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The Moppet of Beelzebub meets the Glittery God from Planet Fierce

December 10, 2009

The Moppet of Beelzebub (aka Justin Bieber) teaches Adam Lambert how to pound it and then blow it up. It happened at one of those Jingle Balls. This must be why we’ve had the most extreme weather fronts hit the northeast. Thundersnow sorts of nonsense. I imagine it was all cause by this meeting of hair products and internet-fueled hype.

Funny, you have the kid who sends tweens and prostitots into a tizzy and the friend of Dorothy who has caused menopausal ladies everywhere to blast psychotic missives alleging homophobia to anyone on the interweb who might doubt his glittery fierceness.

Now Adam Lambert seems really nice in this video! I like this Adam Lambert, although I kind of wanted him to beat the crap out of The Moppet of Beelzebub, or at least muss that ridiculous blow-dried hair. The Moppet of Beelzebub, and this is the first time I’ve heard him speak, well, the Moppet of Beelzebub is a douchebag midget. He could use some of Lambert’s glittery glitterness, which says a lot. Seriously. My life was better off before I actually witnessed the Moppet of Beelzebub Justin Bieber in all his coiffed-midget glory. I want to drop kick the Moppet right now although you know that pip squeak is gonna go the way of the Dodo bird, Willie Ames and Leif Garrett by the time he’s 20. But I still want to kick his ass NOW because he’s such an irritating mini-douche. Better yet, I want Playgirl model Alan Thicke to do it.

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53 Comments leave one →
  1. deez permalink
    December 13, 2009 8:15 pm

    Apparently Kris’ drummer didn’t wanna do the “pound-it-blow-it-up-5-min-later” dumbass handshake, lol:

    “kodachrome621

    But seriously, Kris talked about the fetus creature for like 3 mins. Said he’s 15 but looks 9, and wants to beat up Ryland. I was dying. 1 minute ago from UberTwitter “

  2. MandaBeePanda permalink
    December 12, 2009 12:43 pm

    lol, I love how this kid keeps repeating how you do his handshake. Like we didn’t understand the first four times he showed us how. He has to keep showing.

    THAT JUST HAPPENED!!!

  3. deez permalink
    December 12, 2009 1:36 am

    Listening to Tony Bennett sing on Conan…a nice Mobub antidote.
    No autotune, no stupid hair…ahhhhh.

  4. cimi permalink
    December 12, 2009 12:43 am

    Wow, this shits priceless.

  5. deez permalink
    December 11, 2009 9:36 pm

    Lol:

    jambajim

    OMG. My Bieber interview almost got cancelled because he needs a nap. #Seriously
    less than 10 seconds ago from UberTwitter

    Not Mobub related, but egregious nonetheless:

    allen_kimberly Go ahead with your death threats mean people, I dont care! Vote LR for Rock my town….heres why http://bit.ly/6L3EWm

    • TopIdol permalink
      December 11, 2009 9:57 pm

      I actually felt compelled to tweet Kimberly Allen after seeing that remark. I even promised to vote for Little Rock.

      • 8sourcandy permalink
        December 12, 2009 1:38 am

        I am looking forward to that concert being in NY so I can attend. If Little Rock wins by one vote I will kick your ass. 🙂

        Don’t let Mama fool ya, she is the master of manipulation. Have you read her incoming tweets? No death threats. Not even a snarky comment. Top Idol you have been had by Mama Allen.

        • erinnthered permalink
          December 12, 2009 1:47 am

          WHAT?! TI isn’t the only one who’s reported threats to Kimberly Allen. I might also add that there are other ways to contact people besides Twitter. She’s on Facebook as well. Twitter is just a public way to respond. Anyone can message you there. You sound delusional, especially considering pretty much anyone who’s come even close to crossing Adam have gotten known death threats. Maybe, just maybe, she’s just a strong woman who loves her son and her home town, and not some master manipulator.

          Why does anyone associated with other Idols have to be a bad guy?

          • TopIdol permalink
            December 12, 2009 1:55 am

            One of them accused me of making death threats once…and said the “authorities needed to be contacted.” I never did any such thing, hell, me talking about how I wish someone would dropkick The Moppet of Beelzebub is technically more of a “threat”.

