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SYTYCD Top 20: Dancing just for fun doesn’t mean your toes won’t get all bloody

October 27, 2009

What’s the point of this nonsense? These people will be allowed to dance without the threat of being eliminated?

What’s the fun in that?

SYTYCD is taking advantage of the Yankees-Angels ALCS only going 6 games to give us an hour of dancing and the Goddess Cat Deeley. Of course, I think it may be for 1980s British Hair to tease the public with this “fourth judge”.

SYTYCD-Paula-Abdul-Empty-Chair

For all the hell Nigel Lythgoe gets, Idol was better with him at the helm. He may catch flack for his seemingly anti-gay humor (I think he’s just being British — Americans tend to take things way too seriously in the name of political correctness) but 1980s British Hair is a smart man. He knows everyone LOVES Percocet Paula! They’re probably gonna have to stock more Captain Morgan backstage now that Ms. Abdul is coming aboard, but yay for Nigel to showing Paula some love. Frak you, Idol. America loves kind-hearted crazy people, not those with a vocabulary limited to the words dawg and sing and phonebook; and SHIT FOR BRAINS who can’t get their numbers right and write songs like No Boundaries and Open Toes.

So now we know Paula Abdul isn’t one of the million or so Americans out of work right now. While I have a feeling she would be fine financially, I must admit, I do like me some crazy Paula on my crappy reality talent contests. I don’t want to buy the woman’s jewelry or anything, but I’m not looking forward to an American Idol (not like I actually anticipate that garbage in the first place) without Paula Abdul. I think Ellen DeGeneres is great, but hey, she’s no Percocet Paula.

I want to get drunk at a trashy, country & western mechanical-bull bar with Mary Murphy and Paula Abdul. This thought just came over me. Because it would be all sorts of awesome. We would have to have a driver, but that’s cool, because I’m a safety first kind of gal!

Back to this show…and the season’s first group dance!

Comanche (The Revels)
Wade & Amanda Robson

Sweet. SYTYCD is telling America’s youth that it’s okay to smokey-smoke. And Mormon Mollee Moron, I believe, looks like a painted on…

SYTYCD-Comanche-Group-Dance

I’ve always loved this song, ever since Pulp Fiction. And I’m digging this group number because its truly a production. I’m also thinking tapper Bianca Revels is going to be a force to recon with in the upcoming competition.

Beggin’ (District 78 Remix) — Madcon
Tabitha & Napoleon

This week, they’re choreographing the three hip-hop dancers — Krumper Russell Ferguson, B-Boy Jonathan “Legacy” Perez, and Kevin Hunte. Whoo hoo. Russell Ferguson is actually from Boston. Not that I’m all about rooting for hometowners, but it’s nice to see a couple of kids from the area represent.

The routine is fun, energetic and all that jazz. Everyone is good, however, I dunno…Russell Ferguson seems to be a definite standout for me. I also wonder as to if anyone stuck money in their hats at the conclusion of the performance. People are crazy, ya know?

SYTYCD-Hip-Hop-Dance-Russell-Legacy-Kevin

Oh wait…I spoke WAY too soon. All the cute sorority girls they bus in from USC came rushing up waving dollar bills. I bet that shit was counterfeit. Not because these three fine young gentleman don’t deserve the Washingtons, but ya know, this is SYTYCD, the sister show to American Idol...this stuff is as fixed as RuPaul.

Why do I often enjoy 1980s British Hair’s sincere enthusiasm? Why do I want NappyTabs to teach me hip hop dancing? Where is Sonya Tayeh? I miss Sonya.

Crying — k.d. Lang
Tyce DiOrio (Contemporary)

Nathan Trasoras, Jakob Carr, Channing Cooke and Ariana Debose are this season’s contemporary dancers. I thought Tyce Tyce “>DiOrio only did Broadway. Color me stupid. If he’s doing contemporary, where the frak is my girl Sonya??? Ariana notes Tyce is more a director than a choreographer. Dude. I totally thought a choreographer WAS a director…of dance.

