do agree with her “peaking at the right time”. 1980s British Hair says she’ll be in the Final 2, which I think is all bullshit because he pulled that shit on Ade last week and he and Ade’s Pick are now sitting in the audience. I think he just wants people to “think” she will be there…it’s all part of the evil plan.

Brandon & Evan
Laurieann Gibson
Nasty (Janet Jackson)

Why is the choreographer wearing headphones during her interview? Yes, I undersand this is a fashion statement of sorts, but I do not believe she is a DJ and well, she’s getting interviewed. She does not need headphones.

SYTYCD Top 4: Choreographer Laurieann Gibson

White Guy v. Black Guy! So timely! Let’s BEER SUMMIT over this next dance.

SYTYCD Top 4: Evan and Brandon rehearse

Well, at least they cleared one Jackson’s songs. This song takes me back to the 8th grade, which really is not a pleasant place to return. It still is a kick ass song, though. The dance is kind of fun, very Bad-esque, no? But you know what would make Evan look tougher? A SHANK.

SYTYCD Top 4: Brandon and Evan get NASTY

Hey, I like these guys. They’re fun…and they’re better than POWDER.

(On an unrealted note, I can hear Paul McCartney singing Yesterday from my living room right now. It’s the next best thing to being at the show. And the Tivo is on pause and I am staring at the moon. What is wrong with me? I think I just shared a moment with myself.)

Evan can totally dance on his toes, indicating ample ballet training, I think? I don’t know. I’ve never been a dancer. But I could have been, oh I COULD HAVE BEEN A DANCER. (Just kidding.) Shankmann thought Evan didn’t do too hot, leading to the inevitable pimping of Brandon, although I must agree the guy looks like too much of a sweetheart to pull such nastiness off.

Evan, what’s the nastiest thing you’ve ever done?

BRING CRAZY MARY ANOTHER COCKTAIL! STAT! BRING MAMA A COCKTAIL! If it weren’t for the stupid table contraption, I would totally be able to give everyone an ETA on where her beverage is at the moment.

Everyone thinks Brandon outdanced Evan and he is incapable of being Nasty. Cat Deeley doesn’t care. She loves them both. Cat Deeley loves all her dancers, why? Because Cat Deeley is a GODDESS.

Jeanine & Kayla
Mia Michaels — Contemporary

It’s kind of a journey we’ve been through in this competition and you’ve had to shed layers and go through different processes to make it where we are now.

Before you think Powder had an original & deep thought, think again. She totally repeated what Mia Michaels told her about the dance AND just proved she can’t use pronouns for shit. I don’t like the fact it seems Powder is in front once again (see Sonya’s routine from last week where she was championed for those “difficult moves”).

Jeanine and Powder are kind of off on some of their moves, but it almost seems deliberate in a way. This routine is also VERY underwhelming, plus Powder is in front and positioned in such an angle where she appears to be doing “more” than Jeanine. This also plays up to her “grabbing” of clothing, which is a common theme throughout Powder solos. Overall, I’m not excited about this performance and am worried Jeanine is going to have her ass handed to her when placed in a side-by-side comparison to the judges’ chosen one…which also happened last week, to an extent, to her and Melissa in the aforementioned Superheroes routine.

SYTYCD Top 4: Jeanine and Powder

Definitely one of Mia Michaels’ weaker routines. Even Adam Shankmann had trouble saying he enjoyed it, although he covers well because he’s Adam Shankmann. Crazy Mary is just reciting stuff which was written for her, trying to infuse emotion into it, however, I still swear no one is feeling it — even if she says they’re the two strongest girls in the Final 4 EVER. Sorry, 1980s British Hair, it really wasn’t a memorable routine. Please don’t even compare it to Joshua and Twitch’s Trepak from last season. Although he does give credit for CALLING OUT JEANINE and not POWDER. HA HA HA. Suck it, Powder, suck it.

The Best is Yet to Come (Michael Buble)

I totally miss Evan’s bald brother. Oh Ryan, I hope you become a HUGE choreographer. Of course, you should know you can’t try out as brothers and expect to both make it during the same season, because that would just make American miss out on the faux-tension of making the Top 20. (Unrelated…I really, really, really want the shoes Cat Deeley was wearing during the interview.)

