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NPH Makes Everything Better: AI9 Dallas Auditions

January 28, 2010

Tonight, American Idol is in Dallas. Of course, the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders are there, because, its just not Dallas without them. Plus, they give Ryan Seacrest yet another chance to tell the world he loves boobies. We begin tonight’s show with the usual horseshit…and Kara DioGuardi trying desperately to become BFF to the incomparable NPH.

Sorry, bitch. Not gonna happen. Neil Patrick Harris already has a best girlfriend.

The amount of awesomeness in the above photo is almost enough to restore my hope in at least a minute portion of humanity.

NPH wants to shatter the dreams of thousands. LOVE HIM.

Julie Kevelighan
I’ve never seen this Julie chick before, but I guess she tried out way back in Season 1, when Idol was still operating out of a Ramada Inn ballroom off the last stretch of the LBJ Freeway. Now if you tried out in Season 1…wouldn’t it be safe to assume you would be too old to audition now…or almost too old?

Explain this to me: Who the hell puts on that much frosted eye shadow and wears a sequin mini-dress, yet forgets to put in EARRINGS?

My first problem was the bottom line of your sign. The letters just get real small at the end. It seems like you just wanted to start over.

NPH. I love you. You make me wish I had a penis and track lighting. Julie might be a little big cray cray, as indicated by security coming out…and she does the walk of shamiest shame in her turquoise sequin dress…still singing Black Velvet.


Lloyd Thomas
Hey, the guy behind him…to the right…he was included in Hollywood’s I Wanna Be Adam Lambert Montage, right? Lloyd is kind of funny. He’s also got two daughters and grew up in the projects. Since I have already seen his children and inside his home, as well as the airline dock he works (This would most likely be for American Airlines), I am pretty sure he makes it to Hollywood. I can also deduce that he must have turned 29 sometime in the summer, after his first audition. Plus, Idol always gives EARLY love to black dudes who can sing Stevie Wonder.

This guy’s working the docks with this voice.

Kara DioGuardi. STFU. STFU. There are talented people everywhere. I bet the woman you employ as your housekeeper is a better singer than you. You wouldn’t know talent if your doctor spelled it out for you on your forehead in Botox.

Kimberly Carver
Schoolteacher Kimberly has a solid voice, but Simon thinks she is uninteresting and old-fashioned. And too jazzy. Perhaps because she is not petite and stereotypically “cute” (One of Simon’s major character flaws is that he often thinks with his wanker, hence why the world was exposed to the likes of Kellie Pickler). Randy thinks she’s great. NPH disagrees with Simon, which is apparently the overarching theme of the the first half of tonight’s episode, and Shit-For-Brains loves her. So Kimberly is going to Hollywood.

Tonight continues to be oddly quotable. Or I’m just in a mood to call out actual quotes.

They totally overrode him! And thank god for Neil Patrick Harris! I’m gonna have to go back and watch Doogie Howser again.

(NOOOOOOOO. Fast forward. NOOOOOOOOO. NO MORE VALENTINE’S DAY AKA THE STUPIDEST MOVIE EVER MADE FEATURING JULIA ROBERTS AKA THE MOST HEINOUS LAUGH IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD.)

Back to the show…filler crap about the media and NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Malnourished Casper Twat. We meet again.

Dexter Ward
And another quote worthy of transcription.

I’m just being honest. This show is over.

Well, duh. I wasn’t sure about the actual words Dexter was singing, until the chorus at least, but its always a joy to watch people rub themselves during the audition rounds of American Idol. Awwww…Dexter started crying when he left. Gave me the momentary sads. Cue the…

MONTAGE OF PROBABLY TALENTED PEOPLE LACKING SAD ENOUGH BACK STORIES HAVING THEIR HOPES AND DREAMS DASHED

Every time before and after Oskar takes a dump in his litter box, he runs around like a mad man (And since he is the Don Draper of cats). It is very predictable. This is how I feel about American Idol. It operates with similar regularity and revolves around crap.

Seacrest goes “backstage” during the break to talk to NPH. Why? Because the world just wants to see more of NPH.

Erica Rhodes
Erica Rhodes is a grad student AND an actress…she started as a very young child. Homegirl was on Barney & Friends!

