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AI9 Top 24 (Part 1): Your tragic back story just was not as strong as their tragic back story

February 17, 2010

Whoa. Two hellacious hours of American Idol. Do we really need to spread the Top 24 selection over TWO NIGHTS? Especially when there is men’s figure skating for the taking? Ah yes. This is when they tell two rooms to get the hell out. It’s all coming back to me now.

I really, really do not want to see Angela Martin get booted for what? The third time. What’s not to like about that girl? Jermaine Purifory sings Brick House, because he believes the world needs more Brick House. Casey James decides to take the new in thing on Idol — taking a “feminine” song and making it masculine. So he sings Colbie Callie’s Bubbly, which is totally better than the original. But that’s not too difficult, considering singing about Scubbing Bubbles would even be better than that Bubbly, the most grating, overplayed song of 2007-2008. Not sure what happened to Colbie Callie. I assume she’s living in some squat house with K.T. Tunstall.

Yawn. Faux drama! Although I’ve never understood why Idol is unable to provide sofas or other suitable seating for those stuck awaiting their fate. Oh yes. That wouldn’t make it so DRAMATIC! It would not remind one of say, what probably went on in the third class section of the Titanic an hour after the iceberg struck.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? They added echo effects to the judges’ last words? In any case, Jermaine Sellers’ Man in the Mirror did nothing for me. Hey, Kris Allen’s didn’t do anything for me, either! I just hate that song. Cape Cod’s Siobhan Magnus could be kind of appealing in a Punky Brewster sort of way, but I would bet serious cash she bought that Ramones patch from Hot Topic.

Crystal Bowersox! How I love thee! I want to know who autographed your guitar. She even “mumbled-out” the word stoned from Sheryl Crow’s If It Make You Happy. Crystal Bowersox rules.

THAT JASON MRAZ SONG WHICH WILL JUST NOT DIE

Alex Lambert will likely get zero love from me. His familiar-sounding name and his lame-ass mandolin guitar. He’s “sing-a-like” performance of that Jason Mraz song, which, just like saccharine, has been proven to cause cancer in laboratory rats. Michael Lynche sings the same damn song, and by all indications, will sing a James Blunt ditty the next time we hear him. For a big black man, Lynche has the musical taste of a freshman sorority girl.

And then Todrick Hall shows up, singing the same damn song, but with his own spin. Todrick looks like a rent boy. This yahoo’s douche-i-tude if off the charts.

Thaddeus Johnson and his mother are all sorts of adorable.

I’m not bubbly. I’m Man in the Mirror…but I’m a bubbly person.

He’s only 17? I had no idea! No wonder his mom’s with him! I really want to go over to their house for Thanksgiving. And his Man in the Mirror blows Jermaine Sellers’ rendition out of the water.

Charity Vance boasts all qualities I hate of my televised reality talent competition contestants. Too young, too pale, too blond and too bland, with a too icky-sweet name. And then there is that night shift pastor chick whose name keeps eluding me, but the fact she’s a pastor….and Mary Powers disappointed me after she got to Hollywood.

I think she’s interesting because she’s older.

Oh Simon. They’re all younger than say, me? I’m not that old…Luckily, the producers cut to Mary’s cute little girl clutching a stuffed animal cheering for her Mommy. Then there’s the cuddly black dock worker Lloyd Thomas crying because he misses his wife and kids. To tug on your heartstrings even more, there’s also the Singing Albino Cop Brian Walker.

Mommy. Dock worker. Police officer. THIS IS AMERICA DAMMIT!!! THIS IS AMERICA!!! These are all the figures you’re not supposed to shoot while playing Hogan’s Alley!

Hope Johnson is emotionally fragile. And she had to overcome a lot of poverty when she was little.

Hey, at least that poverty kept her skinny! I kid, I kid. Why is she singing that lame Daughtry song? Yeah. Hope has no hope. She sucked ass. Room 2 is obviously screwed. Sorry singing cop and night shift pastor girl.