          • 8sourcandy permalink
            December 12, 2009 2:02 am

            You people really need to step away from the computer once in a while. Mrs. Allen and her daughter-in-law have been actively engaging the public to help market Kris as the “Family Guy.” She was joking. Katy jokes too.

          • deez permalink
            December 14, 2009 1:21 am

            I actually thought Jim C was the one receiving death threats, and her tweet was in response to that?????

        • TopIdol permalink
          December 12, 2009 1:49 am

          It’s still funny even if she exaggerated. Perhaps I should search Twitter more. Alas.

          P.S. If its in NYC, you know I’ll be there, so…

          • erinnthered permalink
            December 12, 2009 1:53 am

            Eh. Either way, LA’s out, so it’s all YT vids for me. I have others in the NYC area encouraging me to vote too. I did throw a couple to LR just for the LULZ. I may still throw a few your way…

          • 8sourcandy permalink
            December 12, 2009 2:11 am

            I will be in the first row with the Glambert mafia. We will design a tard sign that spans the entire width of the first row and we will hold it up at all pivotal moments. The reverse side of the sign will include photos of Oskar, glittery and bedazzled, with thought bubbles confessing his Glam-devotion. So, yes I do hope it’s in NYC! 🙂

            • lauren722 permalink
              December 12, 2009 2:35 pm

              So I talked to my mom and if its in NYC and not on a school night, we might drive up 🙂 Haha I am so surprised she’s even considering driving all the way to NY from MD.

          • 8sourcandy permalink
            December 12, 2009 5:24 pm

            Mama Allen and Jim have a good rapport, I think she is modeling her humor after his. God, I hope she doesn’t create a false Glambert identity for kicks.

          • 8sourcandy permalink
            December 12, 2009 5:30 pm

            So…? OK!

          • LeighKat permalink
            December 13, 2009 9:57 pm

            If it’s in NYC I think I might fly up for it.

            • lauren722 permalink
              December 13, 2009 10:08 pm

              wait, where do you live again? That’s dedication. I’m only going if its driving distance.

            • TopIdol permalink
              December 13, 2009 10:18 pm

              And if its in NYC, I will come down and have a TI Happy Hour!

  6. LeighKat permalink
    December 11, 2009 2:27 pm

    It has just dawned on me that my dear KSizzle will be doing one of those JingleBell concert thingys with this parasite. The horror! I just hope they don’t share the stage at anytime… although… didn’t Kris once tweet about punching the moppet?

    • deez permalink
      December 11, 2009 3:27 pm

      I seem to remember… (someone correct me if I’m wrong) did not Mobub diss Kris at one point? I remember a radio station interview (Z100?) that interviewed the tot either right before or right after Kris was going on, and they asked him if he knew who HBD was and he said something douchey. ( or maybe it was the DJ? dont remember) I hope they don’t share the stage …well, maybe that would actually be good, because then, once again, Mobub would sound terrible by comparison. What a fraud. UGH. I think I’ll go down to the elementary school and pick out some 6th grader with an attitude, buy a vocoder, and make myself rich.

    • 12cubed permalink
      December 11, 2009 3:45 pm

      didn’t Kris once tweet about punching the moppet?

      Heh–close. He tweeted: “What if @justinbeiber punched you? What would you do?”

      But he spelt the moppet’s name wrong! So then he tweeted: “Sorry @justinbieber.”

      LOL. This kid makes it so hard not to stan him.

      • TopIdol permalink
        December 11, 2009 4:10 pm

        I think that was around the same time he compared David Cook to Brendan Fraser.

        HBD and Truggs have the best Twitter accounts of anyone who’s ever been on that damn show.

        • 12cubed permalink
          December 11, 2009 4:45 pm

          I think that was around the same time he compared David Cook to Brendan Fraser.

