Adam Lambert: This is your life

Adam Lambert always wanted to be famous. And now he is famous. He released a (subpar) single that’s also the theme for an overblown, big-budget blockbuster popcorn flick, and his album is released in less than a month. He’s performing at the American Music Awards (Are the AMAs even legitimate? Aren’t they one step up from the People’s Choice Awards. Hell, the Grammys lost nearly all relevance with Milli Vanilli.) and he’s the cover story for November’s Details magazine.

So Adam Lambert is famous. While many people would love to believe fame is a double-dong dildo, everyone knows its a double-edged sword. And things like this will happen to your likeness in the middle of a Barnes & Noble.

People also write Lambert poetry. $20 says a ‘Twas the Night Before Fierceness and The 12 Days of Glambert show up before Sinterklaas.

JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING THAT CAME TO ME, INSPIRED BY THE ALIEN FROM PLANET FIERCE..

Standing by the window, staring out into the night,
I watched the moon rise ‘bove the trees and saw a flash of light,
A comet streaked black velvet sky, cut fractured swathe of blue,
And from the tip of slender tail, a strand of star-fire flew.
Shocking was the brilliance, I wondered what it might have been,
So I called the local radio to report what I had seen.

“You’re not the first to call,” they said; a thousand more agreed
That something split the peaceful calm and sowed a wondering seed.
Though nature said we should be scared, it felt we needn’t fear
This object of our wonderment that’d crossed the stratosphere.
And just a short time later, came the news that hearts would pierce.
That comet hurtling through our sky came from the planet Fierce.

“Don’t be afraid,” the newsman said, “we see no threat to earth.
For we have followed comet’s course and know that it will birth
A glittered god, the like of which mankind has long awaited
Prediction said our paths would cross; this meeting has been fated.
For in decree we saw it written that blessing of his voice
Would fill the world with light and love; let human hearts rejoice.”

But twenty-seven years of suns would rise and set again,
Before we’d recognize his face or hear his hallowed name.
We listened for the sound that caused a tremble through the air,
And while good art had come and gone, the union wasn’t there.
Until the winter of ‘09, young man with smile so warm,
Projected light through TV sets and took this world by storm.

In concert houses nation wide, he’s conquered every stage,
His name is now that household word and splashed across the page.
And when those dreams he’s asked about, delight he can’t restrain,
His smile bright, he answers clear, “I want to entertain.”
And from example seen thus far, it should come as no shock,
That alien from Planet Fierce will rule the world of rock.

Chameleon, shape-shifting lord, we know from far off place,
Although he looks like one of us, he no doubt came from space.
For no one owns our soul like he, his spell is undenying,
His eyes are mirrors of his grace; that voice sends sprits flying.
And songs we’ve heard a hundred times are by his power grand,
The notes a cosmic symphony under his command.

If by chance you’ve been up close, then surely you now see,
That everything about him seems so other-worldly;
A brilliant light shines from his core; his laugh is sheer perfection,
Emotions run so pure in him; he’s forged a strong connection
With those in this adopted world who’ve waited far too long
For Adam’s voice to bless their lives with beauty of his song.

Come on, ladies! Step it up. I want to see photos with Adam Lambert dolls. I know they’re out there. Why does Jason Castro get to have all the fun?