Room 3 obviously is going to make it, as Ashley Rodriguez (YAWN) and Didi Benami (PLANT) are sitting their uncomfortably. At least when the cameras are rolling. Shelby Dressel is freaking out in her cowboy boots! It’s all Michael Orland can do from going full-on bitchy gay on her ass. Shelby sings Boston’s More Than a Feeling, of which the arrangement didn’t really have all that many actual lyrics to remember. So really, Michael Orland, you should have gotten more bitchy with her. Aaron Kelly forgets his lyrics as his mother aunt and her Ogilvie Home Perm watch intently from the audience. Aaron should be the next American Idol because his biological parents suck and his aunt and uncle raised him. Come on, Aaron! Didn’t you know there’s a real-life ORPHAN this season! NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

Ashley Rodriguez sings Beyonce’s Jordin Sparks’ Battlefield and continues to prove she’s everything I hate about music. Plus, that was a song sung by…a former Idol contestant! WHY WHY WHY MUST THEY DO THAT? Lee Dewyze sings The Fray. Joe Munoz sings NO NO NO NOT AGAIN Man in the Mirror. Haeley Vaughn shows up with her misspelled name and guitar and sings OH NO NO NO NO NOT AGAIN that Jason Mraz song. And once again I am forced to feel bad for likening a teenage girl to a transvestite.

Room 3 is a total snoozer. We all know they go through, so please, must we be subjected to even more of this caterwauling of tunes from the World’s Most Overplayed Songbook? No! We’re not done! Because Janell Wheeler (aka Tim Tebow’s girlfriend he doesn’t have premarital sex with) is gonna sing Taylor Swift’s Romeo & Juliet. Crap. I totally feel bad and everything but…why did her family abort the e from her name? IT DRIVES ME NUTS. (Yeah. I know. I went there. She’s the one dating Tim Tebow!)

I could really do without the voiceover bullshit. I expect Idol to be cheesy, but now they’ve truly proven there are no boundaries to cliche and corny. And this is the time of the night when I wonder “aloud” if I would bang Luke Wilson. While I’m pondering bedding Luke Wilson, I’m shocked to see a NEW Kris Allen for Ford Commercial! He’s talking about leaves (i.e., green, carbon friendly, he’ll stick his carbon footprint up your ass) and I am still in awe that they actually gave an Idol contestant a REAL Ford commercial. Just as I’m about to hit fast forward, Charles Barkley is singing about Taco Bell.

Ok. I gotta stop. I’m not getting any younger and this shit lasts two whole hours! Let’s hurry this shit show up! Especially because we totally know Room 2 is OUT OF THERE.

But before the judges tell them the gig is up, we are forced to see (more of…?) ROOM 1! Wait! Didn’t we do this already? Lilly Scott is a total plus. Andrew Garcia still reminds me of Gokey, even with the guitar. And that ain’t a good thing. The judges arrive to hand them their fates, entrusting newbie Ellen DeGeneres to do it. Naturally, Kara DioGuardi is woefully overdressed in a desperate attempt to prove she is hip, hot and RELEVANT. (No one told her that might have worked had she been able to get a Maxim spread in 2000.)

Duh. Room 1 goes through. I even see Gang Bang Garcia and Orphan Boy embrace! Room 1 also includes Chosen One Katie Stevens and screamer/glassblowing apprentice Siobhan Magnus. Actually, Siobhan has now earned a point in my book for not casting her gaze towards the heavens proclaiming this is the best day ever.


Meanwhile, Boston’s Fox affiliate is uber-lucky because they have Ayla Brown spilling IDOL SECRETS!

Big surprise. It’s BAD NEWS for Room 2. OH NOOOOOOO!!! YOUR DREAM IS DEAD DEAD DEAD!! THERE IS NO MORE HOPE!!!

Idol shot the mommy, the dock worker and the police officer! Game over in Hogan’s Alley! It’s a good thing they can feel better about themselves after taking the reformed gang banger, the orphan, and a bunch of other single mommies and married daddies.

Well golly gee. Can you even believe it is actually now LESS suspenseful than it was before? Must we even bother with watching them tell Room 3 everything is okay? Have they not deduced everything via outside noise? If the carpeting is that bad, you know the walls can’t be that thick. But before we inform them of the good news, let’s take a final parting glance at Mary Powers, her arty manfriend (He’s bald! He wears sunglasses indoors!) and pouting little lass.

The judges tell Room 3 its good news. I now fear for John Park! Did he Lambertize himself because he figured out its the only way the frauen might warm to an Asian male?

