How Hard Can You Tard? Get ready for the first official Top Idol contest!
Based on popular suggestion (i.e., the trainwreck comment threads in many a post), I’m going to be hosting a very special contest this Idol season.
Get ready for…
HOW HARD CAN YOU TARD???
It’s simple. Be one of the first 24 people to send me your screen name and info, and you will be registered into the How Hard Can You Tard?
How does it work?
Simple. After the Top 24 is officially announced, I will randomly pair readers’ names with contestants. This is YOUR Idol. Your job is to fantard the hell out of this person. And when I say fantard the hell out of it, I mean FANTARD THE HELL OUT OF IT. I want Blingees. I want chops. I want you to dress your dog and any available infant like this person. I want your poetry. I want your semi-skeevy fan fic. BRING IT.
If you haven’t figured it out yet, I work in the gaming industry. The online gambling industry, if you want specifics. I’m aware of U.S. gaming laws so unfortunately, we can’t put money on this nonsense. But that’s cool, as we are still in tough economic times. I’m also aware of the definitive odds going into this bullshit. Half of you will lose, as there are only 12 contestants to make it to the semi-big show. And I also know how promotions work, and this is basically a bullshit promotion for my bullshit blog.
This is how it goes. The first 24 to enter will be randomly assigned a contestant.(I will film this crap. Oskar and I will do the drawing on film. I am a big believer in transparency.) There will be TWO contests. If your contestant goes out the first week, you still have to tard over them…if you want to win the HARDEST TARD EVAH contest. If your contestant makes it to the Top 12, and I assume you will still be TARDING YOUR HARDEST, you will make it into Part 2. From there, however long your contestant stays in, you will earn a point. Obviously, the lucky person with the winning contestant will receive 12 points, while the one who goes out first will receive one. However…you still have to tard…because you’re still entered into the HARDEST TARD EVAH portion of the festivities.
There will be two winners. Technically, you could win both. Prizes are yet to be determined. I can’t promise much, as I am but a single career gal living in a high-priced metropolis with a hungry cat. Maybe we all get one of those sponsor children to sponsor together. Maybe I give you an iTunes gift certificate. Maybe I allow you to pony up the cash to travel through Iceland with me.
Oh. And you may be wondering how the HARDEST TARD EVAH will be chosen. By a diplomatic vote, obviously! Granted, I may give myself more power but in all actuality, almost all of it will depend on your vote.
So how hard can you tard? Show me. Show everyone (i.e., the few people who read this crap). And yes, when you lose, your avatar may have to be changed. I’m still working out the details, but it will be bad, bad, bad! We’re talking Gokey, Walking VD and Tim Tebow avis!
If you don’t know my email, here ya go. You have to EMAIL me to be entered. And I don’t want any Nigerian prince selling bible scam shit, comprende?
topidolblog@gmail.com
Start tarding.
I’m kind of afraid that I will tard up some blog or Facebook page or whatever about how my Idol has the best voice ever heard by angles and how translussent my Idol’s skin is and how fabolos the hair and the feet and the fashion and blahblahblah and then the poor Idol will be somebody otherwise without fan stuff and they will google themselves and find my silly ass stuff and be all happy they have a fan and someday I will have to admit it was all a joke for a contest. Or they’ll get a restraining order out on me.
This is like Stephen King’s Carrie getting asked to the prom, isn’t it?
jukejoint,
I am worried that I may be assigned someone that is pretty good and I will mock-tard them like crazy and then I will feel really bad.
Bowersox is a perfect example. I randomly picked her name off the leaked list because it was odd and I thought I could have fun with it. Then I saw her AI video in which the lighting was poor and she seemed not likely to win. I poked fun at her and then I heard her sing. She is pretty good. I sort of like her now.
I would kill for “Danny Gokey.” The tard art alone excites me; Jesus standing next to him on stage as he looks up to heaven and a white puffy cloud with Sophia’s face looking down and little cloud shape hearts are floating towards him.
That is the kind of tard I want to be. Crystal is too nice. For her I will have to really work it.
My idol is SO much better than any of your pathetic idol wannabees!!!!
In fact, I created a definitive website that should tell you everything about my idol!!!!
http://bossybottombass.webs.com/
*of course if this idol should belong to someone else, I’ll give it up….except the domain name. That’s MINE, future tards!*
Subliminal plaid. Nice touch 🙂
You really should’ve gone with Purple. Tsk. Tsk. He’s the Purple Haze guy from Northwestern. Green? PUH-leez. That’s Michigan State, sworn Big Ten enemy. Like, DUH.
I am judging your true fandom by the colors you’re showing, and I don’t think you’re looking too good. You strike me as a FAREWHETHER fan and you are only jumping on the bandwagon, stan-come-lately.
Your site isn’t nearly as good as the site I am planning, ParkItRightHere, with purple everywhere. 23 different shades of purple, one for each year of the blessed life of my hero.
Or maybe Planet Park. TheParkPack. Parkapalooza.
(Sing to the tune from Chorus Line:)
God, I hope I get him!