Erica wears stupid fingerless black fishnet gloves for no apparent reason. She is also arrogant as all hell and obviously thinks she has this bullshit locked up. Her conceit is a huge turnoff and she screams PLANT. She wants to show people she has grown up, because she assumes people remember her from Barney & Friends. My nieces and nephew had that crap when they were toddlers so I saw a few of these videos way back in the day. I don’t remember any of the children standing out. They were all interchangeable.

Then she shows up in a dominatrix outfit. Poser. I pretty much hate this bitch. She gives S&M a bad name. And for frak’s sake, this bitch has been riding Barney’s dino tail for years! She gets her golden ticket and her stage mother goes crazy. She’s been waiting for that golden ticket since her little girl was in diapers. Since Barney didn’t mean success, she went out and bought her daughter some fetish clothes for her Idol audition.

OMG FINALLY A SOB STORY I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED ON AMERICAN IDOL

Dave Pittman
He’s from Arkansas and he has Tourette’s Syndrome. TOURETTE’S SYNDROME. YESSSSSS! Wait…did Taylor Hicks have Tourette’s? I kid, I kid. I actually liked Hicks on the show. Dave has Tourette’s but it doesn’t have him. At least it doesn’t have him when he sings. It’s kind of like my one sister, who has epilepsy (which sucks). She also has restless leg syndrome, however, it stops when she’s playing a slot machine. Oddly enough, she is not blood-related to my mother, who, does not care about eating when she plays a slot machine. I don’t get it. Neither does my father. We hate slot machines.

I’ve always wanted to see someone with Tourette’s on Idol, so I think about how it would be cool to see him singing why SYTYCD Season 5’s Twitch dances and it makes me feel bad. But just for a second.

On that happy note, we get the MONTAGE OF PEOPLE WHO MADE IT AND ARE HAPPY. I just want to see more of this chick’s pepaw.

And onward to Day 2…I’m gonna miss you NPH. So is this the Jonas Brother who got married and didn’t like sex? Or is this one of the remaining virgins?

I guess Joe Jonas is kind of cute. Like, if I was 13, I would totally want him to stick his tongue down my throat. But as a 32-year-old, I would like to see him play the youthful version of Peter Gallagher in a random movie. Because I’ve always had a slight obsession with Peter Gallagher’s eyebrows. And Joe Jonas totally has Peter Gallagher eyebrows.

Todrick Hall
Spoilers suggest Todrick Hall made it to the Top 24. Todrick was in The Color Purple with Fantasia (Hey…wasn’t that on Broadway?) and has a bit of an allegedly shady past. Todrick sings an (original) little ditty about himself…and the judges. In all honesty, its kind of clever and mildly cute, yet its altogether cloying and I cringe when he talks about getting on his knees in his $300 jeans.


Todrick also has connection to Season 4’s Vonzell Soloman and is recognized as Hood Helper. One look at this guy’s resume tells me he does not need American Idol. About the allegedly shady past? Some people have cried foul on a now-defunct children’s production Todrick was running in Tennessee, one where parents paid cash to him for their kid’s involvement. It never materialized. Which makes him singing about getting on his knees in his $300 jeans even ickier.

Some other people make it. I think this chick’s necklace got a golden ticket, too.

And thwarting the Castro family’s need for mass exposure, Michael Castro makes it through to Hollywood (for a second time) with no chyron telling the nation just who he is and that his brother was once a fourth runner up on the very same show. (Does the shoutout for being an Adam Lambert wannabe last night count?)

And since this season is ALL ABOUT THE GIRLS…

Stephanie Daulong…Ke$ha?

Maegan Wright
I don’t think I’m gonna like this one…she’s 20, from Richardson, Texas, has a name which really doesn’t work when spelled oddly, and…

My parents are divorced. They got divorced five years ago. They’re both remarried. I have my little brother. It’s just me and him.

Okay. This is a sorry bunch of crock. She wisely brought the little brother along to pump up her sob story factor, which is totally just pushing it. Lots of people get divorced and somehow, I don’t think you and your little brother were thrown out on the streets. You weren’t riding the trains with Orphan Boy Chris Golightly. The little brother and her seem to have rehearsed an entire act in preparation for her audition, as he speaks in a put-upon monotone characteristic of children who are attempting to lie or to act and yet have little talent for either.

