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Danny Gokey’s Debut Single: It’s Only…one of the biggest pieces of garbage you’ve ever heard

November 6, 2009

I tried being objective. I swear. I’m not even one of those people who says they like “everything but country”.

Danny Gokey’s first single, It’s Only, was released this morning on Milwaukee’s country station, FM106.1.

Anyway, Johnny Cash…he also had a dead wife and loved Jesus, well, he’s rolling over in his grave right now. Granted, mainstream country hasn’t been in the realm of Cash’s rockabilly for decades, but hey, I can always sit through Willie Nelson’s Always On My Mind. And when Johnny’s beloved June Carter Cash died, he did a cover of Nine Inch Nails’ Hurt, which will forever remain one of the most emotionally-powerful songs ever recorded. He wasn’t singing schlock and making heart signs with his hands. Johnny Cash was the muthafraking MAN IN BLACK.

This is absolute garbage. It’s soooo bad, in fact, that I’ve decided to transcribe the lyrics.

It’s been 18 months and 14 days
Bobby can’t get a new job
Repo Man’s gonna take his van
I hear Bobby’s given up on God

Ok…I can’t do this. Luckily, some Gokey fans have (obviously) already saved me the trouble. Have you ever read such shit in all your life? Hell no. I soooo want David Allen Coe to beat this yahoo’s ass. I don’t even know if I can listen to the rest of it. And where’s the lyric about Bobby’s dog dying?

He needs a hand up and not a hand out
Hey, everybody’s gotta suffer
Don’t worry, Don’t worry
It’s only my brother

Where is that poverty line
I’ve never really seen it
Look around I’m doing fine
I’m not really sure I believe it
On the other side of town schools are falling down
But me I’m riding in style
Don’t worry, don’t worry
It’s only a child

There’s a homeless woman with a shopping cart
Living on the street
Lord knows she can’t come in here where the pretty people meet
We’re all dressed in our Sunday best
And she smiles when she sees us
Don’t worry it’s only Jesus

There’s a the face in the mirror
A man that I can be
Lord won’t you open my eyes
Won’t you help me see
A hungry child needs more than a piece of bread
Brother needs a job to get ahead
And the homeless a place to lay their head
And as much as I’ve been giving
I could never give enough
Don’t worry it’s only love

It’s only love
When you’re lonely you’re empty
Only one thing can fill you up
And it’s only it’s only it’s only love

Songs chronicling an era’s prevailing cultural zeilgiest often don’t hold up — its why love songs are more endearing than songs about war. However, some songs transcend this genre by speaking about hope in a way that’s not cloying or cheesy. You ever hear Bruce Springsteen’s The Rising? Hell, anything by Springsteen? Born in the USA may be cheesetastic in it’s own special way, but you know you still turn that shit up sometimes. Even I’m On Fire — about a Vietnam vet — is still powerful. Springsteen’s music transcends eras even when it was originally recorded to capture a particular mood of that specific time.

Danny Gokey may be the one person on this planet who makes telethons and Hallmark Channel movies seem edgy in comparison.

It’s Only is one of the cheesiest pieces of shit I’ve ever heard. It also sounds indistinguishable from any mainstream country garbage from a male artist. Hopefully, Nashville will see what a fraud this bastard is and toss him out on his ass where he belongs. And as far as Idol and country music goes, I don’t know all that much except Carrie Underwood bugs the shit out of me, Kellie Pickler should blow her newfound fortune on meth and go back to the Sonic Burger, and that I am always happy to hear Bucky Covington has been enjoying decent success in the country market. I like Bucky Convington. I would like him and David Allen Coe to beat Gokey’s ass.

Hell, when I was 19, in “love” with an idiot, and had PMS, I once got misty-eyed because I heard Tim McGraw’s Please Don’t Take The Girl. Afterward, I felt violated. Have you ever heard the lyrics? That shit was auditory, beyond-cheesy Nashville chick porn. I was naive, young and hadn’t been out of Missouri in several years. But I don’t hate Tim McGraw. I have a couple of Tim McGraw songs on my iPod. Hell, I even have a couple by Taylor Swift, so help me flying spaghetti monster. The point I’m trying to make is that hey, I’m open. I’m not just gonna call something shit because it’s country — or modern mainstream country music, more specifically.

