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A “preview” of a Kradam slash saga scared me silly

November 19, 2009

Randomly stumbled onto this…just the summary of “things to come”…this is nearly enough to prevent me from falling down more rabbit holes of the interweb.

what happens next in the Kradam Prison AU

Adam was originally in minimum security prison for a relatively minor drug offense (he knew he shouldn’t have agreed to take the package, but it was that or do some awful “Debbie Does Dallas” dinner theater strip revue), but he got into a shoving match with another inmate who was trying to rape a third prisoner, and the guy slipped and whacked his head on a table and ended up in a coma, which got Adam upgraded.

At this point he’s just trying to keep himself together and fly under the radar until he can get parole, which is why he’s not thrilled at Ryan handing him someone to look after, but he knows very well staying on the guards’ good side is important. Plus Kris is really adorable and also clearly messed up, and Adam feels so sorry for him, and also Adam has been badly deprived, so being handed this on a silver platter in a way he can convince himself isn’t coercion is incredibly tempting.

I think he likes it and likes Kris a lot more than he expects to, and Kris likes him back, and there’s a piano in the rec room and the two of them end up singing together while Kris plays, and having fairly ridiculous amounts of sex, and writing music, and somehow together they survive the next couple of years, and then Adam gets parole and Kris’s lawyers get him out on appeal, and the two of them cut an album in Little Rock and end up getting signed together.

Dude. DUDE. I don’t even know where to begin.

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62 Comments leave one →
  1. talkamongyourselves permalink
    November 29, 2009 7:45 am

    I’m also calling bullsh*t on the entire “use of Madam” discussion. No queer sites embrace that term, even by the anti-Lambert contingent. It’s sneaked in by surreptitious straights trying to be clever. Or worsters. Any bona fide gay person or “once removed” knows this, and would never lower themselves to use such a mainstream uncreative homophobic moniker.

    Seriously people, you can’t pass.

    • spinningfasterandfastertonowhere permalink
      November 29, 2009 9:44 am

      Actually Madam it was invented by gay people. Also you use the term “queer”. That term is not liked by many gay people also. At one time the term “queer” was like the N-word to the gay community. So it appears you are being hypocritical yourself.

    • spinningfasterandfastertonowhere permalink
      November 29, 2009 9:51 am

      “Any bona fide gay person or “once removed” knows this, and would never lower themselves to use such a mainstream uncreative homophobic moniker.”

      You mean like the term “Glambert”?

      That was already bantered about those labeling anyone who used that as Homophobic, until Adam himself came out and said he just LOOOOOOVED that name Glambert. Then suddenly out the blue his fans who called people Homophobes were OK with it…lol

      As Madame would say “It ain’t that deep people”.

  2. November 22, 2009 8:31 pm

    Holy run-ons.

    This is kinda like that I Love You, Phillip Morris movie, for the music set.

  3. lauren722 permalink
    November 21, 2009 12:38 pm

    Hahahahahahaha! I’ve read some pretty bad Kradam fics (for the lolz people, don’t get any ideas) but this one takes the cake! There is so much wrong with this. I don’t even know where to begin. This one doesn’t even address the issue of Kris having to become gay first.

  4. friendlytard permalink
    November 21, 2009 2:12 am

    Hahahaha, that’s the sequel to a short story someone wrote. The original story is here – http://www.intimations.org/fanfic/idol/Nor%20Iron%20Bars.html.

    • lauren722 permalink
      November 21, 2009 2:42 pm

      I clicked the link but couldn’t get past the first couple paragraphs. So Adam basically rapes Kris? What a wonderful story. What fan could write such a thing?

      • catharsisfromschool permalink
        November 27, 2009 12:28 am

        Actually, a lot of people have read her fics. She is a well-known, and well-established fanfic writer. In fact, she is also a relatively well-known irl author. lol

  5. girl from mars permalink
    November 20, 2009 9:31 am

    o_O

    Dinner theater strip revue? Oh, that’s hygienic.

    Is Ryan Seacrest the warden in this story?

    This reminds me of an idea one of my friends had for an Oz- Sex and the City crossover episode, where one of the girls dates Adebisi with his hat and diaper.

  6. November 20, 2009 12:59 am

    A shoving match? Really? Is this prison or kindergarten?