Maegan also needs to lighten up her eyebrows if she’s gonna bleach her hair, but whatever, I’ve seen worse. Although it is kind of less acceptable seeing that she is a cosmetologist and all. I still don’t buy her brother-sister act for one moment, but I guess her voice is passable enough. She does some little trill thing I’m not fond of, and once she gets going, she gets all belty diva-like. I am pretty sure if I hear more, I might dislike her more, because chances are, she will do that shit all the time…and hello? She totally had a dad and a step-dad there. Or at least a dad and an uncle. Just you and your little brother, my ass.

Vanessa Johnson
I don’t know I love this girl or if she scares the hell out of me. Once she starts belting out Etta James’ At Last (which I usually don’t ever want to see), I kind of love her. Except for all the pink, I would totally sing audition like this chick. Because I have zero vocal ability.

Because of this, and her natural exuberance, I actually like Vanessa Johnson. Obviously, we probably won’t ever see her again, but I still liked her mucho.

Some other crap happens…seems like there were a lot of people with doll heads.

Christian Spears
She had Leukemia as a child. And now she is 16. She is also singing some Etta James. We already know she is good and is going to make it as, she had Leukemia, we saw the inside of her house, met her mother, and she is closing out the show. OMG SHE IS 16. Kara spouts off some nonsense. Simon calls her brave.  I’m so utterly bored. She says she has yet to find a better feeling than winning the golden ticket and all I can think is uh, hello? What about the day you found out you were in remission? Or what about when you were out of remission? A golden ticket from American Idol is better than that?

I am so utterly bored. And I have to start the SOTU an hour late. Thanks, American Idol! And hey, did that Joe Jonas kid talk? I totally don’t remember.

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77 Comments leave one →
  1. January 30, 2010 7:56 pm

    NPH NPH NPH NPH NPH NPH NPH NPH!!!
    Was there any other reason to watch this episode? Let me answer that–HELL NO!
    And OMG. ERICA RHODES. See. I have this tape at my house called “Barney in Outer Space”, and I also have little neighbors whose parents often dump them at my house and who are constantly watching it. ERICA RHODES IS IN THIS VERY TAPE. Her name on Barney is Kim, and I always have to endure her singing stupid songs about flying into space b/c all those kids are on drugs and their teacher doesn’t wake up from a rocket blasting off?! Helloooo?!?!
    Anyway. Sorry. I will never forget that this girl was on Barney. I just can’t. I see her face and picture her singing that stupid song about going on an adventure with a purple stuffed dinosaur who touches children.
    Oh and Lloyd Thomas is awesome.
    But NPH is WAY MORE FRAKING AWESOME.
    If you don’t watch How I Met Your Mother I am obligated to be slightly disappointed in you.

  2. the tard king permalink
    January 28, 2010 6:59 pm

    NPH is too good for this sideshow.

    Was I the only one that was disappointed that Tourette’s guy didn’t let loose with a random sting of profanity?

    Just as Golightly is a Guarini retread, Lloyd is the second coming of Ruuuuuuben Studdard. Does anyone really want that?

    • deez permalink
      January 28, 2010 7:05 pm

      Tourette’s guy not making Top 24 is the WORST!!! Can you imagine the field day VFTW could’ve had? lol.

      So what if his TS was limited to facial tics…everybody would know he had it, and he could totally fake going off on Simon, and he’d get a free pass. Awesome!

    • Claire permalink
      January 28, 2010 7:08 pm

      “Was I the only one that was disappointed that Tourette’s guy didn’t let loose with a random sting of profanity?”

      I have to admit the thought crossed my mind too. I thought of the South Park episode where Cartman faked Tourette’s so that he could shout obscenities without consequences.

      • TopIdol permalink
        January 28, 2010 10:00 pm

        A friend of mine in Britain has Tourette’s and it’s more like what he has, not the What About Bob? version. With her it comes out more when she is tired, but you end up barely noticing. I think a lot of people assume its the What About Bob kind when you say Tourette’s. That movie definitely put Tourette’s on the map.

        • Claire permalink
          January 28, 2010 11:17 pm

          Yeah I don’t know of anyone personally that actually shouts random cuss words like you see in the movies or on TV, and I’d imagine it’s not that common at all. I just thought of South Park because a lot of things remind me of South Park, like Poker Face does now 🙂

  3. Kathy permalink
    January 28, 2010 3:51 pm

    Not audition info but 2 things, is it just me or does the little icarly girl look scared

    and 2, I know there is a joke here somewhere come on all you clever peeps:

    Danny Gokey teams with Clorox for flu-prevention campaign

    • Kathy permalink
      January 28, 2010 3:52 pm

      pic didn’t work oops:

    • Trish permalink
      January 28, 2010 5:12 pm

      I’ll bite: Constantine teams with Clorox for clap-prevention campaign.

