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Deep Thoughts of Idol Fans — Volume 1

October 18, 2009

Since we’re mourning the loss of Idletard (I even slept in my Tard Strong bracelet) on this dreary as all hell Sunday afternoon, this is my attempt at cheering everyone up.

So let’s check out the Deep Thoughts of Idol Fantards. We’ll start with the Glamberts, of course.

From LambertLover82:

I wonder what Adam Lambert and Johnny Depp would look like combined. All I know it will be the sexiest person in the world

Uh…how do you propose we do this? It sounds rather painful. Why don’t you just splice their DNA together and make one for later, mmm-kay?

i would love to learn french and Adam lambert to learn to speak it so we can have a conversation in french

Is this because French is referred to as the language of love? Oh, wait. She clarifies this comment a few minutes later.

I also want to learn to speak italian, german and greek

What the frak are you waiting for? Get off Twitter and go buy yourself some Rosetta Stone. NOW.

I also want to go cage diving with great white sharks, bungee jumping and climbing mount everest. all with ADAM LAMBERT and JOHNNY DEPP!!!

Why the hell does Langston Hughes’ Dream Deferred always pop into my head when I read this shit? Maybe because there are just some dreams you should defer, because they ain’t ever gonna happen. And you spend way too much time thinking about something that will never happen. Oh, and how the hell are you going to have time to do all with all of your French, Italian, Greek and German studies?

Someone named Glammy4Real encourages their Twitter friend.

@lambertlover82 OMG!! Adam speaking french would be epic….! *THUD*

Make it stop. Please. Just make it stop.

This reminds me of an old college friend’s Facebook Status messages, except it’s less self-involved — yet still all sorts of WRONG. And why is this girl angry?

So mad! I met a girl who went to school with adam lambert at the twilight convention today! Crazy!

Sigh…NEXT! Let’s hear from some Danny Gokey fans!

He looks so perfect, if he stood still behind a shopping window, people would think he was a mannequin

Hmmm…if he were a mannequin, we wouldn’t have to hear him sing.

I can’t believe I’m doing this, but I’ll say something kind of nice about the Glamberts. They may often be batshit crazy, but at least the majority of them aren’t crazy Jesus lovers like oh-so many of the Gokey fans.

@dannygokey On this Lord’s Day, may I tell u how comforted I am 2 know u will never do a photo spread like the 1 Adam did in Details mag? =0

I just imagined the Details spread with Danny Gokey. And it was painful. But you know who also has something to say…

@gokeysupporter I mean, he’s got her breast in his mouth! What kind of image does that give for a family show like AI?

While on tour this past summer, the man rode the mic stand like a Greyhound bus. What’s the difference? Plus, Idol is making lots of money from Lambert being “out there” and “original”. They’re trying to up their street cred. It won’t work, but they’re trying.

@ShirlSitler I wanna be danny’s little sister

Ok. Weird. But it’s super wrong when later on in the day you tweet this:

@Gaga4Gokey I wouldnt mind seeing Danny doing nude photos like that girl though. of course he never would but imagine if he did! *faints*

Shall we stick this one in the Attic and call her a Flower? And for chrissake, don’t make me think of Danny Gokey nude. I’m already queasy and hungover. That’s just downright cruel.

29 Comments leave one →
  1. cimi permalink
    January 29, 2010 1:37 am

    Well I’m a Jesus freak and an Adam freak…hum….That would make me aaaaaa…Jadam? Oh no wait–I’m a Jezebel!
    I better go say 10-hail Mary’s and get the exorcism started, stat! Oh God forgive me.

  2. veritas permalink
    October 19, 2009 8:36 pm

    Glambertz iz crazy. This from someone who thinks Lambert has star potential. (He also has massive FAIL potential; it could go either way.) MJs was always a relatively sober place to read and post, but the Glamberts there scare me. I cannot even imagine what it’s like at a Glambert site.

    I think the Gokey tards are worse than the Kris tards. Kris is a pleasant, innocuous young man with a pleasant, but not terribly exciting voice. He gets points from me for not being preachy about his religion, and for apparently being way more cool about homosexuality than Gokey or Sarver. And I think that if Katy Allen died, Kris would not whore her memory. Gokey, on the other hand, was utterly shameless about pimping his dead wife, shameless about pimping his religiosity, and completely unoriginal. For anyone to tard Gokey, let alone see him as an inspirational god-like figure, they have to be deaf and blind. And dumb, too, I guess.

    • lauren722 permalink
      October 19, 2009 9:07 pm

      Adam Official isn’t too bad but that is also because I’ve never seen any insult Adam on that site. I would venture to guess though it could get ugly if they did though.

      Gokeytards are definitely worse than Kristards! I’ve met both and sorry to stereotype but the majority of Gokeytards are crazy religious types. Kristards just strike me as rather cute. This one girl at the concert was afraid to reveal to me that her favorite was Kris because she thought I would beat her up. She was in her twenties and much larger than me. I am a tiny 16 yr old. LOL But really, how scary are the Glamberts????!!!!???

      • Claire permalink
        October 20, 2009 12:33 am

        That’s funny that someone was afraid of admitting the winner was her favorite. Like she would be judged for her obscure taste in AI performers 🙂

        • lauren722 permalink
          October 20, 2009 4:58 pm

          haha I was wearing an Adam shirt. (Yes, yes I know I’m a tard) so when I tried to make small talk she assumed it was unsafe to reveal Adam was only her 2nd favorite. Come on, Kris Allen, so obscure….

