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Howard Stern might replace Simon Cowell is about as likely as me buying a John Mayer album

February 5, 2010

The New York Post — long a bastion of truth-seeking, hard-nosed journalism, particularly on Page Six — reported Howard Stern may be replacing Simon Cowell following this season of American Idol.

This alleged story makes so much sense! Because Howard Stern is exactly the guy to capture the attention of the demographic Idol most covets.

“American Idol” producers are eager to hire Howard Stern to replace Simon Cowell as the show’s tough-talking judge, sources tell Page Six.

An insider said that producers of the hit Fox show say Stern, America’s highest-paid radio personality, is their top choice to take over from Cowell, who leaves at the end of this season. They approached the King of All Media after he repeatedly mentioned on-air that his exclusive Sirius XM Radio deal expires next January and he was open to other offers. Cowell was paid $50 million a year.

A source connected to “Idol” said, “It’s one of the few shows that could compete with Stern’s $100 million-a-year Sirius contract, and ‘Idol’ bosses think he’d be even nastier than Simon.

“They know he would be great TV and would clash with the other judges such as Ellen DeGeneres and the contestants. ‘Idol’ will do what it takes to sign him.”

But a second source told us Stern hasn’t made the “Idol” talks easy, and has been giving out mixed messages about his intentions.

“Despite what he’s been saying on-air, Howard isn’t ready to leave radio and would like to stay on at Sirius,” the source said. “We believe this is a ploy to make Sirius pay up and keep him on his huge contract. But if Sirius can’t pay him the money he wants, he may negotiate to film ‘Idol’ on the side.”

Stern is also believed to be reluctant to commit to a show that would require him to tour the US as a judge and spend much of the year in Los Angeles.

He recently said, somewhat cryptically, “I was approached by a major TV network to take over a TV show and leave here and do that next year — and I did turn it down . . . I’m not even sure if I want to be working. I’m waiting to see what happens.”

Calls to Stern’s agent and producer were not returned. A rep for FOX declined to comment.

41 Comments leave one →
  1. Lauren permalink
    February 11, 2010 1:04 pm

    I don’t know if anyone’s still reading this thread but would you like some Stern quotes?

    On Kris Allen: “I wouldn’t even put through that good looking kid who won. … He never would have even been through.”

    On Adam Lambert: “I would have straightened out that Adam Lambert, number one. That’s why his career tanked — the kid had more publicity than anyone and he f—ed up.”

    On Carrie Underwood: I would’ve told her to lose weight. I remember she was chubby.”

    On Ellen DeGeneres: “‘Go ahead Ellen, why don’t you do that dumb dance you do on your show? Here’s my taser.'”

    On Randy Jackson: “Can you imagine me sitting there with like a little ping-pong paddle, and I smack Randy Jackson’s belly every time he opens his dopey mouth?”

    Lovely Stern, lovely.

  2. notarding permalink
    February 10, 2010 4:02 pm

    mayer is a douche, period. Stern for Idol, um no. Simon is a jerk, but a charming one. Stern is good on the radio, but not for idol, nope.

  3. Soapbox0916 permalink
    February 7, 2010 11:16 pm

    I am intrigued by this mutual distaste for John Mayer that I have with Top Idol. I finding more and more in common with Top Idol that I ever imagined possible. Have I mentioned how much I love your site.

    As for John Mayer, I actually do have the deepest of musical respect for him, but I have to separate out the music talent appreciation from the hypocrital jerk of a person. I am a hard core blues fan and have been a blues fan since birth, and the first group of tards that I ever met in real life were Mayer tards at a blues festival, bad start. Mayer was absolutely awful the first time I saw him and think the problem was that he was trying so hard to prove he belonged at a blues festival that he was not being himself. This was long before he made it onto the pop scene. Then Mayer would talk out of both sides of his mouth depending on the media publication. In the blues orientated publications he actually made fun of some his pop fans and kept reassuring blues fan that he was really a blues fan at heart, but by going the pop route, he was bringing pop fans back to the blues. In contrast, the way he was portrayed in the mainstream media publications was as if he was an entirely different person.

    If it would have stayed that way, though I would have been fine. But then Mayer had to go and trash some reputable artists for supposely selling out, which made Mayer the biggest hypocrite in my book. Mayer also went on to say something along the lines that he would rather not make a penny than to sell out his beliefs. In my opinion, either Mayer has sold out his beliefs or keeps changing his beliefs over time, yet has no problem trashing artists for doing exactly what he has done. At that point, I was like if people want to like and buy Mayer’s music, then I am happy they enjoy Mayer, but I vowed never to contribute one penny of my own money to support Mayer. It was Mayer’s own remark of preferring not to make a penny that led to my only official avoidance of an artist economically.

    Actually up until recently, it has been easier than I thought it would be. Mayer’s style is very close to my musical taste, but instead of blending, it clashes. Similiar, to two similiar colors clashing instead of blending. I know it is not really the case, but Mayer sounds like watered down blues to my hard core blues tastes. The irony is that the songs I create myself are a bluesy pop sound, so I am also guilty of watering down blues myself.