      (Oh, and hopefully Gokey doesn’t confuse Listerine with Clorox and try garling with it. He’s never struck me as the brightest bulb in the box.)

  4. stanless permalink
    January 28, 2010 2:45 pm

    LOVED NPH! His scripted comment asking the guy if has tourrettes was weird for me though. Also, is it a coincidence that Kitty Purry wrangled with Kar-a and NPH wrangled with Simon? It looked like staged drama to me.

  5. Trish permalink
    January 28, 2010 1:25 pm

    Explain this to me: Who the hell puts on that much frosted eye shadow and wears a sequin mini-dress, yet forgets to put in EARRINGS?

    Please. She was following Coco Chanel’s advice to remove one piece of jewelry before leaving the house. Less is more, remember?

    Erica Rhodes is a grad student AND an actress…she started as a very young child. Homegirl was on Barney & Friends!

    Hey, I’ve still got a sh*load of Barney videos from when my kid was little (don’t judge me!) with Erica in them. My kid sat down last night while I was FFing through the episode to remind me what an awful show Idol is and he saw her audition. I asked him if he remembered her, and he got a sly little grin on his face. I think he liked her dominatrix ensemble. Heh.

  6. LeighKat permalink
    January 28, 2010 1:21 pm

    This show is 100% Grade A shit. I actually watched last night b/c of NPH- he was the silver lining for the entire hot mess.

  7. auntieaimee permalink
    January 28, 2010 1:16 pm

    Neil Patrick Harris. Is there anything he can’t do? He was great. He seemed interested in the contestants, he was funny without being cruel, and he assumed a leadership role at the judges table by keeping things moving and not engaging in their petty bullshit. I friggin’ love that guy.

  8. Nich permalink
    January 28, 2010 12:58 pm

    I wish NPH was on every week.

  9. Kathy permalink
    January 28, 2010 12:55 pm

    Everything is indeed better with NPH.I LMAO at the sign thing. I felt a little bad for Dexter too. DOn’t know why. Must be the Southern gal coming out in me. Bless his heart.

    OMG I so had a tourettes funny thought and then felt bad too lol I was wondering if he could get away with it if after singing Kara said something irritating and he yelled dumb bitch! Then I felt guilty. He was sweet.

    I get why my 13 year old goddaughter thinks Joe Jonas is dreamy. I would have at that age. She threatens me when I call him Tracy Partridge for playing the tambourine. He didn’t add much though. Bring back Doogie! ANd Joe totally looked at Todricks jeans to assess if they were in fact expensive.

  10. erinnthered permalink
    January 28, 2010 5:12 am

    Why do people hate Alexis? I liked Alexis, but it seems there’s a skeevy back story?

    NPH makes everything better.

    • TopIdol permalink
      January 28, 2010 9:39 am

      Talk about fame whore, that’s the vibe I always got from Alexis Grace.

      She also did the nasty with Quatto Host.

      • kimberly permalink
        January 28, 2010 10:45 am

        Did Alexis Grace really do it with Matt? Did TPTB find out? So was she sort of pushed out the door then? Did Matt know that people knew? HAHA So many questions. I thought I read that here before. Alexis Grace always seemd icy to me. She seemed to have a FU attitude about her. I wonder what really went on then behind the scenes. I wonder if they’ll be going back to apartments this year. Big mansion, lots of rooms, big temptations. The tinhatters had a field day with Adam & Kris in that mansion. lol

        • Brett permalink
          January 28, 2010 11:49 am

          Mansion, apartments, it don’t make no nevermind. There was a fuck-ton of slash written when Michael Johns, David Cook, and Jason Castro shared an apartment in their season. Actually, I’ll bet those cozy quarters (ooo! just one shower between them!) fueled even more masturbatory fantasies than the big glitzy mansion.

          • TopIdol permalink
            January 28, 2010 12:56 pm

            That stuff was sick.