But this is complete and utter shit. Here. Let’s make this pain go away, shall we? And then, once again, please listen to ERIC CARTMAN SINGING POKER FACE. Rinse and repeat if necessary. To go the extra step in protecting yourself against any permanent sensory impairments after experiencing the auditory hell that is Danny Gokey’s debut single , follow my instructions and finish by gazing at this:

jon-hamm-baseball-uniform

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70 Comments leave one →
  1. November 8, 2009 2:31 pm

    Wow. I lasted 20 seconds. Worst song EVER! Thank you, though, for washing our minds out with Cartman’s Poker Face afterwards.

  2. cimi permalink
    November 8, 2009 3:03 am

    There’s nothing wrong with Gokey’s song. what the heck are you all up-in-arms about?
    It sounds just fine. Here’s what I think—you all aren’t Christians and that’s why you don’t get it.

    • Lauren permalink
      November 8, 2009 9:09 am

      I seriously doubt that with the number of people who have expressed hatred of the song, that NONE of them are Christian…Our entire country is Christian…so my assumption is a safe one.

      • TopIdol permalink
        November 8, 2009 10:03 am

        Our entire country is not Christian, but there are millions who may at least believe somewhat…and that’s just a bad song. I know many people who believe in God and/or Christ but aren’t nuts about it.

        • Lauren permalink
          November 8, 2009 3:55 pm

          Haha I know. I’m not Christian. I was generalizing…

  3. idon'tgetit permalink
    November 7, 2009 5:24 pm

    Johnny Cash’s beloved Rosalind? Huh? This reference went over my head. Johnny Cash’s beloved wife June Carter Cash passed away in May 2003 and Johnny Cash passed away four months later. Johnny Cash recorded and released “Hurt” in 2002 while suffering deteriorating health.
    In case it’s a situation of illustration factual errors rather than my own cluelessness, I thought I’d let you know. One way or another, your point about schlock is a good one and the contrast with the Man in Black is striking.
    I always enjoy your rants, viewpoints, and writing style.
    (Although I’m still hoping that you’ll decide to let Quatto rest in peace and move on to other topics or obsessions.)
    Thanks for a fun blog!

    • TopIdol permalink
      November 7, 2009 5:27 pm

      OMG. Thank you. (Hangs head in shame.)

      I was typing so fast…I knew something wasn’t right. I swear I’m not an idiot. But I thought the song was released after June’s death, no? I’ll look into it, but yes, I do remember them both passing only months apart from one another.

      Wow. Was it really THAT long ago they both died? I can’t believe it was 7 years ago. Time flies.

      • 8sourcandy permalink
        November 7, 2009 5:47 pm

        Just say you were drunk.

      • November 7, 2009 9:38 pm

        Rosalind, LMAO. You must’ve been thinking June Carter, but your mind pulled a Freudian and you thought of Jimmy Carter. His wife is named Rosalynn :P.

  4. Lauren permalink
    November 7, 2009 3:32 pm

    I had to turn it off after the brother thing but I read the lyrics and that was painful enough. This is crap. I can stand Danny doing PYT or something but this was worse than “Scream On”…

  5. Steph permalink
    November 7, 2009 8:44 am

    I made it through one whole listen. The first and last one.

    That was the sorriest piece of shit I’ve ever heard.

    I thought oh, I sure hated on Gokey last season but maybe, just maybe this won’t be too bad….

    IT WAS WORSE.

    Thank goodness it wasn’t memorable and nothing I had to worry about stuck in my head.

  6. 8sourcandy permalink
    November 7, 2009 3:06 am

    Hook? This song has a memorable hook? All I remember is Jesus and the homeless woman with the cart. That’s not a hook. That’s just sad.

    • TopIdol permalink
      November 7, 2009 3:22 pm

      And jesus wasn’t even pushing the homeless woman in her cart.

  7. 8sourcandy permalink
    November 7, 2009 3:04 am

    “This is 100% Danny, right in his wheelhouse” if that means the place where he buys his big wheels of cheese, then yeas it fits right in.

    • auntieaimee permalink
      November 7, 2009 1:25 pm

      That is exactly what it means. It’s the perfect song for him!

  8. Smartie permalink
    November 7, 2009 1:39 am

    I think Heliotripe stopped because she was too busy masturbating to this DRECK. Sick old hag that she is.

    • TopIdol permalink
      November 7, 2009 1:54 am

      Hopefully she had her big long cry.

  9. lurker permalink
    November 7, 2009 1:11 am

    “What does YOUR opinion Matter! Danny Gokey is GOING to make it!”

