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This isn’t a Lifetime Movie — Oh no, it’s worse: AI9 Los Angeles Auditions

January 27, 2010

Isn’t it ironic how, in the City of Angels — where everyone goes to become a big star — only 10,000 people showed up to the American Idol auditions? Says a lot about the show, in all actuality. But as we all know, a lot of talented people prefer toughing it out on their own. (People like Mario Evon and Marie Davy, for example…have you listened to them yet?)

Pshaw. We all know no one from California will ever win Idol. It’s obvious because whenever anyone from CA makes it to the finals, the Governor NEVER comes out to play. A person can only win American Idol if they come from a state where a somewhat powerful political official comes to congratulate them for making it so far. And if you don’t get a key to the city, you’re pretty much SCREWED. It’s all rather pointless, really. There aren’t any conspiracy theories at play. You just have to be from a state where people might care.

I’m not really sure what Avril Lavigne has done lately. I think she got divorced and pays for her Hot Topic Black Label by shilling for T-Mobile, but I haven’t heard any new music from her in awhile. I’ve never met anyone who actually likes Avril Lavigne, although I will totally admit to having Complicated and My Happy Ending somewhere on my iPod.

Neil Goldstein
He looks like someone…who is it? Who is it? I really hope it comes to me before the end of this excruciating hour. He’s a big geek with a high IQ, and he also got his hair cut in between auditions. Part of me loves Neil Goldstein, but then again, I, too, am a big geek with an above-average IQ. (Oh wow. That just made me sound like more of an asshat than usual.)

But no pun intended, my heart already goes out to Neil because I know he’s going to be crucified by the judges. Plus, I just feel bad for most non-violent criminals forced to ever be in the same room as Kara DioGuardi. Hell, there are some real sickos on Death Row I wouldn’t even wish that shit on!

Neil talks about hope and clicks his tongue a lot. Meanwhile, Avril Lavigne kind of looks ridiculous with the cat-eared hoodie. In all actuality, Neil may not be good, but I’ve heard a lot worse. Neil is tries to force the judges to give him a golden ticket while security hovers in the background. I find it amusing he keeps saying they need to send him to Hollywood, but he already is IN Hollywood. So really, the whole you’re going to Hollywood crap just doesn’t work on this episode now, does it?

Do more than one extended audition before a commercial break? NEVER! And now I’m forced to once again ponder the whole would I sleep with Luke Wilson conundrum before gaining more evidence to back up my theory that Valentine’s Day will be the worst, most obnoxious, most irritating film ever made.

Jim Ranger
He’s a worship pastor! He’s married! He’s a father of three! He’s singing an original number called Drive AND he enjoys wearing vests with white v-neck t-shirts. He sort of looks like Chaz Bono.

Obviously Jim Ranger has definite musicality. When asked about his voice, Avril Lavigne just says, you’re married, you have kids and you’re a pastor. Oh for frak’s sake. When Shit-For-Brains starts talking about how he can’t do everything…Come on! American Idol is to male worship pastors as Blue Man Group is to any drummer. EVERY ONE OF THEM AUDITIONS.

Avril Lavigne may be the most useless guest judge of the season. I’ve often suspected the lyrics to her songs may have to be spelled out phonetically for her and her Idol stint has not done anything to change my mind thus far.

It’s that time again! Cue the PARADE OF LAUGHABLE FAILURE

Jayson Wilson
Bad editing, as I totally saw Katy Perry sitting there when they claimed it was still Day 1…

Jesse Chang
Because its just funnier when Asians do it, right?

Martin Perez
This is just becoming stupid. I don’t buy it.

Damien Lefavor
Apparently, a lot of aspiring web actors/comedians showed up for the L.A. auditions. At least that’s the vibe I’m getting off MARTIAL ARTIST / SANDWICH MAKER Damien Lefavor. Actually, Damien Lefavor is an aspiring poet.