          • TopIdol permalink
            October 20, 2009 6:07 pm

            Lauren…aren’t you what, 16? Tard away. It’s perfectly acceptable behavior at 16…not 60 🙂

            • lauren722 permalink
              October 20, 2009 6:15 pm

              You remembered my age ❤
              Haha I feel so much better knowing that I have your approval 🙂

    • TopIdol permalink
      October 19, 2009 9:14 pm

      One should always remember MJ has been forced to ban many of the most extreme Glamberts this year. So um…yeah…it could be A LOT worse.

  3. Renina permalink
    October 19, 2009 3:36 pm

    No fan group is more crazy (from this season) than the Glamberts. Sorry but there is zero comparison. The gokey tards are crazy as are the Kris tards, Matt Tards, and those 5 Anoop tards. But NONE of these groups come close to the level of insanity that the Glamberts exhibit on a daily basis.

  4. kimberly permalink
    October 19, 2009 10:59 am

    It came to me that I’ve known a lot of interesting people, many having not so happy stories. Even though, thinking about them can leave me a little unsettled, I’m grateful I’ve met them and listened to their stories. We’re all a little lost sometimes, some far more than others. I think accepting people comes easier when you have a sense of peace and security within. We all have our paths to walk.

    This is my way of saying: life is stranger than fiction.

  5. kimberly permalink
    October 18, 2009 10:59 pm

    Some time back, they were called “born again” Christians. I worked with two. One missed work because she was exhausted from performing an exorcism the night before and needed to pray and rest. When she told me all this the next day, I was praying to all that was HOLY that she didn’t bring any demon residue with her. That was a WTF moment. In her former life she was a divorced middle-aged Catholic. The other I met when I was younger. She was unattractive, heavy-set and emotionally fragile. Everything was fine until she discovered I didn’t read the bible and I couldn’t quote scripture and God forbid I was Catholic. When I began to question her about things, her beliefs, she burst into tears and told me I was Satan in disguise testing her.

    Fantards, religious zealots, really all just the same bat-shit crazy mindset. I really don’t think Adam gives too much thought to them. I certainly don’t.

  6. Shirl permalink
    October 18, 2009 8:07 pm

    To LambertLover ~ I don’t give a shizz if you quote me on here but I object when you name me as the quoter of such a stupid remark as ‘I want to be Danny’s little sister”.

    Get your facts straight if you want to quote people. Otherwise find something else to do with your life.

    • TopIdol permalink
      October 18, 2009 8:19 pm

      Did someone say you said that? It definitely wasn’t you.

  7. Sherena permalink
    October 18, 2009 7:48 pm

    I want Danny to do a photo spread like Adam’s, except for with a naked boy. To make it equivalent 🙂

    • Lauren permalink
      October 18, 2009 7:50 pm

      While your comment scarred me for life, that is the funniest thing I have read in a while!

      • Sherena permalink
        October 18, 2009 9:25 pm

        Glad to be of service 😛

        • TopIdol permalink
          October 18, 2009 9:29 pm

          OMG. Ha. Which one were you?

          I wasn’t totally mean…honestly, the Gokeytard stuff was more ridiculous 🙂

        • Sherena permalink
          October 18, 2009 10:46 pm

          Which one…? *confused*

          I wasn’t any of the tweeters you quoted, lol. I just need a photoshoot with Danny and a naked boy in my life.

    • veritas permalink
      October 19, 2009 12:09 am

      Danny would only love a naked man or boy in a “godly” way. The way he loves Michael Sarver.

  8. girl from mars permalink
    October 18, 2009 6:47 pm

    I’m still so bummed out, but thanks for making me laugh! I loved the one about meeting someone who knew Adam at a Twilight convention- something somewhere has to explode because of that.

  9. 8sweetcandy permalink
    October 18, 2009 6:11 pm

    Very funny stuff. Also relieved you didn’t include anything I wrote.

  10. 12cubed permalink
    October 18, 2009 5:06 pm

    “I can’t believe I’m doing this, but I’ll say something kind of nice about the Glamberts. They may often be batshit crazy, but at least the majority of them aren’t crazy Jesus lovers like oh-so many of the Gokey fans.”

    Maybe. But when it comes to viciousness and pure nastiness in large numbers, I’ve yet to see anyone outdo the Glamberts. They’re some of the worst I’ve seen in any fandom.

    • TopIdol permalink
      October 18, 2009 5:15 pm


      But I was trying to be nice for once 🙂

  11. veritas permalink
    October 18, 2009 4:29 pm

    I guess the ones who send Adam crosses not only haven’t heard that you can’t pray yourself out of homosexuality, but haven’t heard that he’s JEWISH.

    Smartie, is that you? Why have you forsaken us?

    • Lauren permalink
      October 18, 2009 4:36 pm

      Yup, cuz sending him a cross will totally convince him to be straight and Christian. WE NEED TO BRING OUR PRECIOUS ADAM TO SALVATION!!!!! ughh yes I have heard sick things like this before. My friend “Adam used to be my favorite idol, but then I found out he was gay! *gasp*” Ughhh bigots.

      Sorry for that rant…

  12. Lauren permalink
    October 18, 2009 4:27 pm

    Pahahahahaa she wants to be his sister and see him nude????? That girl has some screwed up perceptions of normal family relations! (I think I just vomited a little)
    The Glambert ones don’t seem to be that insane…just kind of random and airhead-y. There are some Glambert Jesus lovers though. They are the ones who continually send him crosses in the mail. Poor guy.

  13. Smartie permalink
    October 18, 2009 4:26 pm


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