    I love tard logic. If you like it , post it and your right about it and your opinion matters! if you don’t, STFU! no one cares what you think! (insert male contestant here) going to be huge!

    “How come adam is being soo quiet right now? How come no one is talking about Allen’s video? Think before you try to blog and poorly “diss” someone. Honestly!” j

    WTF? what does that have to do with her commenting on DWP’s single? (by the way LLWD music video post has over 2 times the comments then DWP’s single post on mjs. Shit even a post about a girl who would like to sing with Adam has more post’s. So my dear tard in your own words ” Think before you try to blog and poorly “diss” someone. Honestly!”

  10. Carlisle permalink
    November 7, 2009 1:11 am

    Somehow, I had not yet listened to Cartman singing “Poker Face.” It is every bit as brilliant as you claimed.

    (What, Danny’s single? I’m pretending that didn’t happen.)

  11. 8sourcandy permalink
    November 7, 2009 12:38 am

    Wisconsin called, they want their cheese back.

    • deez permalink
      November 7, 2009 1:02 am

      Sadly, it won’t be returned in pristine condition.

    • TopIdol permalink
      November 7, 2009 1:14 am

      YAY!!! HELIOTRIPE has weighed in!

      I rushed home so I could listen to Danny’s single again–and while I read all the posts, I kept repeating it over and over. Every time I hear it I love it more. Even though Jesus is mentioned, this is not just a Christian song–it’s a universal song about love. Danny sings it with so much passion and yet tenderness, but the rough edge is still there. His vocals shine through–unlike the other Idols’ songs, this one is not overproduced at all. The violins in the background add a country feel, but it’s really not very country. This is 100% Danny, right in his wheelhouse, and of all the idol’s singles, this one is most representative of its singer as an artist.

      Something about this song is hitting me right in my heart, and the healing tears have been flowing. Later on I’ll indulge myself and really let myself cry because that’s what this song does to you and it’s perfect. I’ve gone to some other sites and read the comments, and the haters who are still hating seem almost desperate not to like this song. Some are annoyed because they find themselves liking it and didn’t want to like it more than their own idol’ singles. But even though I’m a Danny fan and am biased, I think this is the most likely to become a smash hit, because the melody sticks in your head once you’ve heard it. When I heard the other idols’ singles, I could barely remember what they sounded like once I wasn’t actually listening. Songs that become hits have a hook you can remember easily, they get styck in your head, and this song has all that. Pam, I agree with you, while I did like David Cook’s album for the most part, none of the songs released from it (with the exception of his coronation single TOML) had that memorable hook. I think this will shoot straight to #1 once it’s officially released.

      I’m wondering too why it’s been played so far ahead of its official release on Dec 14th. I have a feeling it has something to do with the CMA awards and possibly Danny will be singing this or presenting. I also have a feeling he may be appearing on Carrie Underwood’s Christmas special and singing this song since it has a message very appropriate for the season. I think this may be part of the preparation for that–and if I am right, this would be incredible because my other favorite, David Cook, is going to be on her special too.

      I could go on and on but this post is long enough. Danny is a beautiful man and has created a beautiful song. It’s his gift to us, and I love him so much right now.

      • deez permalink
        November 7, 2009 1:46 am

        I almost cried after hearing it as well.

      • 8sourcandy permalink
        November 7, 2009 2:50 am

        I peed. I really peed. I couldn’t get past the part when she was going to “indulge herself” in Danny’s case this of course means cry.

        • retarred permalink
          November 8, 2009 10:38 am

          I took it to mean she was reaching for her silver bullet for a quick buzz. 😉

          • 8sourcandy permalink
            November 8, 2009 11:45 am

            I’m not sure if you mean a beer or a vibrator.

            I would imagine that his Jesus lov’n fan’s are probably vision and hearing impaired drunks not vision and hearing impaired masturbators. They have been repressing their sexual desires for so many years that when the do get mildly aroused they burst in to tears. Then pray about. Not judging, just saying.

            • retarred permalink
              November 8, 2009 4:34 pm

              Oh, I meant a vibrator alright. Even the most Christian of them surely masturbate. Don’t they?

  12. girl from mars permalink
    November 7, 2009 12:13 am

    Wow. I didn’t listen to the song because reading the lyrics was enough to make me retch. At least the title leaves an opening for loads of punch lines.