    • sosad permalink
      November 20, 2009 2:02 am

      it’s neither, it’s wacko la-la land is what it is.

  7. sosad permalink
    November 20, 2009 12:17 am

    holy crap on a stick.
    that is some ridiculous messed-up sh*t.
    Debbie Does Dallas?
    what?

    • 8sourcandy permalink
      November 20, 2009 12:35 am

      “Debbie Does Dallas” Adam actually did that show.

      Those football picks of him on google, with blond hair, are from that show.

      • sosad permalink
        November 20, 2009 12:41 am

        oh geez.
        ok, i guess the prison scenario & the cutting of the Kradam album in Little Rock (were they in Folsom Prison does anyone know?) made me lose it. i really never knew he was in Debbie Does Dallas, thanks, more laughter ensues.
        where do these people come from, seriously?
        i couldn’t think this crap up if you paid me, nor would i want to.
        but it is ridiculous in a very creepy way, & i did laugh i will admit.

      • TopIdol permalink
        November 20, 2009 1:10 am

        In Lake Tahoe.

        Can’t believe I know that.

        • sosad permalink
          November 20, 2009 1:16 am

          lol @ Lake Tahoe.
          you poor thing. 🙂

      • 8sourcandy permalink
        November 20, 2009 1:25 am

        *pics

      • Mithra permalink
        November 20, 2009 1:35 am

        Yes, and have been repeatedly trotted out as proof that he wasn’t gay and now that he says he is, that he’s “bi curious” because he was with actresses in the show. Same with the pics from Wicked. Adam is not going to fuck his female fans even if he was straight. Consider yourselves lucky…

        • sosad permalink
          November 20, 2009 1:58 am

          He should just get it over with & have a live orgy on stage w/his dance troupe.
          Or publish a Madonna-like SEX book.
          Stop the teasing Lambert.
          Why always talk about sex over & over & over again?
          If a person doesn’t want to keep visiting the sex angle in interviews, all they have to do is say it’s a private matter & move on to something else. Actors/singers/etc. do it all the time, no biggie.
          Obviously the controversy is what is wanted.
          Bi-curious? do something about it on your own time & shut up about it.
          Not everyone wants to hear about it or go to bed w/you sir.
          I thought it was all about the music.
          yeah sure.

          Sorry guys.
          All this fake fame-whoring really irritates me I guess, & I’m tired..

          • 8sourcandy permalink
            November 20, 2009 11:01 pm

            Au contraire, mon friar!!!!

        • 8sourcandy permalink
          November 20, 2009 11:07 pm

          Adam is gay. He like shaving sex with men. I like that he has sex with men. I don’t expect he will ever have sex with a woman. But, he is a very sexual person. So things that pertain to sex interest him, whether he participates or not. That’s what makes him curious.

          I don’t think I’ll ever understand why some people have such a problem with him. I dig the fact that he says shit like that. It makes me smile. He is just who he is.

          • 8sourcandy permalink
            November 21, 2009 2:38 am

            “He like shaving sex” should be “He likes having sex”

        • 8sourcandy permalink
          November 21, 2009 11:59 am

          That’s ironic. I thought he looked gayer in that football uniform then he ever looked in a dress.

  8. veritas permalink
    November 19, 2009 11:11 pm

    Please just tell me there is no “Kradison” slash that puts poor Allie in prison too.

    • deez permalink
      November 19, 2009 11:54 pm

      Ick…I hope they left her out of it, but I’m sure that hasn’t been the case. Although I’m sure it couldn’t be as cringe-inducing as Gokey and the birthday cake.

      • veritas permalink
        November 20, 2009 3:02 pm

        I am glad I was not the only one totally skeeved out on that birthday groping scene. Ugh.

  9. 8sourcandy permalink
    November 19, 2009 10:17 pm

    I have tried to read Kradam Fan Fic, (I learned about it here, btw) But I can’t get past random shit. Space aliens, vampires, parallel universes. all too weird. And NOT sexy.

    • TopIdol permalink
      November 20, 2009 1:29 am

      Me (Straw hat). In a place where I better NEVER encounter any Glamtards 😉

      • 8sourcandy permalink
        November 20, 2009 10:56 pm

        Great photo. You have the nicest sunglasses in your group, and it seems you never had a cavity. Are you topless? Hmm. I suspect that you are at Burning Man.