    So far it had been easy to avoid buying anything Mayer up until Kris put one of Mayer’s songs on his celebrity itunes recommendations list. Drats! My tardness for Kris came face to face with my vow to avoid spending any money toward Mayer. Luckily, this time I realized I already owned several of the songs that Kris recommended, so it did not make sense to buy the entire recommended list, but I feel like I dodged a bullet there.

    I have a feeling that Kris is going to be responsible eventually for me breaking my Mayer buying ban. Kris may be more of a peace maker than he realizes. LOL

  4. erinnthered permalink
    February 5, 2010 10:27 pm

    Wow. Howard Stern’s PR people are working over time! I hope they’re getting a nice cut for this.

  5. the tard king permalink
    February 5, 2010 7:08 pm

    The Howard Stern rumor has been shot down. Too bad – I was looking forward to hearing Howard ask a 16 year old from Iowa if she likes anal.

  6. saskin permalink
    February 5, 2010 2:05 pm

    If they are serious about the program, they need a serious musician. Some has been but not really…

    On an unrelated note; glamberts are really something aren’t they?

    • Mithra permalink
      February 5, 2010 2:49 pm

      Most insane tard group ever πŸ˜€ I hear that some of the sparkle cows bought that tard book we were talking about a week or two ago and are NOT HAPPY with it πŸ˜› NO…REALLY? A book full of some kook’s sockpuppets posts and fan fic is not what they expected? BWAHAHAHA.

      • saskin permalink
        February 5, 2010 3:22 pm

        No way. Link? Pretty please? (I must be really bored today)

        • Mithra permalink
          February 5, 2010 3:43 pm

          It’s on the VFTW idletard thread. Probably got it from Adam Official or Planet Fierce. I’ll go check and see if there’s a link. They quoted some pretty hilarious stuff.

          • Mithra permalink
            February 5, 2010 3:52 pm

            Here’s some excepts from the book. They’re taken from the same link I posted a while ago, but I just skimmed the homepage and I guess everyone else was also on an sparkle cow OD πŸ˜€ :


            Here’s were someone posted (last post, scroll down) that the sparkle cows are not happy. They quoted some posts but didn’t say where they got it :grumpy-frown-stomps-foot:


            I’m sorry but I was so pissed when I read parts of it. I was like WTF??? Seriously, it’s horrible.

            What was I thinking????

            The whole book is ridiculous and I would love to shove it somewhere. I want to have a BURNING WOMAN experience – literally.

            Burn the sucker in my back yard and videotape it, then send it to the author’s. LOL!

            Here are bits from the book that they quoted:

            [Adam]: “Your feet must be hot from shopping – here, let me take off your sandals.” Now I have to remember to breathe. He bends down and lifts my foot to a place on his thigh, right where the butterfly sat on these jeans. My sandal slides off and I wiggle my toes, leaning back on the banquette as Adam gently massages my foot in his lap. Smooth, cool hands and with gentle strokes…”

            We can describe warm, melted chocolate swirls with a pump and rosy strawberry, but our fingers can’t touch his lips…”

            Emerging from [my] dressing room, sheathed in a silk robe, he carefully parts the rose velvet curtain and pushes in… the blue silk robe slides open across his thighs… He takes his time smoothing the robe between his legs…”

            • TopIdol permalink
              February 5, 2010 5:06 pm

              Ok. Let’s try to keep it somewhat on topic. This probably belongs more on the contest thread.

              • Lauren permalink
                February 5, 2010 6:04 pm

                Look at you! Being all moderator-like! *Pats on head*

      • TopIdol permalink
        February 5, 2010 3:36 pm

        But they’re tards. That’s what tards do.

        • Mithra permalink
          February 5, 2010 3:44 pm

          Well if they were smart they would have been reading Top Idol and saved themselves the money πŸ˜€

    • jukejoint permalink
      February 5, 2010 3:22 pm

      Do you kind of wonder if they’ll actually pay up, though? There seem to be a lot of auctions on eBay that go really high and then the buyer never pays.

      Or maybe they pooled their resources to go for the Traveling Underpants, where each person who sent in 20 bucks gets a day with the Beloved Underpants. Yeah, that’s gonna work. I see litigation and outrage in their future as they all play, WHO’S GOT THE F^%$#ING UNDERPANTS????!!!! YOU DID *WHAT* WHEN YOU HAD THEM???? WHY IS THERE A SQUARE MISSING IN THE CROTCHAL REGION????

      Or, I know, some tard can start a museum and they can be on permanent display there.

      • 8sourcandy permalink
        February 5, 2010 8:37 pm

        I bought the undies. The minute I receive them I will post a pic. Well, not the minute I receive them, I do want some alone time with them first. πŸ˜‰

        • Lauren permalink
          February 5, 2010 8:44 pm

          Oh Sour…I’m still trying to figure out if you’re serious πŸ˜‰

  7. margie permalink
    February 5, 2010 1:07 pm

    I do not like John Mayer as a person. I do, however, love his music. Heartbreak Warfare is great!! Sorry TI!! It’s the genre I listen too.