I hope I get him!
How many fansites does he need?
How many banners does he need?
God, I hope I get him!
I hope I get him!
How many stans?
How much blingee?
Give me a break!! Just because I transitioned in less than a year from being a Matt stan, to an Adam stan, to an Allison stan, to a Kris stan, to a Cale stan, and NOW to a John Park convert, does NOT make me fairweather!!!
No, it makes you a slut. 🙂
My momma always said that I was good at multitasking. 😉
I joined your site! lol
Soon we’ll create long threads for our lord and master.
You guys suck ass!! My idol is already better than yours!!
I am sooooo gonna be bad at this. 🙂 But I will try 🙂
Geaux Saints!!!!
TI please don’t give me the Alex kid. I can’t handle tarding over a fetus. 🙂
I kinda want Alex. It will be easier. I won’t even need a new fan group name. Lambskanks!!!!
Have him Lauren!! 🙂 I was talking about that little kid that won AI mini camp or something. I probably have his name wrong. I need to catch up tomorrow. Today its football, food and alcohol 🙂
Haha oh. I thought you were talking about Alex Lambert.
Anyway, we don’t get to choose. Our idol is chosen by fate (aka TI)
Yuckkkk, football? Haha I am not watching the Superbowl! You can’t make me!
WHAT A BUNCH OF IDIOTS U ALL R.
You do realize this is all tongue-in-cheek, right? Love you too!
Sooooo…guess this means you DON’T want to be put in the pool, huh?
No, don’t you see the caps lock and the use of “u” for you and “r” for are?! Satomtx is entering the competition!
I know what you are but what am I?
best comeback everrrrr!!!!!! lol
Oh my, I think I am tardy to the party! hehhee! this will be epic.
There’s still room! I will make an announcement when I have 24 entrants.
I am reluctant to enter b/c I only have time in my life to semi-tard over one person. This sounds like a full time job.
Steal from other tards! I might end of having to plagiarize sections of my fanfic because I don’t know if I can stoop low enough to write smut. If I do it will have to be extremely-tongue-in-cheek. Hahahahaha double meaning there! ewwwww
I’m SOOOO behind on the tardfest. I haven’t had internet access for 36 hours!!! I thought I had a stinkin’ virus, but it was the drivers on my TrendMicro (thank God…it took me long enough to find it) I see Sour is amassing a huge arsenal of tard crap to use in her sure-to-be-epic photoshops. I cannot match that, for my photoshops look like they were done by a low-functioning chimp. I will have to try to compensate with CRAZZZZY.
(insert name) is the shit!!!!! Have you SEEN his/her pre-show vids????///????They are SWWWEEEETTTTT!!!!1!1!11111!! (insert name) is SOOOOOOO talented. He/She has also reawakened desires that I forgot I had!!111!1111!!. Just like I told my Peruvian maid on Thursday!!!!! Juanita (I call her that b/c I don’t know her name, all my maids are “Juanita”.) Juanita, don’t you just LOOOOOVVEEEE (insert name)? UGGGHHHH good help is SO hard to find. She wouldn’t even pay ATTENTION to me! She didn’t even notice my new T-shirt I painted, and she almost spilled strained peas on my sign!!!!!! She keeps feeding the baby! I told her to stop it as peas are carbs, and I don’t want the baby getting fat! (I have her pre-entered in “Little Miss Las Vegas” 2014, and I she needs to look hawt.) HAHAHAHAHA, I’m sOOOOOO excited that I found (insert name)’s first fansite!!! U guys Rawk!!!! I have a paypal, and will take donations to send (insert name) that beautiful gift basket with the candy and flowers! OOOHHH what about personalized condoms (heeheeeheeee!!!1!1!11) Shame on mEEEE!!!!!!111!!1 Oh and I forgot to saaay….I did a little searching online and found (his/her) best friend from HS facebook!!!!1!!1!1!1111 I copied a pic of them in the friend’s front yard and blew it up so I could read the address on the mailbox!!! I’m driving to (insert name of state) next weekend to find that house!!!!!!! Who’s in???/?? Anybody up for adventure?????
SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!!1!1!!!! I will just THUD if (insert name) is actually there!!!!!!!
(Sadly, that’s probably TOO REAL…I need to up the crazy…and probably misspell some things)
My favorite is when they call their husbands Mr. Nickname… as in “then I called Mr. Saskin to watch myidol and he was speechless. But he was tired too because baby Saskin was not on her best behavior all night…”
I love you deez! I am not in the mood to create crazy right now but just you wait! My fanfic is going to beast! In a disturbing needs to be institutionalized way! I want to know my Idol so I can start!!!!!!!
Okay, damn it, I’m in. But I want a girl contestant…and Deez, I’m totally stealing your shtick, because I’m a lazy Kristard and only have so much energy…
THIS: “I cannot match that, for my photoshops look like they were done by a low-functioning chimp” – so me!!!!
I despair over my future as a tard- your all talking about websites and shit!!