(In case you were wondering, Shit-For-Brains DioGuardi’s forehead still refuses to move. Wow. Can you imagine what it would be like if stuck in an elevator with both Kara DioGuardi and Teri Hatcher? CAN YOU IMAGINE THE HORROR??)

The judges are obviously mortified at Damien’s rendition of You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling, especially when he attempts hitting The Nemesis, aka the really high note he cannot hit. Ironically, I’ve always considered Avril Lavigne’s Complicated on the medium level of difficulty on the first Karaoke Revolution game for PS2 The Nemesis. Seriously. It never lets me have a gold record.

We may have found the next Adam Lambert.

Oh this will not end well. I don’t even know if I want to go past this commercial break. So some guy from Southern Cali comes in, his brown hair is kind of spiked, and you guys call the next Adam Lambert? Why aren’t you calling all those married worship leaders with sob stories the next Danny Gokey? Or the dudes with skeevy hip thrusts, long hair, and an overall filmy countenance the next Constantine Maroulis?

OMG. I suspect we might see the token offbeat single mom with tattoos whom Top Idol will most likely champion. I feel like they always throw one of those in there, ya know? It’s obviously how they appeal to those frightened by permanent body art, ya know, by choosing those who also have birthed a moderately cute imp. On American Idol, especially if you’re a girl, you can’t be alterna unless you’re materna.

Mary Powers
Obviously, I already like Mary as she wears black and things with spikes. She also sings Pat Benetar, whom I’ve loved since I was but a wee barin at three years of age. She kind of looks like Angelina Jolie in 1995’s Hackers…or a less crazy Lori Petty, but I’m willing to bet RANDY and KARA bust out the inevitable Pink comparison within two seconds of her last note. Because you know, all chicks with short bold, artificially-tinted hair who look kind of tough are totally like Pink. Just like every thin black girl with shortish hair is gonna be the second coming of Mary J. Blige.

I like Mary, she has an odd vibrato thing I’m not digging, though. Simon calls her a cliche. Avril Lavigne, of course, loves her. Shit-For-Brains agrees and says rock it girl. Jesus christ, why hasn’t someone kicked the shit out of her yet? It’s a good thing she’s a rich douchebag and doesn’t have to ride public transportation because she would inevitably piss someone off on the subway.

Mary Powers’ cynical little 8-year-old girl also wins. She gets to meet her hero, Simon Cowell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always love it when we see nice guy Simon, because I don’t buy his asshat act for one moment. I actually kind of love Simon Cowell, too. (Oh, and I’m sure they compared her to Pink. It was just edited out. Or maybe they can’t mention Pink’s name in front of Avril Lavigne or something.)

Ruh roh.

HOLY HELL. ADAM LAMBERT WANNABE MONTAGE. WHAT IS THAT I HEAR? THE HERD OF SPARKLE COWS IS A COMING!

I so called it. Spiked hair = Adam Lambert! But you know you giggled when you saw MICHAEL CASTRO thrown in there, too! One guy says…

If Susan Boyle and Adam Lambert had sex, it would be me. Pretty much.

And then Idol had the best moment since Pants on the Ground! They chopped Susan Boyle with Adam Lambert! THEY MADE A SPARKLE COW! THEY MADE A SPARKLE COW!

They really didn’t have to chop anything, of course, as we’ve already seen many photos of this glistening creature.

A.J. Mendoza
Mendoza sent a demo to Adam Lambert, who wrote him back telling him how much he enjoyed it. (Oh, if we could only see this nicey-nice appreciative Adam Lambert more often. I like that Adam Lambert.)

Mendoza does his best Lambert to Cult of Personality, which is really just hilarious. Because frankly, this musical theater guy came in there and screeched and they hated it…I mean…I’m not really sure what they’re trying to say here…especially when you take a gander at A.J. Mendoza’s resume.

Day 2…or when Katy Perry comes into save L.A….because Avril Lavigne was more useless than Randy and Kara.