Oh. And I am so calling Ashley Rodriguez Frosted Blue Eye Shadow until I think of something infinitely more appropos and clever. I also begin to think about the torture all these kids are put through when the judges have already made their decisions. Why not just send the room-of-sucky-people home then rather than put them through more hell.

Top 24 Results…

Michael Lynche goes first. We learn his daughter is named Layla Rose Lynche. Big Mike makes it, interesting considering the conflicting rumors regarding whether or not his father spilled the goods over a month ago.

Didi Benami is next. Seriously, Idol, why bother? Why? Why bother when everyone has seen the spoilers?

That raw emotion was borne of tragedy.

Ryan Seacrest, please can it. OH FOR FRAK’S SAKE! DIDI BENAMI HAS A DEAD FRIEND. Well, she made it this far, that’s why we have to make sure she has a proper tragedy. Didi Benami has a tragic back story AND a raspberry beret!

Guess what? EVERYONE has had something really shitty to happen to them. It’s called life. It’s just all in how the story is spun. Everyone has a tragic back story.

Katelyn Epperly is a child of divorce. Statistically, half of all marriages end in divorce. This is not good enough. Katelyn also nods in an annoying manner and sang Bonnie Raitt…AND Bubbly.

Just because mom and dad got divorced doesn’t mean we can’t go off and do great things.

Obviously, Mama Epperly and those wily Idol producers taught Katelyn how to properly milk her tragic back story since last summer. Personally, I would like Katelyn Epperly to be divorced from my television screen. Ellen babbles on about how making her wait would be cruel…yes, yes, we get it. Ha ha ha. No way Epperly is making the Top 12. No way in hell. No way in latch key kid heaven.

Upon listening to her finally Hollywood Week audition, Shelby Dressel (Oh man! I totally just remembered she was the girl with the facial impairment! This is what happens when there are too many tragic back stories to keep straight!) wasn’t very good. And I still don’t understand what lyrics she had difficulty remembering. Oh well. Shelby gets sent home, but she can try out again next year. Plus, we just needed someone to eliminate before the commercial break, someone who was willing to walk sadly down the Sunset Strip into the bowels of their broken dreams.

Casey James has a tragic back story, too! Did you know? And can you believe I’m not referring to his stripdown for Shit-For-Brains DioGuardi? Nah, he had some accident or something, maybe a hangnail? Doctors thought he might never play guitar again.

It says here you’re from a town called Cool.

KILL. ME. NOW. Or just kill Kara. Just do something with her. Cryogenics. Siberia. Cool, Texas. I DO NOT CARE. Just get her out of here.

Aaron Kelly had bad parents (tragic back story), but a good aunt & uncle. He wears braided rope bracelets, shell necklaces and has hair preferred by those popular boys in my 7th grade class. There is something inherently sweet and unimposing about this young man that I find it impossible to hate much more on him. Even my icy, cynical heart knows some boundaries.

Lee Dewyze also makes it. But he was a close call. Most likely not because of vocal ability, but for obvious lack of a tragic back story shared with the producers.

Todrick Hall doesn’t even get an elaborate did-he-or-didn’t-he. They just let his douchey scammer ass through and play some song about angels learning how to fly.

Jessica Furney was rejected last year. Furney was the only one in her group (The Parkettes) to shine during the Sweet Escape debacle. Judging by the previews, we already know Jessica doesn’t make it and gets PISSED OFF. She starts pleading her case. You can tell Kara DioGuardi just loves dashing this poor girl’s hopes and dreams.

Seriously! I have this in me. You have no idea what I can do.

I sort of appreciate Jessica’s gusto, but she keeps going on and on…at least she asks in the end. Oh wait. Then she starts whining about losing her voice. Oh Jessica, you’re only what? 17? 21? You have a long time. And I was in your corner, now I…well…just chill…and well…Come on, Jessica, you just needed a better tragic back story.

Next year, Jessica, don’t whine about losing your voice. Whine about losing a friend you had at age 10 or your appendix. THAT is how you become an American Idol.

I feel really bad for whomever it was sobbing in the toilet during the final credits. But hey, at least you got some screen time.

Now that you’re done reading this, check out some other recaps from my favorite Idol bloggers ๐Ÿ™‚
(Check back for updates)

Fancast’s Maura Johnston — American Idol Breaks Out the Scissors and the Kleenex

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69 Comments leave one →
  1. notarding permalink
    February 18, 2010 3:10 pm

    Poor Angela, what too many black girls? I just dont get why she was cut!?!?!