People are running around in ripped, cream-hued garments to a k.d. lang song. It’s like a Massingil commercial where the chick not only loses her fresh feeling, but also her dog. Lovely, yes. But this type of contemporary dance is putting me to sleep. I want angry Sonya back! Tyce’s “sadness” dance is too overwrought with faux-emotive theatrics. It may be contemporary, yes, but it’s still Broadway.

SYTYCD-Nathan-Channing-Contemporary

But it doesn’t take my love away from Nathan and Channing!

(In case you were wondering, I’m saving the Mary-Murphy-Glass-Is-Almost-Empty game for the voting rounds. And HELLO?? So glad Paula gets to drink out of a transparent unmarked glass now! WHOO HOO VICODIN HOO!!!)

TAP IS THE NEW GAY

Take the “A” Train — Ella Fitzgerald
Derek Kaye Grant

Tappers Peter Sabasino, Bianca Revels, and Phillip Atmore–this season’s THREE tappers–are performing together with a brand new choreographer. I really have no idea as to why the tap contingency has been ignored for 5 seasons of SYTYCD. It’s tap dancing for chrissake. Remember Gregory Hines? That man was amazing. Saw him once, not long before he died. On my 23rd birthday as I left the Russian Tea Room. Gregory Hines was standing outside talking to two friends. He wasn’t tap dancing, but it was still awesome. RIP Gregory Hines.

Plus, everybody loves tap dancing. It makes people smile. It’s classic. Timeless. And hello? A Rastafarian was teaching them this routine. How is tap not cool? Forget about tap dancers, how bizarre is it that there’s never been a tap dance on the show. This is so refreshing after so many Massingil commercial contemporary routines. I like the tappers. And I’m really starting to adore Bianca Revels.

SYTYCD-Three-Tappers

1980s British Hair still thinks its gonna be tough for the tappers, because the others can’t do tap…but they have to do everybody else’s style. Hey, color me stupid, but my niece has danced her entire life. She’s majoring in dance (and math) in college and she’s now taken up aerials. But until college, she was always, ballet/tap/jazz. It’s like the standard curiculum…so it’s not like these guys are going in with ZERO other dance experience.

(Anyway…you know that feel-good magical negro sports movie Sandra Bullock has coming out, The Blind Side? I kind of want to see it. I’ll wait until its on cable. Sometimes I like feel-good sports movies but there is no way in hell it’s gonna be better than the Goldie Hawn classic Wildcats.)

JAZZ HANDIES

Oh groan. Ellenore Scott, Pauline Tata and Mormon Mollee Moron show up for their jazz rehearsal with…

On a Cloud — PPP
SONYA TAYEH!!!

Sonya claims its difficult for her to teach girls how to be sexy when she’s not sexy at all. WHATEVIA. Sonya Tayeh is totally sexy. Because she’s Sonya Tayeh. And frankly, she puts out some of the most innovative and imaginative routines seen on this show. I also end up downloading at least 1 or 2 songs per season because I discover them through Tayeh’s routines.

SYTYCD-Sexy-Sonya-Tayeh

It makes me sad Mollee gets to hang out with Sonya so soon. But the other girls are coolio for now. They managed to straighten Mollee’s hair…but she still looks idiotic. Ellenore and Pauline seem to move more naturally…it just doesn’t seem as forced with them…so they should stop giving Mollee excess solo moments. This is supposed to be a “sexy” routine, but her youthful (Utah) naivite is uh, definitely making her seem about 14-15-years-old again. Adam Shankmann thinks Sonya was able to make jazz hands and tutus sexy, which is uber-difficulty. He also thinks MMM danced with maturity. Meh. Have you noticed they’re telling them ALL nice things tonight? It’s all a ruse!

SYTYCD-Mollee-Ellenore-Pauline

THE EXPANDED GUIDE TO CONTEMPORARY LIVING

And our second set of contemporary dancers take the stage, including Billy Bell, who was forced to drop out of the competition today due to illness. After reading the official statement from Billy Bell’s family, all I can say is GET WELL SOON. The poor guy. I really hope he makes a full recovery. It’s terrible, and hopefully, he will dance again and most importantly, return to his studies at Julliard.