  13. freedavidcook permalink
    November 6, 2009 11:24 pm

    He’s even ripping off some of the recent bigger hits on contemporary Christian music with that Gawd-awful cheesetastic mess. Gokey’s CD is destined from the $1.99 rack two weeks after it comes out, along with Adam’s and Kris’s. Nothing original from any of them.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you TI for posting the Jon Hamm photo! It almost makes up for having to think about Gokey. Madam-tards, Gokey-tards and Kris-tards, take a good long look. This is what REAL talent looks like!

    • Verbally Dyslexic permalink
      November 6, 2009 11:57 pm

      Jon Hamm sings?

      • TopIdol permalink
        November 7, 2009 12:52 am

        He doesn’t need to when its impossible for him to take a bad photo. Wow. Today has been like, JON HAMM DAY!!!

        Image and video hosting by TinyPic

        • deez permalink
          November 7, 2009 1:04 am

          What the hell? Is he filming, or does he just walk around looking like that everyday???

          • TopIdol permalink
            November 7, 2009 1:06 am

            He was at an airport, so yes, he does just walk around like that everyday. Incredible, ain’t it?

    • 8sourcandy permalink
      November 7, 2009 12:34 am

      Adam-tards would be sufficient. No need for the M.

  14. deez permalink
    November 6, 2009 11:20 pm

    The new “TweetBeat’s here!! The new Tweetbeat’s here!!!”

    http://mjsbigblog.com/tweet-beat-featuring-adam-lambert-and-kris-allen-h-ween-or-h-peen.htm

  15. auntieaimee permalink
    November 6, 2009 10:34 pm

    Hokey Gokey.

  16. deez permalink
    November 6, 2009 10:26 pm

    Oh and I would be amiss, to not THANK YOU, TI, for that beautiful pic of Jon Hamm in a STL cap and Nat’l League Celebrity Softball Jersey… it wipes away the Gokey entirely.

    (Thank you again and again)

  17. deez permalink
    November 6, 2009 10:22 pm

    It’s all kinds of God-awful. Gokey fans at MJ’s were gushing over how much better this cheesefried crap was than Adam’s, Kris’, or Allison’s….Lol. I guess there is a market for such Velveeta …witness the success of Thomas Kinkade…the low standards of the masses *sigh*.

    I made it till the part about “It’s only My brother”…then,” buh-bye.” (I’d rather gouge my eardrums with a meat thermometer)

    • TopIdol permalink
      November 6, 2009 11:13 pm

      I love it whenever the wholesome, Christian Kinkade gets busted for public intoxication.

  18. Sherena permalink
    November 6, 2009 9:58 pm

    It’s okay. I let one of my friends listen to it and she says “it’s good if you listen to it without paying attention to it” — so basically background music.

    • November 6, 2009 9:59 pm

      Yes, background music.

      It’s the musical NyQuil.

    • 8sourcandy permalink
      November 6, 2009 10:45 pm

      My cat just left the room. He’s still traumatized from the “Dream On” scream.

      • November 6, 2009 10:54 pm

        Here’s a pickle of a survey:

        Would you rather…:

        A) …Have a “Scream On” alarm clock with a broken Snooze button?
        B) …Be trapped in a soundproof (to the outside) room, in which Von Smith shrieking plays on a sporadic loop?

        O_O;;;.

        • 8sourcandy permalink
          November 6, 2009 11:01 pm

          There isn’t enough distinction between the two for it to be much of a choice. If you make c) death, I would choose that one.

          • November 7, 2009 9:40 pm

            That is always the secret option.

            Does “Death-by-Sanjaya’s-ponyhawk-which-he-totally-ripped-off-Nadia-Turner-with” sound fun enough?

            • TopIdol permalink
              November 7, 2009 9:45 pm

              I loved Nadia Turner.

            • November 7, 2009 9:50 pm

              Atta girl. Nadia was the BEST thing about Season 4–well, her and Bo. That was such a hot mess of a fail season, frankly.

              “Try a Little Tenderness”, to this day, remains my all-time favorite Idol performance.

            • 8sourcandy permalink
              November 8, 2009 11:34 am

              Death by Sanjaya would be EPIC.

  19. on the edge permalink
    November 6, 2009 9:57 pm

    TI, you had me at “I want David Allan Coe to beat his ass.”

  20. saskin permalink
    November 6, 2009 9:51 pm

    I kind of felt second hand embarrassment and my eyes were watering. Is that bad?