Austin Fullmer
Have I ever heard Cheap Trick on Idol? Nope. And never by a water treatment tech attempting to channel Mick Jagger. OH NO. Kara said Mick Jagger. Katy Perry says Iggy Pop. Even though I called Jagger, I happen to love that Katy Perry disagreed with Kara. Because this ensures the show will be better than it was 10 or 20 minutes ago.

After Googling, I discover there are a few Austin Fullmers out there. But I wonder if this one is him…another aspiring poet.

ANOTHER FAILURE MONTAGE

Yup. The talented people who thought they had a shot, mixed in with a few kooks so it looks like, you know, the judges are always right — OMG NO NO NO NO NO. ITS ASHLEY FURL THE CRYING GIRL!

Ha. Ha. Ha. Bet you thought you would get more airtime, huh? Glad the home schooling and braids aren’t working out for you in your quest to be some childesque teen star. And for chrissake, stop fraking crying. You’re 16 now. GROW A PAIR.

Andrew Garcia
Another FATHER. I wonder if Idol thinks married fatherly types will discourage the frauen?

I was born and raised in Compton.

Garcia’s family was in gangs. Like, his dad has gang tatts, and you know, he was born and raised in Compton. We already know Andrew Garcia makes it far in Hollywood, even if we know he won’t make it far with the frauen. They never embrace those tanner ethnic types…even if he has better taste in eyewear and a stronger voice than say, Danny Gokey.

The soulful Garcia excites the judges, even Simon. Kara looks like she is about to eat him, so I automatically want to protect Andrew Garcia because even highly-useful survival skills picked up in Compton will NOT keep you safe from that scary-ass crazy-eyed slag. (I think Andrew’s kid has a rat tail…didn’t he?)

Tasha Layton
Personal assistant by day…minister by night? Are you like a Scientologist who audits people with those e-meters or something? Southern belle Tasha is cute and wears nice necklaces, but she’s rather bland. But she’s perky and smiley enough.

OMG. CONSTANTINE MAROULIS IS THAT YOU?

Jason Greene
I guess I gotta kind of give props to a Johnny Wier-wannabe who auditions for American Idol with Divinyls’ I Touch Myself. Kara, constantly searching for affirmations of relevancy from much-younger men, totally plays into his little act, although its cloying rather than cute. Katy Perry tells him he makes her feel dirty. Kara claims its hard to make girls feel dirty. Uh…okay…you’re more of an idiot than I previously thought. WOW.

Actually Jason Greene is all sorts of awesome. He gives Ryan Seacrest his phone number, who just uses it as another emphatic denial of his alleged homosexuality. Jason Greene, I hope you make it as an actor one day, or at least get steady roles as minor one-off characters in network crime dramas.

TOTALLY BEAUTIFUL AND USEFUL MONTAGE OF KATY AND KARA BEING KATTY

Katy Perry, I was never a big fan of yours, until now.

I’d like to throw my Coke in your face.

If I had a bunch off coke, I would totally plant it in Kara’s car and call CHIPs with her plate number. Just kidding! I’m not that mean, but I may just download the rest Katy Perry’s album when I’m finished with this shit show. You. Rule. Katy. Perry.

HOLY FUCK ME. THEY SHOWED THE CURLY ORPHAN BOY WATCHING TRAINS! WATCHING TRAINS!

Chris Golightly
No. For reals. Idol, you can’t be serious. You filmed the orphan guy watching trains go by. What? No M.I.A.’s Paper Planes as the soundtrack as our fair-haired afro-bo watched the freight trains go by as he walked along the opposite side of the fence.

This 25-year-old shoe salesman was obviously created in some special Idol contestant factory. He even auditions with Stand By Me.

When I was a kid, I was so wanting to be loved.

For chrissake, Kara tells him how his tragic back story will make people connect with him.

This isn’t a Lifetime movie.

OMG. Katy Perry, you are my new favorite person. And Chris Golightly, you may be one of the biggest pieces of frau meat I have ever laid eyes on. But I guess you always wanted a mother figure, so guess what? You’ve now got lots of them!