  2. kimberly permalink
    February 17, 2010 11:53 pm

    I sobbed like an f’ing a baby for Angela Martin. The only thing that truly moved me. Don’t just remember her, Kara, give her an f’ing break.

    Casey James is fraun bait — sue brody loves him, a clear barometer for what’s in store for the poor boy. Whatever it takes right? I guess we’ll see how much voting power they really have.

    Standouts for me Crystal Bowersox and Lily (I keep wanting to write Allen because I can’t remember her last name.) The girls are more interesting to me than the guys this year. I’m not digging Andrew Garcia at all. He’s like this ugly Kris/Gokey mutant. And really what’s the point of Alex Lambert? Not a standout at all. I’m not getting it.

    • Lauren permalink
      February 18, 2010 12:01 am

      Lily Allen! “Fuck you, fuck you very very mu-u-u-u-uch!”
      The only guy I like is Park! Lilly and Crystal are my favorite girls too.

      • kimberly permalink
        February 18, 2010 10:07 am

        Lauren, I forgot to say, if you ever get really, really stuck on a Calculus problem, maybe my son can help with it. He can work for hours on some of them. Not my idea of a good time.

        • Lauren permalink
          February 18, 2010 4:15 pm

          Thank you for the offer. ๐Ÿ˜€

  3. Sherena permalink
    February 17, 2010 11:40 pm

    I’m glad Thaddeus didn’t make it. He was annoying.

  4. jukejoint permalink
    February 17, 2010 10:28 pm

    So now, seeing the second part of this horrid stuff, I am changing my mind a little. Ashley Rodriguez got the blink-and-you-miss-it montage into the Top 24. So maybe they don’t like her that well, after all. Poor Joe Munoz, The Wrong Lambert and Ashley were all in a montage with no attention whatsoever.

    And now Angela Martin. I don’t know if I can stand this. How can they put Janell Wheeler through and break Angela Martin’s heart again? I HATE THEM.

    • Lauren permalink
      February 17, 2010 10:32 pm

      I know!!!! She has the best backstory, a good voice, and they just cut her! It was so sad D:

      • jukejoint permalink
        February 17, 2010 11:01 pm

        THE ORPHINK IS O-U-T!!!! Some guy we’ve never heard of named Tim Urban was in the Top 24 instead.

        I wonder what happened?

        • Lauren permalink
          February 17, 2010 11:05 pm

          I’ve heard of him. Tim Urban is the super cute boy with an okay voice! Oh and its not just me. Sour thinks he’s cute too ๐Ÿ˜€

        • deez permalink
          February 18, 2010 12:35 am

          ORPHINK FAIL!!!! NOOOO ! My plans have been dashed against the jagged rocks of cruel, cruel fate!

      • 8sourcandy permalink
        February 17, 2010 11:25 pm

        Um, I was drunk. I saw him tonight and said ew. Sorry, he’s yours alone. However, that blond guy is still very appealing. ๐Ÿ™‚

        • Lauren permalink
          February 17, 2010 11:32 pm

          Pahaha. Alcohol brings out your true feelings. ๐Ÿ˜›
          I don’t want Tim. I am Park Bench #0069 !!!! Leigh is #1 xD
          You mean the one that Kara wants to rape?

          • Verbally Dyslexic permalink
            February 17, 2010 11:41 pm

            ROFLMAO! Park Benches FTW! For those who enjoy nice bottom ends… ๐Ÿ˜‰

            • Lauren permalink
              February 17, 2010 11:46 pm

              Pahahahaha!!! Yes!!!
              I cannot claim responsibility for this genius though. It was all Leigh.

  5. Verbally Dyslexic permalink
    February 17, 2010 9:24 pm

    OT here, but Kris is heading to Haiti on Friday. He talks about it in this radio interview here.

    Idol has also issued a press release and it appears he is going with the UN Foundation. Reputable organisation.

    Now to wait for the wank to come.

  6. auntieaimee permalink
    February 17, 2010 4:53 pm

    Mary Powers seemed like she was on coke or something. She was just way, way too INTENSE and pop-eyed. Skeeery.