    By the way this:

    Danny Gokey may be the one person on this planet who makes telethons and Hallmark Channel movies seem edgy in comparison.

    is brilliant.

  21. LeighKat permalink
    November 6, 2009 9:05 pm

    Oh.. and yes, I just listened to the song and it really is quite awful. I think Lambie’s single might be the lesser of two evils here. I would rather listen to “For your entertainment” than this, and that’s saying something.

  22. November 6, 2009 8:55 pm

    Hahahahahaha, 3rd place.

    • 8sourcandy permalink
      November 7, 2009 5:53 pm

      Could we ALL AGREE that Danny came in 4th place. Everyone knows he should have been sent home after the “Dream On” debacle and Allison is superior to him in a thousand ways.

      • November 7, 2009 9:43 pm

        Oh honey, I’m beginning to love you.

        And believe me, I do. In fact, as far as I’m concerned, this is how the season played out:

        1) Kris Allen
        2) Adam Lambert
        3) Allison Iraheta
        4) Felicia Barton
        5) Matt Giraud
        6) Ricky Braddy
        7) Megan Joy
        8) Ju’Not Joyner
        9) Jesse Langseth
        10) Anoop Desai
        11) Mishavonna Henson
        12) Tatiana Del Toro (for the lulz)

        And NOBODY can convince me otherwise.

        • November 7, 2009 9:44 pm

          Roflcopter @ #8 becoming the Jack Nicholson smiley.

        • TopIdol permalink
          November 7, 2009 9:45 pm

          You forgot Normund Gentle.

          • November 7, 2009 9:48 pm

            Eek, the #13–definitely need the Normund. Actually, Mishavonna could be #13, Nick 12, and Anoop #11. I’d want Tatiana at least #10 to make Tour more batshit than it already is ♥.

  23. Danny Fan permalink
    November 6, 2009 8:45 pm

    What does YOUR opinion Matter! Danny Gokey is GOING to make it! How come adam is being soo quiet right now? How come no one is talking about Allen’s video? Think before you try to blog and poorly “diss” someone. Honestly!

    • TopIdol permalink
      November 6, 2009 8:47 pm

      I’ve been busy this week and haven’t gotten around to blogging about it yet. But I’m sure more people have seen it than have heard Gokey’s song.

      • 8sourcandy permalink
        November 6, 2009 10:59 pm

        I think that’s your funniest blog to date.

    • LeighKat permalink
      November 6, 2009 8:58 pm

      Hey, nutbag. Why are you on this site to read what TI has to say if you don’t “care”?
      Have you been living in a hole- blogosphere has been buzzing all day with news of Kris Allen’s vid.
      Gokey? not so much. Hmmmm… I wonder why?

    • Sherena permalink
      November 6, 2009 9:59 pm

      I agree. Danny could be a SUPERSTAR. And then they’ll all feel sorry.

      • 8sourcandy permalink
        November 6, 2009 10:26 pm

        Yes, If Danny became a superstar I would in fact feel very, very sorry. BUT I am happy you like the song I know you are a fan of his. 🙂

        • Sherena permalink
          November 6, 2009 10:44 pm

          Lol I’m not really a Danny fan. 😛 I mostly just want him to succeed for the lolz of all the shocked people in Idolfanlandia everywhere, and think he has a chance of it. But I don’t mind Danny either.

    • Jesus permalink
      November 6, 2009 10:23 pm

      This song sucks.

      • Lauren permalink
        November 7, 2009 3:34 pm

        See! Even Jesus thinks it sucks xD

    • 8sourcandy permalink
      November 6, 2009 10:38 pm

      You are implying that somehow, because of the release of this song about Jesus and homeless people, that Adam and Kris have plummeted from celebrity status making way for Danny “ghoulish widower” Gokey to take over the entertainment world. And they say Adam fans are delusional.

      • 8sourcandy permalink
        November 6, 2009 10:39 pm

        That is for Danny fan not Sherena.

    • Lauren permalink
      November 7, 2009 3:36 pm

      What do you mean no one is talking about Kris Allen’s video? I’ve heard a lot more about that than this craptastic single. Danny very well may make it though, as people with less talent than him (ie. Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber…) have as well.

  24. Mysterioso permalink
    November 6, 2009 8:41 pm

    This Gokey song may be the stupidest Idol song ever released. I’m trying to think of a worse one. “Open Toes” is sheer poetry compared to this dreck.

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