Oh, Kara. At least you have someone to keep you company on those long, cold and lonely nights at the judge’s table.

Only 22 people made it from L.A., including Gokey pal Jamar Rogers (who dropped out of the competition last fall) and some annoying blond chick. I have higher hopes for tomorrow night. Dallas! Going to the Big D! NPH is gonna be there. And everything is better with Neil Patrick Harris. Duh. Everyone knows this is true.

I totally just wanted to look at it again.

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38 Comments leave one →
  1. January 28, 2010 5:59 am

    I’m gonna give you the credit for the Mick Jagger call… but only regarding his face, b/c Mick Jagger is awesome.
    HAHA! HAHAHA! Ryan called L.A. a TOWN. OPPOSITE–it’s a freak fest of awesomeness that could survive as its own country.
    And omg I heard about the crying girl being in L.A. HA. I’m so glad she didn’t get much screen time cuz she’s ridiculous.
    AWWWW Andrew Garcia’s kid is so cute! And I’m glad his parents decided to get the frak away from Compton… that place is really fraking scary. Oh and he’s awesome.
    Jason Greene looks like a woman. omg. omg. omg. He’s so creepy. And he’s from L.A. proper. omg. If I ever see him I will RUN SO FAST. And Kara is even creepier. And I love Katy Perry– “Is she talking to a puppy…?”
    OMG. KATY PERRY REEKS OF AWESOMENESS. And Kara needs to not act like a high school freshman as well as not put on that fake attitude thing when she gets upset.
    Okay, blond curly dude looks like that guy from High School Musical only blond. And more white. AND they played THE FRAKING CLIMB after his audition. I WANT TO CUT SOMEONE.
    I want Katy Perry to replace Kara NOW. NOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOW.
    Oh and now I’m homesick. THANKS A LOT IDOL.

  2. January 28, 2010 5:24 am

    Did you notice that Michael Castro was in the Adam Lambert wannabe montage? I happen to think that it’s awesomely hilarious.
    And why did my friend who looks like Jason Castro (and is a girl, as Jason Castro looks like a girl) who auditioned get any recognition? B/c she has a crazy awesome voice AND looks like Stoner J. Fraking stupid producers. (She didn’t get past the 1st round. Or so she says.)

  3. kimberly permalink
    January 28, 2010 12:38 am

    What’s with all the flamboyant guys and the singing clerics? I can only see it as sterotyping Adam and Kris, in a way. I did laugh when Jason Greene gave Ryan his number. Was it scripted? Probably. Another opportunity for Ryan to try to downplay the gay. Is it helping or hurting?

    “They chopped Susan Boyle with Adam Lambert! THEY MADE A SPARKLE COW! THEY MADE A SPARKLE COW!” — Top Idol

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I was rolling at your comment. The picture is exactly that!!

    “I mean…I’m not really sure what they’re trying to say here…” — Top Idol

    You know, I felt the same way. At first, I thought it was going to be OTT Adam Pimping, but it didn’t come off as such to me. I wasn’t sure if this was being complimentary or not.

    I swore I heard Katy Perry tell Kara she wanted to throw her coke in Kara’s face. I really think she meant it too. That was worth sitting through that mess of a show, along with Katy’s snarky, “this isn’t a liftime movie.” Simon agreeing was a bit disingenuous on his part, having told Ricky Braddy, they have to cast parts, not needing another good, but boring singer. Looking for characters, I suppose.

    I had a hard time sitting through all these pathetic loser auditions. LA was the worst. Simon called the Austin kid disturbed. Austin is just the tip of the iceburg on that show. Where’s Simon been these past 9 years? Sure the kid was off, but what about the ninja guy who makes sandwiches?

  4. Sherena permalink
    January 27, 2010 11:31 pm

    I feel conflicted on orphan boy because while on one hand I’m thinking, please go away with your sob story, I don’t want to hear it, on the other hand it’s very possible that he was told the only way he was going forward was if he pimped his story. Hmm.