TI- you will have to settle for lovely digital collages, lenghty prayers seeking blessing for my new God and numerous squees and thuds from me!
This is going to be fun!
Sooo… when do we start?
Well my tardsite will be extremely lame, so you might as well join in. (I’m sure it cant be worse than whatever crap I come up with). I need to get my scanner working to upload my EPIC TARD ART. I plan to include lots of manga, which seems to be le tard mode du jour. I don’t know if I can do tard porn *shudder*, but BAD POETRY I can handle, LOL!!!!!!
TI…do we have 24 prospective tards?
Stealing from other tards is kind of acceptable. After all, they’re where you got the inspiration!
Hahaha! In this case, plagiarism is legal! Nah but if I steal it is just because I am way to innocent to make my fics dirty enough.
Well…to a degree, yes. But I just don’t have time to check it. I trust you all to use it for INSPIRATION, but I don’t need citations.
And this isn’t going to be a “full-time job” for any of you, unless you’re bored and make it as such. I would encourage it if I were offering a large cash prize, but this is mainly for shits, giggles and everyone’s amusement.
Haha I am DEFINITELY not devoting too much time to this.
LOL! When you see how lame my tard site is sure to be, you will know for a fact I didn’t spend too much time!!!!!
Oh, just a clarification TI, should we restrict our pre-contest tarding to this thread? Are we allowed to tard-spam other threads? I don’t want to be the first person ever banned from TopIdol!
How do you set up websites? Maybe I’ll just make a very epic facebook fanpage.
I got one of the free Weebly sites. There don’t seem to be a lot of options as far as layout,colors etc….(or I’m too stupid to know how to customize it) but it’s FREE. And it definitely wouldn’t take a lot of time or effort. I put some stuff on mine a couple days ago just to figure out how it worked….well before my computer went pfffttt. Now that things are back up and running I’ll have to experiment some more. Although there are limitations to what you can do, without knowing your top 24 person yet.
Of course, a FB page would work just as well, I think.(Is Facebook content restrictive? You might not get away with tardporn lol!!)
Thanks. I’ll see if I can check out Weebly but I’m kinda computer-challenged.
Facebook is definitely content restrictive. Haha.
Testing….
<——Did it work? I want to see if I can Blingie an icon. I thought Ruprecht could use a makeover…
Sometimes it takes time. I’ll check tomorrow.
It did work! You are 100% crazyyyyy!!!!!!
Ok I don’t think I can do this tarding thing. I am too lame and lazy and do not want to embarrass myself. Y’all are way more creative then I am.
Do what the real tards do. Plagiarize. Just get Smartie’s L Anne book, go to Worst or IDF, find a tard that “speaks to you,” and copy the shit out of them. Poems, fanfic, song lyrics, all of it are already there for the taking. No problem….just admit it by the time the contest is over.
You can use banners made at IDF as long as you site the creator. They have a thread to request them too. Same with icons and gifs. Some of the hardest tards suck at Photoshop, so you’d be acting like a real tard.
Blingies are easy. The website has all the fixin’s ready for you. You just need the photo, which you conveniently rip from an IDF thread, or the AI website. Or you could be really tard-y (and extra creepy) and rip it from the contestant’s MySpace or Facebook. Their childhood photos are the best and most creepy.
Tard art is bad by definition, so you don’t have to worry about that.
You’ll do fine. Go for it!!
That was my strategery…
Blingee! Blingees are always Klassy! I entered an embed code…Hope it works…
Make your own Glitter Graphics
…and it didn’t
Don’t forget prayers! Start prayer threads on the scaries, they love those. The threads to look for on VFTW are the idletard threads – current one in general discussion, past one in “You Keep Me Hangin On” for old retired threads. The old scaryboard point and laugh thread is there as well, and also the tour point and laugh. All filled with insane tard stuff to copy and give ideas. Too bad there isn’t an idletard.com archive 😦 – so much classic stuff.
Also, hell, you don’t even have to drawn your own tard art. Just look up other’s tard art of their Idols and claim you drew it and it’s your Idol. They almost never look like their subject anyway, and you’ll piss people off if they notice 😀 If you getting DUI Casey, just steal Bucky tard art. Got Orphan, Justin Guarini, etc.
Thanks Mithra. I’ll definitely do the prayer thingie. I’m planning to be the Chris Allon of this contest. I might start quiet but will end up winning the whole thing with my artistry. Heh.
I’m just glad the contest ends at the finale. Post-Idol is the worst. I don’t think I can talk charts and labels and etc.
You’re welcome 🙂
I checked, and I think the scaryboard point and laugh thread, and the tour point and laugh thread is in past seasons 1 – 8 still. I’m guessing past seasons are there too? During the season, the scaryboard thread had much of the current season insanity and the birth of the sparkle cows. I should probably just dig up direct links, unless someone wants to beat me to it.
I blingeed my kittay! Did it work?
NOOOOOO! I blingeed the cat and changed my gravatar, but it didn’t take. why not?
It works in my email but not when I actually come over to the site…Strange.
Anyway, cute!