I wish Evan could dance to the classic original version of this song. I’ve just never been able to get into Michael Buble, even if they sell his music at Target (I love Target). I like Evan. I know he won’t win this thing but I think he proved enough just by making the Final 4, and hell, the kid has the best acrobatic ability of any James van der Beek doppelganger I’ve ever seen.

SYTYCD Top 4: Evan Kasprzak

Shankmann recalls this routine was a variation on his audition piece, which he thinks was a calculated move which may have been risky, but it could pay off. Crazy Mary thinks he has excited millions of young people about his dance style of yore, because she really, really worries it could get lost. 1980s British Hair tears the poor kid down, tells him he hasn’t grown as a dancer. 1980s British Hair may have fired up a bunch of Evan fans…hmmm…

Evan & Kayla
Tony Meredith & Melanie LaPatin — Jive
T.R.O.U.B.L.E. (Travis Tritt)

YAY! The choreographers have found Powder’s weakness — her inability to get simple, basic moves a monkey could do in their cage. During the beginning of the rehearsal scene, I also could swear they were using Snow’s The Informer as the soundtrack.

Come on, Evan, DROP YOUR BIG WOMAN. Whoa. They’re doing a COUNTRY song? Please tell me this was the producers’ plan all along, to send off Powder on the Performance Finale (well…she is still the last solo…bastards) by putting her in an outfit most befitting?

Frankly, Powder can’t jive for shit. The moves are…christ, I wish I had proper dance training now because I would be better able to explain, but…there is something too STIFF about everything. Evan seems to feel the music, feel the moves and relaxes into it. With this song and this routine, it does not look bad. It works. There is a laid-back crispness to it, whereas Powder comes off as very jerky and slutty…obviously trying way too hard. (Granted, the sluttiness is kind of an element of the routine, but…her sluttiness was a bit TOO MUCH.) Each one of Powder’s moves are TOO dramatic and over-the-top for this routine.

Evan continues to deftly handle his big woman, but come on, she’s totally faltered with this routine. It may be safe to say she is a one-trick pony. Kayla Radomski. Game over.

SYTYCD Top 4: Evan handles his big woman Kayla

Shankmann hates it. Crazy Mary uses it to bring Evan down, claiming Powder stole the show. Uh…Crazy Mary, stop drinking. Get off the Kayla train. Oh, and I have no idea what 1980s Britsh Hair was watching, but at least he was nicer to Evan again, whose name is chanted by the ENTIRE audience — moving him to tears, while Powder looks on waiting for more smoke to be blown up her ass. Let the guy have his moment, you annoying little wench. What? PERSONALITY? HER PERSONALITY WAS BEAUTIFUL TO SEE? She acted like a barroom hussy or a lot lizard with runaway bride eyes.

SYTYCD Top 4: Evan and Kayla

(Yes. Yes. I KNOW I am being ridiculously harsh on Ms. Radomski this evening, even more so than usual. Write me hate comments telling me I have a miserable life. Fine. I really don’t care. The girl bugs me and I didn’t want her in the Final 4, dammit! I didn’t! I admit it. I am still bitter about this season completely sucking in comparison to last year, which was the first time I had ever watched the show and…well…I just miss Twitch and Joshua and Katee and Courtney.)

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of These) Annie Lennox

Oh goody. Brandon and Jeanine are finishing things off this evening. The Goddess’ interview with Powder should be very eye opening, because she is a very deep girl. It’s a shame I absolutely love her grandparents, it almost makes me feel bad for calling her Powder and A Flower in the Attic. (Obviously, they would not be the grandparents who would keep their grandchild in the attic.) White Lightening. HA! I LOVE YOU DEBBIE ALLEN. Powder tries to sound all smart by talking about how much she loved her addiction piece, because you know, it like, OMG, spoke to people. Oh, and she just said she really knows how to reach out and pull people in. Conceited hussy.

Powder does her jerky moves all over the stage, kicks a lot, grabs at her Fredrick’s of Hollywood sale rack ensemble, dance is over.