  5. Smartie permalink
    January 27, 2010 11:19 pm

    I want to punch Sideshow Whiny in the throat. Fucking whiny orphan weiner.

    I want to see more of Jason Greene!

    http://www.jason-greene.net BTW

    Idol made a mint out of Crying Girl, they have milked that for years. They could have at least given her some screen time for her singing.

    • TopIdol permalink
      January 28, 2010 12:08 am

      Idol has no use for the Cash-hos and Crying Girl at this point.

      I want to see Jason Greene and Jackie Tohn together in something.

    • on the edge permalink
      January 28, 2010 12:41 am

      According to EW she didn’t make it through the first round and the “producers” (re: lowly PA intern wanks) didn’t recognize her.

      • on the edge permalink
        January 28, 2010 12:42 am

        (shit you REALLY need an edit feature)…so she never saw the judges, therefore no more screen time. After all they’re still perpetuating the myth that the judges see ALL of thse people.

  6. Sherena permalink
    January 27, 2010 11:11 pm

    I NOW OFFICIALLY ADORE KATY. Gorgeous bitch is snarky like hell. Maybe she and Russell Brand aren’t that terrible of a match after all!

    She’s much better than I thought she would be back when she was announcing how much she liked Simon and was ready to go in there and be a voice of realism. She comes off smarter irl than on twitter.

  7. Sherena permalink
    January 27, 2010 10:59 pm

    I like Katy Perry too! She’s cute and has a sense of humor.

    Also while I DO believe Simon’s asshat image– he can’t maintain it so well if there’s not some truth in it– I still like him and find him rather adorable.

    I may have to watch parts of this episode online, it sounds interesting.

  8. deez permalink
    January 27, 2010 7:47 pm

    Tonight promises to be better!!!!! NPH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. Kathy permalink
    January 27, 2010 5:27 pm

    Oh Lord. Would you look at golightly’s twitter……

    http://twitter.com/OrphanIdol

    and he’s following Gokey.

    • January 27, 2010 5:55 pm

      I don’t care how well that guy sings, I am *not* voting for a guy who calls himself “Orphan.” That’s just, as my dearly departed grandma would say, “pukey.”

      That had to be the most mind-numbingly boring Idol episode I’ve ever watched. I kept asking myself why I was watching it. Why did I keep watching it? It never got any better… to add insult to injury they ended with ORPHAN *and* made me listen to Miley Cyrus. Do.not.want.

    • TopIdol permalink
      January 27, 2010 6:03 pm

      Was that the handiwork of IDF or ONTD_AI?

  10. the tard king permalink
    January 27, 2010 4:36 pm

    Proof that Garcia is Gangstagokey:
    http://tinypic.com/r/2e5kuxh/6

    In other news, Orpharini will destroy all in his path.

  11. Starr permalink
    January 27, 2010 2:03 pm

    Neil Goldstein looks like Michael Pitt from Funny Games, Murder by Numbers and The Dreamers. Here’s a pic for comparison: http://www.celebritywonder.com/picture/Michael_Pitt/michaelpitt_005.jpg

    Seriously. The resemblance is uncanny.

    • TopIdol permalink
      January 27, 2010 2:08 pm

      YES YES YES!!! That’s it! That’s it!

      (And Dawson’s Creek…and Hedwig and the Angry Itch)

      • jukejoint permalink
        January 27, 2010 2:32 pm

        Hedwig and the Angry INCH. Although Itch is a lot funnier if you’ve seen the show, because you just know Hedwig got crabs from Tommy the rockstar. Or was Tommy imaginary? I can’t remember.

  12. Trish permalink
    January 27, 2010 1:41 pm

    HOLY FUCK ME. THEY SHOWED THE CURLY ORPHAN BOY WATCHING TRAINS! WATCHING TRAINS!

    BWAH! Hobo Idol, FTW!