I can see it in Explorer but not Firefox.
I am the Luddite of Tards and do not do well with computers. 😦
I honestly don’t know how Kris won when all you Kristards are so lazy! Thank God for your nimble fingers and ability to block text or the poor guy would still be in Arkansas managing Chik-fil-a.
Oh. Pardon me, I signed in with my twitter name. It’s still me, without the i.
I know, right!? It was definitely the power voting. 😉 And of course the fact that every sale from Chick-fil-a was converted to 10 votes for Kris.
Oh, good! I felt guilty that I didn’t vote on finale night at all (I voted for Kris the week before, mainly to put the “Go” in Gokey). Nice to know my unhealthy Chick-Fil-A habit put him over the top after all! 😉
Haha! That is why I’ve stopped eating at Chick-fil-a! KFC is the only restaurant for me 😛
(In actuality I eat at neither of these places lol)
You and I can be the lame-Os, Margie, with no banners or tribute videos or any of that stuff. I mean, somebody has to be a bad tard to take one for the team and make the talented tards look good! I can fake the written stuff, but I don’t do photoshop or any of the graphic stuff and I don’t even know where I would put it if I did. I also refuse to go to Idol forums or ONTD or any of those places where crazy people most often exhibit the crazy. So I’m kind of limited in my tardery.
We will go down in mediocre tard flames together, Margie! No worries!
OK. We are the Lame-o tards!!
We will be sneaky..and your right we need a balance. So that’s us 🙂
I am actually lame as well. (as if you all hadn’t figured that out by now)
P.S. I miss Tomato Pirate
I’m not sure any of us could top the real tards, we just don’t have that crazy gene.
Speak for yourself. lol
TI
I have submitted my official request to participate in the “How Hard Can You Tard” contest via email.
No way? Really? Ewww. No way I can tard this hard. I’m having a hard time believing this. Ewwww.
Mithra, from the Howard Stein tread:
I did not see this part the first time…
The whole book is ridiculous and I would love to shove it somewhere. I want to have a BURNING WOMAN experience – literally.
I don’t like the sound of that sentence. I hope this doesn’t mean the herd shows up in the desert.
I hope they do all show up in the desert. Saves the trouble of having to quarantine them.
I’m starting to wonder if I should skip this year, or be sure to make it, and take really good camera equipment…
Little Kris gets Atlantis in the Bahamas…Adam gets Indio. Sorry but I find it so freaking funny. Maybe they didn’t want Glamberts in bikinis 🙂
Kris is playing Atlantis? When?
And if so, go Jive!! Way to work it! Atlantis is known for paying the artists well.
April 17th according to the tweets. Ok verified on Kris’ official site
Is that a good gig? I hope it is an awesome gig. I (all of a sudden) started hating glamberts very much. If Allen getting good gigs annoy them, I hope Allen gets the best gigs.
Kelly’s done that one. Sara Bareilles will be there before Kris. And it’s in the Bahamas, at a place where there are dolphins. Sounds like a dynamite gig to me.
Dolphins! Haha any REAL gig has dolphins!
Kris will’ve played two places with dolphins (the Mirage has dolphins, doesn’t it? And now Atlantis in the Bahamas.) Maybe he requires dolphins before he will consider a venue. (He’s such a prima donna I wouldn’t put outrageous requests like dolphins and only blue M&Ms and only tiny sandwiches with round bread past him.) Yeah, that Chris Allloon. Such a diva!
I think you misspelled his name. The most comment spelling I’ve seen is Chris Allon. Adding that extra “o” to make fun of him just makes you seem immature jukejoint. 😉
And anyway, dolphins seem like a pretty reasonable request to me. Now every time someone tries to say how much classier Adam’s gigs are, I can point out the lack of dolphins….xD
Pffft. All this so-call tarding is weak. No puffy paint. No 3-D signs. No 10-foot long banners. No glitter. No redesigning your wardrobe to emulate the object of your affection. Have you named your first-born after your favorite Idol? Posted YouTube videos of your pets howling along to an Idol’s song? No, you haven’t. Slackers, the lot of you. You should be ashamed to call yourself a tard. I better see a Claybulance in the near future or this contest is for nothing.
Poseurs, all of you. 😉
Hey, I’m a Kristard, remember? It takes all the effort I can muster just to shower in the morning? 😉
Oh don’t worry, I WILL do all that. I just don’t know my Idol yet…so I resorted to just generally acting like a tard and creating sockpuppets.
OK, this has gone too far. Now I am tarding over the TARDS. I feel so dirty!
Um, judging by this thread….run, TI. Run as fast as you can from this contest. It’s a sociological experiment gone wild!
Hahahahahaha!
do you have your 24 participants already? this bench wants to play!
How many tards are signed up so far?
Wow! I go to work and there are all these sockpuppets cropping up…and Kris Allen (Lauren? :)) shows up? I have to start proving my tard-worthiness!!!!
Haha yeah TI called me out!
I think I need to make an Adam sockpuppet.