        • TopIdol permalink
          January 28, 2010 12:31 pm

          While I won’t divulge how I know this to be true, it did happen. I don’t necessarily think she was pushed out by TBTB, as the judges liked her, but I think she reeked of desperation. How quickly she “dirtied herself up” and dyed a few strands of her hair bright pink. I always felt she would do whatever she could to make it. I think this turned people off, plus…we know how much “better” male contestant do in building up fan bases.

          • Kathy permalink
            January 28, 2010 1:01 pm

            Yes Alexis always squicked me out and I didn’t even know about the Matt thing.

          • auntieaimee permalink
            January 28, 2010 1:19 pm

            Same here.

            • on the edge permalink
              January 28, 2010 4:32 pm

              I know, at first I coined the term “Pocket Ho” for Alexis…but actually I met her at a David Cook show and she was very bubbly and sweet. Was it an act? Maybe. But she seemed nice to me, anyway.

            • Lauren permalink
              January 28, 2010 4:39 pm

              I always just thought she was a little too trashy.
              There is nothing wrong with pale skin. It just means you don’t want cancer 😛

      • Trish permalink
        January 28, 2010 1:39 pm

        Really??? When did that come out? I thought Matty was a nice Christian boy. I guess he doesn’t wear a purity ring like the JBros then. Although, come to think of it, I read somewhere that a lot of kids who wear them have premarital sex — w/o protection! (Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson both famously wore them at one time too.) I guess we should just be glad Matt didn’t knock her up. I liked Alexis too. (*I* have no prejudice against pale-skinned women. It takes courage not to go to a tanning salon. Hrrmph.)

        • on the edge permalink
          January 28, 2010 2:51 pm

          That purity ring business is the biggest racket I have ever seen. PLEASE, even my parents said “it’s just like buying a car…you have to test-drive it before buying it (just wear your seat belt)!”

          Guaran-damn-tee Jordin’s done it too.

          • deez permalink
            January 28, 2010 3:03 pm

            IKR…I think it’s a thing that the church-going kiddies wear to throw the parents off the trail. Some of the church youth groups have teen abstinence parties where they all get together and play board games and eat cupcakes to tamp down the hormones. From all the teen pregnancies at the local HS, I’d say it’s not working. They should maybe ditch the rings and hand out condom bracelets instead.

            • on the edge permalink
              January 28, 2010 3:11 pm

              What’s really stupid? Their parents BELIEVE THEM! “Oh, he’s/she’s wearing the ring and they made the pledge so I know!” Parents are soooo damn trusting; whether they are liberals or conservative fundies, they all coddle and concede to their kids too much! I miss the days I was a teenager…our parents always assumed we were lying.

              Usually because we were.

            • Lauren permalink
              January 28, 2010 4:17 pm

              Deez, condom bracelets? lol!
              On the edge, I like that my parents trust me. I don’t have to even clear my history when my internet privileges are taken away. And I’m kinda a prude so my mom doesn’t worry about the whole abstinence thing.

            • kimberly permalink
              January 28, 2010 6:22 pm

              Thanks for answering my bazillion questions. On the subject of teen sex,I recently bought my 12 year old a SEVENTEEN magazine along with a Girl’s Life. One girl wrote in about being pressured to have sex, her boyfriend suggested anal sex to avoid pregnancy and he told her she’d still be a virgin. Girl’s Life had a story about a young girl having oral sex on the school bus and ending up with a STD. She couldn’t understand it because she didn’t have sex with the boy. LOL Parents need to step up and educate their kids. I mean it’s 2010 not 1950. The media makes you think these kids know it all, but they don’t. Most are sadly misinformed.

            • margie permalink
              January 28, 2010 8:31 pm

              Not going to lie…a lot of kinky stuff happens at church camps/retreats. We were away from the parents..lol 🙂 I was a good girl though..no drinking, sexual acts , etcinvolved EVER 🙂

            • Lauren permalink
              January 28, 2010 10:13 pm

              *shudder* That sounds like my Jewish summer camp. On the bus ride over to the boys’ camp the counselors would always tell us “No gum, no drugs, no alcohol and STAAAAY VERTICAL!” I don’t know how much that last rule was followed by some of the girls.

              • TopIdol permalink
                January 28, 2010 10:17 pm

                Were you in BBYO?

                • Lauren permalink
                  January 28, 2010 10:22 pm

                  Is that to me?
                  Well, I’ll answer it anyway. I was going to join but then I realized the only chapter close to me was the one my “nemesis” is highly involved in. I avoid her if possible.