          LOL, yes. And he spelled Fraser wrong, too…

          Then he tweeted, “Don’t worry people, this is a big compliment.” 😀

  7. deez permalink
    December 11, 2009 9:42 am

    Found this @ Mj’s:

    http://kiss108.com/cc-common/mediaplayer/player.html?redir=yes&mps=JB2009.php&mid=http://a1135.g.akamai.net/f/1135/30258/1h/cchannel.download.akamai.com/30258/2097/richmedia/Jordin_Sparks_Justin_Bieber_No_Air.mov?CCOMRRMID&CPROG=RICHMEDIA&MARKET=BOSTON-MA&NG_FORMAT=chrkiss&NG_ID=wxks108fm&OR_NEWSFORMAT=&OWNER=&SERVER_NAME=www.kiss108.com&SITE_ID=2097&STATION_ID=WXKS-FM&TRACK=

    The Moppet of Beelzebub, whom I will henceforth refer to as “mobub” (to avoid extra typing)…is terrible. Jordin kicks Mobub’s vocal ass here (I wish she woulda kicked his literal ass) It looks ridiculous, it appears as if he’s trying to be sexy. When they hug at the end, he looks like somebody she’s babysitting.

    • Burgundy LaRue permalink
      December 11, 2009 1:40 pm

      Good grief, was that tough to watch and hear. Jordin deserves a medal for keeping a straight face and not pushing him off the stage. And the size difference! I know Jordin’s tall–around 5’10” or so–but she’s lost weight recently and she still doubles Mobub in size. And it’s not because Jordin is huge, it’s because he’s a preemie fetus. She had to bend over at least 18 inches to look him eye-to-eye.

      Is it safe to say that he’s going to be the next Brian Bonsall?

  8. erinnthered permalink
    December 11, 2009 12:48 am

    I don’t even know if the Lawrence brothers were that obnoxious, and those bowl cuts could burn a hole in your retina if you stared too long.

    Glad to know my suspicions of doucheyness gleaned from Jim C’s coverage of MoB’s Twitter are true. Eh, I’m just waiting with the popcorn for the inevitable meth addiction, petty theft, and VH-1 special. No need to actually listen to the crap he calls music.

    Aren’t there rumors he’s younger than his parents claim?

    Someday we’ll be looking at everyone in that video wondering why they were ever famous.

    Alan Thicke, on the other hand, has done some awesome turns on HIMYM and jpod lately.

  9. LeighKat permalink
    December 10, 2009 9:44 pm

    Okay- I watched it and now I am scarred for life. All that friggin “pounding out and blowing up” bullshit.

    I swear, Adam was only sticking around because he thought the other guy was cute… until he opened his mouth. Then he realised what friggin losers they all were and made up his own “pound out” with the addition of a sparkly middle finger.

    I am not Lambie’s biggest fan but, I certainly like him SOOOOO much more than that obnoxious shithead.

    Oh, how I wish Adam would just yank that damn cast off his leg and beat him senseless with it. I would be the first one to yell “That just happened, that just happened!”

    TI- I hereby forbid you from posting anything further about the fetus with hair on your blog!

    • TopIdol permalink
      December 10, 2009 9:57 pm

      If Lambert would have beat that fraking kid with his goddamned cast, I would have built an Adam Lambert shrine on here.

      • lauren722 permalink
        December 10, 2009 10:00 pm

        Goddamnit! Why does he choose now to be nice? I want him to say “F**k you b***h” to Justin!

      • LeighKat permalink
        December 10, 2009 10:01 pm

        I would be first in line to make an offering.

      • 8sourcandy permalink
        December 12, 2009 5:46 pm

        I don’t like this child. Adam engaging in this nonsense is ridiculous. Although, Adam did make the kid his bitch by forcing him to make “glittery” hand gestures. I’m sure some other kid will kick the crap out of him for that.

  10. Mithra permalink
    December 10, 2009 9:22 pm

    Gaspy 2.0 – the EVIL Gaspy?

    • TopIdol permalink
      December 10, 2009 9:31 pm

      The Moppet of Beelzebub is just a Lawrence brother with an ionic hairdryer.

  11. lauren722 permalink
    December 10, 2009 4:59 pm

    Ughhh I hate the moppet of Beelzebub. I heard about 30 seconds of one of his songs and I discovered him to have less talent than Miley and the Jonas Brother combined! When I saw that video, I started shouting at Adam to pound his face instead of his fist. I am miffed at Adam currently because he did not listen. And there is no way that boy is my age. I look young for my age yet still years older than that THING!

  12. Burgundy LaRue permalink
    December 10, 2009 4:20 pm

    This Bieber kid scares the daylights out of me. No 16-year-old should look like a toddler unless there’s a hormone problem. The Jonas Brothers at least look their ages and are normally sized. Any 2nd grader could beat the snot of this one. He’s creepy, like a human Furby.