Shankmann tries to explain to Powder that America hates her, but also calls her one of the best dancers they’ve ever seen on the show. Crazy Mary talks about her being touched by an angel and having some spirt about her. She clearly needs another drink. 1980s British Hair also acknowledges America hates her, but is nice about it. They all want everyone to love Powder, however, NO ONE DOES. Just like she had no idea what you meant when you used the word vociferous.

Jeanine & Brandon
Louis van Amstel — Paso Doble
Tetsujin (The Matrix)

Talk about personality. Jeanine. Jeanine has PERSONALITY. Louis van Beer loves Brandon and Jeanine together and I must say, what a way to end the evening — a Paso Doble set to The Matrix score? THESE ARE YOUR FINAL TWO DANCERS.

SYTYCD Top 4: Brandon and Jeanine's Paso Doble

Seriously, watching Jeanine dance after a double dose of Powder just proves who is the superior female contestant. Jeanine never looks like she is trying too hard. Perhaps she does not have the extension of Powder, but that’s just one aspect. Jeanine is the total package. Powder should just go join The Rockettes.

The judges love it. Crazy Mary FINALLY sticks someone on the Hot Tamale Train! And it’s not Powder! 1980s British Hair starts saying all sorts of inappropriate things about Brandon being a race horse wanting to just get out of the stall and go after Jeanine and making him want to go after her, too. Apparently, hot flashes are epidemic because I think 1980s British Hair just had one, too…but hey, I can’t begrudge him, he did admit Brandon and Jeanine were the best of the night.

If you vote, you know what to do. Ade’s Pick wants you to VOTE FOR JEANINE!!!

SYTYCD Top 6: Yay! More Ade and Ade's Pick

(Wait…did they just say Evan’s Bald Brother will be in SEASON SIX???? YES!!!)

5 Comments leave one →
  1. August 10, 2009 8:38 pm

    Check out my finale video featuring your blog:


  2. beinghonest permalink
    August 7, 2009 4:54 pm

    K not on this but i did find out con caught an ass whooping from a dude who doesnt like paula abdul the only reason he liked her is because she inflated his ego. Dam shame now if he truly were a celeb they wouldnt have been able to touch him at all ha ha wow. I am now confident that he slept with paula numerous times because why would he be so attached and lets not forget she cried a whole pool when he left…thats beyond gross he is greasy and she is old! U know a guy only does shyt like that when they are involved with u.

  3. August 7, 2009 2:56 am

    HAHA you are too hard on Powder.
    But the problem is SHE IS NOT AT AMAZING AS THEY GIVE HER CREDIT FOR! It’s so annoying! Screw all the incessant praise.
    I am seriously motivated to say other things regarding the finale tonight but I WON’T for spoiler purposes.

  4. d. b. cooper permalink
    August 7, 2009 2:19 am

    Powder/the lost Dollanganger sister

    …even though I love watching her family in the audience. I wish they had a different daughter.

    Damn you cold. (that’s a good thing)

    Jeanine rocks. And Cat Deeley is actually an EXCELLENT interviewer.

    I love how Jeanine called the Travis Wall routine with Jason “subtle” and Cat called her on it. That routine was many things and subtle was none of them.

    Everyone thinks Brandon outdanced Evan and he is incapable of being Nasty.

    You know who else looks incapable of being nasty? Brandon. The dance was just fun, that they turned it into a bad boy-off is ridiculous. And the bad boy-off was a draw.

    Have to agree with you about Michael Buble. Why this show can’t clear some Sinatra I don’t know. Also, they should start dancing to RJD2 and Ratatat songs, that would be awesome.

    Too bad no Janette, Jason, Brandon, Jeanine finale. That would have been heaven.

  5. Dean permalink
    August 6, 2009 9:38 am

    For a couple of years, I did a SYTYCD blog (including the Canadian version, with video clips, which no one in the U.S. saw) on MySpace, had lots of fun with it, it was a good thing.

    Then I found your blog.

    I bow to your superior insight and commentary! THIS is what I wanted my blog to be, but did not achieve. I love everything about your blog, and I’ve been following it since about midway through the last AI. Fantastic work, and I really appreciate all the work and thought you put into it!

    Thank you once again; I look forward to your coverage of the SYTYCD finale!

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