        By the way, my new favorite ADAM LAMBERT fantard site is organizing a group trip to Burning Man. They are Tin-hatting as to when, it is most likely, he will be in attendance. Burning Man will be over-run with Glamberts— old, fat ones with RAWK GOD tattoos on their asses. I’ll let you know the date when I get the newsletter.

        • Isidra permalink
          November 20, 2009 11:57 pm

          Hmm, well, they’ll either have one heck of an eye-opening experience, or Adam Lambert can be indirectly blamed for ruining Burning Man forever. 🙂

          • 8sourcandy permalink
            November 22, 2009 5:25 pm

            I was kidding Top Idol. Don’t worry.

        • TopIdol permalink
          November 21, 2009 2:28 pm

          I really hope you’re kidding about this…and if you weren’t, you would tell me. If a bunch of women go with the sole purpose of stalking Adam Lambert (which they will vehemently deny), that’s just ridiculous. Not only is it completely stupid, but it is in violation of the entire spirit of the event. And it would piss me off on a personal level, rather than “on my blog”, if that makes sense.

          But Burning Man will never be overrun with Glamberts, as the majority of people there don’t know who he is–despite his believing he will need a disguise next year, as quoted in Out.

          Can you go back to Burning Man?
          I hope so. I’ll just wear disguises. Fame doesn’t freak me out, and I can handle it. But sometimes out in public there are people that just are so rude. Like, people are really cool about it and they’ll come up to you and they’re just like, “Oh, hey man, I really liked you.” It’s brief, it’s sweet, it’s genuine. But some people freak out. And I’m like, “Why are you freaking out?” I don’t get that mentality. I’ve never felt like that about a celebrity before — except maybe Madonna. When I met Madonna my heart was racing. That’s my one experience being star-struck. And I told her, “I’m freaking out.” And she said, “Why?” And I said, “Because you’re fucking Madonna.”

          That was actually a very stupid and arrogant comment on his part. People don’t bother other people at Burning Man, all sorts of people go and “blend in”. You can be anonymous. Sting has gone several years, as do the guys who run Google. BM is a break from the regular world. People are nicer. People don’t judge. For one week, the rest of the world doesn’t matter outside of Black Rock City. Plus it IS rather big and often difficult to find people. The last place Lambert would need “a disguise” is at Burning Man, and at this point, if he threw on a t-shirt, jeans and baseball hat, I doubt anyone would notice if he walked down the street tomorrow. But at BM, no one would bat an eye if he wore his finale outfit every day even if they noticed, hey, that’s Adam Lambert or the-guy-on-American-Idol.
          Basically, of all the places in the U.S., this is where Lambert could go completely unnoticed whether he wore “disguises” or not.

          Oh and of course I’m not topless! A friend of mine actually told me I was wearing too many clothes the whole week. I went with mostly all strapless stuff because I hate straplines. There are definitely no nude photos of me at BM out there. There is actually a bike ride called Critical Tits where women ride around topless in a bike parade of sorts. There are ALWAYS the creepy dudes out with their cameras and people yell at them or take photos of them being creepy and taking photos. Sour, if you’ve seen my Jon Hamm photos on Flickr, just click on my BM 2009 set to see more.

          • 8sourcandy permalink
            November 21, 2009 3:54 pm

            He was kidding!!! I was too!!! See why I like him. BTW “t-shirt, jeans and baseball hat” would be a disguise for him. 🙂

            I don’t have a new favorite tard site. I live here! I lurk at Gossip Candy sometimes for the pics and sexual innuendo. And there is the OMRG site that allows me to steal music. But other than that I am a loyal disciple of TOP IDOL!

            You’re just in a pissy mode because Jon Hamm has been tainted by Fabio. And that’s as tainted as one can get without heading into Constantine Maroulis territory.

            As for the flickr pics. You are aware of my picture hoarding addiction, right?

            • TopIdol permalink
              November 21, 2009 4:26 pm

              Are you going to post horrible things about me and my appearance on a message board run by yourself and 1500 other identities of your own invention?

              Oh christ. Fergilicious. I just don’t get her appeal. And that Big Girls Don’t Cry song is such shit. Makes no sense…did Kara DioGuardi write it?