  13. Trish permalink
    December 10, 2009 3:45 pm

    My 14-year-old could eat that kid alive. I bet his parents are giving him Lupron to prevent puberty from setting in. Something is *very* strange there.

  14. auntieaimee permalink
    December 10, 2009 12:15 pm

    Hey, because of this kid, the Jonas Brothers are pretty much done. So, we got that going for us. Anyway, his voice should change soon, and then he’ll be holding up 7-11’s somewhere.

    • TopIdol permalink
      December 10, 2009 3:40 pm

      If he is really 16, his voice should have changed by now. That’s what is soooo bizarre.

    • 8sourcandy permalink
      December 12, 2009 6:21 pm

      I am hoping for a crack addiction and a stint on celebrity rehab.

  15. kimberly permalink
    December 10, 2009 11:48 am

    My 12 year old daughter likes him a lot. She had me print off a picture of him so she could tape it up in her locker. I try not to let my true feelings known about the kid. I did tell her his shtick about asking Beyonce & Rhianna out is pretty annoying. The whole “oh, isn’t he adorable” crap. I despise precocious children. He’s too self-assured, too much of a packaged product than an actual flesh and blood kid. Of course, he’s trying his hand at acting, as well. My daughter was watching a Nick show, True Jackson, and who was on it emoting his heart out, but the Moppet, himself. GAH!!

    Hold on a minute, I just had a thought! The Moppet is actually Adam Lambert’s mini-me. Well-spoken, feigned humility, dazzling smile, and a massive head of hair. It’s like looking in an effin’ mirror. Y/Y

    I guess I earned my stripes, I was recently called a homophobe online. Keep up the great PR Lambert fans. That tactic will for sure get people on the Lambert train. Great way to win people over. Keep it up!

  16. Sherena permalink
    December 10, 2009 5:55 am

    “the Moppet of Beelzebub is a douchebag midget”

    YES OMG THIS

    ahaha I’m really irrationally enraged at this kid’s existence, and I’m not quite sure why~

    • TopIdol permalink
      December 10, 2009 11:40 am

      That was the first time I ever really saw him. I didn’t want to watch it, but I did. And yes. I HATE THAT KID!!! Sherena, I don’t think your rage is irrational. He is an irritating douchebag midget prick.

  17. cimi permalink
    December 10, 2009 1:54 am

    Well I don’t know who he is and I don’t care.
    I will watch anything Adam related though. Yes…..fantard to the ninth power.

    • TopIdol permalink
      December 10, 2009 2:20 am

      I really want him to kick that kid’s ass. I think I have heard part of a Moppet song once and yes, I thought it was a girl.

      What a douchey little kid.

  18. deez permalink
    December 10, 2009 1:10 am

    I’ve actually heard this kid’s songs on the radio. Initially, I thought it was a girl singing.

  19. deez permalink
    December 10, 2009 1:08 am

    I’m with you. Adam is the BEST part of this (the cool Adam). Justin Bieber is SIXTEEN?????? He looks and sounds eleven. Where do all these pre-pubescent teenagers come from? Those twins (Zack and Cody something or other) that had that Disney show are like 16 or 17 as well.

    You know he’s gotta be the kid from hell. I also noticed he kept shaking the stupid mop-do to get the forward swoop thing he had going on. (way too much into his appearance for an 11 yr old, oh wait…I keep forgetting) His ass-kissing twenty-something entourage was quite annoying too; that’s right Jordin, get far, far away as qickly as possible!

  20. Smartie permalink
    December 10, 2009 12:42 am

    Justin Who? Seriously, who?

    • TopIdol permalink
      December 10, 2009 12:47 am

      I have no idea. He’s big on Twitter and YouTube or something. I try to know as little as possible about him and I choose only to refer to him as The Moppet of Beelzebub.

      • Smartie permalink
        December 10, 2009 1:03 am

        Oh so he’s some fanwhore? Sounds perfect for Madam. Madam likes them young and twinky. Could be a match made in heaven.

        • Smartie permalink
          December 10, 2009 1:04 am

          Oops sorry, typo. Meant to say FAMEWHORE not fanwhore.

      • 8sourcandy permalink
        December 12, 2009 6:16 pm

        Top Idol why are you sharing your reduced price, vintage porn collection with us?

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