  7. notarding permalink
    February 17, 2010 4:26 pm

    Bowersox rules. I like her name and her singing. I’m so glad marry powers was cut. she was so cocky and seemed like a nutter. More John park! What happened to him? No sob story means no screen time? Just dumb. Idol dragged out too long and they replayed the same clips over and over.

    • Lauren permalink
      February 17, 2010 5:22 pm

      Agreed. They could have made that an hour easily. Poor John Park. He needs to find a relative to kill off so he’ll stay in the competition.

      • jukejoint permalink
        February 17, 2010 5:32 pm

        Hey, Northwestern is harrrrrd. Poor John Park had to study SO hard to make it into that school, and then maybe he had to (warning: I am engaging in cultural stereotypes. And also I’ve seen too many Law & Order episodes as well as 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, where a girl with the last name Park is perfect at a hundred different things and her parents accept no imperfections and it’s very stressful for poor Marcy Park) convince his old school parents that studying music was just as good and worthy as medicine or engineering and it BROKE their HEARTS and they’ve disowned him and poor John Park has to pay Northwestern’s odious tuition ALL ON HIS OWN and maybe he even considered a job doing singing telegrams with shady people to pay the rent. And he fell in love with somebody wrong and it was all Romeo & Juliet without Taylor Swift and it BROKE his HEART and he didn’t even have enough money to buy her a Valentine’s gift to get her back because he had to buy books and a purple suit to be in Purple Haze and he even had to live on the mean streets of Evanston and sing for nickles on street corners and his sister has high blood pressure and his aunt has an ulcer and his whole family has PTSD from too many episode of TV’s M*A*S*H.

        I’m sure we can come up with a back story for him and his adorable bottom.

        • Lauren permalink
          February 17, 2010 5:43 pm

          Hahaha! Racist ๐Ÿ˜› Not ALL Asians are smart and hardworking with restrictive parents with ridiculously high expectations. I can’t think of an example though…
          Is Evanston really that bad? My aunt, uncle, and cousins live there. My uncle works at Northwestern. I should ask him if he knows John Park…hmmmm

          • Mithra permalink
            February 17, 2010 7:34 pm

            Not by Northwestern. West part is shitty though.

            Parking sucks near Northwestern and downtown. I’m sure a sob story can be spun over him having to walk 4 blocks one evening to meet friends at a Tapas restaurant ๐Ÿ˜‰

        • hyde permalink
          February 17, 2010 5:56 pm

          Perfect!!!!! If you’re doing the tard contest, you should be able to use that (if you don’t get Park, a few minor tweaks and it’s perfect for anybody!) I’m keeping my fingers crossed for fugly Orphink Sideshow Bob….I’m too lazy to fabricate backstory!

          • deez permalink
            February 17, 2010 5:57 pm

            dammitt…I really need to watch my login. Sockpuppetry is a pain in the ass.

            • Lauren permalink
              February 17, 2010 6:00 pm

              I’m starting to think Kris Allen may make another appearance soon. If I can remember the password I used…xD

            • erinnthered permalink
              February 17, 2010 8:54 pm

              I’m starting to tard over your puppets. Don’t give up just yet. heh

    • 8sourcandy permalink
      February 17, 2010 11:47 pm

      BOWERSOX!!!!111eleventy!!111!!!

  8. Veronica permalink
    February 17, 2010 4:03 pm

    I, for one, can honestly say THANK GOD that Mary what’s her name didn’t make it through. Last season I had to leave the room when Lambert came on, this year it would have been when she came on. A N N O Y I N G.

  9. Verbally Dyslexic permalink
    February 17, 2010 3:48 pm

    While we’re on the subject of overhyped contestants riding on tragic backstories…

    • Lauren permalink
      February 17, 2010 5:21 pm

      That is honestly perfect.

  10. Sherena permalink
    February 17, 2010 3:19 pm

    Didn’t watch Idol last night. I tried switching back and from the Olympics and Idol, but the Olympics, especially men’s figure skating, were just so much more interesting. I’m really rooting for Plushenko this year, I think he’s just fucking sexy and talented, up to his Severus Snape nose and all.