    • Lauren permalink
      February 5, 2010 1:33 pm

      “I am the new generation of masturbator. I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life.”
      “All I want to do now is fuck the girls I’ve already fucked.”
      “Do you think its going to take meeting someone who I admire more than I admire myself? But isn’t it also about a beautiful vagina? Aren’t we talking about a matrix of a couple of different things here? Like, you need to have them be able to go toe-to-toe with you intellectually. But don’t they also have to have a vagina you could pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend? Doesn’t that have to be there, too? The Joshua Tree of vaginas?”

      …All from RS. Keep it classy John Mayer.

      • margie permalink
        February 5, 2010 1:40 pm

        Oh Lauren I know he is an asshole and masochist. Basically he sucks as a person. I still like his music..won’t buy it…illegal downloads work well in this instance.

        • margie permalink
          February 5, 2010 1:41 pm

          ^^^ not promoting illegal downloading^^^

        • Lauren permalink
          February 5, 2010 3:04 pm

          Stealing music from John Mayer IS moral. lol

      • on the edge permalink
        February 5, 2010 1:41 pm

        God help me, I think that last bit’s funny. And meaningful…I mean how many times do we girls complain that for most guys, pussy is just pussy? He’s waiting for that magic one…

        • margie permalink
          February 5, 2010 1:43 pm

          Are we talking are they on drink one or drink 10 πŸ˜‰ Shit I have only brothers…I have seen it all.

      • auntieaimee permalink
        February 5, 2010 1:48 pm

        He really needs his ass kicked. The guy is such. a. jerk. Somebody needs to knock him down a few pegs.

  8. Lauren permalink
    February 5, 2010 12:49 pm

    I don’t mind John Mayer’s MUSIC. It’s kind of good actually. On the other hand, I despise him so much as a person, I would never buy a CD from him either.

    And Howard Stern? No. I vote for Sir Elton John! (Or NPH but I don’t think he’s in the running)

  9. Trish permalink
    February 5, 2010 11:39 am

    I like Mayer too (his music, anyway).

    Howard Stern??? Oh, God, no. Loathe him. But at least he would draw those elusive cool dudes to the viewing audience. Maybe.

    What I want to know is, who in his or her right mind would audition for a show where Howard Stern had the freedom to attack you with machete-like ferocity?

    • Kathy permalink
      February 5, 2010 3:47 pm

      Yeah he’s kind of a douche but I do like his music

      • Lauren permalink
        February 5, 2010 3:52 pm

        KIND OF?! haha
        I do like “Waiting on the World to Change” though.

  10. pattyluponey permalink
    February 5, 2010 10:43 am

    I would officially quit watching Idol if they hired Stern. He is disgusting and annoying. My question is what value would he bring to a music competition? Oh wait, I know, ratings…but they would be trying to play to a demographic that isn’t interested in Idol, straight, middle-aged white dudes…

  11. Burgundy LaRue permalink
    February 5, 2010 10:35 am

    Mayer’s a piss-ant of the highest order, but he’s on my “I’d hit it and hope no one finds out” list. What that says about me, I don’t want to know.

  12. Mithra permalink
    February 5, 2010 10:33 am

    This would actually be pretty awesome.

    require him to tour the US as a judge and spend much of the year in Los Angeles.

    Simon does this? Really? πŸ˜‰

  13. February 5, 2010 10:27 am

    Ew, never.
    Kids watch this show. And they don’t want old freaks to be the only audience, like they are now.
    NPH SHOULD REPLACE SIMON. I’m telling you. They might have a fighting chance if he did.
    If only Andrew Lloyd Weber didn’t already have a judging job/wasn’t too awesome for Idol. B/c he knows what he’s talking about.
    Or… OR…


    • auntieaimee permalink
      February 5, 2010 10:31 am

      Could you imagine Andrew Lloyd Weber in high-def? Noooo thank you.

      • mustang permalink
        February 5, 2010 2:59 pm

        How is ALW less scary in hi def than Simon’s moobs? πŸ˜‰

        • auntieaimee permalink
          February 5, 2010 3:40 pm

          “Simon, are you cold or are you smuggling raisins?”

  14. saskin permalink
    February 5, 2010 10:18 am

    With the $$$ they’re paying to Simon they can get Sir Elton John or Sir Paul McCartney even Prince Andrew…

  15. Kathy permalink
    February 5, 2010 10:07 am

    Oh no. My little Top Idol tard heart is broken. You don’t like John Mayer? πŸ™‚ I love John Mayer. There I said it.

    • on the edge permalink
      February 5, 2010 12:49 pm

      *whispers* I like him too. I won’t hold it against her that she doesn’t. Otherwise that would make me a MayerTard, wouldn’t it?

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