          • pattyluponey permalink
            January 28, 2010 10:58 pm

            There is a reason the only summer camp reality show ever was on Disney…if they ever showed what really happens, camper and especially counselors, no one would ever send their child to camp again….and I worked at mostly Jewish summer camps for 10 summers…

            • Lauren permalink
              January 28, 2010 11:02 pm

              I was a counselor’s assistant my last year and my counselor got kicked out for being caught making out in her room by one of the 6th graders. I mean come on, who makes out in the bunk?! lol Most people at least wait until the dances.

              • TopIdol permalink
                January 28, 2010 11:03 pm

                It’s better than making out with a 6th grader, though. She at least has that.

                • Lauren permalink
                  January 28, 2010 11:09 pm

                  That is true. The girl came to me freaked out though. It was awkward…

                  • pattyluponey permalink
                    January 28, 2010 11:32 pm

                    Camp…that would be a whole other blog…with many more conspiracy theories….

                    • Lauren permalink
                      January 28, 2010 11:37 pm

                      Haha oh the stories I could share about camp. They are much less safe than the parents think.

            • on the edge permalink
              January 28, 2010 11:48 pm

              …and it would have to air on the Playboy Channel.

            • Lauren permalink
              January 28, 2010 11:53 pm

              Hahahahaha!

        • Pandora permalink
          January 28, 2010 2:54 pm

          Didn’t Alexis have a fiance when she showed up on Idol? Wonder what happened to him…

          • TopIdol permalink
            January 28, 2010 5:00 pm

            I think he’s in Afghanistan 😦

            • margie permalink
              January 28, 2010 10:27 pm

              Lauren I didn’t actually get vertical …lol Had the same boyfriend from 7th grade till my soph year in college. The drinking I did …my parents didn’t have any alcohol in the house:)

            • Lauren permalink
              January 28, 2010 10:32 pm

              I am so much more pure than you Margie! I don’t drink, do drugs, or “get vertical”. And the fact that you had a boyfriend for that long is pretty amazing. Most of the high school relationships I am familiar with are a couple of months tops. xD

            • margie permalink
              January 28, 2010 10:57 pm

              geez.. I am no virigin..lol I feel like I am giving my life story. You are so cute Lauren

            • Lauren permalink
              January 28, 2010 10:59 pm

              I’m still young! Well young-ish. There aren’t actually that many people having sex at my high school. I’ve only actually heard of 1 girl getting pregnant. I have no choice but to be innocent 🙂

            • margie permalink
              January 28, 2010 11:05 pm

              Hey I was 20…waiting is a good thing 🙂

            • Lauren permalink
              January 28, 2010 11:11 pm

              That is definitely a very reasonable age. Today my friend was shocked to find out that I don’t find it necessary to wait until marriage. lol She probably thinks I’m slut now 😉

          • margie permalink
            January 28, 2010 11:17 pm

            You are not a slut for not waiting for marriage. When the time is right and the with the right person you just know. Even though I am not with my first anymore (other factors played in) I don’t regret it at all. Actually we are still great friends.

            • Lauren permalink
              January 28, 2010 11:19 pm

              Haha I know. I just have too many extremely conservative friends. New topic? This is getting weird.
              Sooooo Margie, how was your day?

          • margie permalink
            January 28, 2010 11:23 pm

            I know..i was feeling weird too.

            Great day and what is with the blatant plants this year. They aren’t hiding it this year. Girl Girl Girl has to win.

            • pattyluponey permalink
              January 28, 2010 11:35 pm

              Seriously! I thought we were going to see lots of Susan Boyle stories….unbleached eyebrows a Susan Boyle does not make….

            • Lauren permalink
              January 28, 2010 11:36 pm

              Ughhh, I hate the whole “I’m really feeling the girls this year, dawg” Plus, I want John Park to win.

  11. deez permalink
    January 28, 2010 3:00 am

    NPH and JOANIE!!!!!!!!

    “Every time before and after Oskar takes a dump in his litter box, he runs around like a mad man”

    This was strangely comforting, as my cat runs thru the house like a herd of stampeding buffalo after finishing her “business”…I just thought she was BSC…I guess it’s a cat thing. Who knew?

    Can someone explain the Jonas/virginity thing? Don’t most guys join bands to GET laid???