            • 8sourcandy permalink
              November 22, 2009 5:34 pm

              It took me a month to name my cat. I hardly think I would be able to come up with 15 identities, let alone 1500. And, what horrible things could I say? You enjoy watching bottomless bike parades and wearing hats? Hardly “Board” worthy.

              “Big Girls Don’t Cry” is a lame song and I would not be surprised if Kara’s thumbprint of failure was all over it.
              🙂

          • Isidra permalink
            November 21, 2009 5:51 pm

            I’m kidding too. I really don’t think most of Adam’s crazy fans would seriously go to Burning Man just for him. It’s not really their sort of thing, I’d reckon.

          • talkamongyourselves permalink
            November 29, 2009 7:25 am

            It’s quite true that there are tarding discussions about attending. While she alludes to middle aged women, in reality the first to talk about planning BM 2010 were young women. From ONTD_AI. Initially by those who overran Rickey’s cellcasts. The youngest and most disruptive personality of the group (mostly college aged) is 16, and not even “allowed” to take a bus unchaperoned.

            He will likely be working next year and it will be a non issue but there will be an invasion, the extent of which has yet to be determined thanks to the short attention span of that crowd.

            Regarding the fan fic, again, this is the outgrowth of ONTD_AI which as you know is an LJ site and there’s alot of overwrought “writing” at it’s core. There’s a slight crossover to Adam Official with tinhatters and srs bsns tinhatters who go to both. Juxtaposed with the tinhaters who have pressed a war among the three groups until the site imploded and melted down last month resulting in new “rules”, mods, and a series of MORE drama from the srs bsns tinhatters who “feel” butthurt and isolated. “Feel” being the operative term as the entire comm thrives on narcissistic misfits. You couldn’t make this crap up. They tend to be rather quick witted but sadly the waste of lives and cray far outweighs any clever thought that goes on there.

            If you haven’t thought of it, you should join ONTD_AI now that membership is open, it requires an LJ account over six mos old or a sponsor. As painful as it is to witness the cray there, there’s enough material to keep you full up in douche chilling material and insight for eternity.

            I won’t even go read the meltdown that must be occurring now that Kradam has been supplanted by Adommy.

      • 8sourcandy permalink
        November 21, 2009 2:33 am

        Hey, how did you know I would come back to this particular post?

        • Isidra permalink
          November 21, 2009 5:51 pm

          Is this question directed to me?

          • 8sourcandy permalink
            November 22, 2009 5:26 pm

            No, to Top Idol.

  10. 8sourcandy permalink
    November 19, 2009 8:27 pm

    It is so random and weird.

    • deez permalink
      November 19, 2009 9:39 pm

      Seriously. How does your mind even go there? So you’re just sitting in your car at a red light one day, and you think “Hey…you know what would make a good story…KRADAM PRISON.”

    • erinnthered permalink
      November 21, 2009 9:40 pm

      I couldn’t respond to your other reply, so I’ll put it here. I’m sorry if I offended you, but ironically I picked up the nick “Madam” from some gay friends of mine who’ve been calling him that since during the season. I found it funny that VFTW went with the same nick, but it’s not that far off from his name.

      I will be happy to refrain from using it in front of you, but if I stop doing it in front of certain gay friends they would look at me sideways. I’ve yet to see a post anywhere of a gay person that found it offensive until now, so again, I’m sorry.

      • saskin permalink
        November 21, 2009 10:52 pm

        No Erinnthered. She is not offended. She is just trying to bully you into submission. They do that. They assume if it is personal, you will stop. Of course it is personal only if you buy her story but she is not necessarily telling the truth therefore it might or might not be personal. She is just saying that it might be personal for someone (or not).

        You directed me to the MsScribe story. You should know better. (MsScribe lesbian baby story?). Next she’ll have a very close friend die of AIDS. I’m just pre-empting (I don’t know why).

        • erinnthered permalink
          November 22, 2009 3:31 am

          Oh, I understand what you’re saying, but I have no reason right now not to believe her/ him.

          I understand that she’s/ he’s a Glamtard. A reasonable Glamtard, but a Glamtard nonetheless (Notice, I didn’t say “Glambert.”). She/ he may really be gay and offended, in which case, I have no problem acquiescing. Even if it’s only because of her/ his Glamtardiness. If she/ he is not gay, and is only offended because she/ he believes gay people would be offended, then that would be another issue.