You are coordially invited to the premier of Crystal Bowersox’s first fan video created by crystalmama1.
Playing exclusively at the best fan channel EVAH!
http://www.youtube.com/user/CrystalBowersox1#p/c/0D7ECEC99C2EA0D6
My girl is AMAZING!!!!!!!!
And you have out-classed us all already…haha
To borrow (loosely) from Randy’s cache of sage predictions: THIS SEASON IS THE MOST TALENTED GROUP OF TARDS WE HAVE EVER SEEN!!!!
I liked this Crystalthingy’s voice. But is this someone from this season’s Idol auditions? Is this someone you really like? Or is this someone you are pretending to like for purposes of being Hardest Tard Evah!? oh…scratches head…this could all get very confusing….but whichever – great start to the contest! 🙂
Rumoured top 24:
http://www.rickey.org/?p=32145
Cheers. Crystal didnt get much airtime there – didnt do as much justice to her as her own videos. I actually watched that AI episode albeit half-heartedly last night but from that clip I shallowly only remember Lee DeWyse’s voice and those eyes – and if it werent for his Gokeyesque chin would be tardin-hard lol.
I like Crystal a lot. I think she has a pretty voice.
Have you been here yet? http://www.youtube.com/user/CrystalBowersox1
It is her official, unofficial “Crystalmamas” You Tube Page.
I do hope she does well in spite of probably not getting her in the contest.
I see it looks pretty neck-and-neck between deez and Lauren and we haven’t even gotten off the blocks yet! I’m putting my money on those two making it to the finale and declared as co-winners and turning into the best ship ever in the history of fandom EVAH!!!1!!11!!!
Thanks for your support but my money’s on 8sourcandy…lol
That could be awesome though!
I’m shipping LEEZ! Leez FTMFW!
Hahahahaha. I’ve never been part of a ship before…
LOL! or Dauren?
You guys need to give this up. Deez is very happy with Margie. xD
HOW DARE YOU MODERATE THE ONE AND ONLY KRIS ALLEN? WHY DO YOU HATE ME TOP IDOL? IS THIS ONE OF THOSE GLAMBERT SITES?
I actually giggled out loud, didn’t just type it 🙂
I don’t even know. I was being pretty silly haha.
Hello. I would like to join the competition.
PS: Lauren, I love your avatar!
PPS: I am actually gay for Adam Lambert. Tin-hatters are always right.
Hi Lauren Sockpuppet 😉
I don’t have any sockpup…OMFG IT’S KRIS FUCKING ALLEN!!!!! SOMEBODY PINCH ME!!!!!!! *faints*
Hello Lauren! Would you like to come back to my house and make love to me and my boyfriend Adam Lambert? You are smexy.
Yessssssssss!!!!!!
ROFL!
Hi deez! You are pathetic loser. I am winning this competition. Or maybe Lauren is.
I concur. You are a pathetic loser deez. Kris knows everything. Can’t argue with Kris.
Once everyone gets their own sockpuppet, this will be just like TWOP!
I cant wait to get my contestant so I can draw manga crap of them in cat costumes!!!
I’m going to write scary fanfic of them and myself regardless of gender. I kinda hope it’s a guy. I don’t have too much experience with lesbian slash.
I’m going to have to recall to my younger self…I was a tard in my teenage years for boybands (and Leo…yikes!) Of course we didn’t publish fanfic (it was just in our diaries.) I’ve fully suppressed those tendencies in my adulthood (I could have been a super crazy Cooktard or Glambert if only I were 10 years younger…or older? :/)
But I am so pathetic that if I draw manga crap with cat ears, I don’t know how to share it here. Or skeery fanfic, for that matter.
See, I think all fanfic is scary. And wrong. And morally shady. But nodboy on the internet ever agrees with me. Buffy fanfic, Spock/Kirk slash, ripping off Harlequin romances to tell the further adventures of Jax and Brenda… It’s WRONG.
Public Service Announcement, over.
I just got a flickr account for this purpose. Upload scary!fic to fanfiction.net or livejournal and link us.
I like fanfic! Spock/Kirk fic is hilarious!
just make your own tardsite and link it!!!!!!
Like I know how to make a tardsite!!! (lol) How hard can it be….TARDS do it!
deez, you’re a Kris fan. I’m surprised you have the energy to shower in the morning. If you can create a tardsite, I’d say your a ringer in this competition.
I’m all hopped up on caffeine right now. Today’s count: 2 coffees, 3 glasses of tea, 1 coke, 1 Diet Dr Pepper. Who knows how I will feel tomorrow?
I also need to pee.
Maybe I will create a little blog at blogspot or something. I know how to do that and you can upload art and write creepy fanfic and everything. Okay, I can do that.
The competition hasn’t begun yet. But I bet you’re already plotting with AT&T of Arkansas, aren’t you??
Yessss I am!!!!!
pssshhhh…I’m already in cahoots with Chick-fil-A
AT&T is better. Chick-fil-a is only a minor player in the scndal while AT&T actually decided who wins.