Victor Smalley, Billy Bell, Noelle Marsh and Torture Tears Kathryn McCormick are paired up with Mandy Moore. Mandy Moore always seems so nice. I like her. She’s goofy.

Jesus christ. ANOTHER BLOODY TOENAIL ON SYTYCD!!!

SYTYCD-Bloody-Toe

I guess they’re doing…Viva La Vida?

Viva La Vida — Coldplay
Mandy Moore

There is a cheesy wooded backdrop. I think they are supposed to be forest people. Mormon Mollee Moron’s BFF Noelle Marsh is 20x the dancer MMM is. They keep doing those leaps and stuff. You know, that contemporary crap, yet I rally can’t begrudge their talent. I can’t do any of that stuff, not in a organized routine, anyway. And right now, I really don’t care what they do as long as I don’t have to hear Torture Tears speak or EGAD cry.

SYTYCD-Kathryn-Billy-Noelle-Victor-Cat

Adam Shankmann offers a nice history and explanation of contemporary vs. jazz styles. Contemporary is rooted in classical, while jazz is more about characterization. I like Adam Shanmann. Plus, he made Hairspray. Considering not only my black heart, but also my refusal to see 98% of anything featuring a noted Scientologist (Hey, it pains me every Sunday night to know Peggy Olson sipped the barley water as a child.), lemme just tell you how much I LOVE Hairspray. If you don’t like Hairspray, you suck as a person and at life. You probably all kick puppies and kittens.

BALLROOM BLITZ

Everything I Can’t Have — Robin Thicke
Jason Gilkison

Let’s gear up for a fancy threesome with ballroom/latin dancers Karen Hauer, plus husband & wife finalists Ryan DiLello and Ashleigh DiLello. This might be fun…or at least the inspiration for an adult movie writer/director or something.

SYTYCD-Ballroom-Karen-Ryan-Ashleigh

Appropriately, we have the whole love triangle thing going on in this little ballroom number, which reminds me I know nothing about Robin Thicke except his father was on Growing Pains and I met him when I was 12. And now he does commercials hawking time shares on manmade swamp land in Las Vegas or something. I’ve heard this Robin Thicke is quite popular with the kids these days. He sounds like he’s aiming to be the adopted love child of Michael Buble and Justin Timberlake. But the song is kind of fun, as is the dance. And in case you were wondering, Ashleigh gets her husband Ryan back by the end of the song.

I don’t think Crazy Mary Murphy is busting out free tickets to her Crazy Captain Morgan & Vicodin Hot Tamale Train until the judging rounds begin, but she thought they were hot hot hot like Buster Poindexter.

Tomorrow night, this shit show returns for TWO WHOLE HOURS. Ugh. But…I think PERCOCET PAULA WILL BE THERE!!! So take two and read me in the evening.

I promise.

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. Brit permalink
    October 27, 2009 3:19 pm

    Wow. Glad I just wasted 10 minutes of my life reading the rantings of a prejudiced bigot. What is your deal, hating on mormons? After reading your american idol post on salt lake city, I definitely am never reading your stuff again. Why is bigotry okay when it’s against Mormons but not other groups. Not cool.

    • TopIdol permalink
      October 27, 2009 5:40 pm

      I do not hate Mormons. Nor am I a prejudiced bigot.

      I am just curious, however, as to why there are many Mormons on reality TV competitions. And every young Mormon girl I see, up to probably their mid-20s, if they show their parents, the mother looks like she could be her sister.

      Just a few things I’ve seen from watching a few of these shows, that’s all.

      • Brit permalink
        October 29, 2009 5:17 pm

        It wasn’t the SYTYCD article that I had issues wish, it was the article where you bashed SLC, Utah, Joseph Smith, etc. I just don’t see how people can get away with bashing on one religion, but not another. It’s such a double standard.

        The SYTYCD comment, I agree – there are definitely some mom/sister looks going on. I don’t have a problem with that comment, it was funny. A lot of your stuff is funny. That’s why I followed the link to some of your other articles, and that’s where the ignorant “Joseph Smith” and magic underwear comments began.

        I’m not saying you are a horrible person by any means. And maybe “bigot” was too harsh, but I do think that insensitive, intolerant, and ignorant apply. And I’m not even Mormon.