    • wino permalink
      February 17, 2010 11:39 pm

      ha, big nose and all, im rooting for him and the japenese skater (who finished 3rd last nite). sorry i was NOT impressed by our american boy Evan. i feel like i should root for him, but he left me cold last nite. yawn. johnny weir on the other hand was a hoot, sassy and charming. btw, wtf is up with NBC’s 1980 cold war editing spin on Plushenko ? really? (eye roll).

      • TopIdol permalink
        February 18, 2010 1:05 am

        I think I have embraced Weir’s glittery gay, bigger-than-life personality since 2006 because it never comes off as forced with him. It’s just Weir being Weir. It’s the complete opposite way I feel about Adam Lambert.

        • Pandora permalink
          February 18, 2010 12:27 pm

          It sort of is Weir being Weir, but it’s also Weir being different and attention-seeking for the SAKE of being different. Early this season he had one outfit for his long program, then before nationals he got a new one with real fox fur on it. He had a fraking press conference to announce that he was going to use real fur… then bitched about the fact that PETA was complaining to him and to his costume designer, and “why is everyone paying attention to my costume instead of my skating, blah blah blah.”

          • Lauren permalink
            February 18, 2010 4:20 pm

            Pahaha he kills a fox and then wonders why people comment on it? I am almost on his side though because PETA is crazy.

      • jukejoint permalink
        February 18, 2010 1:21 am

        Plushy is not incredibly beloved among the skating cognoscenti I know. He’s perceived to be a bad skater (the in-between-jumps stuff and footwork and the actual, you know, skating part) and a big arrogant snot who is an incredible jumper. They felt this Olympic gold was his to lose, even though they hate him. They also tell me that Evan Lysacek is all about big, flaily arms and they don’t like him or his choreography or music or costumes. They think Johnny Weir is a lovely skater but a drama queen and think he needs to concentrate on the on-ice stuff more than his own fabulousness off the ice. They like a bunch of guys who didn’t do well (Patrick Chan, Jeremy Abbott, etc) so they are sadz right now.

  11. February 17, 2010 2:41 pm

    I really dislike misplaced confidence which is exactly what that whiney Jessica chicks problem is. If you have the talent to back it up, by all means be confident. But she sucks.

  12. jukejoint permalink
    February 17, 2010 1:28 pm

    Based on this show and looking at some reactions on the net, I predict the top 12 will be: Casey James, Aaron Kelly, Andrew Garcia (the one who looks like Gokey but has a singing style more like Kris. Should we call him Goho Garcia?), The Orphink, Big Mike Lynche, Tyler Grady, Didi Benami, Katie Stevens, Crystal Bowersox, Ashley Rodriguez. Meg Ryan Divorced Parents Girl and Janell Whatever.

    I’m not sure about The Orphink, however, considering they gave him no time last night. Meg Ryan is my other bubble person.

    Considering how bad they want a girl, I’m kind of surprised there isn’t some phenom breakout OMG girl among them, but maybe they think they can ride the Katie Stevens train all the way to #1. Or maybe they’ve FINALLY figured out that excess pimpage early can backfire.

    I think TPTB intend for John Park, Lee, the extra Lambert, Jermaine and Jose to be cannon fodder and Todrick is there for the drama but will leave fairly quickly, maybe in the Danny Noriega Memorial Slot.

    I think there’s a chance Siobhan or Lilly could hit the Top 12. I can’t decide if they’re too quirky to catch on or just quirky enough to be clasped to America’s ample bosom. Haeley will be gone fast if she can’t sing better than she has been. I have no idea who the other three girls are, which doesn’t bode well for their chances. Might as well stamp “fodder” on their heads and hand them numbers 24, 22 and 20.

    But then again, I never would’ve guessed Kris or David Cook would survive that long, so what do I know?

    • Lauren permalink
      February 17, 2010 5:13 pm

      JOHN PARK IS NOT CANNON FODDER!!!!!!
      And neither is Lilly. Or Bowersox. The rest can just leave now as far as I am concerned. xD

      • Muzikizmi permalink
        February 17, 2010 6:10 pm

        I’m with you. The only two I like so far are Bowersox and Park. As for Garcia, do we need a homely Kris? We have handsome Kris already. Handsome > Homely.

        • Lauren permalink
          February 17, 2010 6:13 pm

          LOL! He doesn’t sing as well as Kris either so…

    • Mithra permalink
      February 17, 2010 7:46 pm

      Danny Noriega Memorial Slot.