    • Lauren permalink
      January 28, 2010 7:09 am

      The Jonas brothers are pure. They wear chastity rings so Joe is supposedly still a virgin. His brother, Kevin, got married and admitted to not enjoying sex. LOL!

      • deez permalink
        January 28, 2010 9:36 am

        I bet his soon to be ex-wife enjoyed that public statement.

      • on the edge permalink
        January 28, 2010 11:16 am

        I bet he’d enjoy it more as a bottom…yes I went there, I’m ashamed.

        • deez permalink
          January 28, 2010 11:46 am

          Nick is the only one who doesn’t register on my Gaydar.

      • Trish permalink
        January 28, 2010 1:28 pm

        Kevin’s obviously gay. Joe is bi. Nick is the only hetero one of the bunch.

        • the tard king permalink
          January 28, 2010 6:50 pm

          I’m amazed you all can tell them apart.

      • Lauren permalink
        January 28, 2010 3:55 pm

        LOL guys! I kinda see Kevin as more of the asexual type. Idk. Nick’s probably straight though.

  12. Sherena permalink
    January 28, 2010 1:14 am

    How do quotes work here? Like this?

    Explain this to me: Who the hell puts on that much frosted eye shadow and wears a sequin mini-dress, yet forgets to put in EARRINGS?

    Hope so anyway.

    Anyway, my answer to this is some people don’t have pierced ears! I didn’t pierce mine until last year, and was resolved at one point that I’d never pierce them. A couple of my friends have gotten horrible infections from them, plus maintaining them is a lot of trouble.

    Also that girl’s necklace is all kinds of awesome. I AM ATTRACTED TO SHINY THINGS.

    • TopIdol permalink
      January 28, 2010 2:03 am

      Hers were pierced. I saw the holes. That’s why it was strange. Look closer.

  13. kimberly permalink
    January 28, 2010 1:03 am

    Just a quick comment on Barney’s girl, Erica. I agree about the coattails thing. She comes across like she wants to downplay being a child actor on Barney, to show she’s grown up, not a little girl anymore. Well, then if it’s such a worry, why mention it all? Because it’s the hightlight of her resume, that’s why. Don’t pretend you’re not proud of it, Erica and don’t act like your not using it for all it’s worth. She did get much, much cuter with age. Her voice isn’t bad — not sure about her.

  14. kimberly permalink
    January 28, 2010 12:56 am

    I was watching with my daughter and I told her Michael Castro was in the montage from tues. night. Tonight, I knew it was Michael Castro, and Simon reaffirmed it when he said, “it’s a yes from me, Michael.” Still my daughter argued with me, saying he doesn’t wear glasses. I saw him glasses before –maybed Hollywood week last year or something. I’m thinking he got cut Hollywood week. Why keep putting him through?

    I can tell you this, I’m not missing Paula at all, sorry to say. It took NPH for Randy to get a pair. But, in reality Randy didn’t really grow a set, he merely became NPH’s yes man, rather than Simon’s. NPH is smart and quick-witted and I think Simon might be surprised at how expendable he really is — as they all are really. Like I said, if someone brings humor to their critique, Simon will not be missed. NPH has it.

  15. Lauren permalink
    January 28, 2010 12:47 am

    Wait…you skipped the president’s address for this crap?
    My only comment is I want to marry NPH. He is amazing.
    Oh, and I actually really like dominatrix girl. She was entertaining and had a pretty good voice.

    • TopIdol permalink
      January 28, 2010 2:05 am

      No, it was that I was behind b/c of the show. Have to pause it and write and stuff!

      Dominatrix girl sucks. Poser. Her arrogance really was ridiculous.

  16. pattyluponey permalink
    January 28, 2010 12:21 am

    Maegan’s brother was either giving a rehearsed speech or had Aspurger’s….

    Why is it they keep pushing for a girl to win, and not one girl has caught my attention…
    Of course we never even saw La Princesa’s audition last season, so there may still be hope. 🙂

    • Lauren permalink
      January 28, 2010 12:51 am

      That is true! They obviously don’t know what talent to showcase.

    • pattyluponey permalink
      January 28, 2010 11:53 pm

      and I’ve noticed at the top…NPH did not give Kara the patented NPH point picture pose…in fact he’s kinda dissing her by looking the other way…”I don’t see a person standing next to me. Is that a cat shrieking somewhere?”

      • Lauren permalink
        January 28, 2010 11:54 pm

        That just makes me love him more 😀

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