Pffff Chick-fil-A is a major player in the manipulations of AT &T. Someone from the south must win. Also they must be “religious”. Screw the West coast!
Ah ahm from the South, y’all. AT&T is my cellphone service provider. I had chicken for supper, Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is so over.
You know lauren, while we are doing this, Sour is squirreled away in her super-sekrit lair constructing some fabulous tardsite with all kinds of awesome artwork.
Should we form a pact?
Is sour even participating? If so, I’m teaming with HER! Haha sorry deez.
DAMMITT!!!!!!!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/lauren_kradam/4330895809/
Crap! Am I gonna have to start paying attention to my Twitter account TOO????
I will team with you deez
YES!!!! Meez or Dargie! So much better than lourcandy or 8sauren! hmmmppphhhh!!!!
Hahahaha. Sour has yet to accept my invitation *hint*
And what is your twitter, deez?
err…ummm….HAHAHA …it’s sad, I don’t remember my Twitter account name. (I’m serious that I never pay attention to it) Do they delete unused accounts, I wonder. Hmmm…must go check.
OK, changed my twitter username to deez2010! Now maybe I’ll remember it! My twitter page is so SAD. When you see it, there will be no doubt in your mind that I never messed with it again after the first 2 days! I could never think of anything to tweet…who cares that I’m eating a turkey sandwich, or watching “The Office”? I guess if I’m gonna tard things up right, though, I better get “Twitterpated”.
I love twitter! I use it all the time for real tarding. Brb following you 🙂
You will be sorry, Lauren. You will RUE THE DAY that you spurned the offer from deez, for she is the bestest ever tard, and is gonna win !! DAMMITT!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HELLO, I am in the room!
I said that before you entered ;P
Tard sites? We need to make websites?! Crap! I can do badly photoshopped tard art, Blingies, and glittery banners. I can even write bad poetry. An actual tard site for our new “beloved?” Damn, I’m screwed. Maybe if I go all Geocities ’97? That could work…
I need to get that free version of Vegas so I can make crappy videos to even crappier pop songs.
Just my luck, I’ll end up with Crystal Bowersox. heh
Sounds good, but I’m much too competitive for something like this. If my Idol gets eliminated early, I’ll get nasty for reals. it’s why I don’t try out for much–losing brings out the b**** in me. Best to leave this to those of you who can snark in good fun.
Come on. You know you’ll end up playing.
tell the truth!!! you are just scared of deez!!!
I don’t have time. I can’t draw. I don’t watch AI. I’m never home until hours after the show anyway, thus I’d never post in real time. I’m only good with satire or snark AND I’ve never squeed online or IRL.
I guess that means I’m in. I can’t sound more out of touch and unaware than the idiot tards who post on twop and MJs.
YAY for blacklisted!!! Can I tard over you?
Only if there is tard art involved.
Blacklisted, I don’t mean to be indelicate, but your monster has a, er, appendage. You know, the one the Cooktards called The Fanbase. The one inside the Glambulge? Only yours looks more like a diving board, which is a little weird.
But I think I can manage tard art to celebrate your magical Byellow lacklistedbulge.
Sorry. Apparently thinking of the magical YELLOW BLacklistedbulge has messed with my head and made me spew letters all over the wrong places.
I always thought of that as a beak…Never will again… *shudder*
I thought it was a tongue.
Six of one half-dozen of the other.
I don’t know. My tarding has to be organic, I think. Besides I’d get stuck with someone like Lee “Oh look Kris got hit with a Gokey stick” Dewyze.
With a name like “the tard king” how could you possibly pass this up?
Don’t fight fate. Be the king.
ITA deez is awesome! Her tarding is off the charts…the rest of you should give up NOW!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!111!11BWAHAHAHAHA1!!1!
deez is SO going to win this contest. She is the bestest evah tard!!!!!!111!!!!!
ILY deez!!!!!! SUPAHTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GO DEEZ!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was kind of afraid that this could be dangerous (I keep saying, this crap blinds common sense) but I don’t think you have to tard too hard. At least I’m not even sure I’m capable of. I’ll try my best. Just so every contestant has someone to cheer for them. It is kind of sad that no one ever defends the first contestant that was eliminated.
Actually, that’s not true in one case I know of. Garrett Haley, first eliminated in Season Seven, is a legend in VFTW chops and “Where’s Garrett” games.
This is my first season. What was he like?
Poor, lame guy who got no airtime in the auditions episodes. I think they may’ve shown a tiny bit during Hollywood, or maybe that was just the Top 24, but Simon told him he was too pale and needed to go outside more. I don’t remember what he sang — that was 60s week — oh, wait, it was a schmoopy “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do.” He looked like the lovechild of Peter Frampton, Leif Garrett and one of those pale, ghostly cartoon waifs on the Simpson’s. He was this thin, sickly-looking boy with too much hair and no chance whatsoever.
It was clear to everyone that he had Cannon Fodder stamped on his forehead.
I googled his picture and awwwww. Are you saying that Garrett did not deserve even one randomly picked fan at TI? Come on.