      HAHAHA. I think you may be right on that. I’m in agreement with your list pretty much except I think whiny divorced parents bitch is total fodder. She’s not even good. John Park MAY be fodder, but I think if any asian guy can make top ten, it’s him. They tried with that creepy Paul Kim, who just was not cute and the bare feet thing was not something tards would power vote for. Park’s got the Anoop types liking him, and may get the anime freaks going for him too.

      Top Idol,

      For a big black man, Lynche has the musical taste of a freshman sorority girl.

      Hahaha. So true. I see this taking him to the top 10 just for the incongruity and novelty alone.

      • Lauren permalink
        February 17, 2010 8:39 pm

        “Parkโ€™s got the Anoop types liking him, and may get the anime freaks going for him too.”
        I fully admit to liking Park mostly for his race. Is that bad? I think Asian people are pretty.

        • jonoave permalink
          February 18, 2010 12:38 am

          It’s an ethnic/cultural perception thing. We are never happy with our own people, dammit! And you are a Western-o-phobe!11!!

          p/s: I have to say that after a few more viewings, John has risen up in the looks department for me… ๐Ÿ˜›

          • Lauren permalink
            February 18, 2010 12:43 am

            Pahaha. Western-o-phobe! Is it kinda like the fact that no one is ever happy with their own hair? No one is ever happy with their own race.

            Yes! You have seen the light!

            • jukejoint permalink
              February 18, 2010 1:13 am

              I thought it was “No one is every happy with her boobs.”

              • Lauren permalink
                February 18, 2010 1:19 am

                I know many people that are happy with their boobs actually. Don’t know anyone who is happy with their (natural) hair.

                • jukejoint permalink
                  February 18, 2010 1:25 am

                  I like my hair a lot. Well, I did till it started to get gray at age 22. But there are lots of nice products out there to make it any color I want, so I pretty much like my hair.

                  But I don’t know anyone who likes her boobs. The people with big ones want smaller ones and the people with little ones want big ones.

                  It’s probably an age thing. Maybe by 40 women have made peace with their hair but are still at war with their boobs, because even the ones with implants are watching them go south.

                  I also don’t know anyone who likes her thighs, but that’s a whole other thing.

                  • Lauren permalink
                    February 18, 2010 1:27 am

                    Psh but you dye your hair so that doesn’t count ๐Ÿ˜›

                    I have friends with rather large boobs. They are quite happy.

                    LOL at the age thing. That might be it.

    • 8sourcandy permalink
      February 18, 2010 12:06 am

      Bowersox seems to be the judges favorite. She has been positioned well and featured often. She also happens to be very good.

      • jukejoint permalink
        February 18, 2010 12:21 am

        I think Bowersox is being positioned as the female David Cook. She got the same “what will you friends think?” stuff from Simon, and I think she’ll get his “genuine” and “authentic” edit.

        Whereas Katie is the female Archie (or maybe Kris, because she isn’t quite as much veal/raised in a very small box as Archie was).

        But they gave Janell (or maybe it was Didi, but I think it was Janell) the pimp spot in their Top 24 montage, and it was quite the pimp, with her spinning all Maria of Sound of Music and soft focus and glow/sparkle/luminosity. Ya think they want a conservative blonde country-singin’ virgin with a prominent football player boyfriend?

  13. stanless permalink
    February 17, 2010 12:34 pm

    I hope there’s a big ol’ controversy this year with Kara hooking up with the pony-tailed man-ho. Randy made a useful contribution last night when he called Kara out for the cliche leg lift during her hug with Man-ho.

    • deez permalink
      February 17, 2010 3:09 pm

      That was funny….you could see the little cartoon hearts popping out of her eyeballs.

      • Lauren permalink
        February 17, 2010 5:20 pm

        Haha I know. I was like “No Casey, don’t hug her! She’ll rape you!!!!!!”

    • wino permalink
      February 17, 2010 11:41 pm

      that was actually the highlight of a very boring non eventful episode….for once, Randy made sense!

  14. Verbally Dyslexic permalink
    February 17, 2010 12:28 pm

    This season feels like a huge chore to watch. I haven’t seen this episode, and I’m still not sure if I care enough to catch the repeat. I’ve already missed last week’s episodes, so I may as well wait for the Top 24 to start. So far from what little I have seen nobody has shown amazing talent or some interesting personality.

