Blacklisted’s Rock My Town Recap
I’m still working on mine, but without further ado, here’s Blacklisted’s version of events from Friday evening’s Rock My Town concert in NYC.
I headed out close to 5pm and was a little worried that I’d be too late to get a good spot. When I arrived to the venue I noticed all the menopausal women and smiled. I knew these ladies wouldn’t have the stamina to stand up for the whole concert. That meant Cale Mills, here I come!
In addition to the aged women, I also noticed that there were very few guys. 90% of the guys attending were husbands roped into the event. The rest included an Adam clone and a bunch of male Kristards. You could tell by the wistful look in their eyes.
In front of me on line were a mother-daughter glambert team. Both really normal, although mom glambert did state that Kris “isn’t very good” and daughter glambert didn’t think he had talent. Oh well, different strokes. Both ladies are members of PF. They asked me if I read MJ and I said that I read it on occasion but that sometimes it gets really snippy. They proceeded to inform me that MJ lost 75% of her hits because she has a Kris bias. Seems MJ is ‘unfair’, ‘moderates people’ and Kris is her favorite. Who knew?
My friend, who’s a huge glambert (she’s never watched AI but saw Adam youtube videos) arrived at 6 and not surprisingly fit right in. She became friends with the 12 closest glamberts. There was gushing and praising and noting that Adam was the hottest man on earth. My friend outed me as a Kris fan. Many looked at me with pity. Poor me. Liking the guy no one came to see. At some point there was mention that we were lucky to see Adam perform in a small venue since he’ll never do that again given how ‘big’ he will become. I rolled my eyes a little at that but hey, I was already outed as a Kris fan, what did I know?
At 6:30pm the lamest Adam wannabe showed up with his mother or possibly grandmother. They cut the line but we were all too grossed out by their appearance to say anything. The poor, big haired, fake blonde was from Victoria (Canada?). Her wannabe son (grandson?) was a cashier. Nana was trying to look 30 but failed miserably. The woman had the most hideous plastic surgery job I’ve ever seen. Her lips were weirdly shaped, she had smoker’s teeth, and her cheekbones looked like Meg Ryan after surgery. Nana wore a hot topic outfit, Adam inspired jewelry, and four inch sparkly open toed shoes. Mom and daughter glambert in front of me were skeeved out. That was when I knew I was going to like these ladies.
I told my friend to slap me if I tried to dress 20 when I hit 60. The mom-daughter glambert team agreed. They started making fun of all the older women at concerts wearing glitter and shit. They didn’t get it and thought it was ridiculous. Hello, common ground with the ‘enemy’!
Finally we got in at around 7:30 before frostbite set in. Since my friend had never seen Krallison I gave her the rundown. I stressed that Allison is hugely talented and has a great voice. I mentioned that Kris was amazing and that I thought she would like him once she heard him. I also told her that Kris’ bandmembers were really hot, especially Cale. Of course, she didn’t pay me no mind since she was concentrating on finally seeing Adam perform.
Allison came out and was cute, funny, made self-deprecating comments and basically sang her ass off. Daughter glambert pointed out Kris watching Allison at the upstairs section. Aww, so cute. From the first song Allison performed my friend was into her. My buddy kept on saying, ‘this girl is great!’. Well, duh. She did ask me how come I knew the words to all of Allison’s songs. When I told her that I had the album, she asked me for a copy. Why, of course.
Then Adam came on. No joke, there were so many old women going nuts I was concerned someone would drop dead. Alas, one dumb heifer fainted and poor Adam had to stop the show until they walked her out.
Once the concert resumed it was same old, same old. Adam would do that thing where he tries to be sexy, which always makes me smirk b/c I know he does it for shits and giggles. Of course, these horny old women take it seriously. My friend who’s not old but apparently horny was ‘ohhing and ahhing’ and stating that Adam’s the second coming of Elvis. I was happy to see her excitement since the Kradison concert ticket was a birthday gift and I knew she was having a great time. Yea meJ.
I had warned my friend that once Adam left the stage we’d rush up front because all the old women were going to the bathroom or to the bar to sit down. Just as I expected, a bunch of old ladies left and I got an even better spot. Right in front of Kris’ microphone. Yea, me!
During the intermission I informed my bud to make sure to take pics since I followed the no camera policy and therefore had NO camera, only my nano. Drats. I then pointed out Cale who was working on setting the keyboards but was turned away from us. I told her, “that man is the most gorgeous thing in this place. YOU BETTER TAKE PICTURES OF HIM!” When he turned around and faced us, I knew the mofo had seduced my friend. She looked as dreamy as the male Kris fans and she started babbling, “oh my god, he’s GORGEOUS…OH MY GOD, who is that guy, he’s fucking HOT!” I was all, “I told you that Kris had the hottest band. I also told you that the dude right there is my future baby daddy, therefore, close your mouth and gain some respect woman.” At that moment Cale smiled. My friend became a puddle. *shakes head*
FINALLY Kris came on. As always he looked pretty and played to the audience. By the third song my friend turned to me….a new convert, a Kristan if you will. Her exact words were “OMG, he’s the best. You were right, he’s THE BEST ONE! I love this guy….Oh man, he’s really gorgeous too….” Once again, I said, ‘duh, I TOLD YOU, ya’ dumb heifer.” Then she proceeded to get in front of me to get closer to Kris…sneaky.
After the concert, as we were walking out, my friend turned to me and said, “I still love Adam, he’s all glitter and spectacle. He belongs on Broadway (oh, oh). He’s like Elvis, a performer. Allison, I love her voice, she’s great. Kris though…*contemplates*…he’s a musician. He engages the audience. He made eye contact with us. He’s relatable. He’s like a modern day Bruce Springsteen even though his music isn’t Springsteen. He really was the best. I could see why he won. Also, you know how much I love him, but Kris is even more talented than John Mayer.” To which I replied, “Well duh, he’s also less douchier.”