          • saskin permalink
            November 22, 2009 9:25 am

            If she/ he is not gay, and is only offended because she/ he believes gay people would be offended, then that would be another issue.

            Yes. But that is an ‘opinion’. Stating an opinion is a valid form of argument whereas emotional manipulation is not. ‘Making it personal’ is emotional manipulation and a sign of cyber bullying because unlike real life you can never be sure whether or not he/she is telling the truth (you don’t have the usual clues like her voice, her body language, her eyes, etc. In real life our brain quite accurately tells us whether or not a person is lying).

            BTW: I never call Lambert anything other than Lambert but I call the glamberts manipulative nut-cases because they are.

            • lauren722 permalink
              November 22, 2009 9:29 am

              Saskin: don’t forget the smiley! 🙂

          • 8sourcandy permalink
            November 22, 2009 5:24 pm

            I am bi-sexual. My mom is a lesbian, I sometimes jokingly make Dyke remarks to her. She does too. We laugh. I would never use that word outside the context of that relationship because it would be derogatory. My gay friends call each other queens all the time, and laugh. If a co-worker said it to them they would be mortified. That’s where I’m coming from. I’m not bullying you. Just expressing a sore point.

            • erinnthered permalink
              November 24, 2009 12:57 am

              That’s cool, and like I said, if you, or anyone, is actually offended, then I don’t mind. My relationship with GLB &Ts has been different. Both on and off line.

              And again, you are the first GLBT person I’ve encountered, online or off, who took offense to the nick. This is not the same as some other colloquialisms, so please don’t equate the two.

              Saskin, it’s the internet. You work with what you got.

      • 8sourcandy permalink
        November 22, 2009 12:42 am

        It’s cool. 🙂

  11. erinnnthered permalink
    November 19, 2009 6:48 pm

    Prison fic!?

    Lovely. The piano is a nice touch. *eyeroll*

    If they made Kris some sort of sociopathic killer it might work…or have I been watching too much Oz?

    • TopIdol permalink
      November 19, 2009 8:13 pm

      Don’t let your frauen watch Oz. It should be a rule everyone of us should live by.

      • erinnnthered permalink
        November 19, 2009 9:40 pm

        You know she had to be reading Beecher/ Keller porn when she came up with this.

        That show was total crack. Like True Blood with violence and gay sex. Of course the frauen love it.

        I’m a reformed Tom Fontana tard, so yeah, I watched it when it aired. No one should suffer through it now, though.

        • blacklisted permalink
          November 19, 2009 9:55 pm

          I have a love/hate relationship with Tom Fontana. Beecher/Keller were definitely in the HATE category. I only hated B/K ‘tards more.

          • erinnnthered permalink
            November 19, 2009 10:19 pm

            Long story short, I’ve been doing some research on the ‘tard aspect of fandom, and all that talk of L Anne and Holly got me thinking about how much they overlap.

            I’d previously thought of most of them as new new to whatever fandom they latch on to, and use that one thing to live vicariously through. I now realize how many of them hop from one group to another. I wonder how many of those B/K ‘tards are lusting over Madam/ Kradam?

            • 8sourcandy permalink
              November 21, 2009 9:34 am

              Adam NOT Madam. You may joke, but feminizing his name is derogatory in a over-the-line- way. Not cool. I’m sure you can find a humorous way to insult that doesn’t offend members of the GLBT community. I appreciate your consideration. 🙂

  12. saskin permalink
    November 19, 2009 6:23 pm

    Yeah. Thank you for that. Now I’ll have to reformat my hard drive.

  13. Smartie permalink
    November 19, 2009 5:54 pm

    Do they perform Jailhouse Rock for the warden?

  14. freedavidcook permalink
    November 19, 2009 5:51 pm

    PRison????????????????????????????

    Holy shit! That is some sick shit!

  15. deez permalink
    November 19, 2009 5:43 pm

    Kradam Prison. KRADAM PRISON?????????

    How does Kris Allen end up in prison for God’s sake?

    • blacklisted permalink
      November 19, 2009 7:07 pm

      “How does Kris Allen end up in prison for God’s sake?”

      Kris obviously has crunk, gangsta tendencies.

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