I hope I get the first eliminated kid.
Confession: In a moment of blind rage against David Cook last season, I may or may not have renounced my Word Nerd number and became Word Garrett #1 (or was that Garrett Nerd #1? I am a bad tard).
Also, he has Robert Plant hair, which automatically makes him tardable.
Y’all are truly making it hard not to want to tard, but I’m afraid I’m out on this. Besides, I am only funny on the second Tuesday of every other month.
I was going to do it, but I, too, have no photoshopping abilities and now I’m skeered. I can barely cut and paste.
Okay, having thought this over, I already know I will be the BIG LOOSAH because of my liabilties, but I’m willing to try. What info do you want in this email we’re supposed to send to give your our info?
(See, I have A student disease and a pathological need to do things properly.)
Haha I remember when I used to have A student disease…My parents actually liked me 🙂
Ily Lauren lol!
And Ily Lamberkitten! Are you doing the tard contest? You go to AO, right? You’d have the most experience xD
Exactly. And being fair-minded I cannot in all consciousness capitalise on the unfair advantage that I have. Plus I have no idea how to change my avi, or the will to find out. I know, such a failtard! But if it is any consolation I will join in and support my favourite faketard with plenty of ZOMGs, squees and eleventies!!!!1111!!!!!
Awwwww
*I am your favorite faketard, RIGHT?!*
lol
I don’t know. I just don’t know. Even before the contest has kicked off I see three clear winners! Yours and Deez’s tarding offensive seems effortless, 8sour’s early championing of Crystalsox is also inspired. Let’s just say I have my top three staked out already and if the early enthusiasm and creativity is anything to go by then this could up everybody’s game. I foresee crash courses in photoshop, webdesign, twitter campaigns, spiralling sales of puffy paint, split voting strategies, calloused fingertips from voting and conspiracy theories aplenty…. and I have my bucket of popcorn at the ready! 🙂
*shssssh you are my favourite, you are the best – better than all the rest!!!!!1111!!!! but don’t tell the others*
Haha I tried to teach myself Gimp which is a free version of photoshop. It was an utter fail. I think I will have to just created classy blingees and terrible paint fanart. Anyway I am very excited!
*thanks! Don’t worry, they’ll never know!!!!*
I’m afraid to develop Stockholm syndrome if I do this. I think I’ll leave this to the more psychologically mature among us.
…Psychologically mature? That is definitely not a necessity!
This may be difficult. The thing about the idletard contests was that we could mock and satirize idols and tard groups we were familiar with. For instance, in the fan fic contest, I took on the Santards, and also did a Constantcrap/Scott Savol slash just because I was familiar with the territory, and it’s funny, which is a motivator. I played a Tatiana and Normund tard on the scaries to piss people off, but I also liked them. I’d play a Gokey tard to piss the Sparkle Cows off, etc… What I DO think would be funny and may give some ideas, is to put up links to blogs featuring past insane posts by the likes of Heliotrope, Holly Sockpuppets, L Anne, etc. Just change the names and post them at AI scaryboards.
Okay, I think I’m going to have to not do this. I already get shit for tarding over Cook and Kris, and if I’m going to tard over anyone else it’ll be Adam Richman (did you see him eat that 48 oz steak in 20 minutes at Shula’s?) or someone from LOST. Or Don Draper ;-).
I tard over Kris and now have to hide it. My friends laugh at me for liking an Idol. Funny thing is though the guys actually don’t think he is that bad. It’s the whole “Idol” stigma that hurts Kris with the males.
NOOOO!!!! YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!!!!!!
Really, I tard over sooo many things and get so much shit from my friends for it. You just shrug it off. Plus this is snarky tarding, not ACTUAL tarding.
Awww nutz! Going into the insane busy time of work. I’d love to do this but it’s gonna take more time than I have. However I cannot WAIT to see what everyone comes up with! This is going to be a hoot! Thanks for coming up with it TI.
I will begin by tarding over the contest itself in order to get a leg up on you LOSERS!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
I am SO gonna win
In fact, I’m” in like Flynn”
I don’t have to sing
To ace THIS damn thing
Alert your next of kin
MMMmmhmmmm, yeah that’s right.
Hmmm maybe if I tard over TI that will help me…?
MELINDA I LOVE U! U R THE BEST BLOGGER EVAHHHHH!11!!!!1!!!! SEE I EVEN KNOW UR NAME!1!1!!!!!! CUZ I AM UR MOST DEVOTED FAN!!!121!!!! MARRY ME?!?!>243Q1?!>
Love. This.
I was going to enter, but I know I won’t be able to do my best work, so I am going to sit back and enjoy…
OT but after dropping my son of at school I ended up behind some tool with lettering on the back of his SUV that said thanks for stopping. Made we want to ass end him. But I controlled myself. Then in the grocery store I saw a Snookie look alike. Hair straight up in the front and sprayed within an inch of its life lol Lauren, deez don’t forget the sparkiling unicorns!!!!!!! 🙂
I still think we should have a loser avatar so that people can know we’re just pretending. I don’t want my comments to end up at VFTW point the frau and laugh tread.