    At least last season we had Normund Gentle in Hollywood. Good times!

    • auntieaimee permalink
      February 17, 2010 12:39 pm

      It does feel like a chore to watch. It doesn’t help that the people they are trying to showcase are annoying.

  15. auntieaimee permalink
    February 17, 2010 12:01 pm

    That Aaron is an odd looking little dude. I feel badly for saying that, because he’s just a kid, but what is up with his overly manicured eyebrows and frosted, gelled hair? He needs to lose that shit, pronto. It looks hideous.

    I want to like Ashley, because she’s from Boston (working class Chelsea, actually), but she’s making it very difficult for me. Battlefield? Uggggghhh. She’s picking some awful, awful songs. Have some sense of taste, don’t just sing stuff you think Simon wants to hear. I imagine she’ll sing a Leona Lewis song next week. Yuck.

    Speaking of sucking up, Didi “I’m going to sing Terrified by Kara DioGuardi” irritates me to no end with her bawling. She needs to get a grip.

    I’m loving Crystal and Lilly at this point. I’m sure they are intended to be fodder, but I like them both.

  16. February 17, 2010 11:47 am

    Shelby Dressel was ROBBED

  17. girl from mars permalink
    February 17, 2010 9:49 am

    Is it voting rounds yet? Damn.

  18. saskin permalink
    February 17, 2010 9:33 am

    I don’t particularly enjoy being cruel but this group of talent* is the worst I have ever seen. Not that I’ve seen a lot. But I said the exact same thing last year too and look where we ended up; a girl with good potential but no idea how to sing, a douchebag that is not even worth snarking about, an rawk stah imposter who thinks singing all the notes -including all the accidentals without paying any attention to the key signature- successively at any random point of any song is melisma and a guy who does not have a great voice and/or singing ability but only a mild interest in music ended up being the top 4.

    *I’m using the word ‘talent’ very loosely**.
    **I might be a ETLS but loose means not tight, lose means to not win. When you spell ‘loose’ but mean ‘lose’ I can tell that you are a glambert. How? I don’t know. Prejudice? Maybe. But there is a correlation.

  19. erinnthered permalink
    February 17, 2010 5:10 am

    I hate Man in the Mirror too. That’s actually what made me look at Kris as a contender. His version was choppy at first, but he didn’t make me want to change the channel. It made me hope he’d make the finals so I could see more.

    Awww, poor Jessica. She’s so young. So, they announced seven. I’ll catch it in the next day or so. I’m going to be voting based on mj’s videos at this rate.

  20. LeighKat permalink
    February 17, 2010 2:06 am

    you hate MITM? Who are you?! I feel like I don’t know you anymore! *sniff We need to see a couple’s therapist!

  21. Lauren permalink
    February 17, 2010 1:39 am

    Romeo & Juliet is actually called Love Story btw. Not that it matters. It is more easily identified by the name you gave it anyway.

    Bowesox is awesome. Lilly is awesome. John Park is awesome.

    I threw a fuzzy slipper at the TV the third time I heard a terrible rendition of Michael Jackson/ Kris Allen’s song. My mom got mad. I could have broken the TV. WTH? It’s a soft, fuzzy slipper!!!!!

    Anyway, Idol sucks.

    • deez permalink
      February 17, 2010 2:15 am

      Lol!!!! A friend of mine got angry at something on TV (I’m pretty sure it was a basketball game) one time. She was eating a bowl of cereal, and threw her spoon at the wall. The bowl of the spoon embedded in the wall. It was hilarious. She was like “#$@^!!#$$%”, then a spoon goes flying thru the air and just sticks into the wall like a professional knife thrower did it. She left it there as a kind of conversation piece or something until she moved out of her apt! LOL. Your mom should be grateful for the fuzzy slipper!

      • Lauren permalink
        February 17, 2010 2:21 am

        LOL! That’s such a great story. I think I’m going to tell my mom “Well at least I didn’t throw a spoon!”

  22. deez permalink
    February 17, 2010 1:35 am

    Come on, Aaron! Didnโ€™t you know thereโ€™s a real-life ORPHAN this season! NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

    NO SOUP FOR YOU.

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