    Seriously, with the exception of the Adam/Boyle love child (now *that’s* an original take on the “Oprah bump”), Andrew’s singing, and that Lifetime line from Katy, that show was horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE. (How do you spell ‘horrible’? A-V-R-I-L L-A-V-I-G-N-E!)

    I’ve decided the goal of that awful episode was to butter up all the loyal southern viewers, who vote so enthusiastically for their hometown kids, by making La La Land seem really pathetic. In contrast to Dallas, of course, which I’m expecting to be one of the better cities they visit. Who from the spoilers auditions in Dallas???

    Oh, and how the f*ck did Kara Diotardi get into Duke? Couldn’t have been that her dad made a big gift, right? If I were Anoop’s frat brothers, I’d hack the College Board and release her SAT scores, because you know they were like 800 . . . total.

  13. stanless permalink
    January 27, 2010 1:35 pm

    If not for the fact that Katy’s in the studio, I would have thought they were prepping her to be Simon’s replacement for next year. But I have to admit, I loved her going at Kar-a

  14. auntieaimee permalink
    January 27, 2010 1:11 pm

    Katy and Avril were clearly invited by TPTB to be the young, edgy(tm) guest judges. They both came off snotty, and considering Katy and Kara know eachother, I didn’t buy their little fight. I wanted Mary J. Blige to walk in there and slap the three of them.

    • TopIdol permalink
      January 27, 2010 1:59 pm

      Was Avril Lavigne ever cool?

      • Nich permalink
        January 27, 2010 2:03 pm

        Nope. Never. She is as big of a poser as the rocker chick with the 8 year old. I remember she couldn’t pronounce David “Bowie” and for some reason that made me hate her all the more.

        I’m full of too much hate.

        • TopIdol permalink
          January 27, 2010 2:07 pm

          YES! I was totally thinking about that. She also dropped out of high school, granted she grew up on some isolated Canadian fjord, so I doubt she was getting a well-rounded education to begin with. (Canada can have those, right?) Nothing against Canadian fjords…I know what I’m getting at here.

          I try not to hate on a few poser rock chicks on Idol. Otherwise, I would be hating so much more. I instantly detest any “wholesome” female contestant. I still miss Nadia Turner. That chick needs to make it big someday. I always loved her.

          • Nich permalink
            January 27, 2010 2:13 pm

            Nadia was awesome but she got screwed. Idol doesn’t know what to do with a black rocker chick. They can barely handle female singers who don’t sing country or R&B.

    • Burgundy LaRue permalink
      January 27, 2010 4:59 pm

      Back in the early 1990s, during her My Life hard drinking days, Mary J. would have straight-up sliced Kara DioDummy with a boxcutter. She wouldn’t have bothered using physical force on Arvil and Katy. She would have just cussed them out and had them running for cover.

  15. Nich permalink
    January 27, 2010 12:21 pm

    I hate Kara but Katy’s superbitchiness was annoying the ever loving crap out of me. Hey Katy just I hate Kara doesn’t mean I don’t hate you too.

    • TopIdol permalink
      January 27, 2010 1:58 pm

      I didn’t download Katy Perry’s album like I said I would. But I still appreciated her bitch at Kara.

  16. pattyluponey permalink
    January 27, 2010 11:31 am

    Not sure why AJ Mendoza put on that stupid rocker voice, other than he thought he was the second coming of RAWK GOD Lambert…if you go to his myspace page he actually has a decent musical theatre voice. He still has a long way to go, but he’s only 20, I think. Singing voices change a lot from early 20s to late 20s.

    Thank God for Katy Perry in this episode (did I really just say that? :/ ) It would have been unbearable otherwise.

  17. Kathy permalink
    January 27, 2010 7:23 am

    Oh and WTH is it with Randy always pronouncing Kara like Simon does. You don’t have a British accent say it right.