Sorry. I didn’t read till the end. I’m in.
Oh, boy, I don’t know if I have The Right Stuff. I’m going to wait to enlist in the hopes that others will serve their country before I have to.
Oh, and I see you never got around to watching last night either! I just couldn’t make myself, and I had to catch up on HOUSE and the second half of LOST, which I couldn’t stay awake for the other night. I’ll FF through the DVR or watch the vids on MJs. I’m so bored with this season already. Your site is the only thing keeping me invested. Simon Fuller should hire YOU!
I skipped Idol for LOST too. As much as I DESPISE the auditions, I actually regret that decision…
THAT’S how bad LOST has become!
Ah heck I am half a tard anyway might as well be useful. I am a SAHM what else am I going to do when the kiddo is in school between laundry and cleaning lol Something productive? bleh 🙂
I am so in. Bring on the challenging contestant! lol
I want to do this but tard art? I don’t know how to photoshop..lol Writing bad fic I can do. I am a horrible writer.
Same! I feel we are at a disadvantage…I think I might have to force my friends into assisting me with this. I have 2 who are master photoshoppers.
LAUREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!KRADAM HOLDING KITTENS!!!!!!!!!!!OMGG!!!!!!!1!!11!1!1!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh you don’t have to know how to chop!! Just turn your person into a badly drawn manga character! (Or a semi-well done pencil drawing with TWO BOTTOM LIPS)
That I can do. I won’t even need to fake a lack of artistic ability. 😀
Okay, if there’s going to be a “loser” avatar, then that has to be the WINNER avatar! Kradam + kittens = pinnacle of squee-ness.
Yes!!!!!! Isn’t Sour amazing? ❤
The winner gets to steal this avatar from me 🙂
That means the Kradam/kitten avatar will soon be the property of DEEZ!!!!!!!1111!!!
SHe is the BEST tard !!!eleventy!!!!
…Are you a sockpuppet? LOL!
Silly Deez 😛
SOCKPUPPET?????HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am no kind of puppet! at all.
Yup, that’s what I thought.
Hyde is very right, is the concept of a deeztard really so unbelievable?
I know, right?
I totally agree with both hyde and deez.
Really…why isn’t TI modding YOU?! Grrrrr
😀
That was exhausting actually. I don’t know how people do that crap for real.
That was taxing keeping 2 of them straight. Holy Crap.
My brain hurts.
I NEED people to subscribe to my fan channel on YouTube….please…. 🙂
Fine! You owe me a favor though now.
This is fun, but I’m not sure how I’ll handle a whole gaggle of greasy/gokey/tebow avatars…(shudders)
Sadly I can’t accept this fun invitation. As tarding is my life I feel I would have an unfair advantage in this competition :). Also I am very lazy and as I am always a day behind cos AI gets aired later here, I would be behind the times. However I will be sure to support and vote for my favourite Top Idol Hardest Tard Evah contestant til my fingers are mere stumps.
This should be fun. hehehehe
Crystalmamas!
Oh, man, I don’t have much tard time but that sounds kinda fun. Heh!
but i’m too busy tarding over topidol! 😉
You know you want to…
OT, but thanks for the link to the new Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings. It’s awesome!
Jim! I tard over you 😀
OOOOOHHHH!! MEEE 2222222!!!!!1111!!1!1
(^that was pretty tardy)
Shall I wedge Jim in between the kittens ? Only Kidding!
BTW, stop telling people I created tard art for you. It’ embarrassing. 🙂
No, that’s fine lol.
But I feel guilty if I don’t give you credit! It’s not embarrassing, it’s awesome!
A Mama Kors avie! As if I could love you anymore, Jimbo
Aw, c’mon! You know you want to!
Maybe Jim can be like the 25th contestant and we can all tard over him. (Or not, depending on your predilections and feelings for Glambertapalooza. Tard at your own risk. No warranties or guarantees apply.)
Jim should be VERY afraid. If Glamberts get tipped off that he knows TI, he will be in mortal peril.
GLAMBERT696969 WILL GET HIM! AHHHH!!! NO JIM!!!!!
lol nah most of the Glamberts don’t hate this blog.
I will enjoy watching this. I’m too lazy to tard, real or fake.
Seconded.
NOOO!!! Et tu Aimee?
Too much work.
Et three, Mylife?
C’mon you guys!
Everyone already knows that DEEZ will win!!!!
STOP IT DEEZ! lol
Lauren, don’t be ridiculous! I am truly surprised that you think that I would stoop so low!!!!
Deez will win. It’s a fact. The rest of you need to get used to it. I recognize talent when i see it.
I’m an attractive 32 y/o blond exec and I know people in the music industry
I am cracked up. Is that Deez? Multiplesockpuppets? I cannot begin to explain how happy the lunatics on this site make me.
Deez was Jekyll and Hyde while I was Kris Allen 🙂
I can’t stop laughing!
I am so psyched! Hahaha.