  2. Dean Boutilier permalink
    October 27, 2009 1:58 pm

    Tap was big on this year’s SYTYCD Canada. Matter of fact, tapper Everett actually made it to the Top 4. Plus, Canada’s Top 20 had a krumper. A female one, at that. Contemporary dancer Tara-Jean won the title of “Canada’s Favourite Dancer”, FWIW.

    Having said that, this season’s American Top 20 look like a good bunch. Should be a great season!

    (Hate the new set, though…looks like a giant snow globe.)

  3. SarahBeth permalink
    October 27, 2009 12:52 pm

    Ok, I really liked this show – it was a good concept.

    I wish Idol would do something like this as an introduction of sorts. And TI, I didn’t know if you saw, but MJ posted a great video with Nigel saying why they decided to do this special.

    Totally bummed out that Billy is gone, but I do LOVE Russell. Wow.

    • TopIdol permalink
      October 27, 2009 2:51 pm

      They decided to do the special because the Yankess beat the Angels in 6 games. 🙂

  4. LeighKat permalink
    October 27, 2009 11:08 am

    Oh yeah- Skankman worked with Paula waaaay back when on the legendary MC Skat Cat video as a dancer and later lied about it- saying he did the choreography- so this should be fun! lol! Oh, think he sued JLO once… this guy is awesome.

    • TopIdol permalink
      October 27, 2009 11:53 am

      If ONLY he would stop consorting with Katie Holmes. Although I think that was more Tyce DiOrio, they’re still all involved with Dizzy Feet. Which would be a great charity if there wasn’t a scientologist attached to it.

  5. LeighKat permalink
    October 27, 2009 11:02 am

    Missed the first half of the show and was bored to tears but most the routines I saw. Very bummed to learn that Billy Bell is out. He, Russell and Ellenore are my favs.
    On the Robin Thicke tip- he’s pretty awesome actually. Saw him perform at the Cayman JazzFest last year. Everthing I can’t Have is a pretty old song, you should check out that album though “The Evolution of Robin Thicke”

  6. October 27, 2009 6:12 am

    Ok so I can’t watch SYTYCD in the country in which I currently reside without devoting about 12 hours of my time that I don’t have, so these people are all strangers to me, but YOU ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT NIGEL. I LOVE NIGEL. HE KEPT IDOL GOING. And now that he’s gone, it’s gone to CRAP. And I don’t get to see him anymore.
    And btw, he’s a total liberal democrat whatever nonsense. And he works in dance and show business. He’s definitely not homophobic. B/c at Idol Gives Back in ’08, they were having McCain, Obama, and Clinton messages for the show, and Nigel was all like ANY REPUBLICANS? (Insert me, my mother, and other various Jews who were there cheering) ANY DEMOCRATS? (loud uproar, it was Hollywood after all) CLINTON? (not much noise) OBAMA? (we all know what happens) and then he starts praising the Lord Messiah Obama but then gets all pissy b/c he’s British so he can’t vote.
    But yeah.
    He likes gay people.
    Others are stupid.
    NIGEL, GO BACK TO IDOL PLEASE! SAVE IT! NOW!

  7. Nancy permalink
    October 27, 2009 1:17 am

    Promise? 🙂

  8. Smartie permalink
    October 27, 2009 12:27 am

    Don’t buy Paula’s jewellery, it turns your skin green.

    The lady on the far right of the smoking photo looks like Syesha.

    Needs more drooler.

    Mayoreo.

    • TopIdol permalink
      October 27, 2009 12:30 am

      I have a feeling she will drool more during the next few shows. You can’t hide that sort of condition.

      DROOLERRRR

      • Smartie permalink
        October 27, 2009 12:42 am

        I need a DROOLER FTW tshirt.

        • TopIdol permalink
          October 27, 2009 12:46 am

          So I’m definitely not the only one who noticed her mouth all glistening with spittle? Exactly. She’s a drooler. It looked as if she was trying to fan it dry at first, too. Very odd. Use a tissue.

          • Smartie permalink
            October 27, 2009 12:57 am

            I don’t watch this show. I just like the thought of a drooler winning.

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