    • TopIdol permalink
      January 27, 2010 9:20 am

      I have a feeling she is one of those who is like, it’s kar-a, not kare-a. I had a bitch phd candidate professor like that back in college, except her name was tar-a, not tare-a.

      • Kathy permalink
        January 27, 2010 9:43 am

        lol yes there are always those types. A few in the homeroom moms circle usually blech I like to think I’m the non douchey homeroom mom heh

  18. Kathy permalink
    January 27, 2010 7:21 am

    Great recap as always. Avril may have irritated me more than Kara. Just momentarily. WTH she wasn’t there to be a career counselor. If they are good enough to make it one more round, send them through you little devil horned twit.

    Jim Ranger. HBD’s guitar player tweeted:
    if you watched american idol, and saw a guy named #JimRanger, my band used to play with him at shows, he’s from Little Rock…watch out…”

    I did totally giggle when I saw Michael Castro thrown in with all the other Adam wannabes. They did make a sparkle cow. heh heh. And AJ Mendoza. Good Lord. Honey he was only being polite because I am quite sure Adam Lambert is not deaf.

    I wonder if Sanjaya’s crying girl had a voice or not. Not sure why I just wonder.

    I really liked Andrew’s voice.

    Seriously Katy, you have to like dirty, have you met your fiance? I still can’t stand Katy Perry but I was cheering her for hating Kara. I bet Slezak lovvvved it 🙂

    You know, I really expected to at least think ok, this golightly can really sing even though I hate the sob story thing. But meh. ok good enough for Hollywood I guess but he better have something else in his bag of tricks. I was not impressed. The trains. sheesh. Made me think of a series of books I loved when I was little. The Boxcar Children. They were orphaned siblings who lived in an abandoned box car in the woods,fended for themselves and had adventures involving random escaped criminals and the like. I am getting more cynical with time. Oh well.

    Totally unrelated to auditions but looks like Kris’s Haiti trip will be in March so well into the after phases.He tweeted “Haiti update: not going to be able to go this week but sometime in march. Will keep you updated.” So rest Glamberts he won’t be in the way as you were all so concerned. Old Bats.

    • auntieaimee permalink
      January 27, 2010 8:05 am

      Yeah, I thought the whole Kara/Katy thing seemed rehearsed, so I was not impressed. I did think it was funny when Jason Greene said something to the effect of “Funny you should say that Katy Perry, because you make ME feel dirty…” to which she had no comeback. Lulz!

  19. January 27, 2010 2:48 am

    Despite his Kris Allen-like plaid shirt and newsboy cap, I got Gokey vibes from Andrew Garcia. I liked his voice, but I don’t know. I think I’m just conditioned to hate anyone who’s sob story they pimp out. (Which is why I’m pretending Justin Guarini 2.0 doesn’t even exist.)

    That sparkle cow picture? Nightmares for years to come.

    • January 27, 2010 2:50 am

      *whose. Damn you Top Idol and your lack of an editing feature!

  20. deez permalink
    January 27, 2010 2:25 am

    That is really Spooky! I haven’t seen this yet, as I was distracted by reality..but I will enjoy watching just for this tomorrow! I wonder how many kids yelled “Hey Granny, get in here!! You’re on TV!!”

  21. Ryo permalink
    January 27, 2010 2:17 am

    This was probably one the worst Idol audition episodes I’ve ever seen – out of all seasons. It was basically 100% filler – because even the guys who got through got pimped to high heaven with their tragic back stories highlighted. Golightly seriously reminds of Justin Guarini with his hair dyed blond (although by audition time it was dark again). And the rest was all people who weren’t just terrible, they were actually kind of creepy. Yikes.

    And the montage of Adam wannabees – ouch. A lot of the guys they pegged just had a haircut that was similar to one of the many styles he’s had in the past year or however long. (And ouch – Adam’s friend Cassidy, who designed a lot of the clothes Adam wore on Idol, got shown in the montage of wannabees.)

    Seriously, I want this hour of my life back far more than I usually do after an episode of Idol.

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